Chapter 38: Icon

When I finally wake the next morning, it's so late that Yuuri is up and gone already and I'm hugging Maccachin instead.

Victor, a note by the bed reads, I've gone to visit a little with Phichit. Mirra-san came by, but you were sleeping, so I told her you would come by when you wake up. I'll be back before morning practice.

Love,

Yuuri

Neither Maccachin nor I really mind. We've been separated a lot lately and we've missed each other, so some relaxation and catching up is good for us. I lie there, looking out the window and hugging him, laughing and talking to him like I do when we're alone.

"I must have been sleeping like the dead," I chuckle, "for Yuuri to be up and gone and I didn't even stir. Why didn't you wake me up, silly thing?"

Macca mumbles a canine reply and licks my face.

"Luckily, we have a little time before the morning practice," I ramble on, sitting up and yawning, "Do you need to go out?"

He knows what out means, so he hops down off of the bed and sits near the door while I put on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. We head out of the suite and outside, then we stop by Yakov's room on the way back inside. My mother answers the door and breaks into a happy smile, hugging me.

"Good morning, Vitya!"

She reaches down and pats Maccachin on the head.

"And hello, Maccachin."

Macca nuzzles her hand and thumps his tail on the floor while I give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning, Mother. Yuuri said that you stopped by earlier."

I did, but you were still sleeping. That's late for you."

"Kind of," I chuckle, "but I was really tired last night. I've been training very hard, and my short program burns up a lot of energy. Of course, if I'm tired after that, I'm going to be half dead after the free program."

"I'm sure you'll do well, just like you did yesterday," she assures me, "Yakov said that it was some of the best skating you've ever done."

I give her a surprised look.

"He said that?"

"Yes," she insists, "He also said that Yuuri has had a good effect on you. I can also see how happy you make each other. Have you worked on ideas for the wedding yet?"

"Some," I hedge, "not so much, because it can't really happen as long as we live in Russia."

"And why not?" she giggles, curving a palm around my cheek, "What are you waiting for? You promised that lovely boy you would marry him if he won gold. He won gold, so my son is going to keep his promise."

I give her a weary look.

"You know that's not allowed here."

"So, go somewhere else," she says firmly, "There are places you can marry, even if it isn't recognized here. Get married there and come back here."

"But, Yuuri and I were warned not to make a spectacle of our relationship," I explain, "You know what happened with Yuuri when Andrei caused that trouble for us."

"So don't make any public statement," she advises me, "Take whoever you want with you and marry quietly. We could have a big reception in Japan maybe?"

"It won't be legal there either," I sigh, "They just won't mistreat us for loving each other there."

"The point is," she says, taking my hands, "that as long as you and Yuuri don't make a public statement about it, the government will have no reason to interfere. Let people speculate all they want, and you and Yuuri have the wedding and honeymoon of your dreams."

"And how will we do that if I spend half of the off season in rehab?" I ask, deflating further, "You know that Stefan has advised me to enter the inpatient program for two months. It will be into May, almost June before I can come home again to stay. Yuuri and I need to prepare for next season."

"And I'm sure you will. I'm also sure that my son, who dropped everything to coach Yuuri, then made a successful comeback…"

"I haven't exactly done that yet," I laugh, "It kind of hinges on tonight."

"I have no doubt you will perform well tonight. I believe you are going to win. And when you have, take Yuuri and go get married. Plan your honeymoon for after your rehab and I'm sure that a smart boy like you can have the both of you still ready to compete next season. You are such a precocious one, I know you can do this. It…is what you want, isn't it?"

"Of course it is!" I answer immediately, "I don't have any doubts about that at all. Yuuri and I both want to be married."

I feel a little shiver as I add something that only Yuuri and I know.

"We've even been talking about adopting or having a child with a surrogate later, after we retire from skating. It means we'll have to move away from Russia, but…"

I stop because of the beautiful, happy look on her face.

"Vitya!" she says, grabbing me and hugging me crushingly, "That's wonderful!"

"Well, we're not there yet," I laugh nervously, "I still have a few years left as a professional skater, and Yuuri will have a few beyond that."

"Oh, I don't know about that," she giggles, "I have a feeling that he will want to leave with you."

I give my head a shake.

"He shouldn't do that, just because of me."

"Why not, if that's his choice?" she asks pointedly, "I don't know Yuuri Katsuki as well as you do, but I already know that he loves you even more than he loves skating. Why else would he have been ready to give up skating and let you go, just to make you return to skating, something he knew you love to do?"

"Well," I admit, coloring a little, "at the time, I actually thought it was because he didn't love me enough."

"I hope you know how wrong you were."

"Oh, I do," I say ruefully, "But my stupidity then put me where I am now…just a step away from rehab and really wishing that I'd made a different choice that night."

