A/N: Right, as FF won't let me look at my reviews I've had to read them in my e-mail, but I can't reply just yet. Will do soon! Thank you all anyway, glad you liked the last chapter… I hope you like this one.

RR

Chapter 37- Hard on the Soul

Christine could barely hear Joshua's playing over the sound of her heart pounding. It was so forceful that she was almost positive that it was shaking the ground she stood on. Joshua was standing not far from her, facing her with his eyes closed, playing the violin. His small hand gripped the strings with such passion and his fingers were light on the bow as he drew it across the instrument. It sounded as if he was playing to her heart.

He wanted to warm up before she sang, he had told her. So here she was standing barely a few feet from him, this boy who did not know he was her son, and she was about to sing for him.

Erik would not like this at all.

Joshua opened his eyes and stopped playing. He smiled at her, a smile that was so warm that it made her fingers tingle, a smile so heart felt it shone through his eyes. Her stomach flipped. He was beautiful.

'Are you ready?' he asked, his voice with barely a touch of French in it. It was how she knew that Erik had done so much right by him. There had been no solitude in Joshua's life, he was home schooled but he spent time with English people regularly. The staff had nothing but good to say about him and it broke her heart every time his name was mentioned.

She nodded at him. 'Yes,'

And so he continued to play, much softer and lighter, so that Christine's voice moulded with the melody. As much as this was her dream, it was really all she wanted, she could not bring herself to enjoy the experience of this closeness. However much she wanted to she could not touch or hug or kiss this child in front of her, this child that she had given birth to…

She sang but she knew that her heart was not in it because as she sang to Joshua's violin all she could feel was the layers of her heart crumbling.

When he stopped he beamed at her. 'That was brilliant,' he said, genuinely. Christine felt a blush creep along her cheeks.

'Thank you,' she said, not wanting to say anymore… just in case.

'Do you want a drink?' he asked, his blue eyes shining up at her.

'Shall I get you one?' she said.

'I'll get you one, you were the one singing,' he replied and Christine saw Fiona's kindness in him and felt her stomach twist into a knot.

'I work for you,' Christine said quietly. 'I get you a drink.'

But Joshua stood firm shaking his head. 'I can do it,' he said. 'Is that what you're worried about?'

'No,' she said almost too gently. 'It's just that it's my job to…'

'Don't be silly.' Joshua interjected. 'It will only take me a minute.'

'Let me,' Christine said before Joshua had chance to move. She turned and walked towards the door but she felt the familiar digging pain in the side of her stomach and it stopped her dead. She gripped her stomach with her hands and closed her eyes.

'Chrissie!' Joshua exclaimed, and through her pain she wished that she had never told him her name. 'What's wrong?'

She was still leaning forward, hands crossed over her stomach when he ran to her, placing his hand gently on her back.

'I'm fine,' she struggled, but this didn't feel fine, this felt different.

'But…' Joshua stared at her wide eyed, looking terrified and so she tried to straighten herself out. She hated the fact that he looked frightened and that it was because of her.

No use, she thought, as the pain shot across her ribs.

'I'll get my father,' Joshua said running towards the door.

'No!' Christine managed to shout. 'Get James… please.'

Joshua stared for a moment before running out and leaving her alone with her pain.

James was standing to the side of Nadir reading the paper cheekily over his shoulder when Joshua came bolting into the room, out of breath and as white as a sheet.

'What's wrong?' James asked, forgetting, in his panic, that he was speaking to his boss.

'It's Chrissie,' he panted. 'She's hurt!'

James' heart thudded. 'Where is she?' he asked.

'Upstairs,' Joshua said, turning to leave as Nadir stared at them both. 'Quickly!'

So both James and Nadir took a glance at each other and then followed him up the stairs and down the corridor to the half open door of the music room. When they entered Christine was sitting on the floor with her back propped against one of the seats holding her stomach, her eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

'Chrissie,' James said as he knelt by her side. 'What's happened?'

'Pain,' she managed to gasp.

'Where?' Nadir asked as he knelt at her other side and, in a gesture that surprised James, took her hand in his.

'My…' she struggled. 'My stomach… low…'

'Can you stand?' James asked, feeling desperation creep into his throat and take his voice like a thief.

'No,' she said, shaking her head.

'We need to get Erik,' Nadir said, looking at James.

'No, please…' Christine murmured. 'Please don't…'

'Listen to me,' Nadir said, his dark eyes focusing on her face. 'You need help.'

'I'll be fine…' she gasped. 'See…' she pushed herself up to her feet but it was as if someone swept her legs out from under her as she collapsed back down.

'What's happening?' Joshua asked and James gritted his teeth, he had forgotten that Joshua was there. He turned to look at him standing behind them. shaking like a leaf caught in the breeze.

'She's just a bit poorly, Joshua,' James said gently.

'Don't treat me like an idiot!' Joshua exclaimed.

James looked at Nadir who raised his eyebrows. James had certainly not expected that response.

'I'm fine, Joshua…' Christine said as normally as she could muster.

