After a recharge or a rest, and waking up after all that happened with the ship crashing needing to be fixed. You never would have expected this to happened, what you saw made every part of you burn for some reason. This type of burning hurt, it was painful and sad. You didn't understand all you knew was that it hurt, and still lingered.
What word could one call this? This was new, so new it was bad enough you where still recovering from all those deaths, having to see this. Everyone was shocked, when you walked in to find...To find...Raph and some strange looking humanoid salamander looking female. The two of you lip locking, and what made it worse and more excruciating was the fact they both seem to be enjoying it. You could feel off them, it was the same feeling Raph with you. But it seem different, and because of this it was just so painful.
Seeing this, all eyes turned to you hearing your shock gasp. Even Raph himself was just as surprised to see you, he saw the hurt and confused look in your eyes. He looked away from you ashamed, not sure what came over you. You look at the other female with a threatening and confused look, she stares back at you confused but just as threatening not at all phased by your little stare. She stared harder. Your eyes fall onto April who looked ready to cry with a apologetic look for some unknown reason. Seeing the hurt in her sister's eyes, it wasn't that it was the fact her sister was lost and didn't understand what she just saw. Though the others did.
April gets opens her mouth to call your name, but she was to late. The pain you where feeling was just to much and you couldn't take it, turning heal confused, stopping and it was the last thing the others thought you would do. But you didn't understand, and you felt that empty feeling again of something being taken away from you, after seeing what you just saw. And lunge at the girl, powered up with fury they didn't think was in you. You get ready to hit her, only to instead to be blocked by Raph. Much to your surprise, he stood in-between you and that female.
He orders you to back off, pushing you back while trying to stand his ground. This confused you even more, not understand this. Never did you think he would raise his guard on you. It did not make any sense to you, your mind was trying to understand this. Seeing this, giving him an opening, he manages to push you back hard enough to knock to the floor. Which surprised everyone, even him realizing what he just did. He looks at his hands seeing he had taken out his weapons to block you and protect the other female dub Mona Lisa. Disgusted and shocked, his eyes look to you on the floor, looking up at him hurt. Eyes that made him replay what just happen, he tries to formulate the words he needed to say to you. But nothing would come out of his mouth, not one single thing. And because of that, he saw you get up and run away with April following behind you.
All that followed you, then turned to Raph. He was just at a lost, unsure what just happened, what he just did. What that one action he didn't know what came over to him to do it. He could feel the guilt inside him beginning to grow, instead of going after his now distraught girlfriend, he turns around to Mona Lisa speechless. The air felt heavy, everyone could feel it, feeling eyes on him he turns around to see his brothers, Casey, everyone looking at him. Though their eyes cast a different expression on him, behind them was disappointment, just heavy disappointment.
(if you want you can listen to heart goes on, when you read this part.)
Still trailing the Triceriatons, to reach the pieces before them. Everything would be consider fine and dandy with the crew if that where to be true, but it was far from that. There was so much pain in the air, there was guilt, confusion, heavy thoughts and so much more. That it made everyone feel like they where walking on eggshells, even Mikey kept his mouth shut which was amazing for him. But the young turtle could feel the vibes emitting from not just Raph but from May. He could feel her heartbreak, the broken trust that shattered worse than glass. The saddest thing about it, was that though the others knew what it was she didn't. She had no idea what this pain was she was feeling, what words could be used to describe and explain it to her?
Not to long she learned about the pain of death, now she had learn about this pain which was just as equivalent to death itself. Because when this happens to another, it feels like they died inside something wittered away and died. Not to mention the bury anger that seem unlimited with something like this. This type of anger was different from all the other kinds, this anger was burning with pain that one wish they could kill themselves. No matter the kind of willpower one had, they would become a victim of this anger, this anger would linger inside a person opening up a wound that seem to never heal. Even though many would say that time would heal it, they understood that. But May, how would she? What comfort could they give her to help her through this? None of them really had ever experience something like this before, so it made it a bit impossible to put themselves in her shoes. All they could really do was just in their own way"sympathize" and offer her their support in this matter. It pained them all to see May go through this, to see her become more broken than she already was.
