I don't own Mass Effect, or it wouldn't be so easy to change the name into something sexual. Though I guess it's no more obvious than Star Wh***s.

Anyway…

Chakwas turned to Shepard as the door slid open.

"How is she?" Shepard asked, hoping the news might be better than Bourne's. He was still unconscious, and now under guard in the brig.

Chakwas shook her head. "Not great. A knife to the gut like that…Tali's just lucky that it missed the major organs. It was a one-in-a-million shot."

Shepard sat down. "I told Joker to send off the report, and I made a change saying that the comm room was down."

"Was it?"

"No, Bourne didn't do much damage. The only noticeable thing is an imprint in the wall of Wrex."

"I still don't understand how he could have done all that."

Shepard looked at the ground. "I didn't see it either. And now Tali is lying there because of me."

"Shepard, that isn't your fault." Shepard looked up to see Garrus sitting on Tali's other side. Well, it was the other side of the drapes that made up the clean room. It was impossible to completely take out the infections on a human ship like this, but it was enough to reduce the risks.

"Garrus, you're a bad liar."

"I didn't want to mention it, but I thought there was something off about his behavior lately. I saw the same sort of changes in someone after they'd committed a crime. "

She looked at Tali's unmoving body. "It was still my fault. If I had just taken him down when I had the chance,"

"Then he'd be the one lying there, and you'd be blaming yourself just as much." Chakwas put in.

"Maybe, maybe not."

She looked at Chakwas. Do you know how long he'll be out?"

The doctor shrugged. "I don't know, probably another 4 hours at least. He was only knocked out a few hours ago."

Shepard stood up. "I'm going to go talk to Ashley, see how she's holding up. Let me know if anything changes with Tali."

She walked out to the elevator, and hit the button. She closed her eyes, still not understanding.

I know that this wasn't his fault. But the question then is, whose fault is it?

Bourne

I groaned as pain shot through my shoulder. I slowly opened my eyes, taking in my surroundings.

It only took me a moment to recognize the room as a cell. The energy field in place of bars was a pretty big clue.

I didn't blame Shepard for locking me up; I would have locked me up under the circumstances too. I had let my guard down, and let Iron take over.

I should have never trusted him.

Last time I had faced him, I had control; it had been my mind. Now, we'd be on even footing again. I knew enough about him to guess that he'd attack next time I fell asleep.

But then, why didn't he attack me now?

The room seemed darker than it should have been, like a light was missing. Then I realized why. I looked at myself in a wall, and my reflection shined back.

But my eyes no longer glowed, and the slight light they always gave off was gone. They must have given me something to cancel out my Biotics.

I chuckled as I remember what I had called them. But the memory tugged at something.

"Tell her to bring lots of anti-biotics then. Someone's going to need them." He threw the knife, hitting Tali in the gut. She doubled over, her suit already pumping her full of disinfectants. She fell to her knees, losing consciousness.

"I think that's yours" The evil voice laughed wildly.

That had been when I'd blacked out from blood loss.

I slumped against the wall again. Tali might be dying because of me.

I wanted to cry, but I somehow didn't even have the energy.

Shepard.

"Ashley?" She turned to Shepard.

"What's up skipper?" Her eyes were red, and there were still streaks running down her cheeks.

"How are you holding up? Seeing Bourne like that was tough on the rest of us, but,"

"I care about him more than anyone. If I lose him to that thing" She trailed off, looking away.

" You think he's going to let a little thing like that keep him from you?"

"He already did. He's locked in the brig, and you put a pair of guards on him."

Shepard shook her head, then looked around quickly. The closest person to them was the req officer, and he was busy going over a new shipment.

"I didn't really post guards there. I only said that to make the rest of the crew feel safer. I know just as well as you do that this isn't his fault."

"I still can't believe this. Tali may not be my best friend or anything, but she didn't deserve what happened."

