God, he would kill for a joint. When was the last time he had one? A few months ago? A year ago? Time seemed to drag on in prison, which sucked for someone who was not used to being sober. If he just had a hit of marijuana or a shot of alcohol, then he could tolerate his condition more than he could at the moment.
He had begun drinking and casually taking drugs since he was a teenager. Although his drug problem was not as severe as Seth's, he still experimented with drugs much more than the average teen. It was the nineties, almost teenager in the nineties was experimenting with some kind of drug, despite the efforts of schools and certain programs to reduce the amount of new drug addicts.
One evening, a few nights after that incident was Sasha, Matthew and his friends arrived at his house with a book bag that contained alcoholic beverages and drugs. Seth was able to obtain marijuana and heroin from a dealer that he knew. The dealer even threw a gram of cocaine for free. A lit cigarette dangled from Matthew's lips. He smoked cigarettes on occasion. It was a habit he picked up when he was twelve years old out of curiosity.
He barely noticed one of his neighbors standing near the staircase, scowling as he, Lucas, and Seth came in. The woman's updo still was well-maintained, despite it being nine o'clock at night. The lady's green blouse and pinstripe pants were neatly pressed underneath a long white coat. It was his mother's friend Marian.
"Excuse me, boys, but do you even know what time it is? Margaret is at her wit's end with you three going in and out whenever you please. She almost called the police." The woman lectured at them. "Margaret may not have the backbone to properly punish you three hooligans, but I won't hesitate to give you three the proper lecture you desperately deserve. If you were my kids, you wouldn't be violating curfew, you wouldn't be smoking, nor would you showing up with intravenous track marks. You would all three be given proper reading material and chores to complete."
"Chill the fuck out, bitch, you ain't my mom." Matthew snapped, viciously. "-And if you ever fucking dare to yell at me like that again, I'll fuck you in front of your husband and these two fuckers beside me."
Marian let out a strangled sound of pure outrage at Matthew's threatening catcalling. She was visibly shaking as she could barely form two words together. When she finally gotten her voice back, she screeched. "You foul, loathsome, chauvinistic swine! How dare you speak to me that way!"
Margaret heard the commotion and rushed over. She consoled her friend, attempting to get Marian to calm down and ignore what Matthew had just said to her. Margaret replied calmly to the three boys. "Go upstairs, boys. Just go, please."
"Whatever," Matthew snorted, not really caring what happens between the two women because of his nonexistent filter.
Lucas chimed in. "Hey, wait, is that one of the women that you -"
"You complete that sentence, Lucas, and I will kill you." Matthew threatened, knowing exactly what Lucas was going to say; Is that one of the women that you peeked in on a few times? Marian was, but he was not going to stupidly blab about some of his less savory voyeuristic habits to anyone else but to Lucas and Seth.
Matthew led Lucas and Seth into his room. Things seemed a lot calmer and collected in his room. At least, in his room, he could drown out the shrill voices of adults that tried to dictate him on what he could do and could not do. He couldn't wait until the day until he was legally declared an adult. He wouldn't have to put up with nobody.
Underneath his pillow, he seen something that could've blown his whole "straight" facade apart. The night that he manipulated Sasha into giving him a blowjob, he decided to keep the redhead's boxers with much argument from the owner of said boxers. In the end, Matthew gotten his way and Sasha went home without them. Needless to say, the boxers were a great masturbation fodder and a souvenir for the night he decided to take control of his sexuality.
- But now they were a guilty reminder that he wasn't a normal teen. He approached the boxers and balled them up before his friends could even see what they were. He carried it to the closet and stuffed them in there before Seth and Lucas could question him on the boxers. Once he gotten out of the closet, Seth and Lucas didn't say a word. Matthew figured that they must have assumed those were his boxers.
Seth got out the heroin and marijuana wordlessly. Next came the booze, Seth was able to get them some beer and a bottle of Jack Daniels. He knew he would have to avoid his parents for the next several hours until he could get the smell of alcohol off him. Lucas and Seth were lucky bastards.
Seth's mom lost her mind when Roy died and could barely care for herself let alone notice that Seth was a druggie. If he remembered correctly, Seth told him that his cousin Cynthia was helping to pay the bills, using the money that Seth's mom started receiving in Social Security to make ends meet at the Lovering residence. Lucas' dad, on the other hand, loved his high-paying career more than he loved his own son, so left Lucas to fend for himself. The maids at the Holmes residence rarely cared what Lucas had done with his free time as long as it didn't interfere with their job.
"Damn, how did you afford all of that?" Matthew asked incredulously.
Seth dumped out the drug paraphernalia from his bag. "Part of it came from the scam money we've made and part of it came from Lucas' own pocket."
"You're welcome." Lucas chimed in.
Seth only shrugged as he had began to prepare heroin for use. He pinched a bit of the heroin and sprinkled the heroin onto a spoon. He lifted up the spoon and lit underneath it with a dingy lighter. The powder quickly liquefied. Matthew could only watch with amazement as Seth mixed the liquid around using the end of the plunger. Seth pointed the needle up and sprayed a small amount of the drug out of the needle. Matthew continued watching as Seth wrapped a tourniquet around his arm and injected his arm with the needle. Seth's eyes rolled to the back of his head once the drug was injected into his system.