Just when they thought they where making some sort of progress when they gave her, the bit of good news that everyone would be safe and they could save everyone. To see the hope come back into her eyes, to see their May returning seeing her brimming again with the radiant light they've all grown to love and bathe in. She was so determine to make that hope a reality, with all her might. It was that hope she clung to, her source of light. All to fade away from what her eyes saw, what a certain turtle did.
Though his brother, Mikey was just as heated and disappointed like the others, even if he was trying to come to some understanding of it. He just couldn't, there was just no way to justify this, did Raph not think about this before he did what he did? Then again, the signs where there, and none of them did anything to stop it, so they where just as guilty as Raph. Back on that ice planet, they saw the way Raph looked infatuated with Mona. The way his eyes lite up, during the fight how she manged to land blows on him, besting him. The rush that came over him, like another side of him came out. One that seem dormant, one he liked very much. The way he smiled at the mere thought of the strong, fearsome Salamanderian warrior female. It excited him, and everyone knew he enjoyed it one would dare say he loved it. And boy did he express it, with that stupid mistake one that sacred everyone not just the two involved. It effected every single person on the ship. Sometimes Raph was just to thick headed to see his actions. Not seeing others paid the price for what he did. All that was built between the two, just fell down and broken apart.
How could they pick up the pieces without getting cut themselves. Was it even their place to pick up the pieces and put them back together, if they could be put back together? Mikey stared down at the controllers in his station watching the lights flicker on and off, and all around. They danced in such lively colors, which could not be said for him. He sighs heavily, thinking of May. She hadn't come out of her room at all, he could only imagine what it was she was going through. Lifting his head, he looks around at the others, Donnie was waiting by the door for April to come out, Casey was with him. Leo stood staring out the window, Honeycutt kept himself busy by the controls though occasionally glancing at the door worried, and well Raph in a manner of speaking isolated himself or pretty much kept to himself at his station. No one really knew what he was thinking, he kept his head down most of the time to avoid their wrath.
Feeling eyes on him, Raph looks up to lock them with Mikey. He then quickly adverts them away, Mikey knew Raph was punishing himself for what happened. Though feeling he did deserve it, didn't stop the him from not consoling his brother. Against his better senses, he gets up and walks over to Raph. Being the first to talk to him, it was quiet between the two for a bit. Sensing the nervous wreck his brother had become, if it was nervousness. But it was something, he just couldn't figure it out.
Clearing his throat, Mikey gets down to Raph's level.
"...Hey."he speaks first, Raph said nothing. So Mikey tires again."Hey...ha-"
"I don't even know what to do."Raph confesses in a whisper to him. His voice trying not to crack. But it could clearly be heard."I know it was wrong, but then again it didn't seem like it. But when I saw the way May looked...I never meant to raise my weapons at her...I..."he painfully groans, confused. He looks at both his trembling hands."It's just...things...ever since what happened with Renet, with Ten Shen. Things...they haven't been the same...Still I know, that doesn't give me...Arghhh..."he balls up his fist tightly.
Mikey just sat there and listen to his brother try to make sense of this, hearing his voice become happy and thrilled when talking about Mona, only to drop with regret and lost when talking about May. The struggling in his voice when speaking of May, he sounded exhausted yet hopefully, even worried. Yet there was some sense tenderness there. Looking Mikey saw the conflict that held onto Raph. Despite his own emotions, Mike did feel bad for him. He gets ready to say what he needed to say, only to hear the door open and all eyes turn to see coming out April, with her was you.
