Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to the writers and producers of Roswell
Spoilers: After Chant Down Babylon, changes happening where Max is successfully rescued, and Michael was the one who broke up with Maria.
Pairings: You'll have to wait and see!
Pronunciation Guide: Celestia (Se – LES – tee – a)
Author's notes: Queen Fadilia Kedar: Max/Isabel's mother
King Alaric Kedar: Max/Isabel's father
Andaria: Tess' mother
Radim: Tess' father
Kedrans: race from which Royal Four descended
Iturians: race from which Khivar descended, and overthrew and killed Zan and the Kedrans
Chapter Thirty Eight***
Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They're what make the instrument stretch – what makes you go beyond the norm.
- Cicely Tyson
***
She thought she was alone. Tess never expected to walk out of their 'hiding place' and see Michael standing along the jagged cliffs. It was an unusual sight. She had always been alone, and now here was Michael, sitting near a place she assumed none of them even visited anymore. As she made her way down the slightly dusty slope and around the rocks, which jutted out from the surface, Tess felt a twinge of a long hidden emotion.
Maybe Andaria was right, and she should not give up hope yet.
~~~
"Michael, what are you doing here?" Tess asked.
Michael jerked his body around and found himself face to face with Tess. His heart was racing. She had startled him. "Tess!" he gasped. "What are you doing here?"
"I think I asked that question first." Tess studied his face and knew something was different about him. Something had changed.
Michael frowned and turned his gaze back to the clear blue horizon. "I needed to get some air. How about you?"
"Same. But you know that," Tess reminded.
Michael nodded without turning around. "What were you doing in the chambers?"
"Thinking," she replied casually. Tess took a few steps forward until she was standing along side Michael, also taking in the view. "I was talking to my Mother." She decided bluntness was the best course of action with Michael.
At this, Michael's interest was piqued. "You talked to your mother? Why?"
"I wanted to know how Zander is," she explained. "And I wanted to tell her that I was coming home."
"You are?" Michael was surprised that she would give up so easily. Tess always seemed determined and never the type to give up.
Tess looked up at Michael. "Yeah," she said, studying his brooding thoughtful face. "You don't think I should?"
Michael shrugged. "It's your prerogative."
Tess sighed. "Yes, but it's nice to hear what other people think once and awhile."
Michael scuffed the toe of his boot against the hard dry ground. "What did your mother think?"
"Andaria said to try harder and that you guys would come around," Tess replied distractedly. "She said that she has faith that you will remember our people and that you would return to Antar and your rightful places."
Silence. Tess didn't know what Michael was thinking about Andaria's words of encouragement. Knowing her luck, Michael would think that she was just making it all up. She stuffed her hands in her back pockets and bit her bottom lip, hoping he wouldn't turn on her for telling the truth.
"How long are you willing to wait to find out?" Michael asked tentatively, while staring out at the copper-tinted cliffs. There was an emotional tumult raging inside of him and he didn't know how to voice it, or who to voice it to. He wanted Tess to be telling him the truth, but after her cover up of Alex's death, her credibility left a lot to be desired.
"Not much longer," Tess admitted. "Zander needs me, and no matter how much I lov…" Tess stopped herself from using the 'L' word. It wasn't appropriate. "As much as I know Andaria wants me to bring Max back home, I have to think of my son. He needs me. I can feel it."
Michael turned his head and looked down at Tess, who was kicking the loose soil over the cliff's edge. "Because of Khivar right?"
Tess stopped her fidgeting and looked up at Michael. "Yes. Because of Khivar." As she stared up into his dark brown eyes, which scrutinized her every move and look, Tess knew that maybe her lies had cost her time. Maybe truth would be the only way to bring them home.
"But why?" he asked warily.
"Why what?"
"Why would you ever make a deal with Khivar? It doesn't seem like you?"
"What doesn't seem like me?" Tess asked hesitantly. Her heart skipped a beat at his question. He was getting close and she had held this secret so close to her for so long that she didn't know if she could let it go.
Michael didn't know how to explain it.
All this time she had been cozying up to them, building our trust and then to lie and kill Alex? It just didn't make sense.
"Why would you make a deal with Khivar after you know he killed us? I may not like you and even believe you might be driven enough to do almost anything to get back to Antar, but to make a deal with a man whom you hated as much as all of us did?" Michael paused a moment, studying Tess' lash-cloaked eyes. Her body seemed tense and twitchy, like she had something to hide. "It just doesn't sit right, any way you look at it."
"Well you didn't seem to have a problem with it before," Tess exclaimed defensively, while averting her eyes from Michael's piercing gaze.