Shepard sighed. "None of us deserve this. But maybe I should have listened to him before."

"What do you mean?"

Shepard hesitated; this wasn't hers to tell. But Ashley deserved to know.

"You remember that day we went to Flux? How distant Bourne was?"

"Yeah. He wasn't cheered up until he got in a fight" Ashley chuckled. Then she sobered as she remembered exactly what knife had stabbed Tali.

"But that isn't important. The reason why he was so distant, was that he was beating himself up"

"Jason was self-loathing? That doesn't seem like him."

"It might have been my fault too." Shepard admitted grudgingly. "The reason they called us up to the loading bay was that a girl who'd been taken from mindoir had escaped and stolen a gun."

"From mindoir? As in…"

"She was from the same village as me. But I managed to hide, and the Batarians never found me. She watched her parents be vaporized in front of her, and subjected to horrors for years.
"She wouldn't even talk about herself as 'me'. She always talked in the third person. I tried to calm her down, but she put the gun to her head."

"Bourne was angry with himself because she killed herself?" Ashley guessed.

"No, he was angry at himself because he stopped her from killing herself."

Ashley stared at her in confusion. "You're going to have to run that by me again Skipper."

"While I'd been talking to her, failing to help her, he had slid down the edge of the platform, and poised himself to spring.
"When she put the gun to her head, he leaped over the side and injected her with a sedative."

Shepard looked away in shame. "I was angry. He had done it against her will. And he had saved her life. Not how I would have done it, but he saved her."

She stood up suddenly, pacing. "My way would have just ended with her dead, and I was too blind to see it at the time."

"Shepard, don't beat yourself up."

"That's not why I'm beating myself up. I think he tried to warn me afterwards."

She took a deep breath. "He said that he wasn't a Hero. That he was just somebody who'd had a weird stroke of luck. That he never wanted any of this. He said he'd be the villain to save a life if he had to."

"Well that's bullshit!"

Shepard had to laugh at Ashley's straightforwardness. "That's what I told him." she stopped smiling. "But he didn't believe me. And I've noticed other things, things I haven't thought about before. He always seems to blame himself. You must have seen how he was after Fai Dan."

"Shepard, what are you trying to say?"

" He's hiding something Ash. Something big. He threatened to kill Shiala if she tried doing anything to his mind."

Ashley's face twisted in anger.

"And before you say it, I don't think she did anything. But when I questioned him on the way up there, he said something similar to me. That is was worth killing over."

"That can't have been what he meant."

Shepard groaned. "For someone so distrustful, I think you place a little too much trust in him."

"I don't know if you remember Shepard, but he saved my life back on Therum. If he hadn't done…whatever it is he did, I'd be dead.
"And he saved your life from that Asari clone a lot more recently."

Shepard sighed. "What do you want me to do? He tried to kill us."

"He tried to save us. It was that monster that tried to kill us. That thing would have butchered us if Bourne didn't fight back." She stopped suddenly. "Maybe… Maybe it's something the merc band did to him."

"I… Don't think so." Shepard didn't know why she wasn't telling Ashley what else she'd squeezed out of him, but she trusted her gut in this case. "I just hope he's still himself when he wakes up."

Bourne.

I slowly got to my feet, noticing the bands of metal around my wrists and ankles. I took a closer look at the one on my left wrist, and saw a small glowing circle. A quick look on the one I had on my right showed that there was one there as well. They looked like they produced some sort of mass effect feild

Must be to contain me when they activate.

I was surprised Shepard had taken the chance of leaving my hands free, but I guess I'm not really a threat without my Biotics.

I still stood, stretching my legs. As much as I hated to admit it, my main thoughts had to be on me.

Tali is important, but her fate isn't in my hands. I need a plan, some explanation for Iron.

I tried, but I couldn't think of one. The strongest lie I could think of was that the Cipher had done it. But since Shepard had it too, there wasn't a way to back it up. Maybe since I'm a biotic and she isn't?

