Such a lonely boy, couldn't find the joy within.
Such a lonely girl, such a lonely world we're living in.
I watch it all go by.
Can't find a tear to cry.
A tear to cry.

Mark left the Karev residence with a new found calmness. He knew what he had to do. Izzie had made it perfectly clear to him. Addison wasn't going to change her mind. There was a wall. A wall between Addison and everyone else. Probably even Izzie. Most likely.

Although his mind had been clustered with Addison the entire day, he couldn't help but let it wonder to Meredith while driving. She'd been there for him. As a friend. It all seemed so fast and surreal, yet so normal. He supposed that's how it began in the beginning. They'd been best friends since they could write their names in a straight line. He was twelve when she'd told him she wished she had a different last name, and he'd offered to share his. Neither of them knew then, at least he didn't, that he'd fall in love with her. He was fifteen the first time he kissed her. He'd watched a movie, and the entire movie he couldn't help but think of Meredith in a new light. He'd snuck out of his house that night, two hours after she left, and climbed into her window. He could tell she wanted to yell at him, but she'd hugged him instead. She didn't even ask why he was there, and he'd taken that as a good sign. She'd already crawled into bed, turned off the lights, and let him tuck her in when he got up the courage to kiss her. She, of course, slapped him almost immediately and told him he should leave. It was another two years before she kissed him in the rain after one of their fights. He'd been at a gig. He was the drummer for a local band, and apparently Meredith felt that he was leading on the singer. He'd pointed out that who he hit on didn't matter, and that's when she'd done it. He'd thought she was going to slap him, but she didn't. She pulled him to her with both of her hands, and kissed him. Past that night, it all seems like a blur. They'd seemed happy enough. They'd been careful not to destroy the friendship. At least, he'd thought. It'd been hard for him to give up his flirty nature, but he'd done it for her. No more blatant hitting on teachers, or swooning girls. He'd been completely faithful. He'd never imagined she would be the one to cheat on him. But she had. It was like a slap in the face, harder than any hand could ever force against him. But tonight had felt like he had his friend back. She wasn't Meredith, the girl that broke his heart, she was just Mer, the girl that he chased the ice cream truck with when he was little, and laughed with about all the gawking girls. It was nice.

He had only been to her place a handful of times, but it wasn't like it was out of his way. In fact, in comparison to Derek's house, she lived pretty close to him. He sat in his car for a good fifteen minutes before he had the nerve to walk up the walkway. He didn't even care that she'd probably seen him, and probably had no intention to open the door . He had to try. For his own sanity, he had to try!

It's so obvious how they need each other.
They want and bleed and hurt but they keep it covered.

Until it's one big lie.

They can't stay alone cause they fear goodbyes, well, they fear goodbyes.

They fear goodbyes.

By the time he made it to her door, he'd pumped himself up. He was ready for anything that she could throw at him. Physically or otherwise, he noted with a small smile. He quickly wiped it away as the door swung open after it was knocked on barely once. "Mark." She sighed, wrapping her robe around her body just a little tighter as his eyes wondered over her skin. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk." He was surprised how quickly she stepped back, allowing him to enter. He'd expected her to fight him at the doorway. It wasn't big enough of a shock to stop him from entering though, just enough to make him smile on the way in.

"I don't know what else there is to say." She sighed, pausing momentarily in the middle of her living room before she realized, once again, that she was still in a robe, and he was staring! She was thankful that he wasn't touching, though. Because she really wasn't sure she'd be able to fight him off again.

"You called it a mistake. You called ME a mistake!" His eyes darted away from her as he said the words, unable to look at her as he said the words that'd nearly destroyed him. It wasn't the first time someone in his life had told him he was a mistake, after all, he was an unplanned pregnancy to begin with, but it seemed so much worse when she said it. Because he cared what she thought.

"I didn't mean it like that." She frowned, slowly making her way to the couch and sat beside him, knowing that it probably wasn't her brightest idea, but not being able to stop herself from doing so. She had hurt him. She had hurt the one person who'd she'd spent so much time and effort to avoid hurting. None of it was his fault, and she hated that. She wish she could say he got what he deserved, but he didn't.

She didn't deserve his affection though, and that's the only thing that kept her fighting. He deserved so much more than her- a fake. A fake name made up of a color-dye box and acrylic nails. The only thing that he really knows about her is the sound of her laugh. She never could fake that with him. "Mark. You have to believe me. None of this is your fault!" She tries to make him understand with her eyes, but she quickly realizes that he's not going to meet her pleading gaze.

"I shouldn't have acted like that. I wasn't.. I didn't think you would come after me. You have every right to like her, or anyone else. I didn't.. I don't have the right to make you feel guilty for that." She fights the urge to grab his hand. Mixed signals were not good. She'd done enough of that for one day. He'd come to her house though. He was sitting on her couch. And he was sad. Friends hold hands. She held Izzie's hand. Why was it so wrong to hold his hand? Because you freaking kissed him, Addison, she berated herself silently.

