Chapter Thirty Five

Daniel had reached the point to where he loathed the idea of sleep. He stood outside his temporary quarters on base, which throughout the years had grown to be more and more permanent regardless of the house he owned, and just stared at the door. He knew the General was right to order him to get some sleep and had willingly made his way to his bed, not at all appreciating the firm stare coming from Teal'c when those orders came. The Jaffa's eyes all but promised to strong arm him here if necessary, and Daniel had started to wonder if he was clasping his hands behind his back in his trademark stoic way or if he had been hiding a zat back there.

Sighing, he used his keycard to open the door, his inner musings about his more common lodgings causing him to wonder why they didn't just remove the security device and call the room his like they had done with Vala.

Vala. He threw a slight glance down the hall to where her room still remained to be hers. He wondered how much longer that would be before the IOA took that away. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at the thought of that group of suits pretending like they knew what the hell the Stargate personnel faced day in and day out. If they really had any inkling, he thought as his door clicked to a close, they would be more than willing to expend every resource necessary to find Vala.

It had been two and a half weeks since she had sacrificed herself to the Kasinans in order to save the SG teams being held prisoner. He was starting to fear the worst. Thinking back to that horrific moment when he use of the goa'uld healing device on him sealed her fate, he knew that she had known the worst was coming. A chill shot up his spine as he heard the lie in the last words she had spoken to him.

"Go, Daniel. I'll be fine," Vala tried to assure him.

His blue eyes bore into hers as he shook his head. "Don't make me say goodbye to you, Vala. Whatever you have planned, it won't work." His features softened as he begged her, "Please let me help you."

"This isn't goodbye, Daniel," she replied warmly. "That's not what this was about."

She would never say goodbye. That's how he knew her first visit and the ones after were all in his head and nothing more. They weren't connected. At least, not because of any devices. They were connected because of who she was and everything she had done for him. Everything he had never had the courage to thank her for.

He took a deep breath and began to slowly undress, waiting for the moment when she would appear. Maybe he would tell her now, thank her for bringing the light back into his life. He couldn't help but laugh at himself humorlessly.

"You're talking about pouring your heart out to a hallucination. Perfect," he muttered to himself as he crawled into bed.

It had gotten to the point to where he saw her even when he was awake. Who would have guessed that losing Vala would cause him to lose his mind?

Not lost, he corrected himself inwardly as he squeezed his eyes shut. Not yet, a small voice in the back of his mind added. He wasn't ready to address that voice, not yet. She was missing for just about three weeks when the Trust had kidnapped her and wiped her memory, and she had still managed to survive. Hell, she had even survived in the Ori galaxy when all of the odds were definitely against her, big super villains in the sky watching her every move and all.

He wasn't sure when he drifted off, but he could see her now, so he must have found sleep somehow. She was standing a few yards away from him. She was surrounded by darkness and looked confused and pained. When her eyes locked onto his, the darkness seemed to melt away as her smile lit up her face. Whatever it was that she was thinking or feeling before just vanished with the warmth he felt at her saying his name. She just kept saying it over and over and over again.

He began to notice that there was a slight change to the way she was saying it. Each time, his name became more intense and her voice became more frantic until she was finally screaming for him, reaching her arms out to him as she pleaded for his help. He tried to move to get to her, but found that something was holding him in place. When he looked to see what it was, he found the members of the IOA holding his arms, pulling him further away from her.

She was screaming for him now, this time in pain. He could see the flames as they crept up her jeans. He was screaming now too, tearing at the people holding him back, desperately trying to get to her. The raven hair held in pigtails began to curl up and wither away as the flames licked at her shoulders. Still she cried out for him, and still he struggled to get to her, until the flames finally encompassed her and there was no more.

"NO!" Daniel was about to shoot out of bed, but he felt a large and firm hand clamped around his arm. Without thinking, he made to swing, but Teal'c's other hand caught his fist before it was able to connect to his target: the Jaffa's face.

The warrior gently lowered his friend's fist to the bed. "Are you alright, Daniel Jackson?"

He swallowed hard, struggling to find his voice to answer. "Yea. Just...bad dream."

"You must not give up hope, Daniel Jackson. Vala Mal Doran is a cunning and battle seasoned warrior. She will prevail."

Daniel laughed darkly. "Tell that to my subconscious and then maybe I'll get a decent night's rest." He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to snap at you. I just...I need to find her, Teal'c."

The understanding in Teal'c's eyes was more than Daniel could understand, as he had no recollection of the fifty years they had all shared together on the Odyssey. "I believe we will, Daniel Jackson," he assured his friend quietly.