Eriana pulled her cloak tightly around her as she and Nathaniel strolled through the Denerim marketplace. It was just after midday, and the market was packed with people, the perfect circumstances for thieves or for someone who was simply trying to avoid detection. The temperature had dropped drastically over the past few days as winter began its slow, brutal assault on Ferelden. The celebration had been officially over for a few days, and with almost all their business wrapped up, the Wardens were planning to head back to Amaranthine in the morning without the Couslands who had left a few days before, hoping to beat the impending bad weather. Eriana grinned when she thought about how much faster the trip home would be since they wouldn't be catering to the brothers' rather demanding needs. The only thing that might slow them down was the fact that they would also be traveling with a cute but irritable dwarf who was only a month away from delivering a little Oghren (who couldn't be happier to have his wife moving into the keep). Felsi was a strong woman, but Eriana didn't want to risk incurring Oghren's wrath by pushing his wife harder than necessary.

Eriana had spent the last few days with her father and her cousins, waiting until the crowds had dispersed a bit before risking a trip into the elven alienage. She and Nate would make their way into the alienage in the morning, just before the sun rose, and would sneak back into the castle just after nightfall. They were always cautious, making sure no one followed them as they left the palace district, and would usually stay locked away during the day. The few friends she still had in the alienage would stop in occasionally, but for the most part, she simply enjoyed the precious little time she got to spend with her family. Cyrion was thrilled to see just how much his daughter had improved since his visit to Amaranthine, but he still wasn't eager to see her leave, especially after Soris announced to all that he would be moving to Highever to work for the Couslands. Apparently, he and Miranda had decided that they were very much in love, so he was moving to be closer to her. Cyrion was skeptical, unsure about how he felt to have his only nephew in a relationship with a human, but he couldn't really say anything, not with Nathaniel sitting there. Shianni, on the other hand, was furious. She still hadn't warmed up to humans, not after what happened to her with Vaughan, so she saw Soris' decision as a betrayal. In fact, she refused to see him off before he left with the Cousland train. It had created a sour mood in their small house for the next two days. Regardless, Eriana had immensely enjoyed her time with her Ada, so much so that she was tempted to bring Cyrion back to Amaranthine with her, but she decided against it. Better to leave him here were it was safe than to keep him close and risk him getting between her and an assassin.

After having spent several days with her family, Eriana was finally ready to get back to Amaranthine. There was only one more person she needed to visit before she left, Braxton, the barkeep at the Gnawed Noble Tavern and her only connection to Antiva. Pulling her hood up over her head, Eriana and Nathaniel ducked into the tavern. The crowd inside was light, but there were enough people in the main room for the two rogues to blind in inconspicuously. Glancing up at the bar, Eriana caught Braxton's eye. The old barkeep smiled and nodded his head toward the rooms on his left. Eriana held up one finger and he nodded, turning his attention back to the customer he was serving.

"Let's go; he wants us to head into one of the private rooms just down the hall. It looks like he doesn't want to talk to us in front of everyone."

Nathaniel glanced back up at the bar. "Are you sure we can trust him? You said he worked for the Crows afterall."

Eriana laughed. "Nathaniel, there aren't many people in the world I trust more than I trust Braxton. Yes, he passes along information to the Crows," she said as they ducked into the hallway, "but he isn't one himself. Besides, I've known him my entire life. He took care of my mother when she first came to Ferelden and me when she was killed; he would never do anything to hurt me." She quickly picked the lock and ducked into the first room, trying hard not to think about the many hours she had spent in there, talking to Ignacio. She plopped down on the couch and pushed the hood back off her head as Nathaniel did a quick sweep of the back room.

"All clear," he reported, coming to sit down beside her. Eriana sighed and leaned against him, closing her eyes as they waited for Braxton to join them. For Eriana, sleep had been becoming increasingly hard to come by; she kept playing scenarios and conspiracies in her head over and over again. It was easy to let herself feel comfortable and relaxed during the day when she was surrounded by people who were dedicated to her protection, but alone in the shadows of the night, there was no one there to distract her from her darker thoughts. Sitting next to Nathaniel on that comfortable couch, Eriana felt more relaxed than she had in days, so nodding off was inevitable. She wasn't sure how long she slept before Braxton came into the room.

