I'm back.

As always, thank you so much for all the story/author alerts I have received and continue to receive for this story. And a big thanks to 12naley23, HBJHOTH23 (chapter 35), Katie, Lindie, kaefoster, Othfan48 (chapters 35-36) courtneylovejason, venica23, 2naley, SPNALEY, GRemy, rocklesson86, Anne Sullivan, NurseB2012, woz1971, MatTeneyMoNdlerLoVer, amkjo001, and the guests for your lovely reviews. You guys are my inspiration. :)

AN: All I'm gonna say for this chapter is WARNING and I'M SORRY! :(

Please forgive any spelling/grammar mistakes.

Disclaimer: I own nothing affiliated with One Tree Hill.

April 23, 2008

Nathan unlocked and opened the door, stepping aside to let Haley enter. When they were both inside, he closed the door and turned around. He watched as Haley sat down on the couch, wincing slightly. She sat there, as still as a statue, staring blankly ahead; she looked exhausted and he knew she felt it, too.

The apartment was quiet - eerily quiet. There was literally no sound coming from the inside or the outside which was highly unusual. This apartment was in an on-campus apartment complex; there were always parties or outside chaos, other tenants opening and closing doors or walking up and down steps, loud music or a loud television set on. But right now, there was nothing. And Tony was gone, most likely at class or with Tamara so nothing was on nor was there any talking in their apartment. This quiet was different and unsettling. In actuality, the quiet seemed rather fitting for today. Fitting but still unsettling.

Slowly and cautiously, Nathan walked over to the couch and lowered himself down to the cushion. He looked at his wife - she was still staring blankly. "Do you...do you want anything? I could make you something to eat or get you something to drink - how about that tea you like?"

Haley shook her head.

"Do you want to go take a nap?"

Again, Haley shook her head.

"Do you..."

"I think I'm gonna go take a shower."

He barely heard her low, whispered words. "Do you need any help?" He asked and as predicted, she shook her head.

Nathan could only watch, not knowing what else to say or do, as Haley stood up and walked away. Her movements were almost robotic - it was like she wasn't even there but was rather being operated by a machine or another person. She disappeared from his sight and he listened until the bathroom door clicked shut. Sighing, Nathan slumped back against the couch. He puffed out a loud sigh as he rubbed at his tired eyes.

He was exhausted - physically and emotionally. When Nathan heard the water running, he stood up. He stretched, causing his body to crack in certain places. He didn't know if he'd even be able to go to sleep anytime soon but it was worth a try. He'd most likely just lay in bed - at least until Haley was finished with her shower. They both needed to try to get some sleep. Actually, he was supposed to be in class right now but that obviously wasn't going to be happening - school was the last thing on his mind. Nathan strolled into the bedroom - all he wanted to do was crawl on top of his bed, disappear underneath his warm blankets, and fall into a deep slumber. Maybe he'd even escape into the dream world which would hopefully help him erase and forget about the awful reality he was currently experiencing.

Nathan pulled back the comforter as well as the top sheet that were tangled together in a messy pile on the bed. As soon as he did that, Nathan felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He stared at the white fitted sheet which was still attached to the bed. He wanted to look away but his eyes couldn't seem to move from that particular spot.

In an instant, the past twelve hours came flooding back to him.

Twelve hours earlier...

Nathan was sleeping, lost in a deep slumber. He dreamt of his first night playing in the NBA. It was as if he was really there - everything was so vivid, like they usually are in dreams. He could hear the crowds and the sounds of the basketball and the squeaks of sneakers, the shrill whistle and the loud buzzer. Scents wafted past his nostrils, so many wonderfully enticing scents - the leather of the basketball, the hot dogs and the popcorn. Even the scent of sweat mixed with aftershave was a welcome scent. He scanned the arena but didn't waste too many seconds as he quickly found them. His wife and his...daughter, who was the spitting image of Haley. They were sitting in the first row of seats, his family surrounding them.

A smile spread across Nathan's sleeping face as his perfect dream continued to play out in his subconscious. He could have sworn he heard his name being called out but dismissed it - half of the fans were calling out his name. But then he heard it again, more distinctly which was then followed by a light shake of his arm.

