I Hunger For Your Touch Chapter 36: Yawaruna, a twilight fanfic

Chapter 36: Yawaruna

Rated M for horror, violence, anguish, swearing and other shocking things. This chapter is crucial to the story so don't skip it. It will likely be the most violent chapter in the series (unless Edward manages to wrap his mitts around Caius), but it is more physical than psychological, because I don't like creepy psych-you-out books myself. We'll get back to the life-affirming stuff partway through.

This day in the story, August 27th, happens to be my anniversary. Not telling you what year. So expect interesting things in IH on this date, just to amuse me. Oh, and I don't know if I'll ever get all the way back to SM canon. I'm having too much fun messing it up.

Mimozka has made me two wonderful banners from this story, that will appear on my sites as soon as I can figure out how to do it. I'm not kidding. I can't get it onto Twilighted. I'm techno-challenged. You can see them on my new Facebook fan page (JMolly) thanks to EternallyCullen. Gemma has also made me two terrific banners. Please visit there and write on the wall:D

facebookdotcom/pages/The-Unforseen-Events-series-By-JMolly/120789297957442?v=info

Gemma set me up a Thread on Twilighted. The link is on my Profile. I'll be providing all sorts of insider deets, so don't miss out:) Nobody has posted yet but me and she. Be the first to post, and I'll send you something special.

Special thanks to all those who reviewed, pm'd and favourited me this week. It was wonderful. Please keep doing it, it really does keep me going.

bananacupcake09, who is a smart cookie, picked up on themes in 'Little Angel' that I already had written here in this chapter. I'm so impressed with you. But I'm also adding one character to the next chapter for you, dear, after telling you he wouldn't appear, because the more I thought about it, the more perfect I thought he'd be.

In some of my stories, Edward receives a Sign. Please don't ask God to prove to you that He's there. It is wrong to ask for signs as proof. Edward is a special case (even if I do forget he's fictional sometimes), and God gives him what he needs to get by. Edward is a scientifically-minded dude. He will always want proofs for his faith. In real life, God might offer you a proof. You may or may not recognize it as such. But it is not our place to ask for signs. Really, Edward doesn't know any better. Someday, he will.

One of my friends is in need of a translator who can give her a few lines of Catalan. If you can help, please contact me.

Go to my new channel, youtubedotcom/jmollytwilight2, and pick the playlist called 'I Hunger 3' to hear great music that I guarantee will enhance your reading. I spend hours picking it. Please use the new channel to subscribe or contact me. And please do subscribe and contact me. I love hearing from you. This chappie's vids start at #90:

'Endlessly', by Green River Ordinance I adore this song for Edward.

'O Fortuna: Carmina Burana', by Carl Orff

'Keep What Ya Got', by Ian Brown featuring Noel Gallagher

'Teotihuacan', by Noel Gallagher

'Flower Man', by Tonic

'Khumbaya', by The Soweto Gospel Choir

'Amazing Grace', by Judy Collins

'Memories of the Future', by Antoine Dufour

'In Your Eyes', by Darren Hayes

'Now We Are Free', by Enya

People have asked me about the Dead Waters. Although I have used some artistic license in naming them, sadly, this part of the story is true:

nebuchadnezzarwoollyd(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2009/12/death-in-manaquiri-time-bomb-in-amazondothtml

not only in South America, but also in Mexico and other parts of the world:

dailykos(dot)com/story/2009/9/24/784259/-DK-GreenRoots:-Rivers-of-Death-or-How-Water-Runoffs-Can-Ruin-Health

Bella's reminder is from the NKJ Bible, Romans 8:28-39.

Little note to montanalynn: your pm's disabled so I can't answer your review. Some of my readers' pm feature was disabled this week due to a glitch, so you might want to check yours, peeps. All you have to do is look at your Profile and click buttons to enable/disable your features.

Anyway, montana, I am gradually posting to Writers' Coffee Shop and Twilighted, but it takes a great deal of time. About 10 minutes per chap to TWCS, then the same to Twilighted plus waiting a couple of days for Beta approval. Aside from real life, I need time to write, time to respond to readers, time to post and time to read. So it may take a while to post stuff elsewhere.

She is my rock and my rolling thunder,
I've been the spell she was under,
I, I love that girl,
She is my cigarettes and champagne,
She's got me strong but I'm not running,
I, I love that girl,
I, I love that girl

She is the days I can't get over,
She is the nights that I call home,
Endlessly,
For you I'll always wait,
Caught in the waves of hesitation,
Lost in the sea of my own doubt,
Endlessly,
For you I'll always wait,
For you I'll always wait

She is the flames in the fire, she's raging,
I've been the spark in the war she's waging,
I, I love that girl,
She came along and she spoke so sweetly,
Changed everything, took my heart completely,
I, I love that girl
I, I love that girl

In city bars and empty cars,
It's 3am, I wonder where you are,
And the crooked smiles,
and the worn out miles between us,
and I wonder where you are

Sunday, August 27th, 2005:

Ticuna Village

Edward's pov:

I heard a voice that was meaningful, calling me, but the red haze over my vision obscured everything. With effort, I looked through it into the desperate eyes of my mate. I juddered with rage. I was livid.

I roared again, feeling the venom run down my chin, and then I felt her small hands on my cheeks, cajoling me to stop. My Bella was upset. That would never do.

"Edward! Remember who you are!" Bella pleaded, unconsciously echoing Carlisle when I was determined to shred James into ribbons. But Caius was a hundred times worse than James. A thousand.

"Edward! Come back to me. You're scaring them!" my mate begged.

I shook my head to clear it, clenching my jaw. Breathing hard, I marshaled my temper.

The red fog cleared, and things became visible and audible to me again. I started to understand what was happening around me. I shook, and I took it in.

I smelled fear, and realized that all the Ticuna were cringing, rolled up in little balls behind the log benches, hiding in their huts, whimpering and crying and holding their collective breath. Thank God I had no longer been hanging onto the guy with the machete, because I'd probably have ripped him in half. He was trying to hide himself at my feet. He had wet himself. I looked for John. Even he was cringing. The whispers came, audible from mouths and minds.

Yawaruna.

I ranted with a throat that felt like it had been ripped open with knives. "God so help me, Bella, I'm going to kill him. If only I had killed that demented, perverted, child-molesting, cocksucking rapist when I had the chance! I hate the goddamn son of a bitch!"

Yawaruna.

"I know, Love. I hate him, too. Maybe you should call Aro." Bella caressed my cheek consolingly and pressed her forehead against mine while I juddered with rage. Still, she forgave me. In spite of how stupidly I had behaved. Well, that's Bella all over.

Yawaruna.

Apparently, I had earned myself a new trade name. Yawaruna: The Panther.

I was ashamed. Christians don't swear oaths. How stupid and useless are you today, Cullen?

I broke my grip on Bella's shoulders and nodded at her. She dropped her hands, and gave me a small, reassuring smile. But she looked about anxiously, her nose busily picking up the sour smell of terror. She needn't have worried on her own account. The people were overawed that she stood up to me. They were very impressed with her.

God help me. I had come here, trying to win the trust of these people, and I had scared the living crap out of them. I didn't even know half the words I needed in order to apologize. Was my mission over? Had I lost my only chance of gaining their trust? I stood, head hanging, not knowing how to proceed.

Minutes passed. Then, along with the Ticunas' fear, I detected curiosity. I had allowed my mate to tell me how to behave. I must be a good guy. I didn't kill her for being bossy. And I had calmed down.

My breath continued to scythe in and out of my chest. I sat down on the log opposite the humans. "Cuāā? Can you tell the people I am sorry? I'm not angry at them. I'm not angry at you, Chirica. I'm angry at Cāāï."

John translated for me. He was proud of his English. Glad to be useful.

"I know this vampire. He is very evil. He has murdered thousands and thousands of humans," I continued. There was murmuring in the crowd.