"Well I didn't have time to go over all of it. And also, I didn't know you like I do now."
Tess lifted her gaze to meet his and stared at him curiously. "And you know me better now?"
It was Michael's turn to feel squeamish and under scrutiny. "Yes," he said curtly. "I remember you now."
Tess pulled her hands out of her pocket and turned her whole body toward him, while grabbing his upper arm and turned him towards her. "You remember being 'Rath'?"
Michael nodded, pulling out of her grasp. "I remember all of you. Our life before, my command of Zan's armies, I remember all of it."
"That's great!" Tess squealed, clasping her hands together. "I never thought you would. In fact, I don't think I have received all of my memories back like you have, but I remember the most important parts. How did you get them all back?"
"Yeah, well la dee da!" Michael scoffed, twirling his index finger in the air. "I don't know exactly how I got them back. I've been having visions lately, but today was when I got all of my memory back."
"Well that's not important now," Tess smiled, her eyes gleaming. "I'm just glad you remember. You and Isabel were the ones who seemed to be struggling with the memories, though Isabel more than you."
Michael stiffened at the mention of Isabel and shook his head. They were getting off topic. "Whatever. You still haven't answered my question. Why did you make that deal with Khivar?"
Tess backed away from Michael, who looked determined to get some answers. The color drained from her face, and she was again reserved and fidgety. "Like I told Max, Nasedo made the deal."
"That doesn't explain why 'Ava' would ever strike a deal with Khivar!"
Tess swallowed nervously. The sun beat down on her delicate and fair complexion. Suddenly she began to feel the weight of the sun's rays upon her. "Uh, I did what I had to do."
Michael let out a frustrated cry, throwing his hands up in the air. "Tess, what is it? What is it about you? Is it so hard to tell the truth without being cryptic?" he yelled. "You hint that there is something more, but you won't tell us what it is!"
Tess cringed at his sudden rage. She didn't know why she couldn't tell them the truth. Some nagging part of her just didn't seem to want to let it go.
"Tess!" Michael exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders.
She looked up, startled at Michael's sudden grasp. "I…"
"Look, I may not be a mind reader, but I will force it out of you if I have to! No more lies!" Michael growled, his eyes gleaming.
"All right," Tess said breathily, pulling out of Michael's taut grip. "I'll tell you everything. But know that everything will change when I tell you what happened…what really happened."
~~~
"Liz," Max sighed, trying to keep the tremor from his voice audible. "I'm sorry for all the things that have been happening. I've really been out of control lately." He pushed her gently way, until she stood arms length from him. "Things have been just 'happening' to me. And I can't seem to stop it."
Liz looked at the man whom she had saved herself for, and whom she had given herself with abandon. "I know I'm being emotional and melodramatic, but it seems like we're so far apart, it's scary," she explained. "I don't know what to think anymore. It's like the plans we've made are all falling apart. And I can't do a damn thing about it."
"I know," Max whispered, pulling her into his arms again. He wished he could stay like this forever, but he knew life didn't work that way. The image of his son flashed before his eyes. He was a small bundle of tissue, his vital organs not yet fully developed, but arms and feet had developed, and his tiny fingers, which reached out to him, from inside Tess' womb. It made his chest tighten.
How many times had his thoughts drifted to the being Tess and he had created? He had tried to push it to the back of his mind, hoping that what was not seen would be forgotten, but the connection he had with the child and the feelings that had grown didn't work like that.
"Max?" Liz frowned, pulling away. "Why are you so willing to trust her again?"
Max stared down at the petite brunette, whose big round eyes gazed questioningly at him. "I just don't think she has anything to gain anymore from lying. She lied because she was stuck on Earth and she thought there was a possibility of returning her love. But she knows better now." Max paused, remembering how Tess had stormed out just prior to Liz's arrival.
Or if she didn't, she knows now. "Tess is focused on saving Zander and Antar from Khivar. That's all.""Except maybe finishing Khivar's task of killing you?" Liz mumbled offhandedly. She smoothed her hair back with both hands, letting them rest against her neck, while holding her hair back. "Isn't that the deal she made with Khivar? She would deliver you, Michael, and Isabel on a silver platter? Except maybe this time she'll succeed."
Max remained silent. That was what he had gleaned from Tess in the Granolith Chamber a year ago, but there was something about her. He always thought he could see into her soul when he stared into those crystal clear blue eyes. And when she had departed, he had been too angry to process it, but there just seemed to be something she wasn't telling him.
