Hey there! First and foremost Happy New Year 2008 to each one of you, may it bring you everything you wish for and the best of this life. (Bonne Année à tous et mes meilleurs voeux). Thank you so much for your reviews, you are great to me! Ok, so I took a break to finish my story with scuby first - Trust is a two way street, and then because I was having a hard time with this one. I know your patience is running thin, but for those who know me I like to do things properly, but we're closer now more than ever. So I'll just ask you to keep having faith in me...Anyway...

Enjoy,

So ;)

Chapter 38: Catherine

"I found something," I hear Sara say from the bedroom of our new crime scene. Our killers have struck again. I get out of the bathroom where I was looking around and go on the threshold of the room. She doesn't turns to me but I know she has noticed my presence because she starts speaking by herself. "You won't believe this, I found 'proteins' on the bed sheet, and some other DNA."

"Proteins?" I ask surprised.

"Yep," she smiles yet still doesn't look at me.

"Somehow I doubt that Mrs Randy and her girlfriend were trying to have another child."

The victims are two female lovers, they have four children and it's their elder son who discovered them. So the presence of sperm on their bed is quite suspicious in itself. It could be everything, like it could be nothing.

"That's what I thought," she says still looking at the bed sheet.

"They're getting sloppier."

"You know I thought that actually they didn't touch the sheets before, they just drop a pillow that didn't belong to the lot, and I think that it's the first time they actually do anything in the master bedroom of their crime scene," she says, all her focus on what she's doing.

I can't help myself, I'm trailing my eyes on every curves of her body, from the thorough and subtle move of her hand to the frown darkening her features.

"I checked each pillow they had left behind and they are all made of goose feathers, which wasn't the case of the other pillows."

"That doesn't help us much, goose feathers are something common," I state.

"Actually there aren't many stores in Vegas selling those brands of pillows, it's an independent label and quite expensive according to the researches I made on the other pillows we collected from the other crime scenes."

I think a moment about the probability for us to find something useful or actually relevant with this lead. "Well…it's a long shot, but then again it's not like we had a lot of leads at the moment."

We finish our scene then head back to the lab. As soon as we're there we take separate path and go work on our sides. That's how we work now, each one in her corner and then we make updates as soon as we have something new and if we don't have anything new then we make updates every two hours or so.

I hate this situation, I miss out communication and our way to work together, in spite of everything it was one of those rare things we were good at together. On the other hand I know I can't focus when she's around and there's this weird tension lingering between us making everything awkward.

xxxxx

Sara and I are on our way to our second crime scene of the night, neither of us happy about making a double shift. When we arrive Warrick, Nick and Greg are already there. Apparently some party went wrong in a big mansion. The question is to know how five teenagers ended up dead.

Warrick asks us to check the outside of the house.

"Teens, alcohol, drugs…" she sighs "It'll always be a deadly mix."

"When I see this, I can't help but wonder if I really know my daughter. I've been a teen and god only knows what my parents never found out, so I don't want to imagine what my daughter could hide from me…I" I shake my head with a sigh "Sorry," I apologize for my ramble and display of weakness. As I glance at Sara I see her getting rid of her jacket and vest and starting to take off her shoes.

"Uh…what are you doing?" I ask her I ask with a little panic as she starts to undo her shirt.

"There's something in the pool."

She empties her pockets and then sits on the edge of the pool, her feet touching the water. She hisses at the cold sensation and then reaches out for glasses. Then she slips completely in the water and dives in. I don't have time to ask her what she saw or talk her out of it, my brain is blank too busy watching her body in motion and fantasizing about her flesh.

I watch her body moving swiftly in the water. She heads up on the surface and turns to me. "Can you put your flash light in direction of the aeration trap please?"

I can only nod and obey. I can only guess her moves under water. She comes onto the surface two times and dives again. The third time she comes back up she has a big smile gracing her lips. She reaches the edge of the pool again, put a black plastic bag on the edge and then climbs up on the concrete.