"Do you really think that would have been a better thing?" she asks, taking my hands in hers, "Vitya, you would still be an alcoholic, even if you hadn't lost control that night. And if you hadn't had your eyes opened then, something worse could have happened."

I flinch as I think about Stefan's wife and lost child.

"I see you understand," she goes on, squeezing my hands, then letting them go.

Her eyes grow troubled and I can see that she's thinking about Modya.

"Alcoholism is a terrible disease, Vitya," she says, her voice quiet and calm, but I can hear the pain beneath it, "I think that maybe if it wasn't for that, Modya and I could have worked on his feelings of resentment and anger, or at least, we could have avoided the years of abuse we all suffered."

Her eyes aren't just sad. She looks guilty.

"I'm sorry that I stayed with him so long…that I chose to send you away instead of having the courage to take you, Servil and Irishka and run from him."

"Don't blame yourself for that."

"I have to," she insists, "I didn't just stay with him. I lied to keep him from being arrested when he almost killed you."

"You were afraid of what he would do to the rest of you," I remind her, "I was safe after that. I was protected by Yakov."

"But your brother and sister and I were not," she says angrily, "Because I wasn't strong enough to walk away and accept your father's protection, Modya went too far. Maybe if I'd left, he would have given up. Maybe he wouldn't have had to die like he did."

"No, you know he wouldn't have given up. He wasn't just an alcoholic. He was a vile, hateful person."

"I wish you'd known him like he was before, when he came to see me dance. He was so charming, so kind to me. He was a completely different person, Vitya. I don't know if that was just not real or if maybe it was, but being with me put him under too much pressure to be better than he was."

"You can't blame yourself for that!" I argue, "Whatever happened, he made the choice to put his hands on you in violence. He did the same to me, to Servil and to Irishka. You saw him try to murder me in front of you. If he had lived, he would still be trying to hurt us."

She gives me a sad smile and kisses me gently on the cheek.

"Perhaps you are right. Anyway, the past is done. I will make you a deal. I will let go of mine if you promise me you will let go of yours. Stop second guessing yourself and realize that rehab is not a punishment for you, it is an opportunity. Right now, alcohol has its way with you, even if only sometimes. The more you wait, the more control it will have."

I know she's right, but…

"Let's stop this for now. I know you have to go and practice for tonight."

"I do."

"Go on, then. Find Yuuri and have a wonderful time tonight. I know you're looking forward to this competition."

I walk back to my room, leaving Maccachin to visit with her, and I find Yuuri in the room, already dressed for practice and looking out the balcony doors with a troubled expression. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around him, kissing him below the earlobe.

"Good morning, Yuuri," I say cheerfully, "Did you enjoy your visit with Phichit?"

"Yeah," he says, but I hear a half-heartedness to the words, "We had breakfast together. I hope you don't mind."

"Why would I mind?" I chuckle, nuzzling him, "I slept pretty late, then Maccachin and I visited with my mother for awhile. I kept myself busy."

"Did you eat something?" he asks.

"No, I think I'll wait until after practice."

"Are you sure?" he asks uncertainly, "It's the free program today…"

"I'm fine. Stop fretting."

"I'm not fretting," he says, pulling free of me and sitting down on the bed.

I sit down beside him, looking at him and waiting while he tries to find the right words.

"I just…didn't like some of the things that people were saying, that's all."

"What kind of things?"

I think I already know.

"Just…about…"

He stops and wrings his hands, nervously.

"Go on," I prompt him, "or no, let me. They are talking about how stars rise and fall in the skating world. They are talking about how high my star has risen in the past years, but they speculate I have reached the highest point I can, and that it's great that I am embracing the idea of helping others who are destined to climb higher."

"V-victor!" he sobs, "Stop it. I don't like hearing that!"

"I know," I answer, grabbing him and hugging him tightly, "I know, Yuuri, and it really doesn't bother me."

"But, it bothers me! I want to compete with you, but I don't want everyone acting like it's some kind of changing of the guards or something! It's like they've forgotten who you are."

"Maybe so," I say, capturing him by the chin and narrowing my eyes, "but then, all that means to me is that I have a chance to remind them. It's a challenge, Yuuri."

"But…"

"No matter what anyone says, there is only one person who will decide when I am done," I tell him sternly, "That person is me. I promise you, I am not done yet. I will bring everything to the ice tonight, and I want you to also."

"B-but, I don't want to be the one t-to…!"

"Do you really think that beating me tonight will make me quit?" I scold him gently, "Think again, Solnyshko. If you beat me, I will only work that much harder to win when we compete next season. I don't care if I win or you win, or if Yurio wins. I love skating, and I will skate my best and accept the outcome, whatever it is. You need to do the same. Now, you promise me that you will try your hardest to beat everyone, tonight, including me."

He still looks pale as I wipe his tears away, but he nods.

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, I promise."

