Yoru's P.O.V
Everything went flying out the window faster then I could realize that anything was wrong. All the work that this whole pack had done to try to protect Amu was gone. It felt like such a waste of energy.
He always had to ruin everything, now didn't he?
Flashback
I had the chance of a lifetime right before me. Amu didn't know who Ikuto was. Once this all cleared up, I could confess to her, and we could be together like I had always dreamed. My wolf growled lightly in my head.
'You know as well as I do that she isn't our mate.' he says, as if he was talking to a simpleton.
'But she could be so much more then a normal mate! I don't even know if my mate is alive anymore! Why should I worry about it anymore?' I debate stubbornly.
This made a real growl escape from him.
'She is alive and she is out there somewhere, possibly waiting for us to save her. Stop this stupid fantasy and get back to reality. Ikuto, whether you want to admit it or not, loves Amu, though he has a real shit way of showing it. I don't know if they will end up together, but I promise you that you will find her, and you will break one of their hearts. Either Amu's or your mates. Just stop.' he finishes.
'Just let me be happy for once.' I snap harshly.
'Happy? Take away her happiness by lying to her and keeping the truth from her for your own selfishness because you aren't willing to wait! You are right, maybe I won't let you be happy, but I am making sure that she is! I love her just as much as you, but in a completely different way. Don't do this to her, Yoru.'
'You don't control me.' I hiss, before pushing him back into my head.
It wouldn't be taking advantage of her, would it? I just wanted her to be loved. She wasn't even planning on ever talking to him again, so was It really so bad to do that to her.
All this drama had exhausted me. I knew that I wanted to take care of Amu and make her happy, but I didn't know how to go about doing that. Would telling Amu my feelings really help her? Is it in her best interest?
'I think you know the answer to that,' my wolf says quietly. I did. I just didn't want to answer it because it wasn't what I wanted to believe.
I walked into the pack house and saw the hopeful faces of all the pack members. Everyone loves Amu and everyone is just as worried about her safety and happiness. I knew what I had to do.
"How is she?" asked a middle aged women with dark hair, holding a small child.
I give her a small smile, and look into the eyes of each one of them.
"Amu will be back on her feet in no time, I promise you that. She is our leader, and a strong one at that. You can't stop her with something as small as a fall and a few scratches. She will get right back up." I say lightly. I thought I wouldn't be questioned, but she put her hand on my arm and looked me in the eyes.
"Is she really okay?" she asked in a motherly way, something I wasn't used to.
For a few moments, I am silent. I knew she would never want me to tell them any weakness she had, it didn't matter how small, but I didn't need her breaking down. We didn't need her mind slowly turning into something she wasn't like what happened to her mother. We needed her to be the Amu we knew and loved.
"She has a mild case of amnesia." I finally say.
"How bad is it?" another fighter asks.
"She remembers practically everything, besides a few details about the fight, but….it blocked something out. Something important that her wolf doesn't want her to remember right now." I say slowly.
"Blocked out?" asks the woman cautiously.
"Her wolf took the opportunity to block out the things that were overwhelming her every waking hour. So….she can't remember Ikuto."
"How could she forget her mate?!" a younger girl in the back exclaimed, clutching onto her beloved's arm in sheer horror at the thought of it happening to her.
"Ikuto hurt her, time and time again. She was simply trying to survive. Is it so bad that she wished to be happy for once?" I ask.
She thinks for awhile, but soon nods her head in understanding.
"I need you to do something for me. This isn't just for me, either. Remember how Amu took you all in, saving some of you from the wilderness, or violent or deadly situations, in some cases saving you from yourself. This is something I am begging you to help me with. I will give you money; I will give you my own position in this pack, if you just help me. Don't bring him up. Don't talk about him, or think about him. Don't look at her with pity or remorse or try to give her someone to talk to. She is perfectly fine, the Amu we knew before he came along. This is the Amu that built this pack. So do this one thing for me, do this for her. Can you do that?" I beg.
Nods were seen all around and I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.
