Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable characters, they are all the property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended. But the plot is all me

Inferno ~ Chapter 38

Jasper wanted to tell her that she wasn't Maria, but that didn't mean that she wasn't special to him. That he didn't care about her. Because he couldn't deny how he felt anymore. Not when he ran into that fucker that Bella had gone out with coming out of her apartment building. He had beat the shit out of him.

Fortunately, he wasn't pressing charges, but Jasper wouldn't have cared. Rose, however, did. It was what she had been blessing him out about when Bella showed up. She'd tried to tell him that Garrett was dating Alice and was probably there visiting her, not Bella. She also told him he needed to stop drinking so damn much and to pull his head out of his ass.

"What did you do now?" Rosalie asked from the doorway. Her voice wasn't angry, but sad.

"Told her she wasn't Maria," he mumbled.

"You're a real dumbass, aren't ya?" She asked, sounding just like her momma.

"Can't argue with you there." He went on to tell her about everything else that he had said.

"Looks like I need to go and do damage control." Rose sighed and walked out of the bathroom, leaving him to his own thoughts.

Jasper wanted to ask her what she was going to do, but from the look Rose shot him, he knew better. She would have kicked him in the nuts and he wasn't going to risk it. Emmett looked like he was ready to join Rose in the kicking.

"I need a drink," Jasper slurred after Rose stormed away.

"That's the last thing you need, jackass."

Emmett picked Jasper up by his shirt and drug him through the house.

"What you need is a strong pot of coffee and a kick in the ass. Now sit down. You're going to listen to me and stop being a jackass."

Jasper had never taken Emmett as the bossy type. Em was the sort of guy that just went with the flow, but Jasper saw the fury written all over his face and was wise to stay quiet. Emmett was past being patient with his cousin-in-law. He was ready to beat some sense into Jasper if that was what it took for him to see reason. He'd been on Jasper's side from the get-go, determined that she could be good for him if he'd let her. But Bella was a sweet girl and Emmett was tired of watching her try so damn hard to pretend that her heart hadn't been smashed into a million pieces.

"That woman has been nothing but good to you and you've been nothing but a dick to her! I think it's about time you got your head out of your ass. Do you think Maria would be happy seeing you like this?" Emmett asked, knowing that Jasper hated hearing her name.

But Emmett didn't care. He knew that Jasper had loved Maria with all of his heart, but he also knew that Jasper would be giving up a wonderful woman that cared about him if he kept on the way he had been going.

"Maria's dead," Jasper growled.

"I know, and I'm sorry. But do you really think she would want you living this way? Let me ask you this. If it was you that had died instead of her, would you want her to move on and be happy?"

"Of course I would!" Jasper answered defensively.

But as he thought about it, he wondered if he really would have. He had always been jealous as hell, but he had to think that he wasn't that big of a bastard that he wouldn't want Maria to be happy had the roles been reversed.

But in Jasper's mind, Maria's death was his fault so what right did he have to live on when she was cold in the ground? He didn't deserve to have a happy life. No, what he deserved was knowing that a woman like Bella out there, made just for him, and that he couldn't have her. Knowing that she was there and he was not worthy was just a fit punishment for him.

He would continue to watch her as he had, but wouldn't interact. As much as his body and soul begged him to do otherwise. He knew that eventually she would date and he would watch from afar, like some sort of deranged stalker while she moved on. Then if the guy screwed up, Jasper would beat him within an inch of his life.

But Jasper needed a distraction, and he found one in the form of Leather and Lace, a BDSM club that he once attended. And in a brown-haired, brown-eyed sub named Loretta.

Sadly Emmett's words went in one ear and out the other.