WHAT? A super duper update that's almost three times as long as it usually is? Le gasp.
Don't get used to these monster updates. It just so happens that I've been obsessing over this chapter for weeks, and struggling to get perfect thoughts that were inside my head to be just as perfect on paper. As such, I couldn't find a spot that would be good to split the chapter at...so I just didn't. Enjoy this, as my gift to everyone that reads and reviews and is just generally supportive. ^_^
I'll just let you get right to it.
I don't own Bleach. If I did, I would probably go insane thinking about it all the time. (Wait, I already do that...hmm...)
She plopped onto her back with a small sigh, lifting her gaze to the stars. Her stomach rattled annoyingly, the chunk of bread she ate earlier not doing much to appease it.
She refused to complain, though. He had worked hard to steal that dinner roll, almost getting run through with his target's rusty blade. He was quick, however, and instead of being skewered, had only received a cut on his side. Despite all of this effort, as soon as it was safe, he had torn the roll in half, placing a piece in her hands.
No, she would ignore her hunger. Hopefully they would have more luck tomorrow.
He sat down on the grass beside her, being careful of his wound. They didn't have a house or hut or even a box—no one did, unless they were able to fight for it, and willing to fight to keep it. Home was wherever they decided to stop, and tonight happened to be a small patch of grass. He looked over at her. "I'll keep watch, Ran."
She didn't argue, knowing from experience that he wouldn't let her keep watch. Rukongai wasn't a safe place in general, but at night was when the true danger presented itself. He didn't want someone to sneak up on them when he was unawares, and preferred to sleep during the day, when he felt better about letting her keep watch. She knew that it wasn't because he didn't trust her—he was just protective of her. Even during the times that he disappeared, she would find herself abandoned in the safer parts of town.
She sat up in response, grass littering her shoulder-length blond hair. "Let me see your side."
His ever-present smile widened. "Ah, Ran-chan, ya know I'm fine."
Her periwinkle eyes flashed. "I'll be the judge of that, Gin."
He put up his hands in surrender, knowing she wouldn't let it alone. He waited.
She felt her face heat up, and was thankful that it was hard for him to see in the dim moonlight. He was going to make her do it. Setting her jaw determinedly, she gently placed her hand into the flap of his dirty, ratty yutaka, trying to ignore the way her hand seemed to burn where it touched him. She slid the material off of his shoulder, ashamed at the way the newly-revealed skin sent a shiver down her spine. Her eyes roved his form, noting how, like herself, his ribs were easily visible, before finally settling on the wound.
Earlier, she had only been able to rinse it off with some water from a muddy stream— figuring that that was better than leaving it to fester from whatever was growing on the sword that cut him. Now, from what she could see in the dim lighting, it was irritated, dried blood crusted over it. Fingers light as feathers, she traced the edges of the wound. She hoped it wouldn't make him sick.
"Wa's the verdict, sensei?" he teased, clearly amused. Though a smile was permanently etched onto his face, she could always distinguish the different meanings behind it.
She pouted, slightly annoyed he wasn't taking his wound seriously. "You'll live," she responded drily, sliding the yutaka back into its rightful place.
It was at that moment that her stomach decided to voice its fury. The growl was loud and drawn out, her embarrassment growing with each passing second.
He just laughed, lifting the arm of his unhurt side invitingly.
Still mortified, she scrambled into his awaiting arm, leaning into him. It was the only way they could keep warm at night—body heat.
He slung his arm over her shoulders, absentmindedly running his hand up and down her arm to create friction. His smile seemed sad. "It ain't enough."
Boldly, she snuggled closer to him, taking advantage of the situation. "It's not," she agreed. "But there's nothing we can do about it."
They sat there, spent and hungry. Her eyes began to flutter closed, her body trying to store up energy she would not be getting through sustenance.
"One day," he murmured against her hair. "One day ya'll be able to eat so much, ya'll want to puke."
"That doesn't sound like fun," she laughed sleepily.
He ignored her. "An' we'll have our own house. With beds an' tables an' chairs. An' ya can decorate it however ya want."
She exhaled deeply, too far gone to filter her thoughts properly. "I don't care what it looks like. As long as you're with me, it'll be perfect."
Vaguely, she felt him smile against her hair. "An' ya'll be able to wear tha stuff tha' hime wear. An' I'll get ya some jewelry or somethin', so e'rbody can see how pretty ya are."
