Heya, i've nearly finished my second year at uni therefore i will have more time to write

enjoy! :D

It was incredibly hard to be hands off in school, considering all I could think of was jumping my boyfriend's bones. But I managed it; okay not completely I dragged him into an empty classroom at lunch for a quick heated make out session. In hindsight it probably wasn't the best idea because I was extremely turned on for the rest of the day. I was extremely happy that our friends were fine with Dean and I, actually they really weren't that surprised.

I spoke to Jo and I was relived at how cool she was about the whole thing, she really is awesome. I nervously asked her to come for dinner tomorrow thankfully she agreed and gave me a hug, god if I wasn't gay and in love with her best friend I guess she would make a really good girlfriend, she was pretty and funny but like I said, gay. That evening Jo came around, she sat quietly answered dads questions calmly and was touchy when she needed to, I was impressed. Half was through dinner she placed her hand over mine that was resting on the table, we shared a friendly smile and I didn't miss my dad's huge grin at Jo's actions. At that moment I seriously loved that girl. Jo had offered to wash the dishes but when dad said no we went to the sofa and watched some TV I put my arm around her and she placed her head on my shoulder, we stayed that way until Jo had to go home, I must say I was a little surprised and relieved we managed to pull it off, dad didn't suspect a thing. From that moment dad gave me more freedom, he trusted me more and the more he let me go out in the evening to 'Jo's' the more I came home with tousled hair, full kissed and bitten lips, and marks that only teenagers in a lust filled frenzy could make on the other.

Dean and I have been together for a month now, and I have come to certain conclusions. Hugging Jo felt nothing like when Dean and I embraced, with Dean it felt like fire and ice, okay that's an exaggeration but Dean's touch gave me a sickly tingerly feeling, I could feel in the pit of my stomach and even in the tips of my toes. With Jo I just felt well nothing really, it felt good to be close to someone, someone I liked and trusted, a friend. So I felt relaxed but I didn't feel that mind numbing, sickening, confused, painful nouring feeling that only love can give you.

It was the moment when I first had my arm around Jo on my fathers couch did I know, I knew for sure that Dean was the one, that only the other half halve of you, only the person that your supposed to be with the rest of your life could make you feel the way he did. I know what you're thinking, it's lust and you're right I was in lust every time I saw him I wanted to kiss him, to rip his clothes off, but I knew the difference between love and lust and I felt both.

Yes I still found it hard to keep my difference at school and yes we have dragged each other into empty classrooms and closets for some much needed contact and yes whenever I went around to Dean's, which admittedly was most days we went straight to Dean's room to his bed, granted we have only had sex that one time but Dean isn't comfortable doing it when his parents and little sister are in the house, it probably has some thing to do with the fact the walls are paper thin and he has no lock on the door. Anyway where was I, oh yes as soon as I went around we went to his bed, were we made out and did basically everything you can do without actually having sex, but after that when the immediate need for contact has gone, when we are spent, out of breath, after the mess has been cleaned and we settle down and watch a film, and share some food we lay in each others arms and I melt into it, the feeling of arms around me, knowing I was loved and protected, he would hold me as we would talk for hours about anything and everything. Yes there was lust which only seem to be getting stronger but there was also love, and I loved him more than I ever thought I could love. When I thought of a life without him I physically hurt, I knew that I couldn't be happy without him.

With that in mind, I decided what to do for my art project 'identity', I mentioned I was more into photography well that's my medium. A series of black and white photos of me and Jo doing 'couple' things, when all the time Dean is in the back ground and I'm watching him; things like, dancing or hugging, kissing and eating together. I knew the meaning was pretty obvious but I was getting so frustrated with living a fucking lye, I had to vent and this was the only way I saw I can.

My art teacher needless to say was a little surprised but she loved the idea, said it was original and very personal, which it was. I started to shoot the pictures and doing it with Dean and Jo was just asking for trouble. We kept getting distracted and ended up spending double the time planned doing half the work, oh but it was fun but we spent most the time laughing and it was great, Dean and I could be just be normal, hold hand and kiss in front of someone, it felt good. Thankfully since Dean and I got together Jo has seemed to have gotten the message and has started to talk about some guy her mum knows and how 'hot' he is, I'm just glad she's moving on. She seems happier now which was great we were all happier, especially my dad that was still none the wiser.

