Comments: I received a PM today by a person, who I won't embarrass by saying his username, about Bitter Sweet. One quote was "You have thirty-seven chapters of just coincidences. Nothing primly locks the characters together, especially your OC and Gaignun. They met when they were younger and immediately were kind to one another. This is unrealistic along with the fact they meet again and fall in love. The fact she meets chaos again is also plain coincidence. There is nothing strong to support your fiction and the route it has taken through the story."
I thought I had made this clear in previous chapters, or the story as a whole, that there is no such thing here as a coincidence. Everything has a meaning in this fiction, even little things like the pendant Gaignun purchased for Faith for an early birthday present as a kid. This fic isn't slowly slipping into nothingness. For the readers, this is the only hint I'm giving out in case anyone else feels the same way and finds it boring now, there is one final, life changing secret to be unlocked within Faith, Gaignun and everyone linked together. Basically, this story wasn't founded on coincidence. It was founded on destiny; a destiny each character shares because of Faith's existence. Lol I've TOTALLY stepped over the bounds of Xenosaga now XDD HMMM maybe we should just forget about the original storyline XD This is most defiantly AU now…Gah I hate myself for it Dx I don't suppose it's even fanfiction anymore!
RANT OVARH XD Enjoy! And I hope that didn't give too much away I just didn't want people thinking that Dx
EDIT: Microsoft Word said that chaos' isn't a word regarding his bedroom, so it changed it to chaoses which it then says doesn't exist! WTTHH? XD can someone tell me what's right because even the freakin word doesn't know o.o
There's a gap in between; there's a gap in between where we meet,
Where I end and you begin and I'm sorry for us; the Dinosaurs rule the Earth,
The sky turns grey where I end and you begin,
I am up in the clouds; I am up in the clouds,
And I can't and I can't come down,
I can watch and can't take part, where I end and you begin,
Where you, where I, where we left us alone,
You left me alone; I left you alone,
X'll mark the place; like the parting of the waves; like a house falling in the sea,
Falling in the sea…
I will eat you alive; there will be no more lies,
I will eat you alive; there will be no more lies,
I will eat you alive; there will be no more lies,
I will eat you alive,
There are no more lies,
[Radiohead – Where I End and You Begin]
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Our Videotape
It hadn't taken long for the food to be consumed by Faith, who had eaten at her fastest pace, which wasn't too surprising when she was eating alone. Only when there were other eyes upon her did she eat slowly; whether it was a force of habit or nervousness she never knew. She only knew it were a peculiar habit to possess. Looking at the clock on the wall she noted how it was almost eight in the morning; Gaignun still, quite slowly, getting ready upstairs. It had been about five or ten minutes (she wasn't sure at all) since chaos had left her in the kitchen alone, only having the thunder to provide her company. She wondered what he would be thinking in the dining room; what his mind was twirling around if it twirled anything around in the absence of people. Had her words of an attempted apology really dug into him so bad? Did her saying what she did open his mind to how cruel she had been to him? Her acceptance could have been his that she didn't love him anymore; that she truly didn't care but she did. At least she thought she did. He had done so much for her over the years. He had saved her from Albedo, brought her to her love and cared. Every step he took for her was one he thought to be the right one. Even if it hadn't been he had tried; that was what counted. But she swore, had hissy fits and … her hands began to tremble as she bit down on her lip, feeling her heart tense beneath her ribs. Letting out a little breath, she pushed herself to her feet; the scrap of the chair against the tiles following her movement. She took the plate along with the empty mug to the sink, pushed her chair back under the table and walked to the door that led to the dining room. Slowly, she wrapped the tips of her fingers around the doorknob; the sleeves of her thick yellow jumper so long they covered practically her entire hand. Holding her breath, she counted in the back of her mind up to five to settle her heart, before opening the door slowly. When it parted enough for her to step in, she paused; watching the white headed boy sat at the table with his fingers wrapped around the mug for a split second. His eyes were glazed, staring at the table yet staring at nothing at all. His left hand was at the top of his white, long sleeved shirt; tugging at the fabric of the collar softly.