Her nose wrinkled slowly, assuming he was teasing her. "Shut up, Gin," she breathed.
She felt him smile again. "I's true, Ran."
"Ran!"
"Rangiku-san!"
Matsumoto blinked. The blurred faces of Hisagi and Kira were staring back at her. She couldn't tell if they were blurry because she was crying or if she was just really, really drunk.
"Are..are you okay?" someone slurred. That had to be Hisagi. She blinked again, seeing if that would bring the face more into focus. It only helped a little.
A little of both, then.
She giggled, so practiced even she could barely tell she was faking. "Of course!" Not.
It had been seven years since Gin died, and her insides still felt shredded at the thought of him. Usually, she could suppress it, her mind purposely flitting over all thoughts of him. But talking to Karin had apparently opened the floodgates, and her drunken mind was too tired to fight against the onslaught.
She almost laughed at the irony. She was an alcoholic because she wanted to forget, but now that she was drunk, she couldn't!
Absentmindedly, she fingered her necklace, still tucked close to her heart. She doubted she would ever get over him.
"Are you sure?" The blur was blond this time. "You looked sad."
In response, Matsumoto grabbed the bottle of sake, taking a long swig and reveling at the burn in her throat. "Kanpai!" she yelled, holding the bottle in the air.
That seemed to convince her friends. Their drunken grins returned. "Kanpai!" they cheered, draining the rest of their cups.
She burped lightly, eyes stubbornly trying to fill up again.
She would need another bottle.
This is getting ridiculous! Karin chastised herself, purposefully making her way towards the Tenth Division.
She had wasted time roaming Seireitei, too chicken to go straight to her target—even going so far as to hang out in her father's office. Isshin had seemed to know something was wrong, considering Karin never dropped by for no reason apparent, but he had been uncharacteristically quiet about it. Instead, he sat behind his desk, teasing his lieutenant.
To his credit, Kira Izuru appeared to take all of Isshin's loony antics with stride, merely sighing when Isshin suggested that they set a black cat free in the Second Division just to see how Soi Fon would act when she found it. When Karin commented on his strangely tolerant demeanor, Kira had merely given her a strained smile. "My previous captain was the same way."
It wasn't until Isshin began to make paper planes out of his paperwork, amusing both himself and Karin by aiming straight for Kira's head, that the poor lieutenant finally decided to call it a day, muttering about sake. And when it was just the two of them, Isshin had turned to her. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." She sighed, standing up and relinquishing her very comfy position on the couch.
Even then, her father hadn't pushed it. Isshin had merely ruffled her hair, a soft smile on his face. "Congrats."
Despite her nerves, a genuine grin took over her face. Isshin was proud of her accomplishments, of her new zanpakuto and her new class, and for the first time, she had been too.
But of course, he had to ruin the moment, and Karin promptly left when the crocodile tears had started.
Now, she was on a mission. She needed to grow a pair and spit out what had been on her mind for almost half of her existence.
She knew Hitsugaya would most likely still be in his office, despite the fact that the sun had officially set and everyone else had quit for the day. Pushing down her urge to run in the opposite direction, Karin opened the doors to the Tenth Division office, swiftly making her way down the hallway and opening the door before she changed her mind.
Matsumoto hadn't been kidding—the scene was depressing. Toshiro sat at his desk, eyes glazed over as he mechanically signed one piece of paper after another. His head rested on a hand, fingers intertwined with his hair, and he looked as if he had the greatest headache in the history of man. There was practically a raincloud over his head, and as she stood there, he looked up at her with tired eyes.
He didn't say anything, merely waiting for her to announce what she wanted.
It was then that she realized how insensitive she was being. He was visibly upset from a breakup that had happened only hoursbefore, yet she was ready to profess her undying love. It wasn't right.
Karin inwardly sighed, slightly mad that she freaked herself out for nothing. Willing herself to act as normally as possible, she forced a smile. "How's it goin', sunshine?"
Hitsugaya clearly wasn't in the mood. His eyes flitted back to his paperwork. "Was there something you needed?"
Her brain scrambled for something to say. "A favor." Good one. "Two, actually."
He didn't respond, signing another sheet and placing it in the "done" pile.
"Please?" she wheedled, marching into the room and standing right in front of his desk. "I'd love you forever and ever."