I dismissed the idea, knowing that it would never be strong enough.

They trusted me, and I failed them. I'm the reason Tali is dying.

Then I thought about it. But then again… If she was dead…I grimaced at the thought, I'd have heard by now. Maybe I actually saved her.

She isn't destined to die yet. I'd bet money that the knife didn't hit anything vital.

It was a small hope, but it brought me out of my wallowing.

I still had bigger worries anyway. What happened to Iron?

I didn't remember anything after being knocked out; no dreams of him this time.

Tali might have been on the edge, but I wasn't this time. It must have kept Iron from getting a strong enough grip.

But I could no longer sense him, not even a little bit. Is it possible that the knife was his last act of vengeance against me?

I shook my head. Letting my guard down was dangerous. Until I was sure I was done with him, I had to stay vigilant.

It's my fault that she's almost dead, but I'm also the only thing keeping Tali alive. I'm the only thing standing between Iron and everybody else. He might not be a god, but in a lot of ways he's more dangerous than Saren.

Tali.

"Uggh."

"Chakwas! I think she's waking up!"

"I'm right here Garrus, there's no need to shout."

Tali's eyes opened slowly. She didn't recognize where she was.

"Tali? Can you hear me?"

It hurt to move, but she slowly turned her head to look at Garrus. "Barely. This helmet isn't great at carrying sound." She joked.

"Thank the spirits! We thought you were a goner."

She slowly sat up, then groaned and clutched at her stomach.

"Take it easy Tali, you took a pretty bad wound."

"What happened? The last thing I remember is Bourne… Wait, Bourne did this?"

Garrus nodded slowly. Tali leaned her head back on the bed. She realized unattachedly that was inside of a plastic bubble, not so different from the one she'd had as a child.

"Why?" She finally asked.

"I don't know. But when I find out…" Garrus let the threat hand in the air.

Tali chuckled. "At least you can work on the Mako by yourself."

"Actually, it's been working fine for days. I was just making thing up so I could spend time with you."

Tali turned to look at him. "Wait a minute, you were only doing so we could talk? I thought you hated having to share?"

"I did at first, but that was more because I'm stubborn" he chuckled. "It was my idea to bring you to Flux and cheer you up, did Bourne or Shepard tell you that?"

"I think Bourne might have mentioned it. What does that have to do with anything?"

Garrus hesitated, then said something too quietly for Tali to hear

"What?"

"I wanted to spend time with you for a reason."

"Garrus, what are you trying to say?"

He looked away. "Nothing. I just consider you a close friend, and I don't like seeing you hurt."

Tali read his body language. "Are you… You're attracted to me?"

Garrus looked back in shock.

"I'm right." Doubt entered her voice"Aren't I?" She realized how foolish she must sound.

"Yes. I've never considered interspecies dating, but… I care about you. When you were on Therum I ended up pacing the ship before I realized I was really looking for you."

Tali was shocked. She didn't even had words. She just stared at him.

Garrus turned away. "I know. It's crazy. We hardly even know each other anyway."

Tali realized that with the helmet, he couldn't tell what she was thinking. "No! It isn't that Garrus… I just wasn't expecting this."

She put her hand against the bubble. "But I feel the same way about you. I just didn't realize until I felt that knife hit me in the gut. My last thought was that I might never see you again."

Garrus put his hand against the bubble. "You're just about the only friend I have in this crazy universe."

"What about Shepard or…"

"Shepard's my commander first and foremost." He shrugged. "That's kind of how we Turians are meant to think.
"As for Bourne, he just tried to kill both of us. We're a long way from friend."

"How did you know I was going to ask about Bourne?"

"I've spent that much time with you at least."

Garrus took his hand away from the bubble. "I need to go make some repairs to my armor. Bourne dented pretty good."

Tali could see that it was in perfect condition, but didn't mention it. He probably just wanted time to think.

She knew that she did.