"So, the great hero has finally come to visit little ole me," he said, throwing his arms out and smiling at her. "Come here, Kiddo, and give me a hug; I haven't seen you in ages."

"I know," Eriana said, throwing herself into the bartender's arms. "It's been too long, and I wasn't able to just leave and stroll around at will. You were at the ceremony right? You saw what happened, well what nearly happened."

Braxton's face hardened, "Yeah, I did. What was that anyway? The rumor flying around here says it was some lone wolf acting out because of your race."

"That's what the guards believe happened; well, it's what I've been told anyway. According to them, the guy had some anti-elf propaganda on him when they captured him," Eriana said.

"But it's not what really happened is it? You know more than you're letting on."

Eriana opened her mouth to speak when Nathaniel cut her off. "Um, Commander, are you sure you want to be talking about this with someone outside of the Wardens."

Braxton shot Nathaniel an annoyed look before turning back to Eriana, eyebrow raised. "Don't mind him, Braxton, Nathaniel has placed himself in charge of my security, and he takes his job very seriously."

"Well, I can take comfort in that," Braxton said, extending his hand toward the human rogue. "I'm Braxton Alisandro."

"Nathaniel Howe."

Braxton blinked in surprise and turned to Eriana. "Howe? You are running around alone with a Howe?"

"Yes," Eriana said, rolling her eyes. "He's nothing like the rest of his family, Brax. He's a good guy, and I trust him with my life. You were at the ceremony; you saw what he did when I was attacked."

"I guess so, but really, Ri, a Howe? How did that even happen?"

Eriana grinned wickedly. "Oh, we caught him trying to break into the Keep to kill me, but I released him. He came back a bit later and asked to join the Grey Wardens, so I let him."

Braxton sighed, "Maker help me woman, not again. What is it with you and and the people who want to kill you? Seriously, do people have to attempt to assassinate you to earn your trust or something, or do you just have a death wish?"

Eriana crossed her arms and looked up at the burley human. "Braxton."

"Okay, okay, I'll drop it for now," he said, pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head. "I just want what's best for you, you know that, right?" He asked, tucking a blond hair behind her ear. Eriana smiled and nodded up at him. "Good. Now, let's talk about this assassination attempt. Who was behind it?"

Eriana shrugged. "I don't know. The bowman was a Crow, and he had a contract on him, but of course, there was no name on the contract. I have no idea who is behind it."

"Do you think it's connected to the attacks on you earlier this year?"

"Maybe, probably. They used the same poison that the Crow that attacked Zev and I used, and they used a crossbow when they attacked us at the keep as well." She sighed, "Three assassination attempts in six months, it can't be a coincidence." Braxton glanced over at Nathaniel who was nodding in agreement. "I was actually hoping that you might pass along a letter to Antiva, asking them to explain why their Crows are taking out new contracts on me; you know, remind them about our prior arrangement."

Braxton sighed. "I can try, but I don't think it will do that much good. There's a lot of infighting within the ranks of the Crows right now, especially in Antiva, and if I was to put money on it, I'd say your young man is right in the thick of it, probably the main instigator." He glanced over at the elf. "You wouldn't know anything about it would you?"

Eriana shook her head. "If he had let me know what he was planning, do you think I would have let him go, that I'd be here? There's no way I would have let him go alone."

Braxton gave a sad smile. "I figured as much. Good for him." Eriana blinked up at him, confused. "Taking you with him would have been far too dangerous, Ri, you know that."

"We're both in danger as it is. Three attempts on my life in six months, Braxton. Leaving me behind hasn't exactly served its purpose, and now, I don't even know how to find him if I wanted to. Now he's up there doing Maker knows what, and I'm stuck here. If I was there, at least I could help, and we could watch out for each other. I mean, I've got the Wardens who look out for me, but he's all alone up there. I should be with him."