As soon as the words passed her lips, she wanted to hightail it out of there—they hit too close to home. Instead, she stood her ground, trying hard not to seem affected by her blunder.
Her words seemed to have some effect, as Hitsugaya visibly froze, a hand reaching for another sheet still in midair. But it only lasted a second before his hand continued on its path. He looked up again, his aquamarine gaze meeting hers for the first time. "I can try. What is it?"
"Well, I wanted to go visit my friends in Rukongai, but Rangiku said I would need a captain's permission to go." She left it at that, knowing that he was more than smart enough to figure it out from there.
His brow furrowed. "Rukongai is dangerous," he stated unnecessarily. "Especially the part you lived in."
Karin rolled her eyes. "I know," she huffed. "I lived there. For years, actually, and survived. Without this baby." She waved Fenikkusu in his face. "Now that I have it, it should be no problem."
Hitsugaya frowned, clearly thinking otherwise. "I can try," he repeated vaguely. His frown deepened. "Would this trip be for Sasaki as well?"
She nodded, nothing fake about her smile now. It had been too long since she had seen her friends—her family, and the thought of being with Shin and Ryo again had her feeling giddy.
"What was the other thing?" He sounded irritated, setting his pen down in a manner that showed he had given up on the idea of completing any more work.
"I'd really love it if you could help me with my kido." Ugh. That word again. It was as if, after years of suppressing it, it refused to be contained by her mouth any longer. "My Swordsmanship sensei moved me up to the advanced class today, but now I feel really unbalanced in my abilities. My kido is still shitty."
His eyes widened a fraction at the news, but he didn't really seem that surprised. He had fought her himself, after all. "Congratulations."
"I'm assuming you mean my advancement and not my horrendous kido skills," Karin teased with a laugh. "Thanks."
Ruffling his hair one last time, Hitsugaya stood. "That I can definitely help you with. Right now, if you want me to."
It was getting late, and Karin should have been heading back to the dorms, but she couldn't bring herself to refuse his company. "Sure."
With a nod, Hitsugaya walked out of the room, pausing to look over his shoulder at her from the doorway.
Karin took that as her cue to follow him and quickly made her way to his side. He began leading her down the hallway, not saying anything. Clearly he was still brooding. Karin poked him in the side. "Stop being so depressing."
He looked down at her, startled out of his thoughts. "What?"
"You've got this whole 'woe is me' aura about you," Karin explained. "It's no wonder Rangiku ditched you today. I'm depressed just walking next to you."
Toshiro seemed to contemplate that, returning his gaze to the corridor. "I broke up with Momo today."
Karin felt her jaw begin to drop. She quickly caught it, snapping it shut.
She was an idiot. For a brief moment she had gotten so wrapped up in their conversation that she had forgotten the reason why Toshiro could be depressed. And now she had just pointed it out. Idiot.
"I'm sorry," she sputtered, not exactly sure how she should respond to his admission.
"Don't be." His gaze briefly met hers before leaving again. "I'm not."
Her heart pounded. Matsumoto had told her that they had broken up, but she neglected to mention that it was Hitsugaya who had instigated it. For some reason, it had never crossed her mind that he did, despite knowing that Hinamori was ridiculously clingy. And now, he admitted to having no regrets, despite his obvious moping. Karin wasn't sure what was going on.
She didn't have much time to think about it, either, as Hitsugaya stopped in front of a door so abruptly, she almost crashed into him. He slid it open, and Karin found herself looking at the Tenth Division's dojo.
There was no one inside. The room was large, three of its walls mirrored. The fourth was a large door that was currently slid open, revealing an enclosed garden. The wooden floor gleamed so heavily, it looked as if no one had ever stepped on it, much less fought on it.
"We can start with the binding spell, since it's simple," Hitsugaya said, settling at the center of the room. "That way, I can judge what exactly you're doing wrong."
Karin was nervous about practicing kido on him, and it must have showed, because he reassured her, "I can take it." He was a captain after all, and had to have endured worse, so she backed away from him, giving herself some room.
She let her reiatsu run though her body, like she had been taught, with a concentration on her hands. "Bakudo number one: Sai."
Immediately, his arms snapped behind his back, the force of the spell bringing him to his knees. "LESS!" he barked so loudly, Karin unconsciously took a step back. But after exhaling deeply through his nose, he broke free, standing.
