he's a woman, she's a man
Fable III
Princess, Walter
"All right Walter, I'm here, what's your….plan." The princess faltered just inside the door of the inn, not quite sure about what it was she was seeing. "If I'm interrupting something-"
"Ah Princess, there you are! Quick, come inside and close the door."
"Walter, what is this exactly?"
"You'd be amazed at how easy it is to drink these lads under the table! Young blokes think they're tough because they're mercenaries-"
"Walter, focus. Why is there a dead man on your table?"
"What? Don't be daft, he's not dead! He's just passed out drunk!"
"With his eyes open?"
"Some people do that." He shrugged. "Relax he's perfectly-"
"Not breathing?"
"Now you're just being difficult-"
"Like that odd position he's laid himself out on the table in? When there's a bed just over there?"
"That, young lady, is enough. You should be thanking me, not questioning whether or not I killed some poor bloke because he's not tucked up in bed."
"The sooner you admit it, the sooner we can get on with whatever it is you called me here for."
Walter sighed. "Look, just take his clothes."
"Woah, wait, what? Why are we stealing clothes from the dead? I prefer these ones, and I'm pretty sure those won't fit you-"
"I told you he's not dead!" Walter paused to regain his composure. "If you take his clothes, you can sneak into the mercenary camp undetected and-"
The princess burst out laughing. "Right, like a pair of trousers is going to trick a group of mercenaries into thinking I'm one of them."
"I don't see the problem."
"Walter, I'm a woman. Wo-man." She circled her hands over her chest area for emphasis. "I'm pretty sure they'll realize I'm not this poor id'yit."
"You may be right."
"Thank you-"
"You'll have to get his tattoos and beard as well."
"You have got to be kidding me. Walter-"
"Yes, I think that will most definitely work."
"Are you listening to me Walter? It's not going to work. I look nothing like him, even if I were to get his beard and tattoos, which I'm not because I'm neither shaving nor skinning him."
"What? No! Good lord girl I swear the longer we're out of the castle the more like your father you become-"
"You're one to talk."
"It'll work, you'll see. "
The two of them stood there, staring at one another and waiting to see who would shout 'kidding! You were right, this was just a test' first.
Sadly, it wasn't a test on either end.
"Fine. But if I get scavvies, I blame you."
"Ah, speaking of which, it's probably best if you don't question where those stains came from."
She halted in her 'corpse' looting. "Oddly enough, now that you said that I can't stop thinking about that. Thank you, Walter."
After the clothing was in her possession and Walter was left to his own devices, the Princess popped into the Sanctuary (which she still had yet to figure out the exact location to) and handed off the garments.
"Jasper, is there any way I can convince you to clean these? Or better yet burn them?"
He wrinkled his nose at the hastily piled clothing now residing in his arms. "I'm afraid not, Princess. If you want to pass yourself off as this Jimmy fellow, you'd best leave these as is."
"Jasper, please tell me you think this is as ridiculous as I do. There's no way they'll be stupid enough to confuse me with the owner of those."
"Many years ago I would have agreed with you. However I have learned in my time serving your father that the most moronic sounding plans often turn out to be rather good."
"But not all."
"Well, no. But such is life. The man was, despite it all, a genius; and Walter was always an avid learner."
"Did my Father do something like this once? Is that what this is all about? Walter wanting me to be more like Sparrow so he can recapture the good old days?"
"I do not know, nor is it my place to say." He smiled lightly and patted her on the shoulder. "Now, off you get. I believe you have some shopping to do?"
"Pffft. Never going to work, mark my words."
-later, in the mercenary camp-
"I cannot bloody believe this worked."