"Spread the word, and I will beg of you one last time to make everything as normal as possibly. You know how she is," I say with a slight smile. I knew from the looks in their eyes that they understood. They knew the severity of the situation and they would never do anything to ruin that.
They understood more then I did at the moment, their own judgment not clouded by the unrequited love that I so deeply felt. They would do anything for her, and I would too. It would be okay as long as they just remembered that feelings.
If only I could get past the guilt that nagged at the back of my mine, telling me this was wrong.
Yet…I still didn't quite know what was.
End of flashback
I figured that I would always take the opportunity to sweep her off her feet in an extravagant manner that put even Ikuto to shame. But as I looked into her eyes, those round, sparkling orbs that glimmered brighter then any Amber I had seen, always had a hint of sadness, possibly despair. It darkened their golden glow, making my heart hurt. Because whether she remembered her ass of a mate or not, their was no doubt in my mind that her wolf hadn't. I knew that I couldn't take advantage of her like that. It wasn't in my nature, and I knew that I could lose Amu as everything if I were to hurt her like that. Her presence in my life meant too much.
Now I had possibly ruined all of that.
Well, HE had ruined all that. I didn't know about the situation with Yaya. Yaya had always been a mutual friend, but I had never really got to know her personally. I mean, I had no doubt that a friend of Ikuto's would also be a scumbag. But I had a sneaking suspicion that Ikuto didn't just need Amu to come help Yaya. He didn't seem like someone to give up, and he had left her completely alone for the past few years. He ruined the plan I had set up.
I was fixing her, slowly and steadily. I was worming my way into her heart in a way more then friendship. I didn't want to rush anything, why should I when I had all the time in the world?
Desperation has ways of ruining all you build in less then a minute. I can't believe I was so unable to stay calm and handle it the way it should have been. I should have just told her good luck and to beware of Ikuto. That would have been understandable, and far less confusing.
Kissing her and confessing my undying love for her was impulsive and wrong on so many levels. How could I do this to her? How could I go about such an important thing in such an unimportant manner?
God, I was such a moron. So much of one that I didn't even deserve to have her after my stunt.
'You know as well as I do that it's not meant to be.' my wolf says.
Well, it's too late for that.
Now there was only one thing left to do: Fight for the girl.
…
Kairi's P.O.V
Every beat of my heart hurt. It felt like knives jabbing into me over and over, no matter what I did to try to stop it. It took me some time to realize the reason for it, but when I did, I felt nauseous with the shame that filled me.
Yaya's pain travels through, burning through me while it destroys her. Her cheeks are sinking in more and more each day. Her eyes…once so filled with light and shining, now so dull and lifeless. Everything about her is fading, and it's all because of me.
'Is it so wrong to love her?" my wolf asks. The strength and pride that used to be so prominent in everything he did, is now nothing more then tired replies and pleas for me to help Yaya before her hate is too deep and she wants us dead more then anything else.
'I can't do it. You know I can't.' I say simply, stacking papers on my desk and turning back towards my laptop.
'Risking getting hurt….its better then letting her kill herself.'
My hands halt their actions, and begin shaking slightly at the very thought of her eyes shutting permanently and her heart stopping. There was no way she would die. She was a fighter with far too much to live for at this point.
'Are you sure about that? So sure that you are willing to risk her life?' he asks. I shake him off, growling at his assumption. She wasn't going to die and I didn't need her in my life. Mates did nothing more then hurt you and drag you down.
If I let myself get attached to her, then I have the job of protecting her on my shoulder.
If I can't protect her, then she gets hurt and I live with that guilt.
And if I fail to protect her and she ends up dying…then I lose my life too. This long, exhausting process could be avoided if I just never accepted her. Then I couldn't get hurt by her, and it still wasn't my responsibility to keep her alive.
This just seemed like the easier choice.
My eyes snapped towards the door as I heard a knock and I saw Nagi poke his head in.
"Go get Yaya and go downstairs." Nagi states simply, crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame. My relationship with everyone had been strained, to say the least. They didn't agree with what I was doing, but really the only ones that had any right to say anything to me was Nagi and Kukai, and I was able to brush their opinions off easily. It was when Ikuto did it that it really scared me.
