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Crumbling World

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

Chapter 38 (What's In The Past)

Tori sat outside with Spencer, an array of tools in front of her and several pieces of wood stacked nearby. "Why don't you and mom want to take a honeymoon? I would totally be okay staying with my grandparents for a week or two." Spencer chuckled as he spread out the plans for the fort they were going to build.

"For the most part, we just want to spend time with you. We've spent fifteen years apart from each other and from you, your mom and I discussed it and honestly we can't think of anywhere we'd rather be right now." He smiled at her and she felt her heart swelling.

"I feel bad."

"Why? A honeymoon doesn't have to happen. We can take a vacation at any time, but we'd spend enough of that time worrying about how you were doing."

She smirked and hovered over the blueprints. "Can't afford a honeymoon right now, huh?" Spencer bowed his head and laughed. Tori was excited to get to work on this fort. It was going to be about two stories, they were going to have a pirate ladder on the side, monkey bars and a slide. She wanted to include a hammock as well for relaxation, and the vaulted roof was going to be made of leather.

"I hear the elective you chose was sculpting." Tori grinned as her father looked to her with pride. "Now I know your mom's more excited about the cheerleading thing, but hey…you're interested in sculpting!"

"I wanted to spend some more time with you, and thought this might be a good way to do that." He started to grin from ear to ear and reached around her, pulling her into a tight hug. "Did you start out with sculpting?"

"Not entirely, I started out with woodshop." He leaned back and chuckled. His arms crossed over his chest and he closed his eyes. "Can't tell you how many birdhouses and squirrels I carved for that class." Tori laughed and started to walk towards the back, right area of the yard where they were going to erect the fort. "I could certainly teach you how to carve those things if you were ever interested."

"Oh I'm interested. Is that where you started to develop your hobby for crafts?"

"Oh yeah, that was the beginning of it all."

"So why is it just a hobby?" Spencer frowned and raised his shoulders. "I mean you enjoy it, you're skilled."

"Because the money isn't guaranteed. It's a cutthroat business and not everyone makes it. Yes I enjoy it, I love it; but I'd rather make artwork on my own time than to be tied down by deadlines and what clients want, or to have moments where I don't know that I'm going to make a buck. I've already got a degree, and a career field that degree gets me into, and I find it much better to pursue a job where I can count on continued source of steady and predictable income which I can use to take care of my family. I can still have time for hobbies on the side, and do as I please while pacing myself."

"I suppose I understand." It did make sense, her father was talented and enjoyed his artwork; but she understood his reasoning.

"It's doable sure, but I can't guarantee that it will be enough or that I will always have a stable and reliable source of income." Spencer leaned back a bit, sucking in a heavy breath of air and letting it out slowly. "The unknown factor is too great when I need to support a family. I was already struggling just with Carly; and that was with my father's financial assistance. Financial assistance that came only because he assumed it was helping to further my education…"

"I see. Maybe you could use it for a side income if you wanted to." Spencer smiled at her and gently picked up one of the pieces of wood. He carried it over to the table saw and Tori followed him.

"Maybe so."

Tori grabbed the measuring stick and started to measure how much they needed. She paused and looked towards the house. "You know, I guess I've never asked you or mom, but I don't know anything about what your lives were like for those fifteen years after I was born."

Spencer smirked. "Your mom's life was far more interesting than mine." She tilted her head and Spencer started to reach for his wallet. "I can tell your mother probably hasn't told you yet; she hasn't talked much about it with me, but…she did send this to me a few years ago."

He removed his wallet and Tori leaned over his shoulder as he opened it up. Gently he gripped a laminated object hidden in one of the inner pockets. The photo he removed caused Tori's eyes to grow large.

It was a portrait photo of Trina, sometime in her twenties, her hair was tied in a bun and she was wearing a military uniform. She had on a white cap, and the barrel of a gun was at her shoulder. "Wait, is this…" Tori breathed in sharp and carefully took the photo from Spencer's hands. "The Marines? Mom was in the Marines?" She was dumbfounded and bewildered.

Spencer stroked his chin and started to chuckle. "Yeah, that was included in a letter she sent me while she was overseas, roughly eight or nine years ago. She wrote in her letter that she wasn't sure why she was even writing to me, but that she wanted me to know what her lot in life was. She was still angry at the time, hurting and frustrated."