"Yeshua," stepping into the room, she closed the door behind herself, landing them in their bit of privacy in the back of the house. Soon the other members would be awakening and it wouldn't be surprising if Gaignun would be making his way down the stairs as they spoke but it seemed all those facts were forgotten about. Like all the times she had been with Gaignun, the snowy haired boy and red headed girl were locked in their own little bubble, or world even. Guilt tingled in her little heart as she clasped her hands together, placing them over her stomach in an unconscious, motherly movement. The woman, who looked nothing but a little girl dressed in a pair of orange shorts with dinosaurs decorated on them and a yellow jumper, which too held a green dinosaur on the front, took a step foreword slowly further into the room as if the floor were made from caramel and stuck to her bare feet. chaos' eyes grazed over her as he heard her faint whisper of his name. When his eyes came to her face he could see her skin paler then usual; the blood vessels on show. He knew, of course he knew but he wasn't sure if Gaignun knew. He knew Faith knew too, but of course she would know; it was her body. When she didn't wear baggy clothes he could see the faint outlines of her new curve. He had noticed her cravings and knew she was being sick at least once a day. Even though she was oblivious to how she looked, he could see a weakness in her; her expression in her face as if she were about to faint. She felt weak, of course, but thought she was hiding it well. It was only when chaos stepped to his feet, grabbed her arm with his bare hand and directed her to a chair did she realise how bad she must have looked.
Calmly, he pulled the chair out for her, helping her with her balance. Kindly, he sat her down before curling some hair behind her ear. Looking into her eyes, he noted the troubled emotions seeping through, which possibly weren't helping with her body's situation. "How have you been sleeping?" he gently asked, tracing a hand across her cheek. The tips of his fingers grazed the blood vessels on show along with the dark rings beneath her eyes. From his little touch she felt a bolt of electricity like she was fifteen all over again, causing a shiver to run down the back of her spine. "Don't lie to me," he told her softly.
"Not well," she replied honestly as he took his hand from her cheek, which she was grateful for. She wanted no more shivers from him or feelings that felt like the thunder outside had struck her. He took the seat beside her, turning the chair so he could face her properly. "Yeshua, I need to talk to you. Not about me."
"Please, don't fret about what happened," he pleaded, not wanting her to be troubled about such unimportant matters. Her health was what mattered to him and to most likely her husband too. Not silly things that happened in the past between the pair of them.
"No," she sternly shook her head, which was becoming heavier as time went by. She was so tired despite the hot chocolate she had drunk. The lack of sleep was getting to her, and the fact she was creating a life within her wasn't helping at all nor were the thoughts but if she could get rid of them it would make some things better. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for how I've been with you," a tear dripped down her face that he quickly wiped away, not speaking to interrupt her. This time, she didn't feel his skin upon hers. "I should have treated you better; you were the only person that didn't label me and put me in a box to hate…You were so kind…I'm just sorry, Yeshua. I'm so sorry."
When he was sure she was finished, he put a hand on her shoulder, caressing her bone with his thumb softly. With his other hand, he flicked her chin up caringly; smiling when she looked him in the eye. "No more of this," he said to her. Nodding down at her stomach, he changed the subject."May I?" he asked softly, catching her eyes with his. She paused before parting her lips. A feeling ran throughout her like she was a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Fear almost prodded her heart along with dread; how had he felt about the entire thing? Was that why he was trying to stop her from shooting practise with Rubedo so often and not work on the Elsa as much as she did in her spare time? Oh she wished she had been smarter and hidden it from him!
"How did you…?" shock drowned her voice but quickly she nodded in answer to his question. His hand landed on her lower stomach, causing her to smile happily The jumper she wore was soft against his warm finger tips, and the idea of touching just where a baby was being created caused chaos to smile ever so slightly to himself. From where Faith was, she couldn't see the pulled up corners of his lips. "Gaignun never noticed."
"You were occupied with hiding it from him," he began to explain calmly. "You forgot about the rest of us."
Faith gave out a little laugh, smiling warmly at him. He couldn't help but smile back; the smile she had given him the warmest he had seen since she was a child. "I'm scared," she laughed, gripping his wrists with her cold fingers. She could feel the bones beneath his flesh; the pulse of his heart as she gripped him tightly. Despite the elevation in her facial expression, he could tell she was frightened through her tone along with the tightness of her hold on him. "I'm really excited too but I'm really scared of like everything. That's not bad is it?" worry clouded her eyes as she leaned towards him, whispering her next sentence. "I'm not rejecting the baby am I…?"
"No," he replied quickly with a shake of his head. "It's only natural for you to be frightened," he looked down at her trembling hands holding her wrists and held his breath as he made a movement that would either freak her out or settle her. Soothingly, he pulled his hands back but in a fluid motion, wrapped them around her own tenderly. He could feel the gold wedding ring along with her engagement one wrapped around her finger; the items cold to his touch. "Have you told Gaignun?"