Nothing. He said nothing, and she was quickly getting irritated. He'd come to her! He obviously had something to say, and he wasn't saying it. "Mark!" She nearly yelled, positioning her feet flatly on the ground so she wouldn't jump up and start pacing. Lowering her voice after a deep breath, she continued. "Mark.. you came here. You have to talk to me. I need you to talk to me."

He don't say much, when there ain't much to say.

She waits for his response, she waits all day.

The world keeps spinning in a silent scream

and I keep waking in these dying dreams.

He'd walked up to her door with such a force, such a passion to talk to her, and now that he was on her couch, and she was in her robe, he couldn't think of a single word to say to her. What was there left to say, really? He couldn't remember anymore. All he could think about is how nice it'd be if she put some clothes on, or took some off. Either way, it was just cruel for her to be sitting next to him in a robe, expecting him to do nothing! Mean. Cruel. Hurtful. Painful. Abusive punishment! Abuse is what it was!

"Mark.. Please. I just.."

"Just stop, Addison." He cut her off finally, not being able to hear her beg anymore. "I had so much to say when I came over. I had this new outlook and everything. And I was going to let you.. Let this.. go. I had all of it figured out. The speech, it was all in my head. And now I'm sitting here, and you're here, and I can't even think of a single word
of it because you are here. You are here in a robe in your living room, and it's driving me crazy. You.. You're driving me crazy! Okay. I'm not this guy. I'm not the guy that shows up randomly at people's houses to make speeches. I don't get upset easily, and I don't yell. I hate yelling. My dad yelled enough at me to last a lifetime. But I want.. I need to yell at you. I need you to see what you're doing to me. I'm coming undone, and I sound like a crazy person, and I don't care! Is that what you want to hear? Does that make you satisfied? You are my undoing." He hadn't even looked at her the entire time, not one single time did his eyes move from the magazine on the coffee table. He couldn't look at her because as soon as he did, he would lose his drive.

Tears were escaping the corner of her eyes before he finished, and she hated herself for it. She was suppose to be strong, she had to be strong to stop either of them from getting more hurt, but she couldn't figure out how to become detached when a guy tells you that you are his undoing. What possible response could she have?

"I'm sorry." She finally responded weakly, knowing how pathetic was the moment it passed her lips. She watched as he winced, but she didn't attempt to correct her statement. It wouldn't have done any good for either of them. She was certain of it.

"That means nothing to me." He stated it as if it was a common fact, but she could hear the pain behind his words, and all she could do was cry more.

"What do you want me to say, Mark? That I'm coming undone? Because I am! You aren't the only one! But this.. I can't do this now. I just can't!"

"Why? WHY can't you do 'this' now?" He glared at her, using his fingers to quote her wording.

"The timing is all wrong." She mumbled weakly, refusing to give him any useful information. It was better he didn't know. She'd convinces herself of that years ago, and it wasn't going to change now.

"Damn it!" His outburst was overpowered by a bolt of lightening followed quickly by the thunder, too quickly for either of them to like. "Great. Just great. Now it storms." He ran his hands roughly over his face before they moved up into his hair.

"That doesn't sound good." She frowned glancing over to the window and realized it was pouring, how had she not noticed that?

"Perfect ending to the perfect day." He rattled off sarcastically, digging the palms of his hands into his eyes.

"I hate storms." She frowned, wrapping her arms securely around herself, bracing herself for the inevitable next strike.

"I'm sure it won't last long." He smiled sadly at her once he took in her frazzled appearance. He hated storms as much as the next person, but she seemed entirely too afraid.

"Thanks." She spoke faintly, darting her eyes to the floor to avoid his piercing gaze.

I asked her for the time,

she said the timing was off.

But I got this pain inside she said it's all you've got.

I got this feeling that life is passing me by,

I'm a couple of years late but I, I'm here tonight.

I'm here tonight, well, I'm here tonight.

"Is there ever going to be a good time for 'us', Addi?" He knew the answer before the question left his lips, but he had to ask for his own piece of mind. He needed to hear her say it. He needed the pain to be all too real again. It was easy to forget the day of hell he'd been through when he was with her. He needed to be reminded, he needed a reason to walk out of the door.

"Probably not." She whispered, hating herself for being honest. It wasn't right to give him false hope though, to give herself false hope. She cared too much to do that. She cared more than she would ever admit.

"I love you, Addison." He genuinely smiled at her for a moment before allowing his hand to grab onto hers. He knew she was going to protest, so he forged on without giving her a chance. "Don't tell me how I feel. I know that I love you, because I said it knowing I was going to get nothing in return. But don't think that just because I'm not expecting a response that I don't know what you'd say if you'd let yourself. I know that you love me, Addison. I know it and so do you. I don't know why you don't want me.." He trailed off, taking a deep breath to gather his bearings before continuing, this time extending his free hand to cover her lips to keep her from talking.