"No you shouldn't," Braxton and Nathaniel both said at the same time.

"Look, Ri," Braxton said, after shooting the rogue an amused look, "Zevran knows what he is doing. Hiding out in Antiva alone is one thing, but you add another person into the mix, and the risk of exposure increases exponentially. I'm not saying leaving you was the right thing to do, but if he was blight bent on trying to pull off this coup, then going alone was the smart move for both of you."

Nathaniel leaned forward on his knees. "So the rumors we've heard are true, then? Someone is trying to take over the Crows."

"It's looking that way; at least the reports from Antiva are suggesting that. Apparently several guild masters have been killed, so individual cells are starting to close rank, masters are getting more paranoid. That what makes me think appealing to Ignacio or anyone else in Antiva may not do you any good. Besides, the masters aren't exactly happy with the current leadership here in Ferelden anyway."

"Why?" Eriana asked.

"Apparently he isn't doing a good job keeping his cell under control. There's talk of replacing him, but it's kind of hard to find someone willing to step up as a guild master right now."

"What do you mean he's not keeping his cell under control?" Nathaniel asked.

"His assassins are taking on extra contracts; they are backing out of assignments; some are even bailing on the entire organization," Braxton said, opening a fresh bottle of wine and putting it on the table in front of them. "The guy they put down here is completely inept; he's a good assassin; he just has no control over his men. It surprises me though that he would okay a hit on you. He doesn't seem the type that would go against a direct order; he's inept, not stupid."

Nathaniel poured himself a drink and sighed. "So it would be safe to assume someone has been hiring these rogue Crows rather than going through the normal channels?"

Eriana shook her head. "No, we found contracts, remember? Besides, why would you go to the trouble of searching out Crows that have defected instead of taking a request directly to the guild master? It would seem like an unnecessary risk. The Crows don't care that I stopped the blight. The only thing that's supposed to be keeping them from taking out contracts on me is the work I did for them. If someone wanted to hire out the Crows, they would go directly to them."

"Unless whoever is behind this knew a request on you would be denied," Nathaniel pointed out. "If someone knew about your arrangement, they would avoid the leaders and go directly to the individual assassins. They wouldn't risk the master tipping you off that someone was after you."

"I don't think that's the case," Eriana said. "There are only a handful of people who know about my arrangement with the Crows."

"And you don't think any of them would try to have you killed?" Braxton asked, following Nathaniel's line of thought. "Because if that was the case, you've really narrowed your list of suspects."

"No, the only people who know about it are my friends, the people who were with me during the blight and my fellow Wardens. They'd never turn on me," she sighed. "Besides, there's no telling just how many people within the Crows know about the arrangement; a lot of them I'd wager."

"I hadn't thought of that," Nathaniel said. "I'd say most of the Crows who are working here know that a bid against you would be turned down."

Eriana sighed. "There are just too many variables to narrow it down. We just don't have enough information right now to do anything. All we can really do is wait and hope to draw whoever this is out."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow at her. "And how exactly do you plan to do that?"

Eriana shrugged. "I'm sure a situation will present itself sooner or later. If I keep evading these assassination attempts, then whoever is behind this might be tempted to try a more direct approach."

Braxon's face hardened, and it seemed like he was about to comment further but decided against it. Instead, he turned to the human rogue. "Nathaniel, do you think you could give Eriana a moment?"

Nathaniel glanced over at Eriana who gave him a quick nod. With a sigh, Nathaniel got to his feet and moved toward the door. "I'll be just outside if you need anything."

"Thanks Nate," Eriana said, waiting until the door was closed before turning back to her friend. "Go ahead," she said, gesturing, "might as well get on telling me that I'm being foolish for associating with another Howe and that you thought I was smarter than that."

Braxton gave a short bark of laughter. "Well I was going to wait until the end, but since you brought it up; what in Thedas are you thinking? A Howe?"