'You better be aware what you are doing. Because you risk losing her permanently. And one day, when you wake up ready to settle down and have a family, which trust me, you will, you will look around and realize that she moved on. Possibly found someone new and had a few pups. And you will be alone; that is the end of the story. She will be okay and healed, and you will be broken, lonely, and waste away for the rest of your life, wishing you hadn't been young and stupid. Look at yourself, Kairi, I am begging you to take one last look at yourself before you lose the best god-damn thing that you have ever been given.' he told me one night. There was almost a wild look in his eyes, and for once, I saw just how broken he really was.
This was the first glimpse I had ever seen at just how broken Ikuto was without Amu. He had hurt her, yes, multiple times for that matter. But he still loved her. He loved her more then he loved his pack, more then his position, and more them himself.
His words made me want to turn around and beg for her forgiveness.
Finally snapping out of my, I turn towards Nagi who was still patiently waiting for my reply.
"You are over here, why don't you go get her on your way down?" angrily I snap at him, shoving my glasses up my nose almost violently.
"She isn't my mate and it's not my responsibility." he states simply. "And I won't do it, nor will Kukai, or Ikuto, or Utau, or Rima. So just do it and take her down here." he says, before abruptly turning and shutting the door.
Shit. That's just great.
I close my laptop, and luck it under my arm. Slowly, I walk towards her door, her intoxicating scent getting strong and stronger. For some time, I just stood in front of her door, taking in the scent that I had grown so fond of. It was a lovely mixture of everything sweet, plus the smell of vanilla and lavender and roses. It was everything I loved, and I had grown up with mixed into one scent. You wouldn't think it would work, but somehow, seamlessly, it flowed out of her in the most beautiful way.
All I wanted to do is wrap myself in that scent until it filled me.
Slowly, I opened the door to the dark room. What I saw made me want to step out of the room, slam the door and try to burn the depressing image from my brain.
The way she stared blankly into space at nothing scared me. Her body was wrapped in oversized clothing, and her whole figure draped in a blanket. Her eyes were so dull…so lifeless that I feared that she was nothing more then a sad, porcelain doll. She didn't even seem to notice me while my eyes raked over her body in absolute horror.
But then I felt disgust. I felt it in myself for letting her get this way, but also in her for just giving up. Didn't she say she would fight for my love?
And the last thing I felt was hatred. This was the girl that haunted every waking thought I had just for existing. I worried about her more then I worried about my self. It didn't matter what she did, I just wanted her to be safe and happy. Now, looking at her, I realized she wasn't even trying to find happiness. She let herself waste away because of me. I hated myself for that, but more then anything, I hated her. I hated her because I needed to hate her if I wasn't going to love her. I hate her smile, and her eyes, especially now that they were empty pits compared to their former bright orbs. I Hated they way her presence filled an empty room to the brim. I hated the way that men's eyes would follow her as she walked, because they wanted a taste of her sweet lips and to run their hands through her silky hair. I especially hated her for that. And I hated that she made me want to do that too.
Look at her, a pile on the floor, wallowing away in a dark room…mirror broken…air stale, and curtains drawn…was she really living like this..?
Keep your mind straight, Kairi; you are here for a purpose.
Finally, she seemed to be aware of my presence, and she turned towards me.
'God, don't look at me that way,' I thought. I felt the mask I was wearing crack, and I knew that if I stayed here for another minute, I would be at her knees, her ever wish my command.
"The Alpha wants you downstairs." I say stonily, and without waiting for her reply, I turn and walk out of the room. Why did this all have to be so hard? Why wouldn't my life just be easy for once?
'Because you won't let her come in,' my wolf says wearily.
Whatever. It was just this repeating conversation with my wolf. There was no use in actually answering.
I walk downstairs, and sit at the empty table, taking out my laptop and opening. My fingers were just about to hit the keys of the keyboard when I familiar scent hit my nose. Amu.
Amu was here. Was she back here for Ikuto? No…. I don't think she would do that. She was not in the best of terms when they last parted, and Ikuto had been changing to be the man that she really needed. But I think it would be Ikuto who would come to her, not her coming to Ikuto.