But now when Max looked at Tess, didn't see the liar and manipulator, he saw the same woman he had conceived a child with. He didn't know if it was because he had gotten over what she had done, or whether she was manipulating him, but again this nagging voice inside his head told him that they didn't have the whole story. "I don't think so," he said hesitantly. Turning away from Liz, Max hoped she couldn't see the doubts he had about Tess once again.
"I can't believe you," Liz gasped in frustration. "You still have doubts about her?"
Max didn't turn around. He couldn't look her in the eye and bear to see the disappointment and hurt in her face from his indecision. "I don't know what I think Liz. You just don't know what I'm feeling. I have this nagging feeling that there's more to the story than what we found out that day," he grimaced, turning around and facing her. "Everything in my life is never what it seems, whether it's about who I am, what I know, and the people I know."
Liz shook her head. "If there was something more to the story, why didn't she explain it to you that day?" she asked pointedly. "Max…this is just another plan. Tess just wants you to doubt what you already know about her."
"But that's just it. That isn't what I knew. That isn't what I know about her," Max said calmly. "How could she deceive us so easily? How could she pretend to love me so much and keep such a straight face about Alex's death? I just think I would somehow know!"
"We were all blind Max. If we want to believe something bad enough, anyone can pull the wool over our eyes," Liz sighed. "And the why? Because she wanted you so much." Liz pointed her finger at him. "She had one goal and that was to get you back. And she used whatever means she could to do that."
Max wanted to believe her. It would have made things so much easier. But the more he thought about it, going through it again and again – her motivations, what drove her – Max couldn't reconcile it with the fact that Ava hated Khivar with every fiber of her being. The idea that Tess had collaborated with him just to go home – it didn't make any sense.
"Max it doesn't have to make sense. People who kill people aren't logical."
Max stared at Liz and reached out to caress her face, but his thoughts were elsewhere. It was the strangest feeling. When he was with Tess, everything in him wanted deny these things he was explaining to Liz. It was like he was a completely different person with each of them. And it was a struggle to figure out which was really his, and which voice was telling him the truth.
"I know," he sighed, returning from his thoughts and focusing on the woman who stood before him. "I just don't know what to believe anymore. Things aren't cut and dry. And I have Zander to think about."
Liz's expression tightened at the mention of his son. "What are you going to do about Zander?"
Max throat tightened and he swallowed uneasily. "He's my son, Liz."
"A son that lives in Antar and cannot live here on Earth," Liz reminded him. "So how deep does that connection to Zander run? And how much do you really trust Tess?"
"Liz," Max whispered. He reached out to her, but she took a step back, distancing herself.
"No Max," Liz said, her voice cracking. "I want to know. How committed to your son, are you?"
"You've gone days without talking to me or Maria. You've been cooped up with Michael, Isabel and Tess, trying to figure out your life, keeping me out when I should be a part of it. I feel like I'm with a different person now when I'm with you. Your priorities have changed."
Max didn't know what to say. He knew that she had a point. He had been keeping her out. These days it felt like if he told her what he was feeling, all it would do is cause pain. Because he was considering what to do about his son, Max didn't know what to make of Tess, all of these thoughts and emotions swirled around in his head, and in his heart – that was why he kept her out. It would hurt her and that was the last thing he wanted to do.
"You're right Liz," Max finally admitted. "Thing have changed since Tess healed me. I'm realizing that there are a lot of things I have to consider – not just you -- but Tess, Zander, Isabel, and Michael. My indecision has affected all of our lives – yours, mine, theirs – and I realize that I need to figure out what I want. I need to make a choice."
Liz swallowed. "And what does that mean?" she asked wearily.
Max knew this was hard for her. He had made a choice, or one had been made for him a year ago, but that had been too easy. He had to make the choice. No one could make it for him.
"I have to go away for a while."
~~~
"So how are you holding up?" asked Maria, eyeing Isabel.
Isabel nodded and shrugged. "Fine I guess. As good as can be expected."
"What are you going to do about Jesse?" Kyle asked bluntly.
Maria hit Kyle with the back of her hand. "Real subtle Kyle." She threw Isabel an apologetic smile.
They had decided to take a walk around the block, giving Max and Liz some space to breathe.
"It's a lot harder to imagine forgiving someone when it's you that has to do the forgiving," Isabel lamented. "But when I look at him, he's still the same Jesse that I fell in love with."
"But is he?" Kyle asked curiously. "I mean, he ratted you out, putting everyone's life in danger. How can you forget that?"
Isabel swallowed and watched as a few kids rode by on bicycles. "I haven't figured that out yet."
"By the way, where was Michael?" Maria asked inquisitively.
