Chapter 36

Ask the Cast with Askance Eyes

All the characters in Handsomehandsome's lovely story were sitting together on a long sofa with a plain white backdrop draped behind. Darkstripe and Clawface were filming the event. The cast crew were to answer questions sent by their fans. Yay?

Obsidianwing and Gleamstar

"Let's let the mary-sues go first," Darkstripe meowed. He was holding the stack of card questions for the Tom cast.

"Omigosh!" The two mary-sues squealed. "A question for us?! We are, like, so popular! Kawaii~"

"Here you are," Brackenfur passed them down to them. His fur was flushed hot as he gazed into Gleamstar's rainbow/molting orange eyes.

"Omigosh!" The purple she-cat screamed. "Are you molestraeping me?!"

"No! No!" Brackenfur shook his head wildly.

Obsidianwing cuffed her companion across the head and read the question outloud to the camera:

I have some questions! I want to ask Stargleam and Obsidianwing two things. 1) Are you best friends now? 2) Out of all your mates, who's your favorite?

- Starburstkitty

"Well, Starburstkitty," Gleamstar growled. "I has a few bones to pick with, like, you before I, like, answer those questions. First off, you totally stole my name. And second, my name is not Stargleam anymore! It's Gleamstar!1!1"

"Anyway," Obsidianwing rolled her forest green eyes and flicked her purple-tipped ears. "I am not friends with that pussycat Stargleam."

"Gleamstar!" She shrieked. "Gleamstar!"

"I hang out with her 'cause, like, suzies got to stick together? AIR?" Obsidianwing mewed.

"Like, what does AIR mean?"

"Am I right?"

"IDK."

"Let's answer that other question," she reminded Gleamstar. "My favorite mate? Icewing and Sol! Sol was such a hot, smexy vampire! Oh, but Leopardstar was cool too! She was sooo OOC with her white fur and red eyes!"

"I had soo many mates! I wuv them all! There was Gaystripe, Hawkyfrost, Assfur, Blackstar, and Jazzsong! My fav was Firestar though! He really liked my shoulder!" Gleamstar gushed, looking over at the embarrassed leader.

Obsidianwing rolled her eyes again. "Whale, we still have another question."

"I want to read it!" The over-prophesized cat whined. She took the card from Obsidianwing and read it to the camera:

Starkit and Obsidianwing: So... How's it going there in Sue Land?

- IslaTheIcePrincess

"What the fuzzy!" Gleamstar screeched. "My name is GLEAMSTAR! Gosh! I'm no a kit anymooooore!"

"Quiet down or you get a timeout!" A voice sounding an awful lot like Dawnsparkle hissed from behind set.

"Sorry, Mommy!" She replied, crossing her arms.

"Well, IslaTheIcePrincess," Obsidianwing decided to go ahead and reply to the question already. "Sue Land is undergoing some serious renovation which is why we're staying with ThunderClan until the season's over."

Goldenflower

"Here you are, Mum," Bramblestar leaned past Rowanstar to hand the queen her card.

"Thanks, Brambly-pooh," she pinched his cheek before accepting the card.

"Mommmm!" The tabby protested. "Not on Clanwide TV!"

Goldenflower chuckled at her son's embarrassment. "Sorry, Brams."

She flipped over the card and read the question:

Is Longtail really Bramblestar's father?

- batgirl1234

Goldenflower flicked her yellow-gold eyes at the camera. "Two words, children: yes."

Bramblestar practically hurled himself off the couch. "Are you serious?!"

Then the other cats began to chime in.

"He looks just like Tigerstar!" Firestar exclaimed.

"If Hawkfrost really isn't his brother, then why do they look alike too?" Breezepelt meowed.

"I look nothing like Longtail," Tawnypelt said passively.

"Quiet down!" Goldenflower hissed. "All will be revealed.

"It all started when Firestar first joined ThunderClan. His name had been Rusty back then. Longtail, the young brash warrior that he had been, challenged the young kittypet and attacked him."

The said ginger tomcat buried his face in his paws.

Goldenflower continued. "Somehow Longtail only made Bluestar's decision to recruit Rusty even clearer. That's when I fell in love with Longtail. He was an amazing fighter."

"He lost to a kittypet!" Mistystar howled in laughter.