My question was answered when I heard feet pounding down the stairs, and Kukai and Utau coming into view.
"Is she here yet?" Utau asks in an excited tone. Before I even had the chance to answer we heard a resounding slap, seconds later we heard stomps coming through the house, and Amu, cherry faced and absolutely pissed, coming into the kitchen.
"Amu!" Utau squeals, throwing her arms around Amu. She hugs her back happily and Kukai gives her a side hug after his mate releases her from her death grip. Nagi, Rima, and Ikuto, handprint still on his face, come into the kitchen and stand in a group around Amu. Not many words are spoken, and when they hear the first patter of feet upstairs, the immediately silence themselves. What is this really all about? The footsteps get closer and closer to the stairs and son you hear the steady thud of someone descending them. I see Yaya's feet first, until she goes down more steps and gradually her whole body comes into view. She seemed a little dazed at first, and didn't seem to notice up, until she froze completely.
Her eyes grew as she saw them all standing there, but her eyes were focused on Amu.
"A-Amu?" she asks uncertainly.
"Hello there love," she says in a soft tone. Her eyes sparkled at the sight of her.
Yaya threw herself off the stairs and into Amu's arms, knocking her onto the ground.
"I missed you so much," she chokes out, and you hear the tears in her voice and the desperation in her grasp on Amu.
"I missed you too, chicklet." she murmurs, stroking her hair softly. A twinge of jealously snaked its way through me at Amu's ability to display so much affection towards the girl, and for a second, I wished it was me instead, before I shut that thought right out of my mind.
Amu murmured something in her ear that I couldn't hear nor understand. Yaya nods and clutches her tighter, as if her very life is depending on it. Carefully, Amu sits up and she begins to talk to the others, while rocking Yaya contentedly, like a mother would.
It was like that for awhile, just casual talking. Amu chatted animatedly about everything and anything, and Ikuto watching her with unblinking eyes. He looked at her like she was the singular most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
Water to his parched tongue, and rescue for his stranded spirit. He looked at her in a way that not even Nagi looked at Rima or Utau looked at Kukai.
He realized just how badly he needed her.
Would I be like that one day? Looking at Yaya, who is long over me, and knowing my salvation hates me?
"Its time for Girl talk, go away males!" Amu says good-naturedly. I grab my laptop, and immediately head up the stairs.
All these thoughts of Yaya and her health swirl in my head. I try to press them down, but it doesn't seem to work.
Why did she have to come into my life? I never asked for her, and I sure as hell don't want her, if you couldn't tell. So why did I have to deal with this?
What did it matter anymore, whether I lived or died or whether she lived or died? Why was she picked to be my responsibility?
'Because you know that she can make that all go away.' my wolf says.
And that is the problem of its own.
Why should I love her, and let her take the pain away, when I deserve it in the end?
After all, I am a murderer.
…
Ikuto's P.O.V
There was nothing more that I hated right now then not being next to her when she was within reach. She had kicked us boys out, and they had been down there for over three hours chatting it up in only a way that girls can.
You would think they would run out of topics, but apparently that isn't the case.
Time had slipped by as I laid on my bed, waiting to hear the familiar sound of her feet coming up the stairs, and though I wanted to take a nap to pass time, I found it quite impossible. She was so close to me, and our connection had healed with just the presence of each other enough that I needed her close to me to sleep.
And she obviously wasn't here. So it's this endless cycle of nothing you can do.
I don't know what time it was when I finally heard them all trudge upstairs, trying to stifle their giggles as they parted ways. I expected Amu to go straight to her room, but I didn't. Her feet went farther and farther away.
'Tell me she doesn't plan on sleeping in her old room or with one of the girls. I want to get at least some sleep tonight,' I mentally groaned.
'That makes it so much harder to lick her in her sleep!' my wolf says, disgruntled. A snort came out of my mouth at that.
When I was just about to get up to go see where she was sleeping, her feet started walking back towards where I was, and she soon entered her bedroom, humming a song softly while she went.