"Did you take that needle from my house?" Lucas asked.
Seth nodded slowly. "I took it from your garage after . . . you injected yourself with your insulin."
"Ugh, you didn't have to fish it out of my trash. I would've gave you a fresh, clean pack to take home with you." Lucas looked both disgusted and worried. Lucas, worried, that was a first.
Seth started to nod off until Matthew snapped his fingers in front of Seth's face. "Hey, wake up, you fucking junkie. How do you smoke weed?"
"You . . . take the pipe and sprinkle a bit of weed in there. Make sure the screen didn't fall out." Seth managed to say in his drug haze. Matthew checked the screen at the wide end of the pipe. Once he seen the screen in the pipe, he took a pinch of marijuana and sprinkled it into the bowl. He followed Seth's next instructions to put his mouth on the mouthpiece and light the bowl with Seth's dingy lighter. He puffed on it until he heard Seth's voice yet again.
"You got to inhale, Mattie." Matthew lit the end and this type inhaled the smoke. Matthew coughed worse than all of the times he had gotten a cold. He quickly passed the pipe to Lucas, coughing as he had done so.
Lucas did as Matthew had done and complained. "I'm not getting anything."
"It's cashed out. You . . . got to put more pot in the bowl." Seth instructed. Lucas followed Seth's guidance. Matthew and Lucas took turns smoking out of the bowl while Seth nodded in and out. It might have been Matthew's idea for them to get in the first place, but Seth was the one to supply them with the stuff. After a while, Matthew and Lucas started drinking from the Jack Daniels.
"I can't . . . believe that I shot up with you two in the room." Seth slurred, looking like he was ready to nod off again.
Matthew felt buzzed from his drug intake. He felt even more relaxed than he usually did and his thoughts were hazed. In a way, it almost felt like he was closer to Seth and Lucas. He got to see their vulnerable side yet again through the drugs in all three of their systems. It could have been the drugs talking but it sure did feel that way.
"Hey," Lucas slurred as he stood up, stumbling as he had done so. "Where are we going to sleep tonight? I mean, we can't just stumble around drunk and high for anyone to see? Especially if Seth and I have to walk home."
"You two can sleep on the damn floor. There's no way I'm sharing a bed with you two." Matthew muttered. He wasn't going to deal with Seth tossing and turning and Lucas putting his feet on Matthew's back. There wasn't much protest to the sleeping arrangement.
"Hey, Matthew." Seth slurred, laying down next to the blue camel in his room.
Matthew laid down on his bed, facing the ceiling. "What is it, Seth?"
"Where are we . . . leading up to?" Seth asked.
Matthew furrowed his eyebrows and turned to Seth. "What do you mean?"
"Where . . . do we go from here?" Seth slurred, trying to sound rational in his drug-addled state. "When are we going to hit rock bottom? How - how did we end up like this? How . . . did you become such a sadistic sex-obsessed . . . pervert? How did I end up to be a junkie? Why is Lucas the way he is, today?"
Matthew shook his head, "You're over-thinking things, Seth. We're fine the way that we are. Fuck what anyone else has to say about it."
"We're going to hit rock . . . bottom. I don't know how I know that, but I just . . . do." Seth whispered. "When that happens, the day that it happens, I don't even want to think about . . . what happens after that."
Matthew rubbed at his eyes, not wanting to think about what Seth was saying. "Just go to sleep, Seth."
As Matthew watched the two go to sleep, questions over his own sexuality bubbled to the surface once more. This time his thoughts were muddled by the marijuana and alcohol he partook in. He wondered how he could easily have lustful thoughts about Sasha even after the redhead sucked his dick.
There had to be something to his sexuality. Some rhyme or reason to it, because so far it made no sense to him. He got out of bed and plopped down on the space in the floor next to Seth. Seth was passed out from his heroin intake. Even with the drugs, Seth still maintained his youthful face. In fact, Seth's baby face was just starting to mold into a more masculine jawline. Seth still looked a bit vulnerable to Matthew in his current state. Matthew scooted closer to Seth.
If he was as much of a deranged faggot like he thought himself to be, then he should have no problem taking advantage of Seth like he did to Sasha. Seth was passed out anyway from the heroin, so what would be the harm? He sent apologies to Roy inside of his own mind as if the dead man could hear him for he knew that Roy would have throttled him if he knew what Matthew was doing to his nephew.
Matthew straddled Seth's hips and leans forwards Seth's face, taking Seth's chin between his thumb and index finger. Then he felt bile coming from the back of his throat. He felt like he was about to vomit. It was like attempting to make out with his own brother. He was too disgusted by the thought of the action to complete it.
He dismounted from Seth's lap and attempted to do the same thing to Lucas while the brown-haired thirteen year old laid in a drunken stupor with similar results. He couldn't bring himself to make out with his other friend either. That's it, he was going crazy. That was the only explanation he had come up with to explain why Sasha was the only guy that he could even get aroused by that he knew of. Matthew went back to bed, even more confused than he was when the day had started.