A/N: So I'm really glad people are actually still reading this story, it's been so long since I first posted it. I am determined to finish it and there are only a few more chapters left.
The door slammed shut and like that he was gone. My body started to shake and I slid to the floor. My lungs temporarily stopped functioning and I gasped for air. Finally my lungs listened. I coughed taking in big breaths. Oh Jesus what have I done. I started rocking back and forth. Oh god, he's gone. He's really gone. Why didn't I stop him? Oh Christ why didn't I stop him. Maybe it's not too late. I push myself up and run to the door throwing it open. Chris is standing at the elevator at the end of the hall. "Chris!" I yell but it comes out as a whisper. I try again with the same result. I start to run down the hall but as I do the hall just gets longer. The more I run the longer it get. "Chris!"
"Chris!" I hear myself scream as my eyes fly open. I sit up my breaths coming in heavy gasps. It was the dream again. That god damn dream. It's haunted me for the past three weeks. Everything I was afraid of has come to pass. Chris got hurt and left me because of it. They did let Jeff come back just in time for them to "let" Jay leave because his contract was up. In all actuality they had no interest in negotiating another one. I've been launched into a feud against Vince. Hunter and Stephanie were the only things I had left and now they are put in the position of choosing between me and Vince. Needless to say I haven't heard from them in a week and a half. But the funny thing is the only thing out of all of that I care about is Chris. Nothing else matters, not anymore. My god why didn't I stop him? I should have stopped him. But if he really feels like he needs to do get Fozzy going to support his daughter then who am I to get in the way. I get up and walk slowly into the bathroom. I turn on the water and cup my hands gathering some then splash it on my face. I look at myself in the mirror. I hardly recognize the man looking back at me. My eyes are no longer blue but a bloodshot red. I have deep circles under my eyes from lack of sleep; which is quite ironic because I've hardly left my bed since Chris walked out the door. My hair is greasy; I haven't been able to muster up the energy to take a shower in a while except after matches. I sight heavily and walk back into the other room as there's a knock at the door. I don't bother going to get it and get back into bed and pull the covers over my head. After a few minutes the knocking subsides but seconds later there was a click and I hear a creak as the door is probably opening. I groan the last thing I need right now is company.
"Shawn? Shawn." I heard Stephanie voice
I groan "Go away."
"Come on Shawn." She says again pulling the covers back off me. "It's been three weeks."
"I know…I know." I say. My lungs start to itch and I cough.
"Shawn you can't just hide out in your hotel room. It's not good for you."
"Just leave me alone Steph." I mumble
"I understand you're hurting. You're walking around in a daze like some lost puppy."
"No you don't understand. You don't understand at all."
"Shawn I…"
"No you don't get to come in here after a week and a half of not talking to me and tell me you understand. You don't understand! Chris left. I can't even get my brain to form words. It's like I cut off my own arm…I… Just leave; please just leave me alone."
Stephanie sighs "Fine but I'll be back to check on you."
After laying there for a while there is another knock at the door. The door clicks. Some one should really talk to security about this. Of all people it's John and Randy. "What are you guys doing here?"
"Well we brought food." John says holding up a bag. I grunt and sit motionless as they take out a sandwich and set it in front of me. I sit there staring at it for a while when I realize that Randy is talking to me.
"Oh yeah it's fine."
"I asked what you're match is going to be tomorrow." Randy says.
"Oh I…I think their bringing in Shane." I stare at the TV. I couldn't tell you what was on or how long I was watching it until I realized there was talking again.
"Shawn you haven't touched your sandwich." John says
"Huh? Oh I'm just not that hungry." I start to cough again.
"Come on Shawn, no one's scene you eat in days. When was the last time you ate?" Randy asks
I sigh "I don't know does it matter?"
"Come on we're going out." John says
"Yeah," says Randy "yeah come on Shawn."
"No guys you go ahead I don't really want to I'm not in the mood." I say. Despite my protest they pull me up everything feels heavy as they pull me toward the door. "Guy's no really you can go ahead." In the end I was no match for them. They dragged me to some awful club. I didn't want to be there. It was loud and smoky. The last place I wanted to be. There we're a few other WWE start sitting at a table when we got there. I sank into the booth. People were talking to me but I ignored them. I stared at the people out on the dance floor. They were out there probably pleasantly buzzed not a care in the world, having the time of their lives. What I wouldn't give to be them right now. I look back at the table and everyone there was doing the same thing. There was a drink in front of me I took a small sip. As much as I would like to drown my sorrows I already feel shitty enough with out the addition of a hangover in the morning. "I'm going to take off." I yelled "This was a bad idea."
"Shawn why? We just got here." John says
"John please…" I beg
I see the understanding in his eyes as he nods "Ok, alright. Just give me a minute." John says he walks over and grabs Randy's hand whispering in his ear. Randy nods and they come back over to me.
"Alright Shawn let's go." Randy says
"Guys you don't have to go stay just because I'm not in the mood it doesn't mean you guys can't…" I say and John cuts me off
"Don't be silly." We walk back to the hotel and as we get in the elevator I realize they are still with me. "Let's hang out and watch a movie or something."
"Fine, whatever." I say. We end up back in my hotel and I plop down on the bed and John sits next to me Randy sits on the floor and moves sitting between John's legs. Randy grabs the remote and starts flipping through the channels and finally stops on something. Oh geese of all the movies…
"Butterfly Effect, I love this movie."