"Toxǚ nangechaxũ (We love each other)," Chirica pleaded, on her knees at my feet, her lip trembling and beautiful dark eyes overflowing with tears. She wasn't telling me, from a secure knowledge. She was asking me to confirm it.

Damn Caius to the darkest pit of Hell.

I put my hand on the young girl's cheek, pityingly. She was just a child. Perhaps fifteen. "Tama," I said gently. "Tama," I shook my head. "He does not love. How could you think he loved you, when he takes more than one wife?"

John managed to make most of that translate.

Then, I realized how out of my depth I was in this culture.

Traditionally, it was a polygamous society. A man could have several wives, and usually, they were sisters. It was out of fashion, since the Catholics came, but it was still practised by a few of the Ticuna living here.

"The vampires are like the Christians," I explained through John. "They only take one wife, for life, and he is married."

Chirica's face crumpled, and she fell forward, sobbing. Bella got down and took her onto her lap. Bella was far stronger than Chirica. She was healthy where this young mother was not. My wife looked at me, her eyes bruised, wondering what we were going to do to fix this mess.

I looked at John. "Tell them I am going to talk to the chief of the vampires. Tell them I know where Caius is, and he will not be abusing them any more. I will see to it," I promised. "Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"Will you be alright here, while I run up a tree and try to get a satellite signal to phone?"

Bella looked around. The people were discussing us hopefully, and Chirica was calming down. "Yeah, it seems pretty safe here now," she said. "But hurry back, please?"

"I will."

I had just turned to go, when there was a blood-curdling cry from the forest. Chirica's head whipped up, and she pelted toward the trees. "Chepaã!" she cried shrilly.

John ran pell-mell for the trees, and Bella and I looked after him, not comprehending.

My daughter, John thought. My daughter lives. Josephine.

The people started to follow. We raced after him. When I heard the girl's frantic thoughts, I started yelling at John to come back. She was too desperate to behave safely around humans.

Even though it was only moments between the time John ran to her, and the time we located him, it was too late. His own daughter had bitten him, and was gulping down his roiling blood in plain sight of the people. It spilled down his neck onto his chest, a river of red.

"Tama!" I screamed, running full-tilt. "Tama Chepaã!"

I hit her hard, knocking John out of her lethal embrace. I expected her to fight me, but instead, she hid her face in her arms and sobbed. Based on her thoughts, she was as good a person as he, and just couldn't control herself.

Bella and Chirica stood between me, and Chepaã. I examined John frantically, ignoring the venom pooling in my mouth, while keeping an eye on his daughter. I ignored the urge to drink from the good little fellow, swatting away flies from his wounds. Bugs never bothered me, and they tended to avoid those near me. It was a mark of how redolent of blood John was, that insects would come close to me to get at him.

John was not dead, but seriously blood-depleted. He was waxy-yellow and his eyes were sunken. He weighed far less than normal. He was having difficulty breathing. I could not suck the venom out, even if I dared to attempt it. It would kill him to lose any more blood. Could things get any worse?

I suddenly realized that I smelled blood, other than John's, but it was not ... precisely human. Chepaã was bleeding, down her emaciated legs. She was in labour.

"Aieeee Papa!" she cried in anguish. "Mama! Mammaaaa!" She fell to the ground. Suddenly, blood pooled all around her body. She was hemorrhaging.

"What are we going to do?" Bella asked me desperately.

"Bella, I can't save him. He's going to turn. He's lost too much blood," I said mournfully.

"Let me be like you," John cried. I couldn't understand his garbled speech, but I got the message in his thoughts. Be like Josephine. Learn to eat animals.

"He wants to be one of us," I told Bella. "What do I do?"

Bella looked at me, considering. "Bite him, Edward. Speed the burning. It's going to happen anyway."

I looked at her, a little uncertainly, and then I looked at this dear man, who wanted so many good things for others. His face was twisted up in anguish, but his eyes regarded me hopefully. I couldn't break his neck and grant him a merciful death. It wasn't my place to decide. Besides, he trusted me and I couldn't bear to ruin that. Crap! I had to decide either way. Either I killed him and became responsible for his death, or I bit him and joined in responsibility for his undeath. I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for Carlisle.

"God forgive me, and please let John be good," I husked. "Ecüx. Ecüx, Cuāā. Sshh." Slowly, I bent down to John's ravaged neck, and drooled venom on it. Then, I took my friend onto my knee, sank my teeth into his wrist, resisted the lure of his tempting blood, and loosed my venom into his body. He stiffened and passed out.

After a few moments, I arranged his limbs more comfortably. Surely, it was the lesser of two evils to save him. Thou shalt not kill. I looked at the torn flesh on his neck, placing pieces where they belonged, and drooling more venom into him.

"Edward! She's in serious trouble," Bella stated, staring tensely at John's daughter. By this time, the Ticuna were starting to congregate. They were shocked and disturbed. They were hesitating over what to do. They were hopelessly outnumbered, and if they made enemies of us by attacking, they would have no chance of help at all to stop this terrible cycle of loss. They opted to wait and see what we would do.

"Tochixüwa nüxna Due'e (We come to take care of The People)," I yelped. John's appealing blood assailed my throat as I sucked in air so I could talk. Even though I was well-fed, it was all I could do not to bury my teeth in him and drain him dry. I thrust him into Bella's arms "Bella? Take John for me." She cradled his bloody form, and went to sit under a nearby tree. Thank God she was not yet a full vampire. Thank God she was not tempted.

"Mammaaaa!" the girl screamed again. She clutched her stomach and screamed.

A couple of older women ran up, intent upon helping her. A Ticuna woman usually give birth standing up, with the father supporting her from behind and female relatives ready to catch the baby. Sometimes the whole village stands around on the front porch to watch.

I didn't think that any of that was a hot idea, given the circumstances.

"Tama!" I said authoritatively, shooing the would-be helpers away, and the annoyed girl growled at me, panting with her contractions. There was a dreadful noise, like the snapping of bones, and she bent over more, yelling gutturally. What to do?

Since her water (if we could call it that) had broken, surely things would proceed in a natural fashion. Hurriedly, I took off my belt and tied it around a tree. Then, I captured her hands and threaded them under the belt so she had something to grip. I just had to be careful to catch the baby. I squatted at her feet and attempted to look encouraging.

But something was wrong. Not normal.

Chepaā screamed, gargling blood in her throat. There was a terrible tearing sound, and blood poured off the front of the girl's dress and ran everywhere. I tore the fabric away, horrified.

Tiny hands pulled open the bruised, mutilated flesh, followed by a little face. The Ticuna were repulsed. They cried out, and talked of whether they should kill it. Others said I should be given a chance to take care of it, as I seemed to be there to help stop the problem.

I reached out for the baby, in shock. It bit me. It's venom stung. After shaking out my hand, I tugged it gently from its mother's womb, and looked at it as Chepaā bled everywhere.

A girl. Her eyes were open, and she panted, innocent-minded, and overwhelmed. She opened her mouth and emitted a shrill cry. How cute. Not cute. She had four large, pointed, curved teeth at the front of her mouth: two top and two bottom. Wonder if that's where the fang myths came from.

Mindlessly, I took my thumb and pushed against them, working them out of the pink gums. No roots. Egg teeth. Four raw holes were left behind. They did not bleed, and it did not seem to bother the baby at all to have them extracted. She was crying, but not from any pain. Just from shock. I threw the fangs into the undergrowth.

I passed the squalling, slippery baby into the first willing pair of arms, placenta, umbilicus, blood, and all, and turned my attention back to the mother, who was not in good shape.

I have no idea what made me do it. I guess you'd call it instinct. Everything moved so quickly that I wasn't even consciously thinking, never mind making decisions.

I pulled the girl to the ground. I used my nails to slit her abdomen more, ignoring her heart-wrenching cries for mercy. Plunging my hands into the hot, squelchy mess, I lifted out the fetal sack, which was more like an eggshell. Along with it came the uterus. Well, she wouldn't be needing it any more. I cut it loose, and spit on the innards so they would seal.