"Yes," she replied happily, squeezing his hands tighter. "Last night. He was so happy. I've never seen him so pleased! I think he was happier then he was on the wedding and he couldn't stop giggling then like a little school boy," she smiled softly. "Remember?"
"Yes, I do," he replied, though he wouldn't think of the memory too much. That day hadn't been most pleasant for him on many levels. "I can imagine how delighted he was. But, why did it take you so long to tell him?" there seemed to be nothing but kind curiosity with his question, rather then something bad behind it, so Faith only sighed softly before giving a little giggle. Her guard had fallen as she placed all her honesty within chaos' ears; knowing he would not think less of her.
"I was scared," she answered, wrapping her ankles around the legs of the chair in a childish fashion that backed up her feelings of fright. "I had this silly idea that if I ignored it then it'd go away. It sounds like I didn't want the baby," she sighed hard to unwind knots that had appeared in her heart, frowning afterwards. "I did. I mean I do, I just…I feel nothing more then a child," her hands began to quiver as if they had been dipped in ice and the knots tightened once more, spreading to her chest as she tried to breathe properly. "What if I can't do this, chaos? I mean when you look at me to Gaignun he's so smart and so tall and handsome," she took her hands from his to wave them about; making comparisons to their heights. He watched her seemingly ecstatic hand movement with curiosity. "And so calm and collected and then there's me who's tiny, not pretty and who has long curly hair which makes me look a mess and I go off laughing and giggling and acting five when I should be acting my age and that's not even the biggest bit! I've killed people and I'm not a proper human and, and, I don't know chaos, I don't know…"
He looked into her weakness before taking her hands back in his. They were trembling from the emotions she was trying to tie under control. "I know," he began with a voice so soft that it was barely audible to the woman sat just a few inches away from him. "You're smart; far smarter then you believe. The other night when there was that problem with the Elsa, who fixed it?"
"I did," she whispered slowly, remembering there had been a small puzzle of lights down in the second floor that no one else could figure out but she. She couldn't remember what the lights had done or whatever, but it fixed something.
"Gaignun counts you as his equal," he reminded her with a soft smile. "With work and with everything else in his life. Your hairs curly naturally and it's beautiful especially when you don't dye it. You go off laughing and giggling, yes but your face brightens the room when you smile. When have you laughed and no one has laughed with you? You made Hammer go into a laughing fit by giving a little giggle," from causing her to remember that she did laugh on the spot, causing chaos' lips to stretch like a rubber band across his face. "If Gaignun heard you saying these things, what would he say?"
"Don't slouch dear," she began before sniffing. "You're being stupid; that kind of thing."
"You're going to be an amazing mother," he promised her as he squeezed her hand tightly. "Come on," with that he helped her to her feet, putting another hand on her shoulder for her balance. "I think you need some sugar. You look like you could fall asleep at any second."
Late in the morning, Faith had sat herself down at the window-seat in her bedroom, staring out of the window with nothingness in her face. She had changed her attire after having a bath, with Gaignun in the room rambling to her about whether or not to get a pregnancy test that would determine the sex of the baby (it was a conversation more to himself with the same words bouncing to and from the walls 'It'd ruin the surprise…But we need to know for baby things and for names…But still…'). She wanted to know, of course, but he still couldn't decide and wouldn't be silent for that half an hour she was in warm bubbles. Only she got to see how truly colourful his personality would get, though she assumed from the loudness of his voice everyone else in the household had to have heard him at some point. The outfit she had changed into was a simple one; a knee length baby pink skirt that had two layers; one smoother under one made of silk, and a second one that seemed to be a floral netting, which would have been horrible against her skin if it wasn't for the other piece of material. Her shirt was a thin strapped white one with more floral material amongst it; the pale pinks almost looking like they had been printed on the material with watercolour. The outfit was one she had fished from her wardrobe; amazed she could still fit into such things. She had worn it, if she remembered rightly, the first day they were at the Foundation. Not the day she met Gaignun. That was the second day perhaps…She couldn't remember to be precise but thinking of the day caused her hand to snap up to the clover pendant, which she held onto softly. She watched as the rain plummeted to the ground, not having held up at all. Instead it got heavier, while the thunder got louder. She wondered whether or not Shion would be over to assist with an Encephalon dive. Chances were, probably not because of the weather but she hoped so; she wanted answers.