"Yeah, it's a good movie. I watched it not to long ago. With Chris it's one of his favorites too."
"Oh man. Shawn I'm so sorry." Randy says
"We were just trying to cheer you up. But we're messing that up aren't we?" John says
"I guess thanks for trying guys."
"John babe I think we should go." Randy says
"Yeah I guess. Shawn I'm sorry, really I am." John says
"I know." I fall back on to the bed. I hear the door shut. Alone once again. Maybe I should have had them stay. Ah fuck it. I lay there trying my hardest not to think about Chris. I roll on my side and pull my legs up on the bed not bothering to grab the blankets around me. I stare at the clock. It seems that I blink at it's the next day and time for me to go to the taping of Raw. Did I even sleep? I guess I don't care. I get up and gather my things. The weight of my body is almost unbearable add my bag of gear and I could hardly walk. By the mercy of god there is a cab weighting outside. I get to the arena and avoid everyone and walk straight to my dressing room for the night. I lay down on the bench. The door swings open and Stephanie rushes in the room.
"Shawn? Look I know you don't want to talk to me I can't really blame you but you have to listen to me. My father is going to…" Stephanie says. I remember watching Charlie Brown. When he was going to school his teacher had this muffled sound and you couldn't ever understand what she was saying. That's all my brain processed out of the rest of Stephanie's conversation. I look down at my watch and realize it's time for me to go on. I get up and walk toward the door. "Shawn? Shawn did you hear a word I was saying? We have to do something. We have to make a plan."
"Steph it doesn't matter." I said. She looked at me in shock. The most shocking thing about that statement was how much I meant it.
The light's flashed all around me as the song ended. "Thank you! Good night Sidney!" I walked hurriedly off the stage. One of the crew yelled good show at me as I walked out one of the side doors. The emptiness of being with out Shawn returns as my mind has nothing more to distract it. So I do the one thing that seems to bring me some relief. I reached into the pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I battled with myself mentally for a minute before taking one out and putting it to my lips. I took the lighter out of the other pocked and watched the flame come to life against the darkness of the alley catching the end on fire for a moment leaving an orange glow. I inhaled deeply coughing lightly as the smoke touched my lungs. I sank down sitting on the curb. I jumped as the door slammed shut.
"Since when do you smoke?" I turned to see "The Duke" standing there.
"Well I'm already missing a kidney and my liver is all fucked up I thought I'd work on my lungs next." I said sarcastically. He takes the cigarette out of my hand and lets it drop to the ground putting it out with his foot.
"What's going on with you?" He asks
I scoff "If you only knew the half of it."
"Seriously these past three weeks you've hardly said two words off stage and that is not like you at all. All you do is hang out at the hotels in your bed but you look like you've hardly slept. You hardly touch your food. Is it your back? Was this too much for you so soon because if it was…"
I cut him off "No it's nothing like that, although my back does hurt some still." Three weeks has it really been three weeks already?
"Well then what." He asked; I could here the genuine concern in his voice.
If only he knew. "You wouldn't understand."
"Why don't you try me." He said.
"Alright, you asked for it." I said. And I started talking, telling him the whole story, every blasted detail. From the first time I saw Shawn on TV to walking out of the hotel room door with Ash. I felt surprisingly better. It was oddly therapeutic to tell the agonizing story. And Duke smacked me across the face. That was certainly not the reaction I had anticipated. "Ouch dude! What the hell was that for?"
"What are you and idiot?" He says
"Excuse me?"
"After everything he's done for you…after everything you've been through to get together you honestly think he doesn't love you."
"Well I…"
"I thought you would have gotten passed that. Don't you see what a huge step even allowing himself to be with you was? After everything that mans been through I'm surprised you even got him to admit he liked you at all. Did you even give him a chance to explain himself?" Duke asked
"Well no I suppose I…"
"And you run off to Australia after your fight? Isn't that doing just what you accused him of?"
"I guess I never thought of it that way." There was a long silence "But if all that's true why didn't he stop me from going. If he would have said one word I would have given it all up to be with him."
"Maybe because he's a father himself part of him understood some of the reasons you were going."
"Oh Jesus, I messed things up again didn't I?" I ask quietly
"If you call walking away from the man you've been in love with since you were 17 a mistake then yeah I'd say you made a huge one."
"Thanks for the talk."
"That's what friends are for…to listen and then smack some sense into you when you're being a dill hole."
"Dill hole?" I ask laughing a little
"Yeah we've been watching That 70's show on DVD in van. Man you really have been out of it." He says
"I guess so." I paused for a moment "So you're really cool with the fact I've been sleeping with another man?"
"Did you think I wouldn't be? You're still the same person you were before you told me. I don't want to hear about your bedroom escapades either way so it doesn't make any difference to me. And Shawn's a good guy you and Ash will be lucky to have him in your lives"
"Thanks man. I just hope he'll forgive me for this one." I say. I jump as I feel the vibration through my pants of my cell phone ringing. I pull the cursed thing out of my pocket and glance curiously at the caller id. "Hello?"
"Chris?" Hunter's voice said. "Sorry for calling you like this with the time difference and all I know you're in Australia but I thought you should know that Shawn's been hurt." All Hunter heard from me was a crash as the phone slipped from my hand and landed on the pavement.
So another chapter done...hope you enjoy as always review they make my day!