Everyone froze, Leo looked relieved to see you out but his eyes wept for you. So did the others, even though Casey and Donnie put on a smile expressing how happy it was to see you. They couldn't get pass the hurt and broken expression or near broke look you carried. It felt like a ton upon tons you where dragging. Honeycutt stopped working and turns to you, he opens his arms greeting you warmly, though he wanted to embrace you in a affectionate hug, he stopped himself. He looks to April, who had you held close to her. The teen looks to the android with tired sad eyes, even if she was holding a smile. April leads you away to the window, for you to look. Donnie and Casey follow, to offer their comforting support. With Casey suggesting to go outside and spend some time out in the open, an idea Donnie agreed to, looking to Honeycutt signaling him to agree. Which the Professor does, stating it was a splendid idea.
With the plan set in action, April begins to guild you towards the airlock which you blindly follow. As you walked there, Casey and Donnie do their best to block Raph from your sight, but it wasn't enough. Not even Casey's idea of playing space hockey was a good enough distraction. You spotted him, and he knew it turning his eyes away from you, which added more to your confusing anger. Yanking away from April, who was to slow to stop you as you maneuver around Donnie and Casey you make your way to Raph. Leo waste no time and hurries over to you hoping to stop what might get started.
Your confused hurt eyes look at Raph from above, they scan over him sensing his racing heart, hearing his heavy breathing. Your senses saw everything even if he was trying to hide it, and there was something else. Something else you where sensing that, something that made you want to cry. Swallowing hard, everyone remained still, even Honeycutt slowed the ship down. You open your mouth, your voice was almost horse and meek, but still everyone could hear.
Your words cried out."We're mutant turtles...there is no way..."you painfully say. Raph's eyes wide, when he realized what it was you where saying, he finally lifted his head and looked at you shocked. You did your best to lift your eyes to meet his, but it was just to much. So you cast them downward, standing there cringing slightly, all alone. But you stood as tall as you could, despite being slightly hunched. Everyone could see you shaking slightly, the way your hands gripped onto your arms as you hugged yourself for comfort, your nails dug into your fabric. You looked so helpless standing there, the outfit though was not helping. You shut your eyes tightly, wishing to be able to produce some sort of tear. But nothing came out, no matter how hard you tired to force it, though the sounds where there. Yes, they where there.
Hearing you whimpering and crying. Your knees began to shake and wobble, at an second they would give out. It seem like it. Swallowing hard, you continue."N-No way, we c-can b-be in a relationship...w-we're t-too different."you pause for a second. Your glistening eyes reflecting like water look to Raph, your hurt eyes burned deeply in him."I-Is..t-that it? W-we're just t-to different...Y-You said that, on the farm. I-I remember...to.."
"To me."Donnie gasp remembering, and surprised you overheard, his heart ached for you more."Oh, May."
You kept your eyes on Raph, who's remained wide open still in shock looking up at you. You stood there with his shocked guilty silence. This silence he kept giving you, seem to give you your answer. A sad smile etched itself across your lips.
"I-I remember, ev-everything you said...to me. Wh-when I was out."a tearful laugh escapes you, causing you pain. Everyone could hear the pain behind it."Y-Your words, they were...th-they..."unable to say anything, rage taking over now. You could feel it, that you fall to your knees and raise up your fist slamming it down hard onto the floor almost shaking the vessel, leaving a dent. Your eyes glow with burning emotional anger, the deadly look you had scared everyone, but behind that deadly look was nothing but a broken heart."I HATE PAIN!"you scream on the top of your lungs that it felt like the echo it left shook the ship."I HATE IT!"you cry bloody mary, a high pitch scream emitted from you this time, that the others had to cover their ears for a second.
The tech on the ship slightly went haywire, the lights went crazy. Honeycutt had to quickly stabilize the ship."Oh dear!"
No one never saw this side of you, they were not sure if it was good or not. From the strained eyes mixed with a slight twisted smile. You raise your fist and slam it again causing the dent to go deeper, this time it scared Raph he jumped out his seat. Putting up his hands in defense and protection. Your eyes remained glowing and narrow him out of everyone. The fury in your eyes, burned more than the sun. But it wasn't just because of him, it was from everything but he pushed it to the edge. Your smile dropped to a irritated and disgust frown, your lips began to quiver. You couldn't hold that face, before it broke. Cover you eyes, burying them in your hands.
