Chapter 38: Penance

2/27, afternoon

subway station, Nimbasa

Hilda frowned and kicked at the ground. "Rats, he isn't picking up. I wonder what he's up to."

"Who are you calling?" Kyurem asked.

"Hilbert; I'm just checking up on my friends." She accessed the list of numbers she had stored. "Bianca's over her flu now, so that's great. Cheren was broody over what Alder was saying to him, but it seems like he's the one getting sick now."

"You are being careful of that, right?" Kyurem asked. The Pokecenter nurse had warned them about it just this morning. Apparently, a lot of travelers in Unova were picking up this sickness, causing it to move from town to town. He wasn't sure how one would stay safe from it, but the face mask Bianca had been wearing that day was supposed to help keep it from passing.

Besides, thinking on that kept him from feeling bothered that she was calling Hilbert.

"Yeah, I'll be washing my hands and all," Hilda said. "Well I can try N, but he doesn't always answer." She waited on the call to go through.

It should have been obvious that she'd try him next, although Kyurem wished she wouldn't. Staying away from both of them seemed like a good option. That is, if it wasn't too late already. He glowered at the concrete floor, hoping that they could get a move on again soon.

But N actually answered the call this time.

N's Castle

When N had been a young child, he never had much in the way of toys. When he lived in the forest, it was sticks and stones mostly, or games with the Pokemon there. He got a few toys when Ghetsis had adopted him, after promising to take good care of them. It was a reward for doing well in his studies and being properly obedient. While he had told Hilbert that this particular room was a result of an over-eager child's mind, a fair number of these toys were newer than that. It was something he could do if he did what he was supposed to be doing first.

He had been doing what he was supposed to, so it was fine to pass a few hours playing. It would keep his mind off things. At the moment, he was using brightly colored wooden blocks and a steam engine train set to simulate a mountainous circuit that the train had to get through. He had plenty of tracks to make the go around between his towns (represented by various Pokemon figurines), including a bridge over a gap in the blocks (because it was a river). But when he set the train to run its circuit, it kept bouncing on one part of the tracks.

Since real engineers would have to work quickly to keep the trains running on schedule, N left the train to run while he tried to figure it out. The blocks seemed study enough, but there was a connection between two tracks that wasn't fitting up as well as he thought. He tried pressing it further into place, but the train again bounced over that one section, threatening to derail. No problem; he just had to find a different piece of track that would fit. He judged on which piece to take out, then picked out a matching piece. Once the train passed over the bad section, he tried to pry the one track piece out. But it wouldn't budge, stuck fast at the bad connection.

It shouldn't be a big problem... N waited for the train to pass again, then gripped the track and tried to pull it out. The other side would come off just fine, but not the trouble spot. Stay calm, it's no big deal... but it was extremely frustrating and he felt an intense anger at it. Why didn't he notice that when he was setting it up? He struck the blocks underneath, knocking them over and finally causing the piece to snap off, almost hitting his face. Well that would derail the train, but he didn't care anymore. He would like to see it wrecked since it wasn't working right for him.

Instead, the train's guidance chip sensed from the rails that there was a break. It stopped there, then went around backwards. Just like it was supposed to.

"Idiot," he grumbled, then sighed and put his head on his knees. Why was he getting so worked up over this? It was just a dumb game he made up to pass time. Why was he even playing? He should be visiting with his Pokemon friends while he was back... but then one of them was gone. Or he should be studying, praying, or meditating to figure out what to do now that the tower was frozen over and the League was shut down for a month. But what if he was no longer worthy?

The Dark Stone was still there, floating in place. She hadn't said anything more, even if N had asked her many questions about if what he was doing and feeling was right or wrong. Was she not speaking because she had already deemed him unworthy and was only there because he was still trying? But if that was true, then everything here was worthless. It would be entirely his fault.

No, he couldn't give up yet. But he had to keep away from those thoughts; they just made him feel horrible. He had to keep hopeful and strong, somehow. Leaving the train to run, he went over to grab a basketball. The room was tall enough for him to have a hoop in. While it really was mindless to just stand and throw the ball in the hoop, mindless suited him just fine today.

Then his Xtranciver rang, startling him and causing him to drop the ball. Even though it was on his wrist, he forgot it was there sometimes. When he saw that it was Hilda calling him, he knew that he shouldn't answer. But he wanted to, and so after a check of listening for anyone else, he accepted the call. "What is it?" he asked, forgetting about the phone manners she'd been trying to get him to learn.

She was somewhere inside; the sound of a subway train's horn was in the background. "Just checking to see how things are with my friends. What's up? You look miserable."