"He's not his brother or his father. I've not forgotten them, Braxton, really, and I wouldn't trust him if I saw any hint of his family in him. I don't; he's different from them in every way."

"So you two are together now?"

Eriana chuckled and shook her head. "No, I know it probably looked like that when you first came in, but I had just dozed off. All this conspiracy stuff has kept me from sleeping well, that coupled with the fact that I'm still having nightmares; sleep has been hard to come by. I guess sitting next to Nathaniel relaxed me, so I fell asleep." She glanced up at him. "I'm not really ready to move on, not just yet."

"I had wondered about that," Braxton said, putting a hand on her knee. "I heard about the baby, Ri, I'm so sorry. How have you been holding up?"

"I have good days and bad days. Being back here has definitely stirred some memories, though."

"Have you heard anything from him."

Eriana shook her head. "It's been over six months," she said. "And I've not heard a thing from him…nothing. I thought that maybe he'd send a letter or something, but…"

"Ri, I don't think you realize just how unstable things are over there," Braxton said, looking her square in the eye. "The Crows are desperate to find out who is behind it, and if they figure out it's Zevran, they'll do anything in their power to bring him down. He probably realizes that it simply isn't worth the risk."

Eriana groaned. "Why does everyone feel the need to go out of their way to try to protect me? Hasn't anyone learned yet that protecting me only leads to pain, usually for both of us."

Braxton chuckled, "What can I say, Kid, we all want what's best for you; that's all. And don't worry; we'll work this assassination stuff out. I'll keep an ear out around here."

"You could do more than that if you wouldn't mind."

"Of course, anything," he said, leaning forward on his arms.

"Now, I know you don't like the idea of using me as bait to draw this sleaze ball out; I saw it on your face when I hinted at it. But believe me; it's the only way to get him out in the open."

Braxton nodded, "I know. In reality you're in more danger as long as that guy is still out there. So what do you want me to do?"

"Talk me down. Let it be known that you are not happy with the little Hero of Ferelden and her pointy ears. Be discreet about it, but let it be known that you disapprove of me completely. Hopefully, whoever this person is will hear about your attitude and will approach you for help. I have a contact in Amaranthine doing the same, though it's a bit harder there. I just saved them from a massive horde of darkspawn a few weeks ago, so they're still quite happy with me."

"So you want me to mad mouth you in hopes that the person who is trying to kill you will approach me."

Eriana nodded. "Something like that. In reality, though, whoever it is won't approach you directly. He or she will likely send a proxy of some kind, but we'll be able to work something out from there to try to lure the target out."

Braxton gave a frustrated huff. "I don't like this. It sounds like you're willing to put yourself in danger just to catch this guy."

"Until this guy is caught, I am in danger, I and everyone I care about. One of these days, they'll throw something at me that I'm not ready for. I need to kill whoever this is before that day comes. It's a risk, but my life is about risks. I'm not the fifteen year old elven girl who served drinks and learned to speak Antivan from you anymore; I can't pretend that the same rules apply for me."

"You will always be that little girl to me, Ri, you know that."

Eriana grinned, "You and Dad both, but the rest of Ferelden won't ever see me that way. And it's not just that they won't; they can't. I can't let them see me that way; they'd see it as a weakness and use it against me."

"Then it's a good thing there are still a few of us out there who know the real you then."

"Is that the real me?" she asked, looking up at her childhood friend. "I don't know anymore. So much has changed over the past few years; I don't think I even know who I am. Maybe this public facade I've been pretending to be since the landsmeet is really who I am now." She sighed. "I just don't know."

"Well, I still love you, whoever you decide to be, and I will do anything for you. If I hear anything, I will send you word. Do you have a secure messenger that runs to Denerim?" Eriana shook her head. Braxton reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of parchment. "Here's a copy of a cipher I use with a few of my contacts. I'll use it to send you word if I hear anything."