My breath gets stuck in my throat at the vision of Sara, all soaked from head to toes, her clothes tight against her like a second skin. I can feel my body reacting at the sight before me. It's like everything was going in a slow motion, she shakes her head a bit to get some of the water out of her hair. My mouth is dry and I can feel my body trembling, burning with desire. My eyes are glue to a drop of water that falls from her hair onto her cheek, then travels its way down her neck only to lose itself underneath her white cotton tank top. The water was cold is the goosebumps on her arms are of any indication, I'd be lying if I say it's the only thing giving away the coldness of the water.

I can only think of how much I want to touch her body and make her mine. And those thoughts are so inappropriate right now.

"Be still my heart at the sight of the hot goddess in front of you," Greg's voice startles me forcing me out of my reverie. I compose myself immediately I glare at him. I want nothing more than taking his eyes out of their sockets to get rid of that lust filled gaze.

Sara chuckles. "Greg, love, I want you to know that my gun is within my reach."

"Is it my fault is you're so sexy?" he says giving her an up and down look.

"Greg why don't you go back to work?" I snap harshly.

He puts his hands in surrender. "I was just kidding, relax Cath."

"Yeah we laughed, now get back to work."

"Warrick wanted to know what you guys had, and if you're done here, we could use some help for the inside," Greg says in a serious tone.

Sara frowns at me but then reverts her attention to Greg. "I found a bag in the pool, at the touch I'd say there are pills in it," she states.

"Drugs?" Greg asks.

"Well there's no point into hiding aspirin," I reply.

"Alright, I'll go back in," he says before smiling at Sara one last time and then go.

"You didn't have to be harsh with him," she says with a smirk.

"He was staring at you like you were some meat," I say.

"It's Greg, he was just kidding," she shakes her head.

"Well sorry, to have interrupt your flirting session," I walk away in the direction of the house, not wanting to think about the fact that I'm jealous to the point I could hurt Greg, and aroused beyond belief.

xxxxx

We came back from our scene 30 minutes ago and we're all in a rush mode because there are so many evidences to process. I decide to have a quick coffee break before joining Warrick who paged me.

I nearly bumped into Sara as I come out of my office. We look at each other in surprise. Her hair is still wet from earlier and I remember vividly how sexy she looked out of that pool. She took out her tank top which was soaked, so now the three undone buttons of her shirt offers her oh so tempting flesh to my eyes.

Without thinking I pull her by the lapels of her shirt and close the door behind her. As soon as I hear the little click I push her against the door and kiss her senseless.

I feel her opposing a little resistance at first but then her hands settle on my waist as she pulls me closer to her. The kiss is burning, hot with desire, it's only second before our tongues meet, and a moan birth from both our throats.

I'm glad I keep my blinds shut most of the time, at least I don't have to worry about people seeing us right now.

One of my hands gets under her shirt and I feel her shivering at my touch.

"Cath…" she tries during the second our lips lose the connection, but I don't let her finish.

I want her.

Badly.

She reverses our position so I'm the one with my back against the wall while she's against me. Her mouth leaves mine and the trails her way to my neck with kisses.

I breathe as hard as I can not to pass out and hold her head in place with one hand, while caressing her stomach with the other. One of her legs comes between mine and I have to bite my lips at the sensation.

I'm on sensory overload.

Her hands are everywhere on me, on my hair, my neck, my breasts…I just can't keep track of it.

Against my will –not that I'm resisting that much – my hips start to move against her leg, slowly driving me insane with pleasure.

"Catherine…" I hear her voice whispering in my ear.

"Catherine…" wait her voice sounds strange.

"Catherine!"

I open my eyes with a start, and look up only to see Greg staring at me.

What the…?

I look around and find myself sitting in my office. I'm more than a little disoriented. I must have fallen asleep. Great, and I had to have a wet dream, and to top it off Greg is the one to wake me up – talk about a cold shower… Let's hope that I wasn't vocal while I was dreaming because that would be the last straw.