It was getting near Christmas and had just broken up from school. Dean and I were so excited, our first Christmas together. We decided not to buy each other presents but to make them. I'm pretty sure it had some thing to do with Dean running out of money and not wanting to get me something cheap. But I don't mind I found the idea cute but I had no idea what to do. The day before Christmas eve we decided to designate as our Christmas, I went around in the morning planning on hanging out all day, hopefully in bed.

I got my wish we went upstairs as soon as I had arrived, Dean had practically dragged me. As soon as the door was shut I was shoved up against it and before I could come back with one of my awesome one liners Dean had covered my mouth with his. We made out for, god knows how long all I know is I had to retrieve my tongue and pull away for air before I passed out.

"Hmm I always miss this." I told him interlacing my fingers around him neck, feeling warm and complete, the way I always did when I was with Dean.

"Yeah? I missed this." He whispered in the low tone he speaks in when he's trying to seduce me knowing full well I found that voice incredibly sexy and near enough irresistible. Our eyes still locked as he sunk to his knees.

"Fuck." I whispered as he started to palm my crotch and already half hard dick. He smirked as he unbuttoned my jeans, unzipped me and pulled my jeans and boxers down my thighs. My cock sprung out of the fabric cage and hit the cooling air.

I bit my lip, closed my eyes and lent my head against the door, as I waited for the sensations that Dean was promising.

He gently held the base of my dick and did nothing; he was teasing me, the bastard. I trying moving my hips forward a little but Dean held them in place with his other hand.

"Dean, please" I begged in a shaky breath, eyes shut tight, cock extremely hard now. Then without warning Dean launched his warm wet mouth onto my cock and sucked hard. The sudden sensations were so strong I couldn't stop the instant moan escape my lips and my knees actually buckled a little.

As Dean sucked my dick I carded my fingers through his hair for a second before gripping his hair and pushing his head down further and faster.

My mind buzzed and went numb as Dean's now expert tongue swirl about my shaft and worked my cock to the point that I was either coming or was going to pass out from the intense feeling coursing throughout my body.

"Fuck, I'm, uh, coming." I stuttered out trying to warn him, Dean didn't like to swallow come, he didn't like the taste but to my surprise he didn't stop bobbing his head. I tried to warn him again but I was so close I couldn't, I came in Dean's mouth, and he continued to suck, which meant I came harder and longer than usual, as I did I screamed, I couldn't help it, I tried not to.

Dean pulled away chocking and spat half of it out into an empty glass as I watched still leaning against the door, breathing heavy and hardly able to move.

"Wow." I panted out still catching my breath. Dean walked over to me with a lopsided smile and gently pulled my jeans and boxers up but didn't do my jeans up, he took my hand and took me to the very inviting bed.

"Told you I missed you." Dean spoke through a little laugh when he saw my slightly confused face.

"I love you." I told him as a wrapped my arms around him, and Dean rested his head on my chest.

"Love you too baby" we laid in silence for a few moments. I ran my hand up and down his arm and he lazily kissed my t-shirt clad chest. My mind was swirling, too many thoughts and worries started circling, I couldn't not voice them, though I knew it probably wasn't the best idea in the world.

"How long do you think we can keep this up?" I asked.

"You want to test it?" Dean asked looking at me, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Dean you know what I mean." I said sounding very serious and stroking a hand down his face.

"It can go on as long as we want it too. I never want it to end." Dean spoke softly, a strike of fear in his voice, I didn't like that.

"Well I don't either," I couldn't speak any more as Dean straddled my hips.

"There we go then, stop talking and take your clothes off." He ordered before crushing our lips together, I knew it was a way of not talking about it but I was alright with that, I didn't want to talk about it either.

"Yes sir." I mumbled through the kisses.

Before I knew it, we were in our boxers rolling around on Dean's bed, it being a single bed we almost fell off a few times.

After we made out, groped and dry humped each other for at least an hour, I had Dean on his back, with well lubed fingers in his ass, stroking inside the tight ring of muscles and grazing the small bud of nerves that made his squirm, shake and moan into his hand each time. I started to suck Dean's cock and I continued to finger him, he was soon coming as he moaned into his pillow so his parents didn't hear. Though to be honest I am pretty sure they did already, at least I was sure Sam had heard, he started to play his music- rather loudly since I first screamed when Dean was on his knees.

When Dean came down from his orgasm high I laid on my front next to him, watching him pant and knowing I did that to him, I felt accomplished.

He looked over and we smiled at each other he kissed my forehead and looked me up and down.

He fixed his eyes on my feet and sat up. I watched him completely confused, as he grabbed my ankles.