Eriana got up and gave the bartender a long hug before she slipped out into the hall where Nathaniel was waiting for her. Pulling her hood back up over her head and giving Nathaniel a nod, the two rogues disappeared into the teaming crowds of the marketplace. As they made their way past the alienage gates on their way back to the Warden compound, Eriana glanced up at her childhood home, wondering how long it would be before she saw it again.

-0-

Eriana was in high spirits as the gates of Vigil's Keep rose before them. The ride back had been uneventful and surprisingly pleasant; she alternated between riding with Nathaniel and Anders who both, each in his own way, managed to keep her mid off of the things that had been troubling her. The further from Denerim they had traveled, the safer and more secure she felt. It was a bittersweet moment when she finally realized that Amaranthine was actually beginning to feel like home.

Gloria, Garevel, and Keenan were all waiting for them in the courtyard as the Warden train entered the Keep. Apparently, trouble seemed to follow Eriana because all three of them reported no troubles in their respective areas while Eriana had been away. The Keep was secure and running more smoothly than ever, and there had been no darkspawn attacks since the party had left for Denerim. The only thing that seemed to be bothering them was the impending winter weather, which, according to the locals, would be rolling in someone in the next twenty-four hours.

Gloria gave Eriana a big, matronly hug once the elf had been briefed by the two men. "I am so glad that you made it back before the snow hit, dearie," she said as the two women made their way into the Wardens' quarters. "I would hate it if you got caught out in the snow like that. It makes travel so hard."

Eriana grinned to herself, remembering trekking through the knee-deep snow of the Frostback Mountains. From what she had heard, Amaranthine's winters were rather mild in comparison. According to Nathaniel, they usually got one or two good snows a year, but the warmer sea air would usually met it in a week or two. Eriana didn't say anything though, appreciating the older woman's concern. "I'm happy we made it back, too. I'm really glad to hear that everything went smoothly while we were gone."

Gloria smiled, "Well, I'm just glad to have you back in one piece. I nearly fainted when news of what happened during the ceremony reached us back here. I can't believe someone tried to kill you, and in front of everyone like that, terrifying."

Eriana smiled up at the head of her household. "Ah, it's getting to be a bit old hat by this point. I'm not doing my job if there isn't someone or something trying to kill me."

Gloria sighed and shook her head. "Well, that doesn't mean I have to be alright with it by any means. It's my job to worry about things like that, you know. Although, I guess if you were worried about things like that, you'd never leave the room." Eriana laughed and nodded in agreement. "Oh, speaking of your room; as I was cleaning up your room the other day, I noticed that there were some crates in your room that hadn't been unpacked yet. I was wondering what you'd like me to do with them."

Eriana felt her breath catch. Yes, those boxes had been sitting in the corner of her room for the better part of six months. They were Zevran's boxes, the things he had sent ahead to Amaranthine before they left Denerim. She had been completely ignoring them, unable to bring herself to open them to see the only things Zevran had left behind.

"I had forgotten about those," Eriana said, unable to meet Gloria's eye. "I'll take a look at them sometime in the next few days."

"Oh, it's no hurry, Dear. I just didn't want them to be in your way if I could have them stored away somewhere else." The two women stopped at Eriana's door. "Well, here you are. I'm sure you're eager for some rest, so I'll let you be. I'll see you in the morning."

Eriana nodded before making her way into her room, the comfortable feeling of home diminished somewhat by the task before her. The moment she entered the room, her eyes fell on the boxes in the corner. Sighing to herself, Eriana threw her bag on the bed and took a quick bath before making her way over to the boxes. "Might as well get this out of the way," she muttered to herself as she pried the lid off the first box.

The first crate was relatively harmless. It contained some of the warmer clothes that the two of them had acquired during as winter and the end of the blight approached. She was about to push the crate aside and leave it to Gloria or one of the other servants to separate when something at the bottom of the crate caught her eye. Reaching inside, she pulled out a long, heavy fur-trimmed cloak, and she felt her eyes fill with tears. Holding the cloak to her face, Eriana took a deep breath, remembering the day Zevran had given it to her.