Pinching the tissues together, I drooled venom along the edges. The wound sizzled shut almost instantaneously. Far faster than normal. Then, I picked up the girl, and I sank my teeth into her throat, feeling the venom surge out of the ducts in my teeth. I didn't even stop to think first, I just did it. Liquid spurted out of her jugular, and I shuddered. Her hybrid blood held no appeal. It was kind of ... bitter. Yuck. I spit it out. Then, I swiped my tongue over the wound to seal it. I bit her again, on the opposite side, sending more venom coursing toward her heart. She squirmed, whimpered, and lay quiet. Without protest, and exhausted.

The crisis was over. I knelt over the girl, panting. I struggled to pull her clothes together, and rocked her. I was covered in sticky blood, I realized numbly. It occurred to me then, that I had an audience. A human could have heard a pin drop. It was that quiet.

Bella was staring at me, eyes wide and black, as though I were a complete stranger. So was Chirica. And the humans were staring too, in utter disbelief.

I wiped blood off my mouth, and stared at my hands, which were red with gore. I wiped them on the forest grasses, wishing for water.

"We have to go," I told Bella, voice rasping. "The humans won't be safe around them, and I don't know if the girl will take three days to burn, since she was a hybrid already."

"How did you know what to do?" my mate asked, thunderstruck.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I'm confused," I pleaded. "Did I really bite her? Is it real?"

Bella looked ... mad . Why would she be upset? I didn't understand. She touched my hair. "Let's discuss this someplace safe. Time to go, my love. Don't forget your belt."

"Okay," I said, setting Chepaā down so I could retrieve it. I rejoined Bella, threading it back through the loops of my jeans.

"Bring the mother," Bella ordered, her eyes flickering about. She looked ... aggressive.

"Okay," I answered, picking Chepaā up gently. She was totally limp. Blood dripped off her, littering the forest floor with droplets.

"Chirica? Come," Bella said, motioning for her to follow. Chirica started to wrap the baby in a proffered shawl, but realized the umbilicus was still attached.

"Tama (wait)" I said. I called to the onlookers. "Chamaxwae ya tü (I want thread)." I put Chepaā down gingerly.

Someone produced a piece of wool, and I used it to tie off the umbilicus. Then I bit through it, discarding it and the placenta. "Tanangixigū (We set them on fire)," I said absently, pointing at them, wondering if anyone understood what I meant.

"Chamaxwae ya naxchiru (I want clothing)," I said, pointing at my three women. Someone hastened to fetch for me.

Now how would we keep them safe? There were too many to care for properly. "Chamaxwae ya cūchawae (I want large hammocks)." I held up three fingers. Two men nodded and ran for me.

The people returned with the items I had asked for, and someone had also brought a large, warm bowl of water. She bowed to me, offering it. I thanked her numbly, plunging my shaking hands eagerly into its welcome heat. I scrubbed them, and my arms, clean, and the kind woman offered me a rag, which I used to wash my face and chest.

I could still smell John's blood on me as badly as before. It was awful. Enough to drive me mad with thirst. Oh, my hair was saturated in it. I dipped my hands in the bowl and tried to douse my head. Bella attempted to help me, swiping me down with the rag. I couldn't get it off. There was too much of it. The water was thoroughly red. It made me feel panicky.

"Inixū taxĩ (We are going home)," I said tonelessly to the crowd. "Tochixüwa nüxna Due'e (We take care of The People)."

Chirica wrapped the baby in the shawl. Someone handed me my backpack. I pulled money out of it and handed it to the nearest man to compensate the people for their goods. Then I stuffed the new items inside the pack. Someone had also brought John's pack. Chirica took it awkwardly, careful to support the baby's neck as she shrugged into the straps. I nodded, thanking the Ticuna absently.

Bella, Chirica, and I sped into the forest, without looking back.

o~o~0~o~o

We stopped an hour later, somewhere near the Basin, where I could not smell any humans or their trails. I minded my almost-newborns and the baby while Bella took Chirica hunting. They were gone a long time, but I didn't worry because Bella could now smell her way back. While they were gone, I scooped water out of a couple of large bromeliads, and washed myself as best I could. The cleaner I got, the less jittery I felt. I found Bella's toothpaste and brushed the nasty taste out of my mouth, and felt...

How did I feel? How do you feel when you don't recognize yourself? When ... you don't know who you are anymore?

Bella and Chirica returned. The poor little girl had eaten four deer, a peccary and a puma. I hoped she would not get sick, from suddenly having food after having none, as a human would do.

I had discovered from her thoughts that she was only fourteen. It made me ill. I must not be a very good Christian, because I wanted to mangle Caius's bones down to dust one inch at a time. Preferably while he was conscious.

Bella and I found out pretty quickly that hybrid babies need diapers. And I hadn't asked for any. We made do, cutting up the sarong skirt that Bella was wearing and tying it on with some of our spare underwear. Bella got her own clothes back out of the pack and donned them. It was a shame to cover up perfection, but we all needed a rest.

I took the hammocks into the trees, and set them up. Bella minded conscious people on the ground while I carried John and his daughter into the canopy, and bound them up carefully in the hammocks, making sure there was no possibility of them falling.

All this was done quietly. None of us felt like talking.

I put an empty hammock between John and Chepaā. Chirica asked if it were for her. I affirmed it, and she sank into it gratefully. Soon, she was sound asleep. Apparently, she still slept every night. That meant Bella would still be able to sleep for at least the next few months.

There was nothing left to do with my hands. I needed something to do with my hands. Bella and I sat across from each other in the enormous tree, with our changelings between us. I picked at a loose thread on the knee of my jeans.

"Mocha-chino?"

"Yes?" I said tonelessly. I listened to the music of the forest, feeling disjointed. Detached.

"Are you okay?"

I avoided looking at my mate. "Yes."

"I know ... how you feel about turning humans," my wife said tentatively, blinking rapidly as she did when she was nervous. Yeah, you made her nervous alright, Cullen. Moron.

"I can't talk about it now, okay? Later. When we have some things ... settled," I said numbly.

What was I to do with a little girl who was now a mother? She needed a mother of her own.

Little girls should be playing with dolls. Hanging out with friends. Not making babies. Not ...

Fucking Caius.

"Okay," Bella said, sounding shaky. Now why should she be nervous? Oh. Ren's birth.

"It won't be like that for you, my heart. I'll know what's happening and we'll get you sorted before you're injured, yeah?" I said huskily.

"I know you'll take care of me, love." Bella blinked, chewing her lip. The baby in her arms began to cry. It looked nice in her arms, like it belonged there. But it didn't.

But Ren would belong there.

It would be okay. It had to be.

Bella swung down to Chepaã with the baby, and carefully latched her onto Chepaã's breast. We had discovered that the mother provided some kind of milk for the baby. I had no clue what it was. It did not resemble human milk, colostrum, blood or venom. It was clear. But it seemed to do the trick.

The baby was lovable. She was not demanding. Her simple, wordless thoughts were pure, and she loved her mother. She seemed to love Bella and me, too, but her thoughts for us weren't the same. Since we had washed everyone down, she even smelled pretty. Like lily of the valley. She had a dusting of hair, of indeterminate colour not too far off her caramel skin tone.

I wondered how Chepaā would manage. She was not old enough to raise a baby. She was sixteen. She and Chirica were barely old enough to get away with being vampires.

I wondered what Chepaã would name her baby. Her thoughts were muddled. Burning. Frightened. Sentimental. Romantic. Lonely. Lonely, most of all. Poor little thing.

John endured the burn stoically. He was patient. Of course, there weren't many middle-aged vampires. Eleazar, Carmen, Marcus, and Aro were the only ones I had met, really.

What to do? How could we handle two newborns and an infant? We couldn't. Not by ourselves.

And how the Hell were we going to go home in a week? I couldn't leave them unattended. And Alice had said we needed to go home, for Bella's sake.

I found myself unable to make a decision. I just didn't know what was best. I couldn't think. I had done something that I said I'd never do. Twice. Without even seriously thinking it through. What did that say about me?