That's why he'd come here to be alone, he remembered. People kept asking him what was wrong and he didn't want to have to repeat that tragedy all the time. Plus, he didn't feel right in telling his followers about it because that would be admitting to keeping close ties with a Pokemon, too close. "It doesn't matter. Would you leave me alone? I have... things to do, think about."

"Well it seems to matter an awful lot to you," Hilda said, being serious with her concern.

She should have just listened when he asked to be left alone. But, he wasn't angry at that. It just made him feel that sadness even sharper, like a knife within his heart. Well, she loved her friends too, so maybe she would understand better. "Pricilla died, just yesterday. We think it was someone trying to attack me."

Her eyes widened in shock at that. "Aw, really? That's terrible; how could anyone do something like that? But I bet she was concerned about you and that's why she was following you. She was your starter, after all, and she seemed happy to be with you that time I saw her in Striaton Gym."

"How did you know about that?" N asked, but his anger was hollow. His sadness filled him instead, which is exactly what he wanted to avoid. Yet it felt nice to hear her words.

"I guessed," Hilda said. "Did you get to memorialize her at Celestial Tower? If I were there, I'd give you a hug, but since I'm not, just know that I'm sending you one."

Was she trying to confuse him again, like when she'd kissed him? "Why would you do that?" he asked. "I already told you that I don't like being touched." Although... no, she was muddling with him. Hilbert had to be in on it since he had also mentioned that tower.

"That's what you do when people are sad, to comfort them," she said. "You shouldn't have to suffer through this sadness alone. I could come over and visit if you want."

"Quit messing with my mind!" he said, feeling like making sure that train got derailed. "I don't need your temptations, so leave me alone." He shut off the call, then undid his wrist phone and threw it at the wall. His vision became a watery blur and before he could get control of himself, he was sitting on the floor again, crying hot tears for goodness knows how long and not knowing how he should be feeling.

"N."

The voice made him go frigid in fright. Then he scrambled to get up and face Ghetsis. While he felt that he should say something, anything, his throat was choked up from crying.

Narrowing his eyes, Ghetsis criticized him without a word.

"S-sorry, I'm sorry," N finally sputtered out. He should explain something, but just kept said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Sshh. Remember what I said. Smile at me." Although he managed to smile quickly this time, it didn't meet with approval. "It seems that your mistakes have led you to becoming too weak. A couple of the cleaning staff saw you like this. It'll be all over the castle in a few minutes, I'm sure. People are going to be uncertain, concerned about this turn of events. The outsiders are fighting back to keep their corrupted ways. We need to remain solid and certain in these trying times. We need you to be strong and certain."

N thought of a great many things he could say in his defense. But it all fell flat before it was even spoken. No matter what, Ghetsis knew what was best for him. He looked down at the floor, ashamed.

"Do you know what you need to do?" he asked.

He nodded. "I need to serve a penance so that I can address my weaknesses and banish them from my heart."

"And what should you do for a penance?"

He had a month before he could get back to working through the League. "I should study alone in a stark room, with limited contact and a restricted diet to eliminate any possible distractions."

"That should do," Ghetsis said, finally approving of one idea he had. "Do so for a month and we'll see if you've made adequate progress. But you need to get into the library to find study material. Look at me." N did so, but was met with a shaking of the head. "Remember to smile while you're out there, and reassure any who speak to you that things are fine. Don't tell them of your penance yet, but let them know that you feel the need to be apart from the world to clarify your spirit. But first, you need to wash your face; your eyes are pink and the tears leave marks on your cheeks."

N nodded, but hesitated on going to wash up. "Ghetsis... why didn't you ever hug me? Even when Darcy died, you just..." stayed there and talked to him. That had been about the time he'd started teaching N that he shouldn't be crying.

"That's not important," he said, waiting on him to do as instructed. "Besides, you never liked being touched."

"When did I say that?" The question came out before he could even think about it, and he realized his error when Ghetsis narrowed his eyes. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean... it's all mixed up, sorry, I'd better get ready." He left the toy room and went to the bathroom to clean his face.

But it made him think of something else, something he hadn't thought of in a long time. Shortly before his Darmanitan mother had died, N had been getting frustrated in trying to learn human ways and he had told Ghetsis in a tantrum that he was going to live in the forest with the Pokemon and not come back. Then Darcy had died, and most of the forest Pokemon didn't seem to understand how upset he was. One of them had mentioned that it was a human-like trait, so he'd gone back to Ghetsis to talk with him about it.

That couldn't be related, though. Nobody could be cruel enough to use murder as a means of control. But even as N told himself that it wasn't important, there was a little doubt that insisted that it was.

"Did you hear that Lord N was crying earlier?"

