Chapter 37 In Which House thinks about Fatherhood

House had thought a lot about fatherhood ever since Henry had told him that he wanted him to be his dad. House had never considered himself to be father material, yet here was this child who, by choice, had asked him to be his dad. On one hand, House had been flattered that Henry had felt bonded enough to House to bear such sentiments. On the other hand, it had shaken House to his core, because he felt so inadequate to the task. Could anyone as damaged as House consider himself to be, ever be, a decent, loving father?

While pondering this, House had spun his cane, bounced his ball, paced his office, and tormented his ducklings. He really needed a case to distract himself. He was even about to go so far as to consider working in the clinic. Maybe he would see Cuddy there. He decided to go home.

The wind that cut through House's clothing as he rode his bike was exhilarating. It wasn't really quite warm enough to ride, but the coolness of the fresh air distracted him from his pain. As he rode He wondered what each of his duckling might say:

Foreman: Get you're pain under control, you're no good to anyone if you can't function.

Cameron: Take ME!

Chase: Take HER!

House smirked.

13: Do you really want to add complications like children to your life? Right now, when you get done at the hospital, you're free. Once you have responsibilities like a partner and a kid, your life will never be your own, again.

Kutner: If you want kids, go for it!

Taub: Follow your heart. Children can enrich your life. They give you something to think about besides yourself. Rebecca and I….

Suddenly, House realized that he had arrived at Cuddy's House! How had that happened? He laughed to himself. Of course, it was where he wanted to be, but he was sure that when he left the office, he had headed home! He pulled into her drive, grabbed his cane, got off his bike and hobbled to her door. As he, hesitated to bang on the door with his cane, it opened.

"House," Cuddy exclaimed, "what are you doing here? I was just about to …."

"Can it wait? I hadn't planned to come at all, but since I'm here…."

Cuddy looked closely at House. He looked vulnerable, like whatever was on his mind was on his heart, as well.

"Of course, come in" She opened the door wider and smiled at him, beckoning him to enter. Cuddy closed the door behind him and followed.

He came in, sat at one end of the couch and leaned forward, his chin resting on the crook of his cane. For a man about to turn 50, he had an innocent look about him. He was weathered, he looked tired, but he also looked very young and ….impressionable…, when you looked straight into his eyes. Cuddy didn't think "impressionable" was the right word, but it was the only one that fit his appearance right then. She could see that he was searching for some kind of an answer, but not of the medical sort. For once, she had the time not to push for an answer so she sat on the other end of the couch and waited for House to collect his thoughts. No, his thoughts were always collected. He was working up the courage to say what he wanted to say.

"Do you think I could make a good father?" House asked, using his baby blues to bore directly into her soul for the answer.

Cuddy nearly fell off the couch in surprise. "W-w-what did you just ask me?"

"Do you think I could make a good father?"

"I can tell that you're not propositioning me, so why the question?"

House leaned back against the couch and sighed. He was quiet for a long time.

"Well, you know I work at the daycare…" House laughed out loud at himself. "Of course…" House closed his eyes and tried to begin again. "The children…they…they seem to like me, even love me. I can't be two people but I don't even begin to think of myself as likeable, much less, lovable. These kids see something in me that I must not see in myself. Henry wanted me to be his dad. So, I'm asking. Do you think I could make a good father?"

"House, I've always seen the goodness in you. You just don't see it in yourself. Kids can pretend a lot of things, but they can't pretend affection. If they act like they care about you, they really do.

"I'll tell you right now, House; those kids caring for you say more about your character than any words ever will. Kids don't lie when it comes to trust and who they are willing to put their faith in. Henry is a very perceptive young man. You didn't even need to tell him that you took a special interest in him from the start. He was able to sense it in you.

As she moved right next to him and took his large hands into her small ones, Cuddy continued, "Look at me, House. As for your question, not only could you make a good father, you would make a good father – a great father. You learned from your dad how not to treat a child. You would never disrespect a child the way he disrespected you. You couldn't because you know how bad it feels to be a kid and get treated that way. Whether you admit it, or not, you have a very tender heart inside there," she placed her hand on his chest, "and although you refuse to show it to the rest of the world, the children, and those who you keep close to you, Wilson and me, have seen it there all along. Wilson and I couldn't put up with all of your antics if we didn't know the Greg House that existed under all of the crap that you hide behind. You are loved, House, and you deserved to be loved by a family of your own. One that you have created with someone you love and who loves you back."

House looked at Cuddy and then rose from the couch.

"Thank you" was all that he said as he left her house.