"I'm sorry!" Karin reached for him, but he shook his head.
"Is that what you've been setting on people?" Hitsugaya asked incredulously, stretching the ache out of his arms.
Chuckling sheepishly, all she could do was nod.
"You are using way too much reiatsu," he informed her matter-of-factly. "The purpose of this particular kido spell is to restrain, not maim."
Karin crossed her arms over her chest, not appreciating his dry humor. "You don't have to rub it in," she snipped. "But how much am I supposed to be using, exactly?"
"Do it again." He seemed to be mentally steeling himself against the oncoming onslaught. "Use ten times less."
She complied, reciting the incantation to the spell. This time, though Toshiro's arms did lock behind him, it was less violently, and he was able to remain standing. She grinned, proud of her accomplishment.
"Better," Hitsugaya praised, breaking out of the spell. "But you're still using too much. Cut your reiatsu usage at least in half."
She looked at him like he had told her to cut her own hand off. "But you seemed fine," she argued. "And I'm already barely using any."
He started at that, eyebrows furrowed. "I seemed fine because I'm a captain and have a high pain tolerance," he corrected. "Try it again."
Karin repeated her actions, and his arms snapped behind his back. He quickly broke out of it. "A little less. Again."
This exchange continued a few more times, Karin beginning to wonder if he was messing with her. Finally, Hitsugaya nodded. "This is it. Remember how you did this."
Karin was so happy, she could have squeezed the life out of him. She settled for sending him a shit-eating grin instead, watching as he broke himself out of the spell.
Hitsugaya rotated his shoulders, the spell apparently beginning to take its toll on his body. "Do it again, exactly as you did it before."
As she repeated the spell with only a slight variation from before, Karin marveled at how quickly he was able to teach her. To be fair to her previous teachers, he was doing it by trial and error, and no one else, especially Daisuke, could have been able to handle the pain and accurately guide her through her mistakes. "Thanks, Toshiro."
"We're not finished yet," he responded, breaking out of the spell for the last time. "But before we move on, let's meditate. It'll give you a chance to reflect on what you've just learned, and hopefully you can apply it to other spells."
He began moving towards the garden, stepping down onto the stone path.
"Meditate," Karin repeated flatly. "As in, together?"
He looked over his shoulder at her, giving her an odd look in answer. It was dark enough outside that Karin would have had a hard time seeing him, if not for his hair. Slightly reluctant, she followed, stepping down on the path and observing as he reached for something above his head. Suddenly, his features were illuminated in a soft glow, and she understood. There were lanterns scattered around the garden, and he was lighting some of them.
As a second lantern burst into life, Karin was able to get a better grip of her surroundings. There was a pond a little to the left of where she was standing, although she couldn't tell whether it was filled with fish or not. Upon further illumination, she realized that it was more of a brook than a pond, as it flowed throughout the entire garden. The ground was covered in grass in some places and gravel in others, and while there was plenty of foliage, none of the trees blocked out the many stars that were now visible in the sky.
Lighting just enough lanterns for them to see, Hitsugaya sat down on one of the grassy parts. "Sit wherever you like."
Karin raised an eyebrow, still wondering if he was kidding. After their last meditation session...yes, he had said it hadn't bothered him, but she really didn't want to take the chance. Taking him at his word, she made her way over to him, sitting on the grass a couple feet away. His eyes were already closed, and he didn't stir.
For a second, she allowed herself to look at him in the dim light—to look at the snowy hair, always in disarray; the eyelashes that were almost as long as hers; the smooth face that would soon be marred by frown lines if he wasn't careful. He was beautiful, and as much as he would balk at the word, there was no other that could accurately describe him.
Shaking the thoughts from her head, she closed her eyes as well, steadying her breathing. She quickly saw why Toshiro had wanted to meditate out here instead of in the dojo—it was very relaxing. The only sounds audible were the trickling water, the rustling of leaves as a breeze rippled through them, and their breathing.
Faster than she had ever been able to do before, Karin was in her inner world.
It was snowing again. Not a blizzard, or even a flurry—just a gentle swaying of flakes in the cool wind. Anyone else would shiver, would bundle further into their clothes, but Hitsugaya Toshiro relished the chill. The breeze embraced him; the powdery crystals kissed.