Rood paused in browsing through the books in the castle library. A few of the knights had been talking in the next row, but they weren't quite loud enough for him to bother rebuking them about it. While he had heard that N was back in the castle, he hadn't seem him yet. N was quite emotional, but he usually kept good control over it. If he'd been crying, then something major had to have happened.

"Maybe the outsiders have been harassing him. They're starting to guess correctly on who our King is, so they're attacking him directly."

"They shouldn't treat him badly. If they had really listened to him and seen what he can do, they'd respect him."

"Well it could be because they're trying to make things harder on him."

He heard a sigh from the row behind him. Rood glanced over and spotted a green ponytail on someone's back through the various books on the shelves. While he hadn't noticed N come in, there were hidden ways around the castle. He might have taken one of them. The Sage put one book up and took another, then walked over to the other aisle. It was N, leaning on the bookshelf and deep in thought. Close to him, there were some books that had been examined, but were forgotten about.

Since touching him for attention was out of the question, Rood glanced at a nearby set of books and pulled one out. "N," he said quietly. The young man jumped to attention, but relaxed on seeing who it was. "Is something the matter?"

He smiled, which was at odds with the rest of his downcast expression. "It will be okay. Don't worry about me."

Rood took the book he was holding and placed it at a shelf at eye level; it would help muffle their conversation from others, something the other group could have benefited from. But he still spoke at a moderate whisper. "You say that when you look like this and I'm going to worry. What's going on? We're here to help you with your burden."

For a moment, N's smile nearly broke. But he seemed to force it to stay. "You're very kind, but, it's my problem. Nothing to do with Plasma. I... have more studying to do. And I need to get out of the influence of the outside world, away from everyone. It's vital." He glanced at the Dark Stone, now floating beside him.

Was it something that Zekrom had asked for? But it still didn't seem right. The way in which he'd been standing here earlier, and if he had been crying not that long ago... Rood wasn't willing to let it go at that. "Are you sure about it? It seems like something is troubling you."

"It's okay, I'm going to be strong about this," N said, not in a convincing manner. "And it's my own problem, not the greater issue, so I really need some time to myself to deal with it, clarify my... spirit..." he had been stacking up the books to take, but then lost his focus, similar to when he'd seen things before in Rood's presence.

"N?" he asked quietly, when he hadn't said anything.

"The time is drawing near," he said. N bit his lip, then turned to Rood. "You leave the castle sometimes, right? Would you...?" he hesitated, glancing around. Something about this had him worried of being discovered. But by who? Maybe he was growing suspicious of Ghetsis too. Rood hoped so. "Would you be able to find Hilda?"

"I'm sure she wouldn't be hard to track down," he said. She tended to draw attention to herself, and even if she didn't try, news of a girl was battling with Kyurem would get around fast.

N took half a step closer. "Good, then, would you find her some time? And give her my apologies for how our last call ended. It... it's been a bad time and she got me at the wrong moment. But tell her to get out of Unova, soon. That's the best way of things, I think, the safest for everyone."

"I don't know how well I could convince her, but I'll pass along the message," Rood said. He didn't think his chances of getting her to listen were good, but maybe getting her friend's Pokemon back counted for something.

The assurance did relieve him of some worry, although not all. "Good, thank you. And, if she insists in continuing to travel in Unova in the winter, she should make sure to dress really warmly. Because if she's not careful she could freeze to death out there."

Anyone who had been traveling two months into Unova's winter would know that from experience (well not death, but how cold it could get), but as it seemed so important to him, "I'll make sure she knows that."

N nodded and took his stack of books. "There is some kindness out there, but the cruelty eclipses it all. I'd like to protect the kind people in Unova too, but they just won't listen to us." Then he walked off, feeling that the conversation was done.

Rood considered trying another tactic to get N to really speak his mind, but in the quiet of the library, that could create a scene, which would drive N further away from him. He'd have to find some way to speak to him privately.

Nuvema

Back at Hilda's home, they were greeted by her mother, the Cottonee, the Sawk, a new Pokemon in an Axew, and Fedora. The Servine seemed a touch sluggish still, but he went right up to Hilda and hugged her when they came in. "I didn't mean to sleep that long," he said, adjusting his hat back into place. "But it's weird that I woke up and the bottom half of the window is covered in snow!"

Kyurem translated this for Hilda, so she smiled and rubbed under Fedora's chin. "It's all right; I know you couldn't help it. But we got some help in figuring out what to do about it."

Specifically, Cynthia had told her to find an electric light that mimic the sun's rays and use that on him for several hours a day to let him keep up his warmth and light needs. They were to train him indoors until he evolved again, and then he could be used in limited battles outdoors in the winter. It was things like this that impressed Kyurem about humans, using their technology and intelligence to get around natural limitations.

