I left angela's going down the street to a german bar. I knew they'd have beer. I sat at the bar.

"hi what can I get you?" a waitress asked.

I was surprised to hear she wasn't german.

"um beer please," I told her.

The bar had a few people in it. I knew angela would be happy to see me but I didn't expect that reaction. I didn't expect her to just dismiss me. I missed lily and the comforts of the states. Lily was beatiful. Well angela was too but lily didn't turn me away. I hadn't seen rosalie and tom in awhile. I wasn't ready to be a dad. And yet here I was visiting angela and the baby i'd had w/ her only to find out she was now w/ someone else. As was I but we weren't raising a kid together. Sierra had had her baby last yr. Cory's parents were helping raise it. I was really hoping angela would be warm to me. And that we could talk about us.

"here," I heard the waitress say.

"what oh thank you," I said not looking at her.

"sure let me know if you want another."

she walked away. I didn't look anywhere except the beer. It was pretty. The bar was quiet which was good. I didn't know how long I was planning to stay here i'd really only come here to see angela and to get away from my problems. I needed...someone. Lily. It felt too unfamiliar here. It was weird. And strange. I'd never been to germany before or out of the states. Lily was partially irish and if we'd gone to ireland together she might've helped me get around. She'd been I think. I knew a plane ticket cost a lot. Cory's parents helped w/ that. They helped me out a lot. I didn't have a job but I was into photography. Maybe if she was ok w/ it i'd sell photos i'd taken of lily. Or maybe i'd just sell photos i'd taken. Or work at cory's dad's store. I wanted to have a life w/ lily. She deserved better than what she'd been through. But she also deserved better than someone as low class as I was. She had this beautiful nice house but she wasn't happy. How could she be w/ the family she had?

I pulled out my camera and looked through the photos. I came to one of lily barely dressed side profile her hair up in front of a french door during sunset. God she was stunning.

"beautiful photo that your girlfriend?" the waitress asked.

"yeah. Thanks," I replied.

"she's pretty."

"yeah she is thank you."

"how are you doing w/ that beer?"

"i'm not even finished."

"oh."

she left.

I put away my camera and sipped my beer.

I thought about where I was going to stay. The only place I had in mind was angela's but it looks like that wasn't an option anymore. I didn't have a hotel room paid for. I felt weird having lily or cory's parents pay for it.

"excuse me miss," I said to the waitress.

"yes?" she asked approaching me.

"i'm not from here and...do you have a subway system?"

"yes where do you want to go?"

"i. actually don't know yet."

the truth was I wasn't. Going to go anywhere. I was going to sleep in the tunnel. It might be cold and unvomfortable but i'd be out of the weather.

"just going to see where it takes you then."

"yeah. Thank you."

she left again.