Even now, as he sat cross-legged on a snowbank, the snow felt more like a soft cushion than packed ice. Hitsugaya took a deep breath, letting the cold seep into his lungs. "I feel terrible," he said softly.
The man sitting across from him shifted, teal hair swaying in the wind. "Do you have any regrets?"
"No." There was no hesitation. "But that doesn't make me feel any better."
The man seemed to contemplate this. "You love her."
"Of course," Hitsugaya scoffed. "But not enough. And not how she wants me to."
"And why is that?"
"You know why, Hyourinmaru," Hitsugaya responded irritably.
"Because your heart lies elsewhere," Hyourinmaru murmured.
Hitsugaya didn't respond, instead trying to navigate his thoughts. He had really upset Momo today. When they were growing up, he had vowed to protect her, to hurt whoever dared make her cry. Yet today, it had been he who had been the one to do so.
Hyourinmaru cocked his head slightly. "Pretending would not have made her happy."
"I know that." He ran a hand through his hair. "But now I'm not sure how to make it better. She was there for me when I needed her, and now I feel like I'm letting her down."
"There is nothing you can do, young one." He was no longer looking at Toshiro, instead focusing on something behind him. "Only time will tell."
Nothing was said after that, Hitsugaya contemplating what was said. His zanpakuto was right, of course. He couldn't force Hinamori to forgive him, and he couldn't force the issue. All he could do was wait.
Sifting some snow between his fingers, Toshiro glanced back at Hyourinmaru, a little taken aback by his silence. While there had been many times where the two had sat together, a word not spoken between them, the silence that had fallen then had been comfortable. Now was a time when Toshiro had looked into his soul for advice, and Hyourinmaru's silence only betrayed how distracted he was.
Hyourinmaru's icy gaze flicked to his for a moment, but soon returned to its target. Curious, Hitsugaya followed his zanpakuto's line of sight, looking over his shoulder.
There was a door.
One glance back at Hyourinmaru confirmed his suspicions—he knew exactly where the door led.
Standing and dusting snow off of himself, Hitsugaya made his way over to it. Now that he had seen it, he knew that he wouldn't be able to ignore its presence.
He had never heard of anything like it, and it intrigued him. Already, he knew that Karin could open it from her side. The question was, could he as well?
Almost of its own accord, his hand reached for the handle, but before it was turned, he hesitated. He could hear muffled voices from the other side, could feel the reiatsu bursting to get out. He knocked.
The voices abruptly stopped.
Seconds rolled by, but he didn't get any other response. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he hesitantly knocked again.
A pause. "I don't want any," she called from the other side.
Hitsugaya stared at the door, bewildered. He opened his mouth to ask what she was talking about, but shut it again as the door was abruptly opened, Karin's face immediately in view. He could feel her reiatsu swirl into his.
Her lips were quirked in amusement. "I was joking."
"Oh." He couldn't seem to think of anything more intelligent, too distracted by the red-haired woman over Karin's shoulder waggling her fingers at him.
"Was there something you needed?" Karin asked. "Or did you just want to see my beautiful face?"
"Your face, obviously," he said under his breath. She snorted, apparently not taking his words at face value. The woman behind her winked at him. He swallowed. "I just wanted to see if the door would open from this side."
"Oh!" She stepped back, closing the door again. Her voice came back muffled. "Be my guest."
For a second, Toshiro contemplated the door. Slowly, he turned the handle. No resistance was met, and he was soon looking at Karin again.
His suspicions were confirmed—he could see her inner world as well. Even though going into another's inner world was impossible, they were able to easily infiltrate each other's. The strangeness was rapidly getting stranger.
Karin leaned against the doorway, snowflakes beginning to adorn her hair. "So? What does this mean?"
"I don't know," he answered honestly. "None of this should be possible."
The woman behind Karin began blowing him kisses, and Hitsugaya flushed, not really sure what to do.
Karin, finally taking notice of his line of sight, turned around and caught her zanpakuto in the act. She blushed, a scowl firmly in place. "Okay!" she yelled, pushing herself off the doorframe. "That's enough meditating!"
And the door abruptly slammed in his face.
Honestly, she couldn't believe that woman's audacity! Karin inwardly fumed, standing up from the grass. How was she supposed to respect Toshiro's feelings when her zanpakuto insisted on making kissy faces at him?
She ran her hands over her face, trying to will some of the heat away. She wondered just how long Fenikkusu had been doing it while her back was turned.