She had spent the last few days recovering from their three week trek through the deeproads, and more than anything, she needed to see the sky again when he showed up, cloak in hand, ready to take her out into the fresh air. At the time, Eriana was still leery of getting involved with the rougish assassin and was still fighting her feelings for Alistair. Zevran, with his intuitive understanding of mind, understood what she was going through and had offered to back down if that was what would make her happy. It was a turning point for her because, though he tried to hide it, she could see the worry just behind his eyes, the fear of rejection, yet a willingness to do whatever it took to make her happy. It was at that moment that she began to fall for him, that she gave herself over to her feelings and let all the doubts and fears vanish. They spent hours that day, wrapped in her new cloak and each other's arms in the cool air of the Frostback Mountains.

Holding up the cloak to her face one more time, she took a deep breath, letting the familiar smell wash over her a last time before putting it aside and moving to the next box. This one was far more painful than the first. It was full of Zevran's personal effects, both things that they had acquired over their months together as well as things that he had brought from Antiva. Eriana couldn't get past the first layer of things because sitting on top was Zevran's Crow armor, the armor he had been wearing the day that they met. Slowly her fingers danced across the familiar inscriptions and scars that decorated the front of the breast piece, and her eyes filled with tears, remembering how many times her fingers had traced that familiar path. She closed the crate without venturing any deeper.

The final crate was full of Zevran's clothing, the things that were a bit too fancy or out of season to take with them when they left for Highever. Eriana's fingers traced over the silks as she pictured the way the soft fabric would hug the muscles in his chest. She was about to close the crate when a stack of papers at the bottom caught her eye. It was odd. As a matter of habit, Zevran never kept correspondence; it wasn't wise for a Crow to leave personal matters lying around where anyone could read it. Intrigued, Eriana grabbed the papers and began flipping through them. Her breath caught once she realized what she was looking at.

She knew that Zevran had taken up drawing while they were living in the castle. He would often join her in her office after morning practices were finished and would pass the time hunched over various pieces of parchment. Occasionally, he'd show her a picture, usually a funny one of Alistair or one of their other companions, but she had never seen any like this before. They were all illustrations of her. The first was a simple drawing of her and Leliana sitting by their campfire while Leliana braided the elf's hair. Eriana remembered that moment; it had happened only a few weeks after Zevran had joined their group. Sighing, she flipped to the next page. It was another one of her. This time, she was resting with her head on her father's lap as the old elf smiled down at her. And that wasn't all. There were others, drawings of her and Alistair, pictures of her playing with Ramoth, pictures of her standing over the archdemon's corpse.

The final picture in the stack was a single drawing of her, of something that never happened. She was standing on the prow of a ship, her hands resting on the railing as her hair flowed out behind her. She was glancing slightly over her shoulder, a relaxed smile on her face. The diamond solitaire was still in her ear and the Antivan coin still hung around her neck, but her Warden's oath was missing. This was Zevran's dream, his secret desire, to escape everything with her. No Crows, no Wardens, no King and Country, just the two of them, free and together. The beauty of the picture hit Eriana so hard that there was no stopping the tears. It was the life she wanted, he wanted, but a life that they would never have, especially now that he had disappeared, maybe forever.

It was hard to tell just how long she sat there, crying over the charcoal drawings, but she finally managed to pull herself together and begin to pack the drawings away. She couldn't bear to look at them, knowing what they represented. As she straightened the last of the papers, a sealed letter fell out from between two of the pictures. Her breath caught as she immediately recognized the elegant script.

My Dearest Warden….

-0-

Yes, I know, that's probably a cruel place to stop, but I just felt a little evil today.

I think I was unclear in my last AN. No, I don't plan to abandon this story; I would never do that (I hate when people do that). It's just that this story has a ways still to go if I follow my original plans. But if you guys are still interested, I can keep on trudging.

I started a new job this week, so updates may be slow for awhile while I'm adjusting. (New job=lots of work at home). Anyway, thanks for being patient with me and for not losing interest. Let me know if you think I'm heading in the wrong direction on this one.