"What are you doing?" I asked but realised when I turned and saw his thumbs grazing over the small tattoo I had on each heel.

"How did I miss these?"

"Well there only small." On my right heel was a peace sign and one the other a smiley face. "I was high" I told him of a way of explanation; Dean laughed and laid back down next to me.

"And here's me thinking I've kissed every part of you." Me smirk and lent forward softly capturing my lips between his full kiss swollen ones.

Dean got off the bed and pressed play on his CD player and climbed back on the bed and enveloped me in his arms. No sooner did he settle down did I jump up out of his embrace.

"Oh you have to have your present." I told him as grab the bag I dropped by his bedroom door. I fished out a heart shaped boxed and handed it to Dean as I sat cross legged on the mattress. "For me? You shouldn't have." He gasped in fake shock, and covered his heart. "I didn't get you anything." He told me and I hoped he was joking, I was stunned for a few beats, until I saw the glint in his eye and the slight up turn of the left side of his lips did I realise.

"Stop fucking with me." I told him hitting him softly in the shoulder.

"Now there's an idea." He shot back and grabbed a kiss.

"Dean." Okay so I whined, but I wanted my present and hey I'm gay I am entitled to through a hissy now and again, luckily Dean caved before I did.

"Okay, okay, here." He told me and handed me a small rectangular shaped box.

"Yay!" I shouted as I grabbed, I love presents, and because this one was from Dean I loved it all the more, and that's before I had opened it yet.

"Cas?"

"Yeah?" I asked just before I was about to open the box.

"Explain?" Dean looked confused, the box was filled with loads- a hundred and one to be precise, little rolled up tea bagged pieces of card to look little scrolls.

"Each one is I love you in a different language." The look of adoration on Dean's face as the confusion melted away made my face heat up and I had to look away.

"It's perfect." He whispered, lifted my chin up so our eyes meet and we moved in slowly like in those fucking film moment kind of kiss and god it felt like a god damn movie kiss, Dean's lips still managed to make my stomach lurch.

I smiled it was my time to open a present, I could feel Dean's eyes on me as I did so.

"Oh Dean!" I basically screamed, I love it, it was perfect, simple, beautiful, best present ever.

"Sorry it's not much." He shrugged and I instant shock my head. I held up the scramble tile holder with the letter I LOVE YOU glued onto it and placed it careful on the side.

"I love it." I kissed him "And I love you." I kissed him again, harder and he twirled me around so I was on my back and he began peppering my chest with kisses.

Well spent the next five hours in bed, we ate and watched films, perfection, pure perfection. The last one we watched 101 Dalmatians because I found it in Dean's room and of course it was Annie's and Dean had no idea how it got in his room, yeah right. Just as the film ended and the credit rolled my beautiful lover looked down at me- I had spent the majority of the film with my head on his chest listening to his heart as he held me and played with my hair.

"I have something else for you." Dean whispered before standing and pulled out an A4 sheet of paper from his sketch pad and gave it to me. Tears instantly welled in my eyes. It was us, he had drawn us three times, the first picture was of me standing with Dean behind my hugging my waist wit his face in my neck, the other of us spooning as we slept, Dean was the bigger spoon and the last and biggest was us kissing, all three were pencil sketched, and looked beautiful and in the corner Dean had written

'Merry Christmas,
The first of many,
Forever yours
Dean
xxx'

When I looked up at Dean I swear no word of a lie I was in full on tears, I was so happy, so unbelievably happy. He gently wrapped his arms around me and held me tight as I kept repeating that I loved him and he whispered sweet nothings into my ear, as I cried. It was perfect, expect the crying part, but for once they were tears of happiness so I didn't mind so much.

I hated the idea of leaving Dean's room, but I knew I had too. I had promised dad it being Christmas eve tomorrow, that I would be home from 'Jo's' before eleven, so I had to go. Needless to say I was late, our goodbye was a lot longer and sweatier then I thought it would be. Unfortunately I had to keep the drawing at Dean's encase dad saw it but I took my other present and when I got home, I was still so blissfully happy dad's moans at being late didn't even register.

I went upstairs and gently placed the present on my bed side table. After grabbing some food and taking a well deserved shower I kissed Dean's gift, sent Dean a loved filled soppy good night text which I got a text beck just as sappy, before closing my eyes and dreaming of the perfect future that unfortunately I knew we could never have.

Cas' present for Dean- the different language scroll present is what I gave to my boyfriend a few valentine days ago lol

oh its my brithday tomorrow- i'll be 20 lol so please review for me haha ;) xx