"Why wouldn't she talk about it?"

"Maybe she didn't want to. She would have enlisted around the time of the September 11th attacks, and surely as a Marine she's seen war. I'm sure if you asked about it, she'd tell you."

"I almost want to do that."

"Go for it, I'm not going anywhere."

Tori smirked playfully. "Make sure of that. My god I really don't know all that much about you two, do I?" She paused, another thought coming to mind. "That said, I really do have to ask. What little I do know, you don't seem much like Mom's type." He ran his hand through his hair and flashed a toothy grin.

"I'm really not, I got lucky. Best example I can think of, one of Carly's favorite shows back in the day was Kim Possible."

Tori snapped her fingers and gasped. "I remember that show! I shipped Kim and Ron hard."

"You and every other hardcore fans. Ron had one big thing going for him, the fact that he was always there, cared for her and everything he did was for her. Same thing with your mom. She's more into athletes, hell some of the people she dated after me were athletes; but the truth of the matter was we shared something in the past already."

"True, and then in the past you two had already started out early. So of course…it makes sense."

She hugged her father and hurried into the house. Trina was on the living room couch with a book in her hands and the television on a soothing music channel. "Hey mom." Trina looked up from the book with a smile as Tori plopped down beside her. "I've got a question for you."

"Yes?"

"What's this?" She placed the photo on the top of Trina's book and watched as her eyes moved down to it. Trina's lips fell apart and her eyebrows rose. "I got it from Dad." Her mother's hand rose and steadied over her mouth and a tiny smile seemed to stretch across her face.

"I can't believe he still had that with him."

"In his wallet."

"You don't say." Trina's hand slid down with her index finger remaining over her upper lip. Her eyes drifted to the back door. "I wonder if he still has the letter it came with. Angriest letter I've ever written. I blamed him for a lot, and during that time in my life, I was not in the best place emotionally." Trina picked up the photograph and a sad chuckle drifted from her lips. "Didn't care whether I lived or died, without a sense of purpose."

Tori felt a tugging at her heart and looked away for a moment. Spencer was standing at the door now, wiping his hands with a rag. "Why'd you join the Marines then?" Trina sniffed, her forehead creasing.

"Not out of a sense of pride or service. I was angry. I remember sitting with my grandparents the morning of the 9/11 attacks, eating breakfast and watching the news. Grandpa made a statement that we were probably going to go to war, I think I was just numb."

"From the attacks?"

"No, from everything going wrong in my life. The attacks opened up opportunity." She moved her legs off the couch and moved to the center cushion as Spencer took a seat on the other side of her. "Grandpa said I should enlist, that the military might give me some sort of purpose; and when things started going downhill, that's exactly what I did." She closed her book and placed a hand over the cover. "It was an outlet for my rage, something to just unleash hell…"

She felt a churning inside of her and looked to her father, who placed a gentle hand around her mother's shoulders. "Everyone has their reasons for joining the military," Trina said softly, "Some good and others not. I thinkt I was somewhere in the middle." The woman's voice began to tremble and a glint shone in her eyes. "I still remember the first life I took out on the field. To say it was devastating doesn't do enough to describe how much it affected me."

Trina shut her eyes and her nostrils flared open. "I had no choice. It was me or them…staring through my scope and down theirs, and below us an ambush going wrong." Trina's brow crinkled and veins began bulging from her hand. Tori placed a hand over her mom's and leaned against her. "I didn't have time to grieve. I had to remember my training. I pulled my trigger first, and I will never forget what I saw on the other end…it didn't look right, didn't look natural; but I had to push those emotions away. I continued to fire on the enemies below…" She chuckled once and cleared her throat. "I was a damn good sniper."

"You didn't stay long."

"I couldn't. It was too much. There were times, yeah, I had to pretend I was shooting at those who caused me pain. That teacher, my stepmother...but after a while that felt wrong, made me sick to my stomach. I left the Marines to return to my grandfather. My time there wasn't all bad, it gave me strength. Gave me confidence. So, in the end, grandpa was right to suggest the military. It gave me something I didn't have before, something that allowed me to get back to you, to my child."