Hitsugaya stood up as well. She was afraid he was going to ask her about it, but he tactfully ignored it, instead asking, "Are you ready to move on to the next exercise?"
It was dark, and Karin knew she should be heading back to the dorms. But she seemed so productive tonight that she didn't want to break her focus. If that stupid bird-woman hasn't broken it already, she inwardly moped.
Outwardly, she nodded, and Hitsugaya looked away, seemingly in thought. After a moment, he turned back to her. "Have you mastered Hado number one?"
"No," Karin replied sourly. She had said her kido sucked, hadn't she?
"Well, let's try that one." He looked behind himself, making sure he wouldn't be blasted into something that could hurt. "Go ahead."
Self-consciously, she steeled her feet, knowing what would occur. She pointed a finger at him. "Hado number one: Sho!"
A blue light began to form at the end of her finger, and for a second, she thought the spell would go correctly. Then, she felt herself flying backwards.
One thing quickly became apparent—while Toshiro had made sure nothing was behind him, Karin had not. Unable to stop the momentum of the spell, she skidded into the shallow pond, for a second completely submerged. Sputtering, she surfaced, water streaming down her face.
And then Hitsugaya was laughing.
She watched, slightly in awe, as he bent over with the force of his laughs, hands on his knees and eyes closed in hilarity. The corners of his lips reached up for once, and he sounded as if he might burst into hysterics at any moment.
Embarrassed but too amused to be too much so, Karin crawled out of the pond, water pouring off of her. "I knew I could make you smile," she said, unplastering her hair from her head and beginning to wring it out, "I just didn't know I had to drown myself to do it."
Hitsugaya stopped laughing then, but Karin could clearly see he was holding it in—his aquamarine eyes were watery and glowed with amusement, and his lips were still upturned. "I'm sorry," he got out, barely suppressing a laugh.
Karin fought down her own laugh. "Yeah, yeah." She could feel bits of leafy algae stringing in her hair, and she knelt by the pond, hoping to use its now disturbed waters as a mirror. With as much dignity as she could muster, she began taking it out.
Hitsugaya couldn't help the snort that escaped him. She looked like a drowned rat. "I'm sorry," he said again, making his way to her side. "Here, let me help you."
"No, I got it," Karin replied stubbornly.
He scoffed, lightly smacking her hand away. "You can't even see what you're doing."
Karin rolled her eyes, but conceded, turning towards him. "I'll get you all wet," she warned.
He knelt beside her. "It's just water," he scoffed, reaching into her hair. Her hair tie had been lost, so it was easy for him to remove the plant bits.
For her part, Karin hadn't realized what she was getting herself into. Hitsugaya was a lot closer than she had anticipated, their faces only inches apart. In retrospect, she should had seen this coming, as it was dark out and the lanterns only offered dim light. She felt a shiver go down her spine as his fingers worked their way through her hair, and she tried to distract herself. "And now you see why I need help in kido."
He chuckled, once, the air ghosting onto her skin. "You weren't kidding. You know you were supposed to push me back, don't you?"
"Oh really?" she shot back sarcastically. "Is that what I've been doing wrong all this time?"
He didn't answer, but his lips curled up slightly. Karin found herself staring at them. It was so rare that they were in any other expression than "annoyed," "indifferent," or "pissed off." It was nice to see that stone-faced Hitsugaya Toshiro was able to laugh, even if the only thing that seemed to do it was her looking like a swamp monster.
Suddenly, she noticed that the hands in her hair had stopped their ministrations. Karin blinked, looking up at his eyes.
He was looking back at her.
Her breath caught at the look he was giving her and her body flooded with adrenaline. His eyes no longer held the amusement they previously had; now they were filled with something she couldn't identify, something that he had looked at her with before. She found herself unable to look from his gaze, a shudder passing thorough her as he pushed some hair behind her ear, his fingers continuing their path down her jawline. Nervously, she licked her lips, and she noticed when his eyes flicked down to watch the movement.
She consciously inhaled a shuddering breath, her body having forgotten to. But all thoughts of breathing were halted when his lips met hers.
Even from behind her closed lids, Karin saw stars. It was as if they had come down from the heavens to grace her with their presence. She felt as if her universe had been shaken, as if up was no longer up, but sideways. A relieved sigh could be heard in her head.