"Huh?" He mumbled, not even realizing he had.

"Nathan, something's wrong."

At those words, Nathan immediately turned in the bed. He opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the dark for a second, before looking at Haley. "What is it?"

Haley shook her head, tears strolling down her cheeks. "I don't know." She glanced down at the white sheet she was laying on top of. "I'm bleeding."

Nathan felt his heart drop at those words. He saw the fear and panic on his wife's face. At that, he sprung into action. He couldn't remember ever moving so quickly in his life after her words. Nathan jumped out of the bed and threw on his tennis shoes which were luckily laying at the foot of the bed. He found Haley's black flip-flops and helped her out of the bed as well. As she slowly slipped her feet into the shoes, he grabbed his wallet and his keys before clasping her hand in his hand and led them out of the bedroom.

He called the hospital as they made their way to his car; fortunately, the nurse he talked to informed them that Dr. Robbins is on call and has been notified that they are on their way. The drive to the hospital didn't take long as Nathan practically broke almost every traffic law along the way. If it weren't for the current situation, he would have taken a few seconds to thank God for the lack of cops in the area. Instead, the only thing on his mind was getting them inside that hospital as fast as he possibly could.

Five minutes later, Nathan and Haley were waiting in an examination room when Dr. Robbins entered. "Hi, Haley." She greeted with a small, comforting smile before shifting her glance to Nathan. "Hi, Nathan."

Nathan returned the greeting while all Haley could muster up was a slow nod.

"Are you still experiencing any stomach pains?" Dr. Robbins asked, slipping on a pair of latex gloves.

"Not since we got here." Haley answered quietly, shaking her head.

Dr. Robbins nodded. "Well, let's get an ultrasound done. Okay?"

Nathan saw the tears building once again in Haley's eyes as she merely nodded before closing her eyes. He wrapped his left arm around her shoulder and cupped her cheek with his right hand. Nathan leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"It's okay." He whispered, not knowing who he was trying to convince more - her or him.

Dr. Robbins lifted Haley's shirt and dropped some of that cold gel onto her stomach, over the small bump that had began to form before running the transducer along the area.

Nathan felt Haley's hand grip his tightly as they waited - waited to hear that beautiful sound. More worry spread through him - this was taking a lot longer than it did the first time. He watched as the doctor stared at the screen, moving the transducer farther down along Haley's stomach. He could feel her body shaking slightly. Nathan brought their joined hands up to his lips and he kissed the back of his wife's hand. He shifted his focus on Haley, her eyes were closed and a couple of tears strolled down her cheeks.

Dr. Robbins pulled the transducer away after a few more seconds and turned the monitor off before looking at them. "I'm so sorry. There's no heartbeat." She apologized, sincerely. The sympathy was very present on her face.

A loud sob that Haley had been desperately holding in escaped from her mouth as she buried her face in her hands. Nathan quickly wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her to him. She cried hard against his chest as her fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly; her tears were soaking through his t-shirt and onto his skin. He felt his own tears building and then a few began to slowly stroll down his cheek.

OTHOTHOTH

Nathan couldn't believe this was happening - their baby was stillborn. Naively, he didn't know what that meant. Dr. Robbins actually had to explain it to him, noting its difference from a miscarriage. Miscarriage is a term Nathan is familiar with - that's what he thought this was when there wasn't a heartbeat. But this...a stillborn is different. Either circumstance is devastatingly horrible but the processes are a little different.

You deliver a baby and you take it home with you - that's the way it's supposed to be.

Now, Nathan had to watch Haley deliver this baby - a baby they weren't going to be taking home with them. A baby who had no life left in it anymore. An hour ago, when Dr. Robbins stepped outside the room, Nathan followed her and asked if this was really the only option. There had to be other options, right? This...delivering a stillborn baby - no, that's simply way too traumatic. He didn't want Haley to have to go through that at all. Unfortunately, Dr. Robbins regretfully informed him there were no other options.

