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Rule #37: There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong
There's invisible cloaks and invisible hats and invisible eyes and invisible people and invisible everything! There should be an Invisibility Thong!
Unfortunately, the books and shop catalogs said otherwise. So I became determined that if there wasn't one in existence, I was going to create one.
Yes, that's right. I was going to make an Invisibility Thong.
Nothing could go wrong.
Right?
Unfortunately, that's never the way it works out for me. That should have been obvious. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many rules created specifically for me.
I lost count of how many thongs I wasted trying to get the Invisibility Charm to work. I think my mother was starting to be concerned how often that ended up on her grocery list. And of course I couldn't explain what I was doing. That would just end up with me getting grounded.
One of the things I learned in my experiments is that the people that make Invisibility cloaks are all smarty-pants and show-offs. It's not that easy to make things turn invisible. And once you do manage to turn them invisible, you have to make sure that you don't lose them. I learned that when I accidentally misplaced one of my successes and my dad tripped over it. I had a hard time talking my way out of that one. Thankfully my dad wasn't able to take off the Invisibility Charm and figure out what he tripped on. Then I definitely wouldn't have been able to talk my way out of punishment.
Once I figured out how to work the Invisibility Charm, I was able to make quite a few Invisibility Thongs. I didn't test them out right away because I wasn't that stupid. I would make other students try them out for me at Hogwarts. I'm sure I could convince a few.
Unfortunately my reputation preceded me. Even the Gryffindors that would test Fred and George's products refused to test my Invisibility Thongs!
"Please?" I begged.
"No," the first year backed away from me.
"Why not?"
"Because you have mean eyes!"
"Really?"
The first year nodded and ran off, practically in tears. I looked into the nearest window. Did I really have mean eyes? I hoped not. I liked looking like an angel. The last thing I wanted to do was become Madam Pince's clone. Talk about someone that has mean eyes…
"Hey, Lee! Want to try something for me?"
The Gryffindor looked skeptical and slightly afraid.
"Not really," he replied. I pouted.
"Why not?" I asked him.
"Because I already told Fred and George that I would be exclusive to their products."
Oh. So it was going to be like that.
"Well, if this works, I'm turning this product over to the two bookends," I lied smoothly, plastering a smile on my face. "So technically you would still be exclusive to their products."
Now I had Lee Jordan looking a bit more intrigued.
"Okay?" he said. "What is it?"
I held up the Invisible Thong and the boy gave me a strange look.
"Air?" he asked. "Your product is…air?"
I glared at him.
"No, it's an Invisibility Thong," I told him.
"What's an Invisibility Thong?" Lee Jordan asked.
"It's like a little hat," I lied and placed the thong on Lee Jordan's head. He reached up to feel it.
"There! Now you're invisible," I informed him, still lying through my teeth. I wondered how long it would take for the Gryffindor to realize that he was, in fact, not invisible.
A few hours later, I was mildly surprised to see that he was still wearing the Invisibility Thong and believing what I told him. I couldn't exactly see the thong itself but I could see the lines pressing into his forehead. I shook my head at the stupidity of some Gryffindors before piling my plate full of food. I was starving after taking the blame for TWO explosions in Potions class. I will admit that the first one was my fault but the second one was definitely not me. I wasn't even in the room! I was in the backroom, getting new ingredients because the first explosion had destroyed my entire station.
I was ready to enjoy a nice peaceful lunch but let's face it…meals at Hogwarts are never peaceful. Nothing is ever peaceful at Hogwarts.
Not with me around.
"Mate, what are you wearing?"
"What's on your head, Lee?"
I nearly choked on my pumpkin juice as I overheard the questions. I continued choking for a few minutes because none of the other Slytherins could be bothered to help me out. Self-interested gits…
Lee Jordan felt around his head and yanked off the Invisibility Thong that was no long invisible. Apparently Invisibility Charms have a time limit. Who knew?
The Gryffindor stared at the pair of panties in absolute horror. Unfortunately for him, Professor Snape passed by the Gryffindor table at that exact minute.
"Mr. Jordan, would you care to tell me why you have a pair of women's undergarments in your hands? And why they were previously on your head?" he drawled. I shrank in my seat as Lee Jordan began looking wildly around.
"She told me to!" he said, pointing in my direction. I shrank even further into my seat. "They're hers!"
"They're not mine!" I protested as Professor Snape looked in my direction and raised an eyebrow. He gave me a disbelieving look and I quickly retracted my previous claim. "I mean, they're mine but they're not mine, per say."
"How can they be yours but not yours?" Lee Jordan asked in disbelief. I tried correcting my statement.
"Yes, I gave them to him but I never actually wore them," I said. "I'm not that sick."
Several of the students snorted in disbelief. Professor Snape looked less than impressed by my explanatory skills.
"Why did you tell him to wear it on his head?" he asked. I shrugged.
"It was an Invisibility Thong," I said. "It wasn't supposed to become visible. It was just supposed to be a private joke"
"Sure it was…" Lee Jordan grumbled. Professor Snape sighed.
"Ten points to Slytherin for not lying," he said. I grinned. I actually won points! The Gryffindors protested at the blatant favoritism.
"But detention for playing pranks."
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