Isabel stiffened at the innocent question. "Uh," she stammered. "H-he said he needed some air." She kept her gaze on the houses they passed by, rather than meet Maria's gaze.
"Did something happen?" Kyle asked.
Isabel ran her fingers through her disheveled hair. "Max found out about Liz trying to heal him and Tess confirmed that sleeping with Liz was what caused Max's condition," she explained awkwardly. "He didn't take it too well and there was this fight and Tess walked out and then Michael left."
"But why would Michael be upset?" Maria asked curiously. "He already suspected that didn't he?"
Isabel bit the inside of her bottom lip, trying to think up an excuse. "Uh, Max…well, Michael and he kind of got into it, when he had a hard time believing it." It wasn't the sole reason, Isabel was sure of that, but it could have pushed him over the brink -- or so Isabel reasoned. So what she had told Kyle and Maria wasn't a lie. "So what's new in your lives?" she asked changing the subject.
Maria and Kyle stared at each other and shrugged. "Nothing much," Kyle answered for the both of them. "I'm finishing up college applications and scholarship applications."
"Same thing," Maria nodded. "How about you? This whole Max thing didn't leave us much time to find out how life in Manhattan is going."
"It was all right," Isabel sighed. "I mean I missed you guys lots. And the weather is more moody in New York."
"I still don't understand why you left," Kyle huffed. "I mean I had to find out from Maria that you left. Some friend you are." He stopped and feigned disappointment, though part of it wasn't feigned.
Isabel was speechless. She hadn't thought Kyle would make such a fuss. In fact, Isabel never expected everyone to miss her so much. She thought the only reason to stay was to keep the 'Four' together. With graduation, Isabel assumed that everyone would be leaving anyway. "I'm sorry," Isabel frowned. "I should have told you."
Kyle scoffed lightly. "Yeah, you got that right missy!" he exclaimed, folding his arms across his chest. His expression was serious, but he had a hard time keeping a straight face. He couldn't stay mad at Isabel. It had hurt, but he hadn't lingered too long on the subject.
Maria rolled her eyes and laughed. "Do you guys think we've been gone long enough?" She looked back to the apartment that could be seen above a row of trees, a few blocks away.
Isabel checked her watch. "We've been gone about a half an hour. I don't know if that's long enough to figure stuff out like that," she said hesitantly.
"Well, I just want to go back, just in case she's in tears or something," Maria said tentatively. Then realizing how that sounded, Maria bit her lip. "Not that Max would leave her in tears," she added.
Isabel raised her eyebrows at the comment. Plastering on a smile, she took a deep breath and sighed. "Well, then maybe we should go back?" Kyle didn't seem to care either way and Maria turned her body back towards the apartment. Isabel smiled again and began to lead the duo back to Michael's apartment.
~~~
"Prepare for your journey to Earth…" Khivar was suddenly interrupted.
"Your Majesty," a lowly officer stood at attention in the doorway of his chambers.
"What is it?" Khivar growled. He hated interruptions, and especially during an important meeting with Qunar.
"Sir, I've orders from you to inform you of any irregular comlinks to the Other Worlds."
Khivar gestured for the officer to speed up the report. "Yes. Yes. What is it?"
The officer, who was merely a boy – tall in stature, but thin and lanky – nodded his head, which was bald underneath the beige dress cap of the Iturian army. "We have noticed comlinks have been sent to and from the planet Muna. It was bounced off of many interstellar feeds, but we've been finally able to trace to communications back to Antar and more specifically Tel Edrei."
Khivar felt his rage begin to rise as he narrowed his gaze on the meek officer. "Tel Edrei?"
The officer nodded and bowed his head. "Yes sir."
He turned his eyes upon Qunar. "Tel Edrei, Qunar," he repeated calmly. His most loyal subject and General nodded, throwing him a knowing look. "As we thought, Your Majesty," Qunar answered.
Khivar dismissed the officer with a wave of his hand and focused his attention of the musings of one of his most highly decorated Generals. "The Loyalists?"
Qunar nodded. "Yes. There is no other explanation."
"But how?" Khivar asked skeptically. "We only moved Tess into that place a month ago. I suspected that she might turn back in allegiance with her former subjects, but for them to move in so quickly without notice?"
Qunar shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know my Liege, but something must be done."
"They are planning something Qunar," Khivar growled, clasping his hands together. "And I will find out tonight, what our former Queen has planned. Celestia be damned if they manage to convince the whole of Antar that the return of the Kedrans to their former glorified stations has been foretold. Before the Festival of the New Moons, the Loyalists will be quashed and I will rule our side of the galaxy."