Tori smiled heartily, though something still nagged at her. She understood why Trina went along with Holly's whole ideal, but she didn't know why. "You spent a year pretending to be my sister, acting obnoxious to force your way into my life and my friends, taking their abuse…but you never had to. I know you were afraid that I might not believe you."

"More than that, Tori. I didn't even know where to begin. I had a plan, I didn't know how to enact it." Trina squeezed her hand and sighed. "I was busy trying to gather anything and everything I could to try and file a legal complaint against that woman…but then I had to find a way to tell you, but you were always with your friends and I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to you. Hell, I wanted to help Dad, even, but didn't know where to start."

Spencer swept his hand through his hair and closed his eyes. "Now I wish I had gone back into legal work sooner." Trina looked to him with a laugh."

"You think your pride would have allowed you to even attempt to help me? Think my own pride would have let you? By then I was so used to doing everything on my own, I didn't think I needed anybody's help."

"True…" Spencer scratched his chin and smiled. "But you're wrong. If you had ever come to me, I would have tried to do something. Screw whatever my dad thought at the time, I have never stopped loving you and I have never stopped being willing to do anything for you." Trina smiled at him for a moment and softly kissed the corner of his lips.

"I know that now." Trina took her picture and gazed at it with a sense of pride. "I look back at my time in the military with pride though. I don't like to talk about it, true, but I am glad and thankful for my time there. It also taught me to have a little more control over my actions and emotions; but that only goes so far."

"I've never noticed the PTSD. Why?"

"It's there." Trina shrugged. "Some days I don't know whether it's from the military or that teacher; but it's present. I just tried to teach myself to not let the symptoms show as much, hard as it is…sometimes it's so instant it's hard to control it, but I've learned to recognize some of the triggers and some of the symptoms."

"I'm glad." Trina hugged her mother, her heart filling with pride. She was overjoyed to know a bit more about her mother's life, harrowing as it seemed.

"I'm doing the best I can." Trina hugged her back and looked at Spencer with a smile before letting her gaze drift back. "For you, for your father, for myself." Trina took a breath and stood up, letting the book slide off her leg and onto the couch. "Because I have to. Stability…is something that this family is going to need."

"Agreed. Dad and I were talking about that a little bit too." Trina's eyebrow rose and she twisted around, looking back to Spencer. He raised a hand, chuckling softly.

"We were talking about why I went back to my legal work rather than try to make a career out of my hobbies. The chance of getting lucky off my sculpting and artwork is nice, but not worth the risk of not making it. I want to bring steady and reliable income in to support my family."

"Good." Trina smiled and started to walk towards the end table next to the couch. "Because I have something to show you both…I was sitting here, doing some thinking, and wanted to wait until you were done with your project outside for the day."

"What is it?" Tori glanced to the end table, watched as her mom picked up a long, narrow item from beside the lamp. Her breath hitched and she quickly grabbed her dad's hand. She felt him stiffen and looked to see his eyes on the object.

Trina turned back to them and showed them the object. In the center was a digital image showing the result of a pregnancy test. "Oh my god," her father said with a quick and shallow breath. He rose and began to shake, his eyes growing large. "I-Is that?" He started to grin, his eyes filling with hope. Tori clasped her hands together and her breathing grew rapid as a sense of joy shot through her.

"I'm pregnant."

Spencer cried out in joy and threw his arms around Trina. "Oh my god I'm a father!" He stopped, looking over to Tori. Tori raised an eyebrow at him and he laughed. "Again! Yes!" Trina cleared her throat and grunted as he squeezed her.

"O-Okay now."

Wanting to get in on the celebration, Tori shot up and threw her arms around her parents. "I'm going to be a sister," she cried out, ecstatic. Her mother grunted once more, and after a while, succumbed and wrapped her arms carefully around them.

Finding that stability is something this family certainly must strive for, but perhaps they will find it. Meanwhile, we turn to the newest drama poking out its head while wondering when the old drama is going to strike back. Your thoughts this chapter? You know, I kind of deal with the same thing Spencer's talking about with my writing, I'd love to use my hobby as something more, but honestly it's too unreliable to depend upon solely.