Not on a whim. Oh, no. Not thinking it was the only viable option. No, no, no. I bit them because I couldn't risk them dying. Couldn't let the baby grow up without them.

But I had always seen death as a blessing, and now I'd taken away the...

Don't think about it, Cullen. Just get the job done. Who can help you?

I needed Jazz.

I cleared my throat. "Bella, will you be okay if I go and call Alice? Can you manage if I go up higher in the tree?"

"I can call if I need you, right?" she winced.

"Of course."

Bella looked at the baby, still drinking from its mother. "I'm okay. You go ahead."

"Thanks, love." I skittered up the massive tree, right to the very top of the canopy.

I vaguely registered that the view was stupendous.

I took out my phone and turned the power on. It rang immediately. I picked up with a sense of relief. "Alice?"

"Hello, Hon'. How's my favourite brother?" She spoke gently, like you do to someone in a sickbed.

Something inside me unwound a notch. "Still kicking," I laughed hollowly. It was either laugh, or cry.

"You okay?"

"I don't know," I said, looking down upon the world I didn't belong in. "Alice?"

"Everything's going to be okay, Edward. I promise."

"I ... can't manage."

"Help is on the way. They'll be with you by morning. They'll meet you at that dead place. Leave Bella with your charges. We're all so proud of her. She's a glorious creature."

"Yeah."

"So are you, Honey. You need to hang in there. People need you."

I started to shake. "I don't feel glorious, Alice. I feel ... bad."

"It's just the shock, Edward. You'll feel better when help arrives."

"You're not coming. Not you, or Jazz," I lamented.

"Edward, have you heard about Hurricane Katrina?"

"No," I said, brow wrinkling.

"Well, it hit as a Category I storm on August 23rd, and caused a lot of flooding and a couple of deaths in Florida. The hospital where Bella stayed, in Jacksonville? The director called and begged Carlisle to come down and help out. So he and Esme are already there. But there's a second storm surge coming through the Gulf of Mexico on August 29th, and it's going to be a Category 3."

Fuck. "Cynthia," I moaned, shutting my eyes.

"Yes, dear. I have to get my family out somehow, or they're going to die. And I might be getting Renee, too. I'm sorry, truly."

"No, you need to take care of them. So who's coming to help me?" I wondered, trembling a little. I had been counting on Jazz, with his experience at handling newborns. I didn't know the country well enough to know where I could take them to feed, that there would be appropriate game and no humans. And if they got close to a village, it would be a bloodbath.

"The Denalis," Alice said cheerfully. "They're going to relocate down there for a year or two, and help out long term."

I exclaimed in relief, irrationally pleased. Somehow, this seemed like a great idea, despite the fact that if we weren't careful, they would corrupt the whole population. "They can't teach the Ticuna their views on sex, though, Alice," I warned anyway.

"I've already told them that we need the Ticuna to stay in pristine condition, okay? And there's some Brazilian vampire on his way to see you. There's a 75% chance that he's going to be an amazing helper to you."

"Really?" I said hopefully. Those odds seemed pretty good. "How do I make the odds better?"

"Don't growl at him when he shows up."

"Okay." The fear crept up again. "Alice? Chirica..."

"Yes, dear. You are going to bite her, too. But there's really no choice. The babies need their mothers."

"Are they going to be vegetarians, Alice?" I fretted.

"Yes, I See them all with topaz eyes in a year. Edward?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"You're going to be a tremendous father. And sire. Have faith."

"The agnostic Pixie is telling me to have faith?" I said dully.

"Whatever. Maybe I have more faith than I thought. Just don't lose yours. We all need you to be strong. And Edward?"

"Yes, Titch?"

"Talk to Bella. If you close yourself off, you'll frighten her."

"Okay." I ran a hand through my hair, nervously. What if she was sorry she was going to be like me, now that she finally knew what it meant? I know she had questioned the bloodlust when she saw Bree, but Bree had only talked of the thirst. She hadn't hurt anyone in front of Bella. Not like John's daughter. Someone who could bite her own father.

What if ... I lost her? What would I do if Bella said she didn't want to be with me any more? It would kill me. I would die.

My head started to hurt.

"Edward, Bella loves you. Don't be stupid. Talk to your mate."

"Do I have to do it tonight?" I grimaced.

"No, but tomorrow. Hon', I hate to tell you this, but Chirica is going to have her baby tonight."

"Fuck." My hand shook, nervously. Could I actually vomit? Maybe I would feel better. No, it might make me thirsty at a bad moment.

I would have to do a better job of delivering the baby this time.

"I called Aro, and explained it all."

I couldn't feel my feet. Alice had pulled the earth out from under me. I clutched at branches. I almost fell out of the damn tree. "You what?" I gasped, in extreme disbelief. "All of it?"

"All of it. I Saw that it would be for the best. I Saw that Aro is trustworthy. He won't double-cross you. Aro says you're in charge of this situation. He likes you, like I said. You're the new Dom of the Amazon. Trust me, nobody wants the territory but you, so you won't have to defend against challengers."

"Well, there's a comfort," I said sarcastically. A glimmer of anger was sparking in me somewhere. What was the root? Oh. Ren. Alice told Aro about Ren. She could have been wrong. She could have gotten us killed.

The Volturi could kill all my little humans.

"Alice, if you're wrong, a lot of people will die," I growled.

"I swear it's best this way, Edward. If you had hidden it from him, he would have found out and he would not have been sympathetic. I told him I was calling on your orders, and that you asked for his understanding. That you were counting on his reputation for fairness, and that you needed help with this ... coven."

"Are you sure I want his help, Alice? They're not exactly goody-goodies, are they? What if there are strings attached?" I worried. "What if they expect us to serve their interests? What if they expect me to work for them?"

"They won't. I've Seen that Aro is friendly. And he just wants to see all the things I've told him about. Through you."

My anger crystallized. "Great. He wants to hold hands with me. Wonderful. Do you realize he'll see everything? My Cariocas? My Ticuna? Every interaction with Bella. Every touch. Every conversation. I will have nothing private. Not our love life, not our shared talent, nothing. This is an enormous risk, Alice."

"You know he held hands with me, too, right brother?" Alice reminded me, remaining calm.

I ran my hand through my hair. "Yeah."

"And so, I know first hand what it's like to have no secrets from him. Edward? He's not ... like that. He's a real romantic, actually. And he never tells anyone about people's love lives. He just likes stories. He likes to know things that nobody else does. He actually phoned to praise my relationship with Jazz after our ... visit to Volterra. He found our closeness very appealing. See, he's unusually, strongly bonded to his wife. Their relationship is kind of sweet, but not very dramatic. So he likes a good love story."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't forget he's taken hold of your hand once already. He knows how all-consuming your bond with Bella is. He was really impressed with her. So he's disposed to be understanding about Bella being a hybrid, and the baby. You know Aro. He's fascinated. And he doesn't bore as easily as Caius intimated.

"Good to know," I said sarcastically.

"Don't be snotty. Aro has information for you. Apparently, the Volturi really have been withholding a lot of information about incubuses from the masses. He wants to help. And he wants to see Bella with his own eyes.

"Well, that's not so bad." Maybe he'd tell me something useful.

"He also understands why you want to help the Ticuna. I told him you only exposed yourself to them because you had to get information about the incubus. He blames himself for Caius running amok. Caius has never allowed Aro to touch him, and Aro says he should have insisted on reading his mind. He says the babies are an extension of the royal family, even if Caius is a traitor, and he wants them treated with respect.

"Holy cow," I moaned.

"Oh, and he's impressed with you for turning two humans, even though you've never tried before. Most vampires who try, fail the first few times. He says you are truly Carlisle's offspring."

"Swell."

"He knows you're going to put good people in place to take care of your interests, and there won't be any threat to the Law. He wants an international treaty between our clans."

"Double WTF. How did you arrange that?" I gawped.