"Do you know where your brother is?" a voice suddenly dug within her mind, this time causing her to jump as she was pulled from her thoughts. Looking quickly to the door, she saw Gaignun stood there with one of Damion's black jumpers on along with a pair of black coloured jeans. Both items acuminated his muscles vividly, which caused Faith's eyes to stay on him for a few moments longer then they should have done. Those muscles could crush her in an instant, if they wanted to; if Dmitri wanted them to. As a shiver ran across her shoulders, she lifted her head, looking into the eyes of Gaignun who, by his expression, knew she was eying him but it was unknown to him why the reasons were. When her mind calculated her asked a question, she immediately shook her head.
"I don't know," she replied, taking another few moments to slowly think something wasn't right about the question he bestowed upon her. "…Why?" she asked gently, running a hand over her stomach while Gaignun walked towards her. Deftly, he sat beside her on the seat, running a hand across her knee soothingly.
"Damion went to wake him up about ten minutes ago," he began as his hand moved to her stomach, soothing over her and the baby inside. Faith saw his eyes flashing with unhidden joy. "But apparently the rooms empty."
A frown appeared on her face from his words. Seldom did Gabriel disappear like that. "What does the room look like?" she asked softly.
"I don't know," he answered with a little frown himself. "It's nothing to worry about," he assured her though she wasn't worrying; she was more curious. Tenderly, he took her head in his hands and planted a soft kiss upon her lips; the heat of his body hotter than the sun itself. Pulling her head back, she broke the kiss almost abruptly, which made Gaignun bite his lip in nervousness of whether he had done anything to upset her. The smile she gave him told him not, and she quickly wrapped her hand around his before standing to her feet. Even when she stood and he was sat down she was barely taller then him, which embarrassed her more then often. Still, she pushed such silly thoughts from her mind and concentrated on Gabriel. Wasn't it curious that the man who possibly knew the ins and outs of her, had disappeared the morning chaos had given her that story? And the day after Gaignun had felt something in her that wasn't her? Coincidence? It couldn't have been.
"I want to check out his room, will you come with me?" she asked, looking into his eyes softly. She hadn't ever been within Gabriel's room; not once during the years of living together. She didn't know whether it was odd or not to not go within a brother's bedroom. Actually, thinking about it, she hadn't even been in Damion's or any other. The only room she had been in was the guest room, which was dubbed as chaoses. Nodding in reply, he tightened his hand around hers and stood to his feet.
Faith led him from the room to across the landing, hearing the television along with Rubedo's voice downstairs but contently ignored it. She walked to the door on the other end of the hallway, putting her left hand on the knob. Holding her breath, she took a long moment to twist it and push the door open; Gaignun having waited utterly patiently for her to do as such. The second they entered the darkened room, a gagging sensation overcame her as a pungent scent of decaying flesh mixed with blood entered her nose along with her mouth; slithering along her tongue so she could almost taste it. Cursing, she snapped her hand from Gaignun to wrap both of her shaking ones around her mouth and nose, hoping to somehow make the task of breathing more pleasant for herself. Gaignun had done the same, but far more calmly then Faith; a deep frown appearing on his face. The room looked normal in itself; a bed near a door that possibly led to a wardrobe, along with a desk scattered with papers but when she looked closer she noticed a tray, beside the bed that had been made so neatly a Sergeant would have approved, covered in what looked like the insides of a person; a heart maybe and a kidney but she didn't look too long. This was why she had never entered her brother's quarters.
Weakly, she made her way over to the desk as Gaignun investigated the dissembled parts of someone's body; the parts looking old and decaying slowly. With one hand, she glanced over the papers that were stained in blood; images here and there of wounds that she had sustained in the past along with her medical history. Each band she had obtained from going to the doctor or hospital was stored there, along with papers of the people she had frantically murdered. But when she looked over them, there was something odd about the entire thing. There were ticks; doodles of smiley faces along with long descriptions of how the people had been murdered along with the dates they had been born. Faith's heart began to skip as if more looking through the stuff would open the gates to something far more horrifying then she imagined. Biting her lip, she tried to contain her breathing before pushing some documents out of the way to search through the others. Just as her eyes crossed over a deceased persons name she felt her heart skip a beat in the most horribly way ever. In an instant she felt herself losing her balance as the name ringed through her head.