They were given one option. He mentally reminded himself while letting out an inaudible, bitter laugh. With stillborn babies, Dr. Robbins said usually the water breaks within two weeks following the date of death so they could go home and wait for things to happen naturally or they could induce labor now. They opted to induce; there was no way they could just go home and wait for something like this. Dr. Robbins induced labor almost eighty minutes ago - now it was basically just a waiting game. There was nothing worse than sitting in this room, waiting to deliver a baby - a baby who wasn't even breathing anymore.

One of the most frustrating parts of this was that the ultrasound nor any other physical exam gave them an answer as to why this happened. Haley was healthy, taking care of herself and this baby in every positive way she could. Even the baby was healthy - slightly underweight but still healthy. And the weight, according to their doctor, didn't seem to be the issue either. Dr. Robbins informed them there were tests they could run on the baby after delivery or they could order an autopsy but it's quite possible that they may never know the reason. An answer may be able to give them "closure" of some kind. The not knowing...well, it was difficult. Not knowing made it hard to accept considering if the mom was healthy and the baby was healthy - why would this happen? If there was no medical evidence to explain why their baby died - why did it?

Nathan looked at his wife who had basically checked out, staring off at nothing. Haley hasn't muttered a single word since they received the news. She looked so completely broken and all he wanted to do was take her pain away. He would give anything to not make her have to go through with this. But he couldn't - there was nothing he could do, and he has never felt so helpless in his whole life.

This wasn't right - it's not supposed to be like this. They shouldn't be here. This baby - their baby, it was supposed to live. They were supposed to bring a healthy baby into the world - take care of it and watch it grow. Love it unconditionally. Give it a brother or a sister down the road - maybe two or three. They were supposed to create a family and have a happily ever after - you know, like on those ridiculously cheesy and cliché television sitcoms. They were supposed to have that. Why them - why did this have to happen to them? All the baby books in the world couldn't have prepared Nathan for this. He never thought something like this could have or would have happened to them.

Sometimes the world was really cruel and unfair.

Nobody deserved this - not even his worst enemy.

"How are your contractions?" Nathan asked, focusing his full attention on Haley. "Is the pain too much? I can get a nurse for some more meds."

She lowered her head and shook it slowly.

Nathan felt his heart break just watching her. He inched his way over to the bed and carefully lowered himself on it. Just as he was attempting to stretch into the most comfortable position he could manage, Haley flung herself into him. He immediately wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face against his chest. He maneuvered himself so he was laying on his back and she was laying half on him. Nathan ran his hands soothingly up and down her spine as her tears seized her once more.

OTHOTHOTH

"I can't do this, Nathan." Haley cried, looking up at him as tears covered her face.

He knew this was about so much more than just the physical pain - this was about the emotional pain. He didn't know how much more his heart could take as he saw the look on his wife's face. He kissed her hairline where a bead of sweat had formed before resting his forehead against hers. He choked back his own tears, needing to be strong for her.

"Yes, you can. We're almost done, sweetie - just one more push, okay. You can do this." Nathan encouraged.

Haley nodded, closed her eyes, and pushed. Expelling a deep breath, she slumped back against the bed crying. Nathan was quick to wrap his arms around her once again as she let go and just cried. Dr. Robbins took the baby away for a few seconds as she and a nurse did whatever they were doing. She came back with the baby who was wrapped in a blanket.

"It's a girl." Dr. Robbins informed them quietly. "Would you like to hold her?"

Haley stretched out her hands and nodded, taking the baby carefully into her arms. Her tears were streaming down her cheeks as she cradled the baby close. "She's so beautiful."

"Yeah, she is." Nathan agreed, staring at the baby.

She was perfect, weighing in at ten ounces with a length of eight inches. She looked almost like a full-term baby would look - just smaller with features that were clearly still developing. She had rosy skin, high cheekbones, a small mouth, and the sweetest little button nose. Her legs were thin and short - she obviously inherited that from her mother. She was absolutely perfect.

"She looks like you." He told his wife.

Haley glanced up at him with red-stained, tear-filled eyes and smiled softly. "Really?"