Bourne.

I thought, but there was no easy answer for my questions.

I had no idea what to tell Shepard. It would have to be believeable, but cover all my bases. But no matter how I thought about it, there wasn't any way to make something up.

I couldn't add on to the merc band; Shepard had gotten me to admit that the story wasn't true.

I couldn't blame anyone else, so that eliminated a lot of options.

I don't have anybody but myself to blame for this. I smirked darkly. Well, I can blame Iron a little bit.

I needed an explanation.

Then I had an epiphany.

I thought about long and hard. Can I trust Shepard with something like that?

I don't have a choice. Either she believes me, or I get thrown in the nut house. But if I can't provide an explanation for going crazy, I'll be thrown in there anyway.

I have to tell Shepard I'm not from this universe.

Shepard.

"I don't know Liara. He's my friend, and Ashley is head over heels for him"

She blinked. "What?"

"In love with him. And he cares about her too. I don't know what I can do. He tried to kill all of us."

Shepard sat down on the bed across from her.

"Shepard, I don't know any more than you do. But I don't think that he's evil. And that being threatening us was nothing less than pure evil."

"That's no explanation. I need a reason. I have to know that he's still the same person I thought he was."

Liara stood up and came over. "Raptor, you already know that. You were right about us, why not about him?"

"I… You're right." She turned to face her. "I just need to talk to him." She turned back away. "But if I'm wrong?"

"You aren't." Liara said with conviction.

"At least Tali looks like she'll pull through." She smiled. "Or Chakwas says so anyway. I can't tell with the suit."

Liara chuckled. "Go talk to him. I'll be here when you get back."

"I'm holding you to that Ms. Tsoni" Shepard smiled.

She stepped into the med bay. Tali was doing some suit repair from where she'd been stabbed. The damage was surprisingly minor.

Shepard said hi to her, but Tali was obviously distracted and didn't answer.

Maybe she can't hear me inside the bubble She just shrugged and walked out.

A few minutes later she was in front of Bourne's cell. She did a quick check to make sure no one else was around; if he did go crazy again, she didn't want anybody to know. It would only demoralize the crew further.

Making sure that the restraints could be activated at a moment's notice, she deactivated the barrier and stepped into the cell. Bourne was facing the wall, his back to her. "Tali?" he asked.

"She'll pull through." Shepard answered.

Bourne remained silent. Shepard leaned against the wall, ready to wait him out.

"You aren't going to ask what happened?" he asked blandly.

"I figure you'll tell me. It's that or you'll stay locked up in here."

He was silent for a minute. "Shepard, let me ask you something first. Why did you pick me to be your second?"

Shepard was caught off guard. "You're a good fighter, and you seemed like I could trust you."

He shook his head. "That isn't an answer. Why not Ashley or Kaiden? Why me?"

Shepard tried to come up with something, but couldn't.

"You don't know, do you? It was just a spur-of-the-moment decision, wasn't it?"

Shepard hesitated, but it was the truth. "I don't know. I guess it was."

"You want to know why? I'll tell you." He stood up. "You want to know what happened in the comm room? I'll tell you that too." He turned to face her, and Shepard lowered a hand to restraint control.

"I'm tired of the lies Shepard. Sick and Tired of them." he turned away again. "You were right. I'm not from Omega."

He looked at her over her shoulder. "If anyone deserves the truth, it's you."

He turned away again. "My name isn't Jason Bourne either. I don't remember my real name. I don't remember much of anything from my other life."

"Bourne, what are you talking about?"

"The Truth."

And cue soul-crushing cliff hanger. I can't wait to see how many people I piss off by ending it there.

And yes, that is the reason Bourne and Tali aren't going to happen. Garrus has caught her eye instead. But if you have tips on how to develop that, let me know. There aren't as many fics like that, so I don't have much I can use to help.

Until next time, Sayonara and happy holidays.

Next time: The Truth