"Oh God…" she breathed heavily, hearing Gaignun's footsteps behind her. She felt the strength of his hand around her waist the second her knees tried to collapse underneath her body; her flesh trembling. The light dimmed in the back of her mind as she breathed, trying to keep herself from fainting. Gaignun looked down, noticing first the name of murdered Lock in the papers before seeing what had obviously shocked Faith. She felt as if she were going to be sick as tears streamed down her face. Covering her mouth, she screamed lightly; sobbing as she did. "It's not true…" she whispered as Gaignun pulled her back from the papers. "No, no it's not…oh God… You saw him!" she screamed, twisting from Gaignun's grip as she felt the panic cause adrenalin to skate through her system. She pushed her back against the desk, picking up the document in her shaking hands. As she did, a picture of Gabriel dropped to her bare feet. "You've seen him! He's bruised me!"
"I know," he quickly replied, nodding as he tried to hide his own shock of what had to be the impossible. "I've seen him. We've all seen him."
"Then how is he dead?" she screamed, hearing footsteps on the landing yet ignoring them. She quickly read off the words on the paper for Gaignun to hear so that it proved its existence. "Gabriel Clementine deceased on the tenth of June at the age of fifteen," her breathing hitched as she remembered that day being the day she hurt him for the first time. "Murdered by Faith Ackermann."
Just as she were about to turn to the papers, the pair of them heard a horrifyingly familiar click in their ears; causing them both to freeze. Slowly, Gaignun was the first to lift his eyes to the doorway where the click had originated from to see a barrel of a gun pointing in his direction. Faith followed the hand holding the gun to the face of Damion. Eyes widening, a numbness overcame her as she felt as if she were to fall to the ground. His blue gems glanced from husband to wife in a way she had never seen them before. Kind, loving Damion was holding a gun to her husband; obviously protecting what lay within the room. Perhaps now, an Encephalon dive wouldn't be needed. Tears streamed down her face as she reached to grab the desk to keep her body upright; her eyes trembling hard. Gaignun seemed unaffected by the gun pointing in his direction, obviously having found himself in a lot worse situations as a child, but still fear drenched Faith like water. She knew Gaignun wouldn't allow him to pull the trigger, and with Faith's own powers she could stop him too but what affected her was the fact he held the gun.
'But, this became a curse at the same time. People could mingle with her mind and when someone learnt what she was they used her for the worst of things; murder and all types of Sins.'
Was this …entire charade…the pain, the death and the blood all Damion's doing…? "Damion…" she whispered breathlessly, trying to get air into her fragile lungs. "Put it down…" she told him softly, trying to get the confidence back into her mind. This wasn't her; to be so fragile during a situation such as the one they were in. She would be fuming, angered but it was just the shock and the horror of Damion that grabbed her mind and mingled it down into nothing.
"Do you think you know everything now?" he asked her almost tenderly as he stood there calmly. He raised a brow to the trembling Faith who, after a moment, had gained her balance again and had her hands on her stomach. "You know nothing, you impudent little girl. Nothing of your origin, or of your powers. Who in the world do you think you are asking for a normal life when you posses what you do?"
"What are you talking about…?" she questioned, frowning deeply. "Is every…" she could feel the heat of herself running through her veins as the shock disappeared from her. This man was a fucking liar and she was going to make him pay. She didn't care for his damn speeches and only for the truth. Like Gaignun had said, he had been a father to her. He had even given her away at the wedding to the man who he seemed happy to kill at that moment in time. "…Person here a fucking mental case? It seems I'm the only one in the house who isn't nuts. What are you now, Damion? The fucking devil's second grandson or something stupid? What's Gabriel, or the one we've seen? A zombie? Oh and what am I? That Angel? Hah! Put the gun down," she said her last word firmly, glaring hard at him now as she pushed away any remaining thoughts of his disloyalty towards her.
"Your lack of acknowledgement disgusts me, Faith," he hissed towards her. "Your trust disgusts me. You fell into this world and became attached to everyone about you, including myself."
"I was a child," she countered hard. "A child that grew to love the people that cared for her and in time felt the trust. But you wouldn't know what trust is, would you Damion? Who the bloody hell are you? And Gabriel? I want to know what he is!"
"A pawn," he began as soft as silk. "A brother you had that died thousands of years ago just after your death," a snigger entered her ears as the raven headed man began to speak. "But just months after the death of that man," and he nodded towards Gaignun with a feral grin.