"I didn't. He ... appreciates it that you told him about Caius, even if it did break his heart, and Marcus' to hear. You know Aro better than anyone but his mate. He prides himself on fairness. And he likes you and Bella."

"This is unbelievable. I can't absorb it. Did you say he's coming here?" My mind reeled. Aro of the Volturi in the middle of BF Nowhere. I wondered if he'd be wearing one of his designer suits.

"Yes. You know how curious he is, and besides, he wants to talk to you personally. And he's going to extend you an olive branch," Alice added.

"What do you mean?" I wondered blankly.

"Well, while the Volturi are in South America, they won't hunt humans. They'll try the vegetarian diet."

I gawped down the phone as though Alice would suddenly become visible. "Say that again?" I demanded.

"You heard me. They'll try the vegetarian diet," Alice said, enunciating carefully.

"Alice? Is this real?" I worried.

"Huh?"

"Is all this for real, or have I finally gone off the deep end? You're telling me things that I want to believe, that are just seriously not realistic. It's totally surreal." I waited for an answer. Yeah, like if I was having a deluded conversation with her, I would get an answer.

"It's real, Hon'. You're not getting out of the responsibility by pleading insanity. Bella will put you in the chipper shredder if you try."

"Hah." My voice cracked on the single syllable, but I smiled nonetheless. I could hear my Bella's voice in my head: You are rallying.

"That's the spirit. Talk to Bella, Edward. And don't worry. Everything is going to be fine."

"Okay."

"Don't be afraid to turn Chirica. She's going to make quite the vampire. She's like Bella. She was born for it."

"Okay."

"Love you. And Bella."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Yeah. Bye." I turned off the phone, and sat looking down upon the vast jungle, wondering just how many secrets it might hold. Apparently there was room for a few more.

I thought about my mate. She was a natural. Born to be one of my kind. I felt a tiny bit better.

But what did God think? Did He hate me now? Had I lost my chance at Heaven for real, this time, by playing God? Making the choice concerning a person's life or death?

I had no choice. It was like ... destiny. Chirica would suffer, and I would save her, both because she was a nice kid, and because her baby needed her. No way to get around it. I just prayed my actions wouldn't be held against me.

Blind terror gripped me. I had gone for years without hoping. With Bella's help, I had resurrected my hope. My soul. Would I lose it for real this time? That would be unbearable. I had reconnected with God. Would I be pushed away? Perhaps I really had removed Bella from His grace, too.

Had I believed wrongly, that God was my Dad, forgiving and loving?

What if I were wrong? What if He didn't forgive me? What if He didn't care?

Terrifying.

I was lost in these thoughts when Bella came up the tree, quietly, and sat beside me. She put her hand on my leg. Quite without meaning to, I flinched. She started to draw back her hand. I took my hand and covered it, holding it to my thigh. We said nothing.

I breathed with her.

She was my life.

Ren was my life, too.

"The family is asleep," she said softly, not looking at me.

Family.

"Mm-kay."

"You know I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella." My voice still sounded flat. Lifeless.

"Talk to me."

"I'm not ready. I ... don't know how to express what I'm feeling. I have to ... sort it out."

"I'm frightened. You're not communicating with me. That scares me." Bella said softly.

I couldn't have that. "I'm afraid. I know you're afraid, too," I said, looking across the treetops.

"Greatest thing to fear is fear itself. Blah, blah, blah," she said flatly, squeezing my hand with her tiny one. She held me to the earth with that hand. My anchor.

"Yeah, and perfect love casts out fear, blah blah blah," I answered, gripping her, probably a little too hard.

"Do you know 'Romans: 8'?" she wondered, running her free hand soothingly through my hair.

A surge of recognition. My mate knows me too well. Thank God. "Yes."

"Will you say it for me, beginning at Verse 28?"

I flipped through my mental Rolodex, and pulled out the page, reading it out of the air.

"We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose. For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestine to be conformed to the image of his Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He did predestine, them He also called: and whom He called, them He also justified: and whom He justified, them He also glorified.

"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with him also freely give us all things?

"Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is He that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For Thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

"Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

"You think maybe we can apply that here?" Bella wondered calmly. "I know it's not a perfect chapter for us, but do you think we can cram our circumstances into that?"

I sat, feeling small and needy. Again. "Yeah," I said quietly.

"You said God sent us," my mate reminded me.

"Yeah. And that He ordered things so that we could accomplish our mission," I agreed.

"Do you think all these things happened during the short time we're allotted for this mission, by accident?"

"No. We're here, at this time, for a purpose."

"And the girls. Did they find us, just as they're about to give birth, by accident?"

"No. It has to be Providence," I said, cheering up a little.

"Do you love God, Edward?"

"You know I do," I agreed.

"Then stop moping. Let's live in hope, okay?"

There was a lump in my raw throat. "Yeah." I still wasn't a hundred percent sure God would let me into Heaven, but I hoped He would. Maybe if Bella asked Him to let me come with her, He would let the dog sit under the table at her feet. I felt better. Bella always made me feel better.

She leaned on me. Her warmth was pleasant. "I think you were sent here to sire these women. As you've said many times, I was meant to be a vampire. So I guess they were, too."

"How long have you been waiting to spring those verses on me?" I wondered. My headache lifted a little.

"Mmm... Let's just say I've been keeping them for a rainy day."

"How did you get so smart?" I wondered.

Bella's eyes twinkled. "Well, I have to keep you on-"

"my toes. Yeah." I smiled a little, but it was still hard to do.

"Edward. Give," my wife ordered. "You're afraid. Now, we've established that you're not going to Hell, so what else has you worried?"

I sat for a long time, considering, until Bella started to get a bit irritated. "I'm upset ... at how I behaved. I ... never wanted you to see me like that."

"Like what?" my mate wondered, nonplussed.

"You're joshing, right?" I gawped.

"I don't read minds."

"I was vicious. I was brutal. I eviscerated a human being, Bella. In front of people. Including children. I bit her. I bit John. I poked a baby's teeth out. And before all that, I roared and terrified innocent people. How can you even look at me? It was terrible. I frightened myself."

"Well, I guess my perception was a little different," my wife shrugged.

"How?" I said incredulously.

Bella measured her words. "What I saw was this: You made yourself vulnerable, and exposed us to harm by walking into that village. You were brave. And you treated me like an equal by letting me play an important part in the drama. Then, a man attacked you, and you were gentle.

"A mere child begged you for help, and you were compassionate. She told you how she was abused, and you were furious. It frightened people, and you were sorry. Your friend was mortally injured, and after asking God's blessing, you saved him, ignoring decades of self-prejudice and fear. His attacker was suffering, and you dealt with it quickly and treated her kindly. You made her baby safe, so it couldn't harm humans.

"You efficiently took charge and commanded the Ticuna to help you, and they followed your orders. You reassured the people that we would keep them safe. Then, you accepted a heavy burden, knowing that nobody could do it but you. And the whole time, you treated everyone tenderly and never gave one thought to yourself. Have I missed anything?"

I shook my head, dumbfounded.

Bella's eyes rolled. "And he wonders why I love him? Pfftt."

"That's really how you see me?" I asked, still feeling like I'd been hit by a freight train. Again.

"Do you have some other explanation for your behaviour? Perhaps a selfish one?" Bella challenged.

I thought about it, and shook my head. "You're not leaving me?" I asked timidly.

"Heck, no! I love you more than ever."

"You...you do?" I asked shyly, peeking at her from under my lashes.

Bella's eyes rolled again. "God, sometimes you drive me nuts! I'm not leaving you. Ever. Just try and get rid of me. Leave me again, and I'll hunt you down and shred you. Now, we've had this discussion for the last time, lover. Get over your insecurity. It is not based on reality and it is insupportable. You are a great man. I admire you. A lot of people do. God loves you, and so do I. Permanently."