And once again she felt his heartbeat pounding in her chest, felt her whole body electrified and on fire and cool at the same time. It was just like when they had fought, when he had trapped her against the wall, but ten times as intense.
So intense that she broke the kiss, eyes fluttering open and practically gasping for breath. Her arm hair was raised, and she wondered whether there were actually sparks in the air or if something was wrong with her vision.
Across from her, Toshiro slowly opened his eyes as well, their color dark and hazy.
For a second, Karin contemplated going in for round two. Then, the full force of what she had done hit her, and she gasped. "I'm so sorry!"
She tried to scramble away from him, but he had apparently anticipated this, locking her arm in a steely grip. "No more running," he said softly. "No more."
Karin blinked at him owlishly, her will to fight vanishing. He was right. They had been dancing around the subject for years and years and years—it was time to face it and move on with their lives.
His grip softened, but he didn't let her go. "I kissed you," he said stoically. "Why are you sorry?"
Because he had just broken up with his girlfriend that morning. Because he had been clearly hurting, and she had taken advantage of it. "Because I love you," she responded in a small voice.
That had not been what he expected her to say; he looked visibly startled. She swallowed her feeling of dread and continued. "Listen, I tried to ignore it. I really did, at first because I was too young, and then because I thought it was pointless, and then because you had a girlfriend and my feelings would just be a burden. But it's just been eating me up inside, and I thought you should know—"
Hitsugaya held up a hand, effectively silencing her. His eyes softened. "Why do you think I kissed you?"
It was then that her traitorous body decided to blush, her body burning with the memory. She ignored it. "Because you're confused. You just broke up with your girlfriend today."
"And why do you think I broke up with her?" he asked patiently.
Karin blinked, stumped at that question. She nearly jumped out of her skin as one of his hands came up to cradle her face, forcing her to look at him.
"Because I'm in love with you," he said simply, eyes scanning her for her reaction.
But there barely was one—she just kept blinking at him. "Oh," she said quietly, suddenly realizing that Matsumoto was a lot smarter a woman than most people gave her credit for. She had known that Hitsugaya had loved her all along, and often blatantly hinted at it. All of a sudden, Karin felt very stupid.
He took his hand back, a thoughtful look coming over his face. "Since when?" he asked.
If her face wasn't burning before, it definitely was now. Karin couldn't remember being so embarrassed in her life, and she thanked the fact that it was dark out, and he might not be able to tell. But she wouldn't try to run again. They would get past this awkward conversation and never have to mention it again. "Ever since that time you sat with me at my mother's grave."
"Since then?" Hitsugaya asked incredulously. "That was a long time ago!"
"So?" she bit back defensively.
He looked skeptical. "Even when you were in Rukongai?"
"Even then," she whispered, studiously picking at a blade of grass. "Even when I didn't remember who you were. I used to have these dreams…"
There was something in his silence that made her look up. He was blushing.
She hit him hard on the arm. "Not those kind of dreams, you perv!" she hissed. "We would just be standing at the railing, like we always used to. Jeez."
Hitsugaya coughed.
"What about you?" She was trying to make him feel as awkward as she did, but she was also genuinely curious.
This time, it was Toshiro who looked uncomfortable. "When I fell in love with you, or when I realized I was in love with you?" he asked self-consciously.
Karin tilted her head in surprise. "There's a difference?"
"I was talking to Hyourinmaru, and he helped me realize the difference between how I felt about you and how I felt about Momo." He shifted uncomfortably. "That's when I realized I loved you."
She felt her heart skip a beat. Every time he said the words—I love you—she had to repress the slap-happy grin threatening to take over her face. "Then when did you actually fall in love with me?" she asked, somewhat shyly.
Even in the dim light, she could see his cheeks color, and he looked away from her, choosing instead to focus on a piece of foliage floating in the pond. "Once I realized I loved you, I couldn't remember a time when I did not."
Karin really wanted to kiss him then, just hold him down and work out all of the frustration that had been building up within her for almost a decade. But she held back. She needed to know his answer. "What is it exactly that you want from me?"
Hitsugaya looked back at her then, his expression still soft. "Whatever you're willing to give me." He paused. "But if all you want is to go back to how things were before, I don't think I could handle it."