She got ready for bed as I laid there, relishing the smell that she brought as it invaded my whole body. I could breathe her in for the rest of my life and die a happy man.
There was the sound of the rustling of covers, and I heard her sigh deeply, getting ready to go to bed. Silently, I mimicked her actions, and laid there, my eyes closed, hoping that just her smell could lull me to sleep.
Hours later, I found that wasn't the case. I stared at the clock dully, practically begging that it stop until I could fall asleep, but time continued to slip by.
Yanking the pillow beside me, I pulled it over my head and let out a frustrated groan.
KNOCK KNOCK
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard that, far to absorbed in my own self pity about not being able to sleep to notice the sound of feet. Suspiciously, I look at the door to my bedroom, but I didn't smell any scent coming from it.
"Ikuto?" I heard an angelic voice saying from the door to my left.
Amu. It was her.
As fast as I could I stride to the door and yank it open. She was clad in pink and black plaid pajama short and a pink tank top. She had a blanket draped over her, and her hair was in a long, high pony-tail.
"Jackass. Of course you would put me next to you." she says, glaring at me.
Slyly, I smirk at her, nodding my head in agreement.
For a few seconds, she stares at the ground, before she looks back up at me, her cheeks ablaze.
"Can you keep the door open? I can't sleep." she finally asks. She couldn't sleep.
She couldn't sleep. She couldn't sleep because she was going through the same thing I was.
Our connection was fixing itself, and it wasn't only on my side for once. Instead of making this whole process simple, and telling her yes, I decided to choose the more difficult.
"Now, why would that be? Do you miss me?" I ask, stepping closer to her.
"N-No! Of course not you cocky bastard! Don't make such pig-headed assumptions like that. I-Its just that its…its too hot! Yeah! It's too hot in here and if we open the door it will even it out!" she says weakly, obviously not good at coming up with excuses on the spot.
"I think your lying." I say.
"NO!" she nearly yells.
"Admit the truth or I won't let it stay open." I proclaim arrogantly.
"Fine! Goodnight!" she says, and she tries to shut the door. Before she can, I stick my hand in. Me, being me, I had pressed my luck too far. It was okay. I knew that our connection was mending itself, and that was all I really needed.
"It's okay. We can keep the door open. Goodnight, Amu," I say softly. Her eyes snap to mine and I give her a small smile. She tries to hide her blushing face by turning and walking back to bed. I do the same.
Fifteen minutes probably passed before we realized that we still couldn't sleep.
I assume that because our connection was almost completely severed when I left, and since we haven't seen each other in so long, the cord that keeps up together has tightened its leniency on how far apart we can be. Our very bodies are beginning to crave the others, in the most innocent sense of the words.
We were made to be together.
Knowing I was tired, and that there was no way that she would come to me first, I silent walk into her room, with my own comforter, and myself comfortable on the other side of her bed. She pretended to be asleep, but she and I both knew she wasn't fooling anyone.
Quickly, I got comfortable, making sure I wasn't touching her at all as to not ruin this moment that we had together and I closed my eyes.
Wishing this moment would never end as I fell asleep.
…
I know, I know, I am incredibly late. Hopefully this clears up the whole amnesia thing though. Feel free to tell me what you think and I will read any stories that you suggest! I always love to read your stories!
RESPONSE TO REVIEWS
XxxCatsOfTheShadowsxxx- Indeed, Kairi is not the best person ever, and hopefully this chapter you understand his complex, and confused mind just a little bit better.
AmuxIkutolover- It's understandable that you have a love-Hate relationship with the chapter. You should have that with a lot of my chapters! I'm sorry you are moody lately, I know that can really stink :/ Hopefully, you understand Kairi a little bit more after this chapter. He is a jerk-face poop, but he has some depth to him.
Did this chapter help at least a little? I know I want to answer every question, but I need surprises so it doesn't get boring! And of course Amu hit Ikuto…it was a…love tap. Yeah, a love tap. That sounds so much better then slapping. Ah, piano! That sounds fun! And congrats on getting out of school for 6 weeks and I'm glad you are doing something that works for you academically. Hopefully home schooling works out much better!