I was gawping like a fish. My wife took the opportunity to straddle my lap and drag my head down to her shoulder, while hugging the crap out of me. Her warmth crept through me, until I felt hope blossom again. I sighed, consciously relaxing each part of my body. I sagged, breathing raggedly. My fingers curled around the straps of her overalls. I clutched her like my life depended on it. My hands were taut, but the rest of me melted into her fierce embrace, spent.

Bella whispered in my ear that everything would be okay, and I had to stop fretting. I could smell her angry tears. She kissed my cheek, wetting it. I buried my eyes against her skin, and breathed her soothing scent, allowing her to defend me from myself.

"But ... you were angry at me, when we left the village. You were angry at what I did," I husked.

"Huh? No, I wasn't," my mate insisted.

"You were... short with me, telling me what to do. To pick up Chepaā. To get my belt. You were mad."

"No, dearest, I was terrified for us all. I thought the villagers would turn against us. I thought we should get the Hell out of Dodge."

"You weren't mad at me? Biting two humans like it was nothing, after giving you such a hard time about it?"

"I'll admit the thought crossed my mind. But you've changed, Edward. You told me you like yourself now. You told me you couldn't wait for me to be like you. And you're excited for Ren to join us. So, if you have accepted yourself, it's only natural that you shouldn't hesitate over biting two good people. Cuāā was changing too slowly, considering his blood loss. Chepaā, too. The heart has to keep beating in order to effect the change, and even I could hear their hearts faltering. You were saving them from death. You were thinking of the baby, too. So it's okay. Really. I'm not angry at you."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry I upset you." I husked, rocking us.

"Sometimes... I hate how you see yourself," my mate said dully. "It hurts me when you hurt," she whimpered. "And so often, it's you, hurting yourself. That's ... unbearable."

"I've been getting better, haven't I love?" I protested.

"Yes, love. You've been so happy and confident. It's been wonderful to see. But tonight ..." she choked back a sob.

"Um, I'm trying, Bella. Old habits die hard," I gulped.

Bella brought her breathing under control with difficulty. She pulled back to look in my eyes, her gentle hand on my cheek like an angel's kiss. "I know, Beautiful. And you've had a day of stress that is beyond belief. You must feel overwhelmed."

"Yeah," I choked out.

"When you see yourself negatively, my heart bleeds for you. With you. You have to stop. You have to get some faith in yourself."

"I'll try," I said gruffly.

"There's something else I want you to do for me," she said solemnly.

"Anything to please you, Bella. I'm glad you're asking. What do you want from me?" I wondered, blinking back those tears that would never come.

"You have a funny way of thinking about yourself. And I have played part in it. And it has to stop."

"What do you mean?" I asked, nonplussed.

"You talk about yourself like you're 'Edward the Vampire', or 'Edward the Human'," Bella stated.

"Yeah," I confirmed, not really sure where she was going.

"You're not two people, Edward. You're one person. I want you to just think of yourself as 'Edward'."

"I'm not sure I understand," I admitted.

"Edward is a person. He is many things, inside that label. But he is always 'Edward'. No more, no less. And all the parts of him: the vampire, the human, the lover, the fighter, the father, the sire, the doctor, the Victorian, blah blah blah? They don't come from being a certain thing or acting a certain way. They are all just 'Edward'. It's not the vampire that's angry. It's Edward. It's not the human that loves. It's Edward. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I think I do," I admitted.

"And you'll try to just think of yourself as one entity, which is 'Edward'?"

"Yes, I promise."

She pulled back and looked at me solemnly. "Edward? Ever feel like our souls sink or swim together? Like whatever happens to one of us happens to both? Like whatever makes one of us feel a certain way, impacts us both?"

"All the time. That's the mate bond, Bella."

"I could never leave you, love. It would shred my soul. Sometimes I wonder if we're not some weird kind of amalgamated entity. Like the two of us add up to one being."

"Yes. I feel that way, too," I said, rallying. "But that's what marriage is supposed to be like, right? Cleaving together to become One."

"Yeah. How cool is that?" my wife asked, smiling.

"Really, really cool," I smirked.

"What did Alice say?" my wife asked, totally shifting my focus.

"A lot. I need to tell you a ton of stuff."

"Okay."

"Alice talked to Aro. She told him everything. She says he's good with us."

"What do you mean 'everything'? Bella moaned.

"Yeah, that's what I said. Alice told him everything. Us, Ren, Caius, the people here, all of it." I filled Bella in. It took a while. She was as gobsmacked as me. Eventually, we decided we'd best go check on our new, uh, family.

I sent Bella down first, just long enough to whisper to God. "Hey, God? Edward Cullen. If You sent us here, and You love us, will You please let the next birth go better? Thanks for letting Chepaā live, and thanks for letting Baby be healthy. Amen."

We crept down and peeked at our charges. The baby and her mother were sound asleep, as was Chirica, but John was awake.

"Nunaxē Pa Cuāā," I said softly, feeling his forehead.

"I hurts," he whimpered pitifully. If I talk English, it will take away pain from my mind.

"I know. I'm sorry," I said, feeling like a heel. "Medicine won't help. Three days. I'm sorry."

"I not. You is my teacher?"

"Yes." For a few days anyway. "But I will have to go home soon, to take care of Bonita. My cousins are coming to help you. They will stay as long as you need them."

Is that so? "And bad vampire who hurted Chepaā? You no stop him?" John worried.

"I have stopped him. I told his brother-in-law what he did. Cāāï will die."

Is that so?

"His brother-in-law, Aro, is very angry. Cāāï broke the law. Aro will not let him live," I stated.

Is that so?

"That's how our people have always been. We hide. You don't catch us. Cāāï ... does not hide. He is bad. He breaks laws."

"Yes," John's eyes flickered, and he grimaced. His legs and toes curled.

"I know it hurts, John. I'm sorry."

Bella yawned.

"Sweetheart, you should sleep. I might need your help, later."

"Okay." Bella scooted over to me. I lay back against the trunk of the tree, and wrapped her in my arms. She sighed, settling in.

Not your fault. "You save me. Not mad," John said. His muscles trembled.

"Okay."

"You talk," he grunted.

"Okay." So, I told John about Forks. How the trees were my friends. How the Olympic Forest smelled. How I loved the Sol Duc and the animals. About my family. How I hated going to school. How I met Bella, and she changed my life. How she made me remember my humanity. How I won her heart, and even rubbed it in to her would-be suitors. The peace she gave me. The first time she made me laugh. Colouring outside the lines. What it was like to go on a plane. All about Alaskan snow, and Montana grasses. Ice cream, soft beds, moose, bison, polar bears, walruses, whales, penguins and mountain lions. And sheep. And nicknames. And cornflowers, pale purple irises, and white daisies in a meadow. And Emmett's practical jokes. And Charlie: how he'd almost shot me, and we'd eventually become friends. How he accepted what I was.

I sang John songs, and told him jokes he didn't understand. Sometimes, I had to explain something in Portuguese, or attempt it in Ticuna. And I explained honeymoons, and how newlyweds did not generally spend them running all over the place in the company of others. And how I'd be glad to get my bride home, where, hopefully, we could spend some quality time alone.

I didn't tell John about the cottage, although I was thinking about it. I didn't want Bella to overhear. She was going to be so thrilled. Maybe while Ren was still percolating, Bella and I could basically wall ourselves in for a couple of months. Yeah. Alone. I held the thought to my heart, like some fragile baby bird.

Weird, to think of home as somewhere that we could get 'alone time'. It used to seem so crowded and noisy to me, with my siblings constantly around, but after all our adventures here, the crew in Forks was looking pretty quiet, even if Emmett was going to tease us unmercifully.

I found myself feeling a little homesick. I wanted Carlisle. And my mother. Well, maybe we didn't have to spend all our time alone. And missing them was nothing to feel guilty about. Bella missed her parents, didn't she?

I talked on, and eventually John's mind quieted, in spite of the pain. He lost consciousness, whether it was sleep I couldn't say. I expected it was unconsciousness.