He's quieter than usual through our morning practice and he hurries out before he can be interviewed. I take my time and answer the reporters' questions, acknowledging the advances that Yurio and Yuuri have made all season. And the question comes up…the one that Yuuri was dodging when he escaped earlier.

"So, now that you have proven yourself as a coach and choreographer, are you planning to retire and pursue those things full-time?"

I give the offending man a bright smile and a wink.

"Don't rush me. I'll get there, but right now, I am just laying groundwork. I love skating, and I still have much to offer the sport as a skater. When the time comes, it's good to know I am covered, but win or lose, I will remain a figure skater for as long as my body holds out…and I plan for that to be awhile. Besides, now that Yurio and Yuuri are challenging me, I think it will keep me motivated to continue growing. I know that some are speculating that my star has reached its zenith, but I question that. I'll do my best to prove that I can go higher."

I can see that I haven't convinced everyone, but I've made a good impression. I leave them still asking questions and walk back to the hotel, where I find Yuuri waiting with lunch in our room.

"What are you doing, holing up in here?" I tease him, "You should be enjoying this more."

"Sorry," he says ruefully as I sit down with him to eat, "you're right. I just…before we go out there, I want to tell you that I love skating with you. I love it so much that, even though I'm feeling worried about what people were saying about you, I'm going to take your advice and just not listen. I'm going to go out there and do my best, and whatever happens, I'm glad we're both here together. I want this to last as long as possible. I've waited all of my life to be able to compete with you, and now, I finally can."

"You'll do great," I say, hugging him, "No matter who wins, I'm sure we'll stand on the podium for the first time together, and that makes me so happy!"

"Me too!"

The afternoon passes quickly, and before we know it, it's time to dress in our costumes, and to make the final walk down to the venue. The streets are lined with people who cheer and call our names as we walk past. We enter the arena and security personnel escort us to the skater preparation area. There are still several groups who will perform before we do, so he have plenty of time to warm up and help each other with stretches.

"Oh Victor, there you are!" Chris calls out, coming over to stretch alongside us, "Where have you and Yuuri been hiding? I barely got to see you in the short program round."

"It's been busy," I laugh, "You did well, qualifying for the last group with us."

"Eh, it was easy with the ones in the group I was assigned to. I think they insulted me."

"Well," says Yuuri, "you're with us now. I think I speak for both of us when I say that we'll make sure this last round isn't boring for you."

"Oh, I hope so," Chris gushes, grinning, "I do like to feel challenged."

"You won't be challenged," Yurio scoffs, from where he's warming up a short distance away, "I'm going to crush you all."

"Isn't he so cute?" Chris giggles.

"Well, he did beat the two of us at the Grand Prix Finals," Yuuri acknowledges, "Still, Victor's competing tonight."

"It's not going to matter," Yurio growls, "I'm taking the gold."

"Are you kidding me?" J.J. laughs, heading into the room to join us, "There's no way, even with your four quads that you're going to beat me. It's not happening."

"Huh," Yurio huffs, "Or maybe you'll choke, like you did in the short program at the Grand Prix Finals!"

"Old news," J.J. says, holding up a hand in Yurio's face, "You'd just better be ready for a bruising out there. You're going down."

"I think you have more than Yuri to worry about," Otabek says, looking over from Yurio's other side.

"What? You mean, poor ancient and had to drop out of his last competition, Victor? Is that who you mean?"

Although I can see Yurio snarling, he holds back as Otabek answers.

"Victor is a great talent. I'm sure that he will give a performance worthy of his reputation. And you should be worried about that."

"As if," J.J. scoffs, "I don't think an old drunk has been is going to beat me."

I don't usually bother with idiots spouting off like that, but I don't like the way Yuuri is reacting, so I move to stand face-to-face with him and he laughs again as I glare into his mocking eyes.

"Then, prepare to be very, very surprised," I purr in my sexiest voice, smiling wickedly and patting him on the face, making his jaw drop in shock, "Come Yuuri, we'll be warming up soon.

I keep Yuuri away from the others until the six minute warm up for our group, then I take him to the far end of the rink, where we prepare for our performances.

"Are you all right?" I ask.

"Yeah," Yuuri says softly, "I'm going to destroy him."

"Good," I chuckle, patting him on the shoulder, "I will too."

I'm glad that J.J.'s rudeness got him a little angry, so that he's not feeling nervous.

"Do you want to go for a walk after this?" I ask him.

"No, I'm watching them."

Good, an aggressive Yuuri is a Yuuri who will stop at nothing.

We skate to the edge of the rink and exit to wait our turn as Otabek takes the ice. His performance looks even better than his Grand Prix Final performance, and he takes the early lead. Chris puts in an exceptional performance as well, but just misses Otabek's score, putting him in second place. J.J. is J.J., and he sails past Otabek and Chris to take the lead. His score is impressive, but it's no world record. Yuuri holds that, and he's skating next. As he prepares to take the ice, I hug him tightly and give him a tender kiss.