No, she didn't think she could handle it either. But what exactly was it that she wanted? Even she wasn't sure. But he was waiting for her answer, so she decided to try. "I want to have a relationship where we can tell each other anything," she started. "One where we respect each other and make each other smile, and where being around each other doesn't feel like an obligation, or a chore."
Hitsugaya nodded in agreement. "But we have all of those things already," he pointed out.
"I know." She twiddled the blade of grass again. "But I want to make sure it stays that way." Her eyes burned into his. "If you ever decide you don't want to be with me anymore, ever wake up and realize that the love you had for me is gone, I want you to say so. I don't want to be strung along like Hinamori. Yes, I will be hurt, but it will hurt much more if you pity me. Do you understand?"
In his heart, he knew that that day would never come, that that would never be an issue. But, in order to appease her, he nodded again.
"And finally," Karin continued, "I want to be one of those couples that are cool enough to wear joint costumes for Halloween. You know, Bonnie and Clyde, two peas in a pod, a donkey."
He balked at that. "You want to be a donkey?"
"Of course not," Karin scoffed. "The point is, everyone knows that a donkey costume takes two people." She paused. "But if we did, you would be the back half."
He shook his head. "Whatever you want."
Karin grinned. He was willing to be an ass's ass—and all just for her. She knew there was a reason she loved this kid. Without a second thought, she leaned forward, lightly brushing her lips with his. While there was no cosmic explosion this time, the butterflies in her stomach were restless, and when they parted, they were both blushing.
That would take some getting used to.
But sadly, reality began to hit Karin. She sighed, staring at her feet. "We should probably keep this quiet for a while."
"Why?" Hitsugaya teased. "Are you ashamed of me?"
"Of course not, you dope." She rolled her eyes. "But you just broke up with Hinamori today. If you're suddenly with me tomorrow, it'll seem like you never really cared about her."
"That's stupid," he stated. "Of course I cared. I still do."
"It may be stupid, but it's true," she retorted. "Think about how it'll look to people, and how she'll feel."
Toshiro really didn't want to make Momo feel any worse than he already had. "You're right," he concurred.
"I always am," she replied snidely.
Sighing, he stood up, holding his hand out for her to do the same. "It's late. Let's get you out of those wet clothes."
Karin smirked, waggling her eyebrows.
He looked to the heavens for guidance. "Not that," he snapped, grabbing her hand and hoisting her upright. "Who's the pervert now?"
Karin burst out laughing, the happy feeling in her chest making her sort of delirious. "It's fine. I need to shower anyway, so I can just wait until I get back to the dorms."
"Okay. I'll walk you back," he conceded. He paused, the grip on her hand tightening. "Is this okay?"
She wanted to laugh again, because she found it funny that he had no problems kissing her but apparently felt hand-holding required permission first. Instead, she nodded, ignoring the heat in her face and lacing her fingers through his.
They stayed that way, all the way to the Fifth Division. And even though they didn't touch after that, they walked too close together to merely be considered platonic.
Her eyes snapped open.
She wasn't sure why she was awake—everything seemed the same. Ichigo, arm wrapped protectively around her even in sleep, snored into her hair. A quick check for reiatsu told her that no one was in the house besides the two of them. Even Zangetsu was right where Ichigo had left him, leaning against their closet door.
A small breeze came through the window, ruffling the curtains. It was then that Rukia noticed the Hell Butterfly hovering in front of her.
Moving carefully as to not wake her husband, she lifted a finger, giving it something to land on and waiting for the message.
Lucy, you've got some 'splainin' to do!
Oh, and don't tell anyone. Especially the cat.
Rukia froze. She didn't know any Lucys, but she understood the message loud and clear. Karin had held up her end of the bargain—apparently to positive results—now it was time to hold up hers.
Behind her, Ichigo shifted, burying his face further into her neck.
This wasn't going to be easy.
A/N: WHEW! You have no idea how good it feels to write all that. It only took me 36 chapters, 2.75 years, and 272 pages for them to kiss. *eyes shift to the side* Good grief!
Oh, and a little insight for those who didn't get my hint—Gin was the one who gave Matsumoto her necklace. Those two really had me depressed—as I was writing this, I decided to look up the anime clip of Gin dying (since I mostly just read the manga nowadays), and I was seriously crying in a corner. It was terrible. The pure anguish in Matsumoto's voice...I'm getting upset thinking about it now. Let me just stop. T_T
Let me know.