'You don't look it…' Joshua said, tears welling up in his eyes. 'Is it my fault? Is it because I asked you to sing and you didn't want to?' the tears trickled down his cheeks.

'No, darling…' Christine murmured and James' heart lurched. 'Of course not… it's not your fault.'

James felt a certain amount of relief come over him but just as it looked as though Christine was about to calm Joshua down they heard the door of the room click open.

'What the hell is going on in here?'

James could do nothing but close his eyes.

Nadir somehow found the courage to turn his attention from Joshua and look towards the door.

'I asked what was going on,' Erik said and Nadir knew that where he was kneeling was blocking Erik's view of Christine.

Erik held his arm out. 'Josh,' he said and Joshua ran to him, tucking himself into his father's body. 'Well?' he said to the rest of them.

Nadir took a glance at James who stood up slowly and stared at his master. He saw his friend's Adams apple bob as he swallowed hard. Nadir too stood up and moved aside so that Erik could see what was happening. Erik looked at Christine and then quickly down at Joshua.

'Josh,' Erik said, using the name that only he called his son. 'Look at me.'

Nadir watched as Erik placed his hand on Joshua's cheek and turned him so that they were looking directly at each other. Erik's eyes had obviously softened and he lowered his hands to Joshua's shoulders and began rubbing his arms gently. Joshua's crying subsided slowly as his gaze fixed on Erik's and somehow Erik managed to forcea small smile.

'See…' Erik said, keeping his tone light. Nadir looked on with fascination. 'Chrissie is quite poorly, do you want to help her?'

The boy nodded but did not take his attention away from Erik.

'Good,' Erik said, kissing his son's forehead gently. 'I need you to run downstairs and find Alan, can you do that?'

Again, Joshua nodded.

'Good boy,' Erik said standing up but still looking at his son. 'When you find him tell him to find Doctor Walker and bring him here, quickly… I expect he will be at home.'

Joshua stepped back.

'Go on, Josh,' he said. 'It's fine.'

And Joshua did as he was told, turning quickly on his heel and darting out of the room. As soon as the child was out of ear shot Erik turned, closed the door and then turned againto face the three of them in the centre of the room. Nadir took a quick sideways glance at James who was standing stiffly to his left, staring at the floor. Then the Persian looked back over at Erik whose eyes were furious.

'What happened?' he asked, stepping towards them. Nadir became aware of James at his side, moving backwards away from his employer.

'She must have been in here with Joshua,' Nadir said, after he had cleared his throat. 'He came running down to fetch us… told us that she was hurt.'

Erik nodded. 'Why didn't you come to get me?'

Nadir looked at James who was frozen on the spot now, too unsure of anything to move forwards or back and certainly too anxious to open his mouth.

'I asked them not to,' Christine said quietly, which finally turned Erik's attention back down to her.

Erik moved in, so that he was standing with his feet next to her body, his shadow covered her. 'James fetch us a cup of water.' He commanded without looking at the butler.

Nadir glanced at James and then nodded at him.

'Yes sir,' James managed to say before he disappeared from the room.

'I expected better of you Daroga,'

'I'm sorry, Erik,' Nadir said, and meant it. 'But we have been here only a few minutes, I promise.'

Whether Erik believed him or not didn't matter now. His attention was firmly on the woman lying by his feet, his eyes were fixed on her face which was so pale it was almost a shade of light green. There were tears resting on the skin under her eyes and she had taken her hand back and was holding her stomach tightly.

'Why didn't you tell me the pain was like this?' he asked, staring down at her.

'It wasn't,'

'You're lying,' Erik said sharply.

Nadir shook his head. 'Erik, this can't possibly be helping,' he said.

'Did I ask for your opinion?' Erik snapped.

'No you didn't but she needs your help not your lecture!' Erik turned his eyes onto him and scowled but said nothing.

'Where is the pain Christine?'

'Lower stomach and back…' she managed to say before squeezing her eyes shut in agony.

'Have you been feeling dizzy?' he asked, his voice slightly softer.

Christine could manage nothing but a nod.

'Fainted?'

She shook her head weakly.

'Lost your balance?' he asked.

She nodded.

Nadir stood in silence as Erik glanced at him over his shoulder. When he caught his eye Nadir could see what look like a shimmer of tear but he could not be quite sure. What he was sure of was that his eyes had softened considerably.

'Nadir get me the blanket from the piano bench,' Erik said as he rolled his sleeves up and then reached down and lifted Christine from the floor. Nadir did as he was asked, quickly grabbing the blanket and running back to them. He was just in time to see Erik lay Christine tenderly onto the settee and prop her head up with a cushion.

Erik took the blanket from Nadir and placed it over Christine.

'We just have to wait for Doctor Walker,' Erik said quietly, turning around to face Nadir. Nadir's eyes drifted over his dishevelled friend and rested, in shock, on Erik's arm.

'Erik,' Nadir said quietly, staring at his arm.

'What?' Erik asked, frowning.

'You've got blood on your arm…'