"I-I do not understand..."you confess softly."I-I do not..."you cry."I do not...w-what logical reasoning...Raphael...what logical reasoning..."
You look at him, your eyes back to normal pleading with him for some sort of answer.
The guilt was hitting him hard, he didn't know what to say. If he himself didn't know, or maybe he did. Pain came to his green eyes, reflecting every single memory he shared with you, locking eyes with you. He saw your eyes doing the same, the memories where wonderful, they where good, they where...special. So special, the building feelings, he felt himself getting towards. The way he felt drawn to you, for some odd reason he still couldn't understand. Hearing you say his name, always made his heart leap for joy, the fact he could be himself and talk with you about personal matters, how you where always there to comfort him no matter what. The times you would tell him your insecurities about life, about not feeling the sense of belonging at times. Question and coming to him for answer about being new to the world. Relying on him for support and stability. He watched you grow and expand more, both of you helping the other, a connection that formed a strong one. There was nothing neither of you could do, he knew could do it had ever ounce of faith in you, just as you did him. He was the brasher, while you the gentle soul. Both souls resonated with eachother, how you both made each the other smile.
All that reflecting in his eyes and yours. It was still strong, he could feel it, but there was something else. Some that made that bond become wobbly and loose, something that made him see it was unsteady. Something that felt like it was drifting apart, he wasn't sure if it was him or you or maybe both. There was still a spark, but he wasn't sure if there was still a flame. Not the flame he felt with Mona. All this processed in his mind, that he didn't realize you had gotten back up and stood across from him with his seating station separating you both, Mikey was in the middle looking from you to Raph.
Finally coming up with the right words, Raph opens his mouth to say them. Each word expressed his feelings, every single one of them. His lips moved but he couldn't hear a sound coming from them. Honeycutt gasp in silent sadness. The others gasp too, April reaches out to you, only to be stopped by Casey. Raph stood there just as shocked, even Leo. The leader wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. He had mix feelings about it.
Raph looks at you, even with your heartbroken smile on. His eyes told you to reconsider, but he saw in your eyes, your soul seem to have enough. He could hear his mind yelling at him, calling him stupid and an idiot. He reaches out for your hand that was held out in his direction, he goes to grab it. Only for you to pull it back before he could touch it. Tearfully looking away from him, before turning back with that same smile. The smile that showed and project the pain on him, it hit him hard like a megaton.
"M-May...p-please..."for the first time, his voice was soft and whimpering.
You look straight at him, with no gesture at all to him to know. He looked lost, just as you had. You kept your smile on, you turn to the window looking out at the vast space."T-they say...one...No."you shake your head."I do not, have a logical reasoning...B-but I do know t-this...Raph..."you float up and glide gently over to him, just inches apart. You bring up your hand and place it on the side of his face, he melts into it looking at you with bit apologetic sincere eyes. Those same eyes, eyes that turned a spark into a flame. It made you miss them, but you pushed that down and he saw it. It hurt you just as much as it did him, you lean in and touch your forehead with his."I wish to reconnect with you again, Raph...ael."
Those words stung, he was about to touch your hand, but your gentle touched removed itself from him. Taking it back leaving nothing but a phantom print. Turning around, everyone watches you fly off and the door shuts behind you. Behind the door, the strength you had emitted dissolved and you broke down. While outside Raph, head hung low. From the broken eyes a single hot burning tear fell, while the spark flickered, as it wavered.
I hope this chapter was alright, I know it's not of the new episode that just aired, it is pretty much after it or an in-between. I really hope you like it, thank you to my bestie Tentenbaby. With you I never would have done this chapter. I really really hope you all like it, sorry if it is emotional for some.