"Do your best," I whisper into his ear.

"I will."

And from the moment he takes his place on the ice, Yuuri keeps his promise. Every move is precise, every step and turn lovely, and his jumps and spins are dazzling. I feel such pride seeing that look of determination he wears. I feel the confidence and the love that drives his performance, and I don't want it to end. By the time it does, my eyes are wet, and every person in the arena is on their feet. We meet in the kiss and cry, and both of us are shedding tears and hugging each other as we wait for his score. My heart spills over with love and deep pride as his score is announced.

"Katsuki puts in a stellar performance," the announcer says excitedly, "and he exceeds his world record score by a few hundredths of a point, setting an even higher bar for fellow skaters, Yuri Plisetsky and Victor Nikiforov. Plisetsky is now on the ice to try to make some history here. Can he win the free skate record too?"

Yurio too, gives his very best to the effort, and the result is a heartbreakingly beautiful performance. But even that isn't enough to equal Yuuri's new world record. There is only one person left who has a prayer of doing that.

"Next on the ice is Russian skating legend, Victor Nikiforov, who held a slim lead over Katsuki in the short program. To win, Nikiforov needs to score no less than a point beneath Katsuki's."

"A Herculean feat," a second announcer says, "especially considering that Nikiforov has never scored that high on his free skate before. Still, Nikiforov still holds the world record for the highest overall score, and he has a reputation for surprising everyone. Let's see what he has in store for us tonight!"

I take my position at center ice, and let out a soft breath, picturing in my mind the beautiful future that Yuuri and I have planned. Not just skating, but everything, a wedding, children and a skating school we can run together. But I feel very much as the music begins, that there is something more I have to do before all of that…and it must happen here…now…tonight.

I feel something beginning in my core and spreading outward, a lightness of being, a well of strength that pours into my body, energizing me through the early combination spin and step sequence. And when I take off into my quad lutz, applause breaks out and sounds of appreciation echo in the arena. I feel almost like the body I'm in has gotten younger, as though it's the more youthful, limber body I had as a teen. My quad flip sets the crowd on fire, and more applause sounds all around.

"I think if the question was, Is Victor Nikiforov ready for this challenge? we've just received our answer!" the announcer calls out, "Two amazing jumps and two more are planned in his program."

I'm still feeling strong, entering the second half, so I add some flourish to my moves that should add to my PCS score. I take a steadying breath as I head into the quad flip, triple toe loop combination. I can't help smiling at the fact that Yuuri must have seen by now that the jump combination was a deviation. I've landed three quads now, and he knows if I land the quad loop, I'll be close to catching him. But he doesn't know that I've turned my triple salchow in the next portion to a quad too.

But I have to land the quad loop or I am going to lose.

I gather speed and make the turn, using everything I have to get the right height and rotation. As my body comes around and I land on the ice, a roar rises up.

"A beautiful jump and now he's got to be closing in on Katsuki. Remember, he doesn't have to beat Katsuki's free skate score, just his overall. Will he…?"

The announcer's voice stops and the arena seems to go silent for a moment as I fly into the quad salchow, triple loop that no one is expecting to see. I'm into the final combination spin by the time it sinks in and the crowd comes to their feet. As I come to a stop, I hear Yuuri sob my name, and I meet him in the kiss and cry, where we hug and kiss rapturously.

"You were incredible!" he says breathlessly, "That was an amazing performance."

"You did well," Yakov adds, taking his place beside Yuuri and me as we wait for my scores, "You could possibly win."

I find myself unable to say anything, because I'm so out of breath. I hold on to Yuuri, my heart pounding and so happy I could melt.

Win or lose, this was so much fun! I haven't enjoyed a competition this much…ever!

My score flashes onto the scoreboard and Yuuri and I take it in, then hug each other tightly again.

"Nikiforov's free skate score is a personal best, and just shy of Katsuki's newly set world record score, but it is enough to give the skating legend more than just the gold here tonight. The three men who will stand on the podium tonight will earn Victor Nikiforov an honor unmatched by any skater in history. Tonight, while winning the gold, he has also made a more permanent mark on the skating world as the coach and choreographer of the silver medalist, and choreographer of the bronze medalist."

"I think we can all agree," says the second announcer, "that no matter what happens from this day forward, no one will ever forget the name, Victor Nikiforov!"

The competitions will continue, and in the future, Yurio and Yuuri will beat me sometimes, I know. I'll still grow too old to skate professionally someday. The clock still ticks in that arena, but there is a new world that has opened up for me. When the time comes, I don't have to worry. When I can't compete anymore, I'll still put my mark on the ones who will. I'll be coaching and choreographing until I'm an old man.

It really will be okay now.

And I'm pleased to see in Yuuri's happily crying eyes that he knows this too.