I sighed, counting the freckles on Bella's nose. I wondered if she would keep them, or if they would disappear. Esme had a few freckles on her back. She'd been very freckled in her human lifetime. Many of them had faded when she burned. I had watched them go, fascinated despite my ruefulness.

She had screamed. A lot. I wondered why John wasn't screaming.

An hour later, John woke up. He started screaming. I hushed him, telling him it didn't help. Bella sat by me, helplessly. I wished I hadn't wondered why he wasn't screaming. It felt like I'd jinxed him or something. Sappy superstitions. I pulled him out of the hammock and rocked him, and he said the coolness of my skin helped. I wished for ice. No luck of that, here. Bella sat facing me, and scooted as close as she could. We cooled John between our bodies.

He passed out again. Bella and I sat quietly. "I wish I had morphine," I said.

"Edward? I ... lied about the morphine. It didn't help. It made me a prisoner in my body. I still felt all the pain of James' venom, and I couldn't communicate with you because it was pressing me down," Bella admitted reluctantly. I gawped at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I lamented. "And you lied to Carlisle. Why?"

"I didn't want to give you more reasons not to turn me. I would gladly suffer for three days, to be with you forever."

"I hope you won't have to," I said gruffly, feeling a little pouty.

"Me too," Bella laughed. "But if I do, I do. And I want to be able to communicate with you during the experience, okay? It will help me endure it."

And she would have to.

Chepaā woke up around two in the morning, screaming in agony. I put John back in his hammock and liberated his daughter from hers, pulling her onto my knee. Bella took the baby, sniffed it, and took it down to the ground to change the makeshift diaper. Then, she brought the baby back and tried to show her to Chepaā, who hissed and growled at her negatively, gave her a swat, and said she wanted nothing to do with the baby.

She did not know us, to trust us. As far as she knew, I had caused her immeasurable pain in childbirth. She screamed and screamed and cried for her mother, and resisted my hold until she worked herself into a tizzy. After four hours, when I had a headache I thought might never end, Bella slapped her and told her 'tama'. The girl was so surprised, she stopped. I was so surprised, I was speechless. Gentle Bella hit somebody who was suffering? It wasn't hard, but still. She didn't even apologize for doing it. Perhaps it was an indication of newborn temper. It worried me.

I had to admit, however, that the slap ended the hysterics, and I was glad Chepaā wasn't screaming any more.

After another hour of fretful whimpering, during which Bella soothed the baby and I attempted to explain things to Chepaā in Ticuna, with limited success, Chepaā also passed out. She was looking different, I noted. Her belly was flat and her skin sleek, although she had quite a bad scar where I'd pinched her flesh closed. Hastily-drooled venom scarred flesh badly, I noted, filing that nugget away for future reference. I hoped she wasn't going to freak out on me someday over that scar. I was seriously wary of her temper.

Her short hair was turning glossy. Short hair meant that she'd been through the female initiation. Adult females had their hair cropped short. Chirica's was still long. Caius the pervert had ensnared her right before her first menstruation. I could imagine his wicked, self-congratulating cackles, after he successfully seduced the girls.

And there were two, already dead. I wondered how old they had been. Who had loved them? The awful emptiness left behind when they disappeared. And Alessandro had said there were five. So where was the fifth girl?

Caius should be glad it was Aro who would see to his death. He would have a touch more compassion than me.

At four in the morning, there was a strange, wet sound, like the spilling of a cup of water. I searched the darkness. Chirica was sitting up in her hammock. She gasped. Oh, it was her water breaking. It was time.

"Bella?" I moaned, putting Chepaā back in her hammock and tying her in, "Are you awake?"

"Yes."

"Chirica's water just broke. I want to get the baby out. Now."

"What should I do with Baby?" Bella fretted. "Chepaā might hurt her."

"Throw down our pack, and bring Baby down with us. We'll have to put her on the bedroll, or something. I don't want Chirica to suffer like Chepaā did. We need to hurry."

I wasn't impressed with how things went down the first time. Surely, if the inner shell were broken, the baby would not need to use those sharp teeth to get out.

I carried Chirica to the ground. I took the blanket from the pack, handing it to Bella, and laid out the bedroll, bent part way against a large tree. "I think I'll use the bedroll for Chirica," I decided. "Fold the blanket under Baby, and be ready to help me, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. You want the hand sanitizer?"

"Yeah. Thanks," I said gratefully. I cleaned my hands thoroughly, feeling more prepared. Chirica wrinkled her nose. I coaxed her to lie down on the bedroll, with her back against the tree, the bedroll between her and the rough bark.

"Naga (He took me)," she said sadly.

"Ngü."

"Choxũ nata (He left me)," she said.

"Ngü." I pushed her knees up, gently, and took away her loincloth. Blood poured out. Shit.

"Due'e. Nangechaxũ gü tuxǖ nadai (The People. They are sorry he kills us)," she said, eyes welling.

"Tama pexï nadu, nüxü chima (He doesn't kill you, him I kill)," I said coldly. "Oxchana. ¿Penaxwae (The baby. Do you want it?)?"

"Ngü. ¿Taxacü i pexï cuega (Yes. What is your name)?"

"Edward."

She looked at me like my name was terribly unusual and difficult to say.

"Yawaruna."

She nodded, giving me a small smile. "¿Taxacü i pexï cuega?" she asked Bella.

Bella looked at me for a translation. "She wants to know our names. I told her I'm Yawaruna, The Panther."

"And what's my name?" Bella smiled lovingly at me.

"Dyäwë," I decided. "The Deer."

"Dyäwë," Bella nodded. "Hm. That's ... beautiful."

I hesitated. "Minx? I need you to help me hold her legs," I decided.

"Okay." My wife smiled at Chirica, and sat next to me.

"Lift her leg at the same time I lift her other one. Otherwise, you might damage her hips." We each put a foot on our shoulder. "This is so unsanitary," I whined.

"Edward? She's going to be a vampire. No big."

"Yeah. Uh, okay." How was I going to do this. I held out my hand and prepared to order Chirica to spit.

"Wait," Bella said. She knew the drill. I used to make her spit for me all the time.

"What?" I blinked gently.

"I brought the lube."

"You're joshing," I gawped. Bella merely shrugged. "Well, that shows how clever you are. Where is it?"

"Here," Bella said, fumbling awkwardly in the pack beside her, and extracting the tube of lubricant. She squirted it in my hand with a splat, and I spread it around.

"This is not something I envisioned doing with you on our honeymoon," I informed my mate. She laughed and kissed my cheek. Chirica looked at us without comprehension.

"It's going to hurt. Ow!" I warned the girl.

"Ecüx (Alright)," she gasped.

As gently as possible, I pushed two fingers in. She grunted and whimpered uncomfortably. "I can't reach," I told Bella. "Bend her knees up a bit more. Yeah. Okay." She was about 2 inches dilated. I didn't think I dared wait until she was closer. "Chirica? Ow."

She nodded at me, tears dangling on her lashes. I steeled myself, and pushed through the cervix into the fetal sack, which made a terrible crackling noise. It really was like the shell of an egg. Carefully, I picked off tiny pieces of shell and removed them. Inside the shell was a membrane. It was already leaking. I poked it. It popped like a balloon, gushing yellowy fluid. Which splashed me. Yuck.

The baby stretched, and Chirica screamed. Paralysed, I watched as something descended into the birth canal.

A foot.

"Oh, God! Oh, God, it's breech," I moaned, stopping myself from fisting my hair at the last possible instant. Instead, I started running through options frantically.

"Edward! Don't panic. You need to stay calm," my mate directed me. I closed my eyes and thought it out. Hard. Had I a heartbeat, it would have been drumming its way out of my chest.

"I'll have to try and do a Version," I decided, reading a magazine article from one of Carlisle's journals in my head.

"What's that?" Bella asked.

"I'll have to try and turn the baby. It won't be pleasant. She won't ... like me for it. You're going to have to hold her still, Bella."

"Okay."

"First, I have to shove the little beggar back in. She won't like that, either. Then, we can put her legs down."