Nathan nodded. "Definitely."

He watched as she snapped her eyes shut and brought the baby up higher, holding it to her neck. Nathan leaned forward and kissed the baby's forehead and then felt Haley rest her forehead against the side of his face.

"Emma." Haley whispered, her hot breath hitting his skin. "Emma Grace Scott."

"Emma." Nathan repeated, his eyes filling up with tears.

Hastily, Nathan grabbed the pile of blankets and threw them off to the side of the bed. Then, he pulled at the fitted sheet and roughly tore it from the bed. He rolled it together into a messy ball, picked it up, and carried it away. Arriving in the kitchen, Nathan threw the blood-stained sheet into the trash can. He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep sigh before retreating back to the bedroom, stopping for a few seconds to grab one of the spare sheets from the linen closet. Haley bought him and Tony a few extra linens when they moved in, claiming there was no such thing as too many linens. He let out a small, quiet laugh at that memory before returning to the bedroom and redressing the bed with both sheets as well as the comforter.

He tried desperately to rid those haunting moments from his mind. He didn't want to think about them - not now, not ever. He couldn't forget about them, though - he probably never would. And right now, they were still so very fresh; his mind couldn't help but replay those moments.

Nathan sat down on the left side of the bed with a heavy sigh. He rested his elbows on the tops of his thighs before burying his face in the palms of his hands. Tears stung his eyes. He tried to but he couldn't hold them in any longer. Soon, they were flowing down his cheeks. Nathan felt the hot breath from his heavy breathing against his skin, feeling the warm and then the cool with every exhale and inhale. God, he really just wanted this hurt to go away. He hated this - hated it so much. Nathan has never experienced a pain like this before in his life. He could only imagine the pain his wife was experiencing.

Speaking of Haley...

Nathan noticed the water was still running; it had to of been well over thirty minutes since that shower turned on. Worried, he made his way towards the bathroom. He knocked lightly on the door and called her name softly, not receiving a response. The door was unlocked so he twisted the knob and stepped into the bathroom. Sliding the shower curtain open, Nathan found Haley sitting in the tub - her knees drawn up to her chest as her arms hugged her legs close. The water was pelting down over her body. Her body was shaking. He felt the water - it was ice-cold. He quickly turned the shower handle to the middle, effectively shutting the water off. Nathan grabbed the towel that was sitting on the sink and immediately draped it over her shivering form before gently picking her up out of the tub. He carried her into his bedroom and climbed into the bed, pulling the comforter over them.

"God, you're freezing." He stated, rubbing his hands over her body.

"I don't feel anything." She muttered against his chest.

Nathan snapped his eyes shut and held her as close to his body as he could. "I'm so sorry, Haley." He whispered, painfully.

He didn't know what to do for her. He didn't know what to say. This was all so...he just didn't know what to do - about anything.

Don't hate me. :( I know that was definitely not what you guys were expecting the chapter to be about - I'm sorry.

This chapter was really hard for me to write, especially as a mom. This has been a part of my plan all along but it's one chapter that I didn't write anything ahead of time because I didn't want to think about it; I wrote everything this weekend. I could have made the chapter longer as well but I didn't want to dwell too much on that (does that make me a bad writer?). Despite the topic, I do hope I was still able to do it justice - in whatever way that may be.

Please let me know what you think. I probably won't be back with an update until next week - I'm hoping on Monday.

AN: You guys may have received 2 notifications of updates - that's because I had to fix a small mistake in the previous chapter. It was during Lucas and Haley's phone call; Lucas said they'll be seeing one another two weeks from the day but it was supposed to be twenty-six days. So that's all that was.

Anne Sullivan - Don't worry...without giving anything away, I do have plans for Haley's family. That whole storyline isn't going to be ignored. ;)

12naley23 - Actually, no. I've never heard that song (from what I can recall) before - is it worth a listen? Honestly, I scrolled down through my list of songs in my iTunes account and came across Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson and liked the title so that's how this story came about. But I didn't base this story off of those lyrics either - just liked the title. :)