It's been three months and you all hate me, but I've been going through some serious shit with my family and I honestly couldn't write everything down and post it. If you want to know what happened because you're sick of my excuses, then I guess as my readers you have a right to know that a close relative to mine has passed away and I've been spending a lot of time alone. I was kind of feeling guilty yesterday, so I decided that to help me through, I might as well channel some frustration into my writing. I'm continuing, and I'm trying. Please, please, PLEASE don't hate me for leaving you all in the dust after last chapter, I just needed some time. I'm back. Thank you for understanding.

Carlise

"I just don't understand," Esme's teary voice whispered. We were in our room, alone now, after everyone had slowly and solemnly left our most recent meeting, all parting separate ways. Not one person left with their partner except us. Emmett went for a run, and we could hear his frustrated screams and crashing of trees as he lashed out just a few miles away, Rosalie retreating to her bedroom with guilt written in her eyes and torture written in her mind. Bella decided that she needed air and drove down town to get things to prepare for Alice's arrival back home. God only knows what she planned to buy, but Bella had learned quite well from my other daughters—if I still had a right to call them that—that shopping could be an outlet for stress. No matter how much Bella hated stuff like that, she was definitely willing to try just about anything to release the tension building in her lungs. In fact, we all were. Edward proved that by attempting to binge on blood, hunting as much as he could as fast as he could. Needless to say, it didn't work. He just ended up alone somewhere in the woods. As for EJ, He sat alone quietly in his bed reading a love story. Occasionally I'd hear his cries, and I wondered idly if it was the book making him cry, or his family; though I knew it was the fact that his family couldn't ever be as happy as the romantic lovely one in the book. Jasper sat alone, too, but not reading love stories. He was trying his best to just keep himself under control for our sake. I could feel him fighting it, fighting the internal battle of his mind.

"She's coming back, knowing fully well what awful shape it's in. It's not her fault… I mean she made us say it but… But she wasn't the one keeping secrets and… Carlisle, how did we ever let this happen to us? We worked so hard, lacing together these wonderful people only to find out that every single thread in the quilt is frayed and tattered."

"It will be alright." I promised, rubbing her back as I'd done millions of times before. The only difference was that this time it wasn't a guarantee. The words meant next to nothing, they were full of empty futures and false hopes. Our family was almost dust.

"Don't lie to me. You know it won't be." She snapped, looking up at me with a glare.

"I don't know anything. It might turn out okay, it might not There's nothing we can do but wait and pray to god that he'll save us."

"You aren't seriously starting with this religion shit, are you?" I was shocked. My wife never talked like that, let alone about the Lord.

"Dear, it's not shit. I thought you believed in god. It's okay if you don't. We all believe in different things and," I was cut off.

"Stop." She whispered, "Stop being level headed about this. Yell at me, tell me I'm wrong. Please, just tell me I'm going to hell and that I'm stupid for not believing what you believe."

"I can't" I said, completely bewildered. She wanted me to yell at her? Insult her?

"You have to! This is a problem for you! You're too downright calm all the time! How can you be so calm like this when we're falling apart? It's like you don't even care!"

"Of course I care!" I had to lash out, "How could you even think that I don't care? This is my family! My children and my wife and my house and my friends! I'm trying to be sensible for you! If I scream like this then it's like giving up, Esme! I'm not giving up!"

"Good, this is good! Keep going, let it out. Please. Scream, just scream."

And so I did. I shouted at the top of my lungs until I was gasping for breath. I felt like I was drowning and dying of dehydration at the same time, the way my eyes burned and my lungs stung and everything ached. I'd been holding it in for too long, always having to be the responsible, composed, cool calm and collected one to keep everyone in sync, so that fights never broke out and relationships wouldn't get ruined. But the efforts were useless so long as this was the outcome.

When my outburst ripping through my body finally ended, there was a long moment of silence. It was like the world stilled, seeing the ever so tranquil Carlisle break his shell for a shocking moment. It was a good feeling, knowing that I didn't need a mask. That I could crack a little bit without really disrupting what little we still had. I had every right to snap as everyone else did.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her tone genuine. She reached up to touch my face, as if to wipe my invisible tears.

"I've been better." I answer honestly, "Much, much better. But I guess it could be worse."

"You're right," She says grimly, "We could all be dead by tomorrow anyways."

"Don't think like that."

"Is there any other way to think?"

"I suppose not."

I lost myself for a while in her face, tracing her over with my eyes, memorizing every line on the surface as if I hadn't already. Her perfect chin, lining up to her perfect jaw, her rosy lips parted slightly, her small nose scrunched adorably, her eyes so full of emotion that it took hold of me, burying my conscious deep into her mind. I could picture how she felt, I could feel it myself. And I did.

"What are we going to do?" she pleaded.

"I don't know." I sighed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "I just don't know."

"We can't just wait around for Alice. We can't just wait for the Volturi or for the pack. We surely can't wait for death. Tragedy already came knocking. I don't want other forms of him knocking on our door. We've been through enough." Her voice was fierce, but soft with compassion and regret.

"We won't wait then." I shrugged, "The way I see it, there are three types of people. Ones who make things happen, ones who watch things happen, and one who ask 'Wait, what just happened?' and so far in life, we've watched. We have made some decisions, gotten involved in things, but we ever really started a spark. We haven't quite stood up for ourselves. We have watched our children make mistakes, we have watched the Volturi torture our kind, and we have watched the pack make decisions that affect our lives. Now we will start to make our lives happen instead. We won't sit and watch, and we won't let this life, no matter how long it may be, pass us by. We won't wonder what happened, and we won't see it happen second hand. We are going to live it out, Esme. Us as a family. I need you to be with me on this. If we're going to be fighting for our family against these threats, we'll need to be together. Before we can save ourselves and light the spark, before we can be the people who make things happen, we have to fix ourselves, we have to trust each other like we did before. We have to mend our family and then we can destroy out threats."

"What are you saying, Carlisle?"

"I'm saying it's time to patch up the quilt and use it to strangle."