Xxx

"Any sign yet?"

Knock Out shook his head. Optimus sighed and leaned against the medical berth.

"It's been two weeks now," Optimus murmured. "He could be badly hurt. We need to find Starscream!"

"That may not be all," Knock Out said.

Optimus looked up, waiting for him to continue.

"Starscream, like many Decepticons, is a telepath. Now, that alone causes what Starscream has gone through ten times worse than normal."

"How come?" Optimus asked.

"In Telepaths, the ability to control and inhibit their emotion is weaker than a regular bot's, not to mention their emotions tend to be more intense, which is why most telepaths tend to act like they don't exist," Knock out explained. "Now, in Starscream's case, he specializes in emaphic abilities, which means he also felt what Arcee was going through at the same time. Add the fact that he has something wrong with his processor that causes him to have hallucinations that he hasn't had his treatment for since before all of this."

"So he could be a real mess right now," Optimus murmured. His optics brightened as though he had a sudden revelation and than stood up and left the med bay.

Xxx

Optimus walked out of the ground bridge, his optics finding what he was searching for seconds after. Starscream was curled up at the end of the cliff, the wind would be enough to knock a human off their feet, but was nothing to them. Optimus approached slowly, but made sure that the seeker could hear his approach. He sat down next to him, not missing how he flinched.

"So this is where you've been hiding," Optimus tried to keep his voice light.

Starscream didn't respond.

"We've been looking for you," Optimus said. "We've been worried."

"Optimus..."

Optimus waited patiently for Starscream to continue, the seeker trying to find the right words.

"Does it always... I mean... how could you have possibly handled that... for so long?"

Optimus looked away, trying to think of an answer that would help.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I think it's because I had a reason to live. When I was younger, I was afraid of what would happen to my brother if I died. But during those weeks, when I thought I had lost everything... I couldn't handle it. If Shockwave hadn't found me... I doubt I would have made it very long."

"A reason..." Starscream became distant again. "I don't know if I..."

"Why did you join the Decepticons?" Optimus asked.

"Originally because I wanted to change how things worked on Cybertron. I honestly didn't care about you or Unicron. But then..." Starscream hesitated. "Than I fell in love with Megatron."

Optimus made sure to hide his surprise as Starscream looked at his knees, ashamed.

"I never said or did anything, knowing that everyone would turn on me, but I was so mad when you came on board. I felt horrible, I mean,i know what they saved you from, but... I... I knew with you around, I would ever have a chance with Megatron..." Starscream finally looked at Optimus. "But when I saw how gentle he was with you... how happy he was when you two were together again... I knew he would never feel that way about me... eventually I couldn't even bring myself to be jealous."

"What about now?" Optimus asked. "Surely you had dreams before the war?"

"If I did, I don't even remember anymore," Starscream sighed.

Optimus looked away, thinking.

"I heard her screaming," Starscream said. "She tried to fight it, she fought as hard as she could, but she couldn't."

Optimus nodded.

"She was hurting almost as much as I was..."

"So... what are you going to do?"

Starscream off-lined his optics.

"What... what would Arcee do... If I were to..."

"What do you think?"

"I... if I were to go down... I don't want to drag anyone else with me."

Optimus nodded.

"You'll find a way through this, I'm sure," Optimus said. "It won't be easy, but you will."

"You did," Starscream said softly.