"I've got plans for dinner if you want to stick around for tonight," Leslie said. "I just need to double-check what all your Pokemon can and can't eat."

"I think I've got that all in my Pokedex, now that I've worked with them all a while," Hilda said, going to her bag to dig the machine out. "Sure, that'd be great. We can take a day easy before we really get into training everyone."

Cooking for two humans and nine different Pokemon was something that Leslie handled well; she even gave Hilda a lot of tips and advice which got logged into the Pokedex as additional information. The meal for the humans was a chicken dish with a cheese sauce, peas and broccoli, and some herbs, served over rice and alongside a vinegar bean salad. Frank, Tarzan, and Lance were all humanoid Pokemon, so they could eat whatever the humans were. Kyurem and Leslie's Axew were both meat eaters, although the Axew needed to eat rocks similarly to Olette; they got some grilled chicken with lighter seasonings, which Kyurem tolerated. While Olette ate rocks, she was more of an herbivore with some bugs, like Mimi, so those two got some lightly cooked broccoli and peas. Finally, Fedora and the Cottonnee had just woken up out of hibernation thanks to the sun lamp, but they sparingly ate bugs and fruit in addition to photosynthesis. Leslie had some suet, nut, and berry blocks that she used for birds in the winter, but she broke one up for the two of them to share.

The house was safe; he knew from when he'd been here at Christmas. While Hilda talked with her mother over the evening, Kyurem sat in one of the chairs in the living room and watched out the windows. He would like it if nothing dangerous happened tonight. Or any night. But there was the strong chance that something could.

At one point, the two humans went upstairs to check on space and beds. Fedora followed them partway, but then came into the living room where some other of the Pokemon had gathered. "Hey Kyurem, you seem different now. You talk more."

"Things change," he said. "She's shown that she's worthy of trust."

"That and he's half in love with her," Frank said, looking over his hands. "Only reason I say 'half' is cause he won't admit it."

"What gave you that ridiculous idea?" Kyurem asked. At his side, Mimi twitched her ears and looked over at the Gothorita.

Putting a hand on his chin, Frank smirked. "Well just watching you two interact. Your eyes are on her a lot, and you have a different way of talking to her. Kinda like you do with your daughter there, but kinda not. Oo, and you got so jealous when the other two boys got close to her. That was fun. It's a nice tactic, you know: find a female and say, 'Hey there, I'll protect you in this dangerous place, and you can thank me later, if you know what I mean'."

Kyurem glowered at him, but Frank seemed to expect that and was able to brush it off this time. "I wouldn't do something that shallow."

Fedora laughed. "Sounds like he's onto something, though."

For a moment, it felt out of place to be in this conversation. Kyurem had worked with other Pokemon over his life, but a lot of them were like the Riches' Haxorus, focused on battle and proving themselves the strongest (until Kyurem put them in their place). To be part of a group that didn't mind conversing normally with him, even teasing him, it didn't feel like him. But this was where he'd ended up this time. "Not entirely."

"But you are interested in her, am I right?" Frank stated.

The two humans still weren't back downstairs, but he could hear them laughing. Mimi patted his leg, so he rubbed her head. "I should keep my distance, from all of you. My memory spans much of history, and may continue on just as far in the future, if not further. On that scale, all of you are here and gone in such little time. Harboring even a feeling of friendship is guaranteed to cause me grief someday."

"I'd think that the happiness of company would balance that out," Olette said, shyly putting her claws over her face. "If you don't mind me saying."

"I'm always with you," Mimi said, looking up at him and smiling in her adorable manner. "Always and forever!"

It did cause a brief smile, but also a reminder that she wasn't exactly the Minccino she looked like. "You came from my dreams," Kyurem said. "And, you'll probably return to my dreams someday."

"Okay, and you can bring Hilda there too, cause she's nice and fun," Mimi said, putting her head on his lap and feeling satisfied that the issue was settled.

Frank snapped his fingers. "She's got it figured out. At least it makes sense to me."

"Dude, you deserve a hat," Fedora said, tipping his own.

The Gothorita looked scandalized, touching a black curly pigtail. "What, and mess up my hair? Not a chance in the world, bub."

"But hats are for awesome people," the Servine said, starting up an argument with him.

Olette crept closer to the couch. "I think it's going to be more entertaining with both of them around," she commented quietly.

Nodded, Kyurem replied, "Even more so if they drag Tarzan into it somehow." But to his recall, the Scraggy was still chatting and sparring with the Sawk in another room.

Were moments like this really worth the loss later?

So yeah, back to small movements building up to the next big scene. But hey, Fedora's back! That makes me happy.