"He was blinded with arrogance and fury, so of course he was lacking skill at the time," the queen brushed off the RiverClanner's comment. "Anyway, I used to have feelings for Tigerstar, but I really liked Longtail much more."

"Then why does Bramblestar look just like him?" Rosepetal asked. "They say he's exactly like him in appearance!"

"Exactly alike in looks," Firestar nodded.

Goldenflower took a long look at the cats who had seen Tigerstar when he was alive, which includes, but is not limited to: Sandstorm, Firestar, Gaystripe, Rowanstar, Mistystar, Bluestar, Onestar, Ferncloud, Dustpelt, Bramblestar, Gleamstar, Brindleface, Spottedleaf, and Tawnypelt.

"I can explain that step by step," she growled. "Bramblestar is a tabby. Yes, Tigerstar is also a tabby but so am I and Longtail. His dark brown pelt comes from the combination of gray and gold. He gets his amber eyes from my mother, Speckletail. Like Lionheart, my brother, he has the same broad shoulders and big build from our father, who we do not take mention of in public. The fact that he looks like Tigerstar is a coincidence. What makes this funny is that he actually thought he and Tawnypelt were his kits! Longtail knew the whole time, but if he corrected that flea-bag he would have been flayed."

Bramblestar looked up at the ceiling with closed eyes. "Thank you, StarClan! My father is in StarClan with you, and he is not actually a completely murderous turd-face in the Dark Forest!"

Foxleap

"Here, sweetheart," Handsomehandsome handed the two cards to his wife, Foxleap.

"Thank you, honey," he smiled, giving him a kiss.

"Ohmigosh!" Gleamstar screamed. "You're breaking the ten Eleven Commandments! You're going to go to SatanClan!"

"She's just jelly," Gaystripe laughed.

"Am not!" The sue retorted. "I have lots of mates as previously stated!1!"

"Quiet, please," Foxleap mewed cutely. "Don't startle my kits."

"Look, brah," Berrynose clicked his tongue. "Dem kits are froggin' EGGS!"

"I don't see you happily married with kits!" Handsomehandsome defended his wife.

"I am married!" The bobtailed tom retorted. "I have kits."

"The key word was happily," Gaystripe meowed, flicking his gaze between Berrynose and Birchstar. Why Birchstar? Duh!

"I am going to read now," Foxleap mewed quietly to the arguing cats. He clutched his purple and brown eggs tightly as the other felines continued to quarrelled. "Quiet please. Shut up. Shut up! SHUT THE FLUP UP, YOU MAGGOT-BITTEN RAT-TONGUES."

And the arguing ceased.

"Thank you," Foxleap smiled.

"I love how you handled that," Handsomehandsome grinned.

Foxleap shrugged and began to read his cards:

Foxleap, didn't you die in Dovewing's Silence or something?

- Amberfoot7

The red-brown tom snarled at the camera. "Look honey, do you see dis face? Do I look dead to y'all? You are either crazeh, blind, or jelly of my looks. Seriously though, how could I die in Dovewing's Silence? That girl never shuts up. And Bramblestar died before a Storm anyway, so no. I haven't died according to chapter two."

He closed his amber eyes and shook his head. He held up the next card and read it aloud:

So, um, why did you give birth to eggs?

-IslaTheIcePrincess

"Well, Icepidgeon," he sighed, misprouncing their name. "I gave birth to eggs because of a few reasons. First is that I'm a dude. I gave up my eggs to have eggs if ya know what I mean. Secondly, I needed to get these little guys out of my belly before Handsomehandsome left on his quest, but we couldn't reveal their genders, pelts, or names and yet and it was a way to give us more time. Third, it's what Icecloud would have wanted."

"Where is Icecloud by the way?" Lionblaze asked.

"She declined taking a role for Tom because she's busy working at Ravenpaw's Café. She couldn't even come to my wedding," Foxleap sighed. "What do you care?"

"Never mind," Lionblaze muttered.

"Okay, now everyone shut up," Darkstripe meowed. "End of part one. We continue filming tomorrow."

"Have you ever noticed Clawface's eyes?" Spottedleaf whispered to Cinderheart. "He's never looking into his camera screen."

"You're right!" The gray she-cat exclaimed. "He's staring at Darkstripe's tush!"

"Lolololol!" They giggled as they exited the set.

Well, last chance to send in questions before part two!