"We have a meeting. We've been paging you for the past 45 min," he says. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…I…was…"

"Too busy dreaming about me?" he says with a suggestive smile. "I guessed from the sexy little sounds you were making," he waggles his eyebrows.

I should have known I wouldn't be that lucky with him.

"Oh, shut up Greg," I say with frustration and with that we leave my office to go to the meeting.

xxxxx

"Cameron…" I sigh. "I've been thinking a lot…It's not working… We've been lying to each other…no…no…I've been lying…I'm the one who's been lying to you. I thought it would work, but truth is…my heart belongs to another and as hard as I've tried to fight it, I just…can't be with you…I can't keep on like this, I can't keep on pretending…It's unfair to you…I'm really sorry… I am…I am….a stupid selfish bitch…"I sigh again and let my forehead rest against the mirror.

What have I become? This isn't me, I'm not this person. I don't know who the woman I see in the mirror is.

A pair of arms sneak around my waist and I can't help but tensing a bit for I know they don't belong to Sara. "Hey, what's up with the long face?" Cameron asks me. We're looking at each other through the mirror. "Something's wrong?"

I don't know, let's see…I have wet daydreams about the woman I'm in love with and it just happens not to be you., so that makes me a bitch. Oh and did I mention that I kissed her, and I fell more in her arms than you ever made me feel?

"We found the body of five teenagers in a house today. A drug deal went wrong, one of them tried to trick the dealer, he didn't really appreciate it," I say. It's not a lie, but it's isn't the truth either, or at least not completely.

"I'm sorry honey," Cam says holding me tighter against her.

"Me too," I sigh. "I'm tired I think I'm going to go to bed."

"You never talk to me," she says, loosening her arms around me but not really letting me go. "I know your job isn't the only thing bothering you, but you don't let me in and… I feel like I didn't know you anymore," she lets me go and then exits the bathroom.

I don't know myself anymore either, so that makes two of us.

xxxxx

I can't keep on like this.

I have to end things up with Cameron. I know, I know, I should have done it a long time ago, or I should not have started this altogether.

I'm thinking about breaking up with her, setting her free. Trouble is that we've gone so far in this relationship that I don't know how to get out. I mean there are only messy ways to end it up and I wish I had been able to avoid that. Cameron is sweet, really and she's a good person. I, on the other hand, am the bad person for her. I've convinced myself that I loved her, that I could move on with her.

Truth is that I can't erase my feelings for Sara. Yes I had managed to tame them for a moment because I really wanted to have a chance to be happy. I realized a lot of things lately, first that I can't be happy with anybody or anything, if happy means not being with Sara; then I can't be with Sara but I can't be with anybody else either, I mean it's her or nothing. I was a fool to think that I could so much as feel something anywhere near happiness without Sara.

It pisses me off, really. She managed to steal everything from me: my desire, my thoughts, my heart, my soul…everything. I belong to her completely. That's why I can't be with anybody. I am human, I need affection and care, I thought it could be enough that's why I went on with Cameron, but it's not enough. Our relationship is a big fat lie, every touch is wrong and every word is made of ashes.

I'm living a lie, an illusion. Everything could have worked, I could have had numb myself into this illusion and live on with it, find some sort of satisfaction even though satisfaction is hard to find when you settle for the second best.

I could have, hadn't I had kissed Sara maybe then I could have keep up with this big joke for long. But now I don't have control over my emotions. Whenever I'm near Sara the only thing I think about is the feel of her hands on me, her lips on mine, the passion, the electricity…

Every time I'm near Sara, I have to use all my self control not to give into the temptation to kiss her again. And fate seems to have a lot of fun putting us in awkward situations lately.

I'm a liar and I'm stupid.

I don't know who I am anymore. It's not like me to be like this, to hold on something that is fundamentally wrong and delusional.

Cameron stirs a bit next to me then kisses my neck. "You should try to sleep baby."

Shit. How could I be such an ass with such a good person?

I'm already halfway through the next chap...yeah Mojo decided to come back home for a while...yay

Thanks for reading.