Kind of funny that you would say you don't like Kairi and Yoru when it's mostly in their points of view….
I have heard from a lot of reviews that for once, they like Tadase in the story. It's nice to know I have made Tadase into a character that isn't just used for hatred and as the villain in a story! I like to try to make sure that my story isn't cliché.
Darling, this story is written by me, obviously there will be an Amuto set back. I love torturing you readers, just kidding, but it makes for a better story. Kairi will be Kairi until I make him into a real man, but hopefully that will happen.
I'm not quite sure if I want that happy ending yet.
Hope you sleep well and enjoy your elongated break! Enjoy the chapter!
Princess Mia- Ikuto will have to learn his way back into Amu's heart. I'm glad you like this story! Hopefully this chapter helps you understand Kairi better! Yaya truly needs and deserves the most love in the world! Thanks for reading.
16craftytigers-Thank you! I do love to write poetry! Hope you enjoyed this glimpse of Amuto.
Rock'n'RollTwins- I'm much more of a night owl then a day person! Ikuto will continue to be mature, but he will still be sarcastic and challenge Amu to make her mad. We won't lose that! Tadase, for once, not being the bad guy is working out for me. It helps me develop the characters much more. With Yaya… you should be worried about other things. She is much more complex then simply getting over him. There is more to it. Happy ending…maybe? Then again maybe not. And I do not, sadly, watch the vampire diaries. Wow. I should start watching more television.
ImDifferentSoWhat- Kid, don't you worry. Kairi will get what he deserves soon enough. Three cheers for sweet revenge!
Tadase still cares somewhat for his health, because he is unable to kill himself completely. Nade, if she were alive, wouldn't allow it, and he is in this sick middle zone, knowing she is dead, but still heeding all her words. It's hard to explain and very deep, but his character isn't as simple as perceived.
Yaya, in my opinion, is one of the real jems of the book. She is strong, but she underestimates herself all the time. She has to suffer slowly, while, like you said, Nade and Amu had it done and over with quickly. And you are right, Yaya went through most of this almost completely alone.
I can't wait to let Kairi get what he deserves either. Actions have consequences, that's for sure.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
PockyOtaku- Mama Bear Amu is coming soon.
AngelRoseStar15- I'm glad you are checking out her stories! Hope you enjoy them as much as I do! Thank you soo much! I wouldn't be as motivated if it weren't for all of you guys! WAH! YOU MUST BE TIRED! Thanks for taking time out of your sleeping schedule to read this! Enjoy!
XoxoAmuto4everxoxl- Rebel- Hey Amu, can we use flame throwers too? I just so happen to have this one conveniently right here.
Luna-MFJSAJFJSAFJLSKAJFSAFUSAJF
Rebel- -takes tape off- you have five seconds to speak.
Luna- HEAT RUINS MY HAIR. USE COLD NOT IC-
Rebel- Time up! I think we know we should use both now, well, because we can!
Enjoy this chapter friend!
Crimson Tears- I'm glad you like the poems! They are my babies and I love them dearly! Ikuto's wolf really is a hoot. He is an interesting critter for sure. Enjoy this chapter and hopefully I will be able to update soon!
HikaKaoLover10- Lots of questions and few answer that I can give. Ikuto has some making up to do, that is for sure, but Amu is mostly there for Yaya. Not saying Ikuto won't take advantage of that. Hopefully it will all just work out in the end.
CrimsonWolfanda- Hehehe, hope you enjoy using my poems!
Nekogirl017- Don't worry, I will start to be evil again….MWHAAAHHAHAH! ENJOY THE CHAPTER THOUGH!
Dorthia- Welcome back friend! Hope your schedule is softer now!
Nade's death was tragic, but important. Very important. It really started the whole Yaya and Kairi relationship/fall out. Which is good. If she wouldn't have died it would have been a lot more boring. But still, it sucked.
Hopefully now that I have done it from Yoru's point of view you understand him just a little bit better. And maybe he wont seem like quite as big of a threat, though he really it!
Kairi…yep, he is pissing everyone off.
Of course! I will PM you after I post this!