"Just let me finish." He demanded softly, waiting for a nod before continuing. "I don't know why you don't want to be with me, and I will probably never know because you don't let anyone past the 9,000 walls you have surrounding you. And that's okay. Because at the end of the day, when the rest of the world has put you and your diner out of mind, I never will. Nothing you can ever do or say will ever change the way I feel about you right now, or ever." His hand finally left her lips, moving sideways towards her cheek, brushing his thumb along her jawline.

"You're the only person I've ever loved." He grinned, ignoring the ache in his chest as he admitted the words. It was the first time he'd ever admitted, out loud anyway, that he didn't feel the same way about Meredith that he felt about Addison. He had thought he was in love with Meredith, and he had loved her, but he knew without a doubt that he hadn't felt like that. "When I lost Meredith, I could have tried to fight for her. I could have probably beaten Derek to a pulp, and never spoken to him again.. and I could have found her somehow. It wouldn't have been easy, but there are ways. But I didn't. And I know that. But this is different, because there is no one that I can fight for you with. It's your demons inside your head. And it kills me to know that there's nothing I can do."

"Mark.." She pouted, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. It was so hard to be cold when he was pouring out his heart to her. She was amazed that he would, knowing she wasn't going to make him feel any better. Anything she could say was only going to make it worse. She felt she owed him something though, Anything.

"I need you to know that I would though. I would fight forever for one moment with you."

Every wall of defense she had crumbled as she looked into his eyes. How could she NOT say or do something to that. She was strong, but she wasn't invincible.

He don't say much, when there ain't much to say.

She waits for his response, she waits all day.

The world keeps spinning in a silent scream

and I keep waking in these dying dreams.

Without thinking, her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him into an instantly deep kiss. As soon as she realized what she'd done, she knew it was a bad idea. She knew she was going to find herself in trouble all over again, but this time, there was no one to save her, and she was, quite frankly, tired of saving herself. She on her back with one of his hands underneath her head when she finally opened her eyes, thankful that he pulled away slightly, even if it was just for air.

"I need you to say something, Mark.." She whispered, closing her eyes again to enjoy the feel of his hand running lines on the inside of her robe. It'd been entirely too long since she'd felt a mans hands on her skin, making it even harder for her to draw a line. She wanted this so badly. She realized right then that she wouldn't be stopping it this time. He'd said too many things right and nothing wrong, and she was finally giving in.

It seemed as though an eternity passed before he even seemed to acknowledge that she'd spoken, and as if in a snap of a finger, the moment was gone. He slowly lifted himself off of her, standing completely off the couch, pacing back and forth in the room. She watched in shock as the scene unfolded. How had that happened?

"I can't." He finally spoke once he stopped long enough to actually look at her. "I thought I could.. but I can't. I can't just have one moment.. or one night with you. I need so much more. I need weeks.. months.. years.. I need freakin' forever! OKAY!" He yelled, his hands tensely putting at his hairs roots. "Why can't you just let me love you, Addison?"

"I.. I don't know what to say." She cried as she brought herself into sitting position, tightening her robe once again.

"Nothing. You don't have to say anything. I have to go." He nodded his head quickly before turning around and heading for the door. He was in his car before he let himself stop. If she'd called after him, he hadn't heard her, but he hadn't expected her to. There wasn't anything to say, she wasn't going to let him get near to her like he wanted to. It was better that he left. He'd always want more. He looked up long enough to realize that it was still pouring outside, and it wasn't really a smart idea for him to drive. He looked down at his clothes to find that he was soaked. He'd been so caught up in his utter rejection that he hadn't even noticed the rain. "Damn it." He muttered, leaning his head forwards onto the steering wheel, closing his eyes for some sort of clarity. He missed clarity.

Such a lonely boy, such a lonely girl. It's such a lonely world

A knock on the window knocked him out of his peaceful moment, causing him to shoot up, just missing a head banging against the head rest. "What do you want?" He muttered, cranking up the car so that he could roll down his window a little. "What?" He asked again a little louder so that she could hear him over the rain.

"You can stay here. The storm is bad. Come inside." She stated it as more of a command than an offer, but he was smart enough to obey. Nodding his head, he rolled back up his window and grabbed his keys from the ignition before slowly opening his door, giving her ample time to move. He watched as she ran back inside, huddling under the black umbrella in her hands. He walked a little slower, not quite willing to run to be back inside of her apartment. It inevitably happened though, a sigh escaping his lips as she shut the door behind him and locked it three times. "I'll get you a blanket." She spoke quietly, shaking the water that'd gotten in her hair out as best as she could.

"Thanks."