"No, I wouldn't be impressed with you either if you put the baby back when it was on its way out, Dr Cullen. You might want to keep that in mind for future reference."

"Quiet, Minx," I smiled a little hysterically. I grabbed the foot, and pushed it back in. Chirica was not impressed. She growled and snarled at me and squirmed and bucked. Bella tried to soothe her while keeping her down. Her whole abdomen wobbled. There was a horrid cracking noise. I flinched.

Carefully, I felt along her abdomen to see how the baby was situated. Then, I applied pressure to the tiny hip and opposing shoulder. I pushed with the flats of my hand. Hard. The mother growled menacingly and Bella took her hands off her as though they'd been burned. There was another cracking noise, and an enormous wobble, and the baby turned.

I looked at Bella, astounded. "It worked," I gawped at her.

"Hurray for you, Doctor," she beamed.

There was another dreadful crackle, and I turned back to my patient. "Let's get her up, Bella."

"You don't want her lying down?" my mate questioned.

"No. Worst position on the planet. Might as well hang her upside down and expect her to push. No, we need to enlist gravity. We'll walk her."

"Okay." We pulled Chirica up and helped her limp around. She moaned gutturally and hung onto her belly.

"Won't she be in labour for hours?" Bella wondered.

"I don't think so. Not when the baby's foot's already been out. That baby is going to find its own way out. I just hope it chooses the path I've created and not a new one of its own."

"Me, too."

It was getting light out. After an hour of pacing through the nearby trees, Chirica, who was having lovely contractions that came right on top of each other, doubled over and groaned.

"I think we're having a baby now. Do you think you can hold her up?" I asked Bella.

"She's not gonna pull my head off or anything, is she?" Bella asked warily.

"Right now she's thinking you're her senior clanswoman. She wants you to love her, so she's behaving nicely. If she looks at all violent, though, we'll tie her to the tree," I smiled crookedly.

"Okay. Lean on me, sweetie," Bella said, standing behind Chirica and grabbing her under her arms. Chirica rested her back against Bella gratefully, moaning. She enfolded Bella's arms in her own. Bella kissed her temple. Chirica bent her knees and I gave her a quick check.

Fully dilated. "Yep. Time to party, Mama," I said, smiling at the girl encouragingly. She panted, her eyes black and pulse hammering.

She was wishing Caius was around so she could forcibly remove his manhood. I resisted the urge to cover mine. After all, I hadn't been the one to get her in this state.

But I hoped Bella wouldn't think that same thing, when it was her turn to do this.

What to wrap the baby in? My bloodstained, nasty-smelling shirt would have to do. I took it off, and sat cross-legged in front of the girl, and spread it over my knee, feeling conditions were as primitive as they'd been under the Conquistadors.

Chirica cried pitifully. I wished I knew how to tell her to put her energy into pushing and not into crying. Bella and I shushed her reassuringly.

Something moved between her legs, startling me. "The hand. The hand is out," I said, half-excited, half-filled with dread. There was another movement. The other hand.

Tentatively, remembering the sting of the baby girl's bite, I reached out, and Chirica's baby grasped my thumbs firmly. Bella gasped. I looked up at my mate, thunderstruck. I was fascinated. I wondered what to do. I couldn't pull the tiny hands. I might dislocate the baby's shoulders or I might damage Chirica's body.

Luckily for both of us, the baby knew what it wanted. It used my thumbs to anchor itself as it pulled its body down the birth canal. It made Chirica yell. A lot. But it would be over soon.

"It's crowning," I said. "Tama, Chirica. Tama. Shhh." I tried to get her to stop pushing, but didn't know how to say it. I panted, miming for her to do it, too. That worked. She panted, holding quite still. With the next contraction, Bella and I exhorted her to push. She pushed once. Twice, and I had the back of the baby's head, facing away, between my hands. Man, that had to hurt, having the arms and head positioned like that. I couldn't see the shoulders, yet.

Bella and I were laughing with joy. Triumphant. Chirica didn't look quite so happy. Actually, she looked like she could happily use my guts for garters. It was my fault, for being a man. She growled, and venom trickled from the corners of her mouth down her front. Having me smile probably wasn't helping. I took her hand and put it on the baby's head. Startled, she nodded at me. "One more, honey. One more, and you're done."

With the next contraction, we told her to push again. Chirica held her breath and pushed hard. She barely seemed tired although she was definitely in a lot of pain.

I hooked the baby's shoulder, and the little body slid free. I caught it under its arms, ecstatic, and held it up, squeaking, to meet its mother. So tiny. It fit in my hands easily. "A boy," I said happily. Chirica gave him a tender smile, such as I had never seen. Her abdomen continued to contract for a few minutes, and then the placenta came out.

Chirica sank to the ground, looking at her baby. Like with the first child, I pushed out the egg teeth, and pitched them away. I rubbed the baby clean with my shirt, and handed him over to his mother. She held him easily. They looked at each other with fascination. But we weren't quite done.

I busily tied off the umbilicus once again, and cut it with my teeth, grimacing at the bitter taste of it. I threw all the afterbirth to the side, and it splattered on the ground.

Instinctively, I reached forward, and pressed down on her stomach with both hands. It felt like popping a potato chip bag. The shell-like fetal sack broke into shards under my weight, and Chirica cried out, eyes wide. I felt it shatter inside her. I regarded her with primal satisfaction. She shuddered. That's when I realized it must have hurt.

"Nangechoxu (Sorry)," I said contritely, throwing my hands up in surrender.

"Edward," Bella gasped.

"It had to be done. It couldn't be left," I said, far more dispassionately than I ought to have.

"But how did you know?" Bella asked in shock.

I shrugged. "I just ... do. It had to be done. It would not do to leave it in her forever. It would not be absorbed."

Blood-like, metallic-smelling fluid poured out of Chirica, carrying the powdery crumbs of shell out of her body. She looked at me in shock.

Chirica stopped wheezing and calmed herself. She looked back and forth uncertainly between me and the baby. It was rubbing its face on her chest, searching for breakfast. Bella murmured to Chirica, and helped her to latch the baby on. Chirica looked at the baby in wonder.

"¿Taxacü i napata (What is his name)?" I asked Chirica softly, stroking the tiny dark head with a finger.

"Duquitu," she replied.

"Luke. Ngü. Choxrü me nixï. Namexěchi (Luke. Yes. I like it. It's beautiful)," I said, smiling.

I felt light. Elated. Perhaps it was seeing that the babies were just babies. Nothing evil. Perhaps it was seeing new life arrive in the world. Perhaps it was the triumph of knowing I could help my daughter to get born without losing her mother. I wasn't sure. What I was sure of, was that I'd never do anything better, than help my wife bring my daughter into the world.

"Thank You, God," I murmured, levering myself to my feet. I stretched, feeling energy course through my muscles.

"Why don't you write to Ren before we get busy again," Bella suggested.

Nodding, I retrieved my journal, and quickly penned a letter.

My own scent was tormenting me. Why the hell hadn't I asked the Due'e for a fresh shirt? A baby blanket?

Duquitu was pretty thrilled with his mother. It was a mutual admiration society.

"Why didn't we ask for towels?" Bella lamented, attempting to clean Chirica up with a pair of underpants. Mine. Emmett would have a field day with that.

"Why didn't we ask for water?" I responded. "We all need washing. Especially me." I gestured down at my front, which was covered with various effluents, and grimaced. My jeans were ruined. Bright, Cullen. Tell your wife not to pack any spares. Way to go.

"Well, why don't you go get us some," Bella suggested. "We've cleaned out enough bromeliads around here. All their little inhabitants will be going thirsty. So go get 'em, Yawaruna."

"You'll be okay while I'm gone?" I worried. "I don't like leaving you sitting on the ground, Bella."

"Dyäwë," Bella corrected me, looking up with mock exasperation. "We'll be fine, Edward. Please go. You wouldn't believe how bad you smell."

"You vampire, you," I teased. "Grr-wow, Minx. You remembered your name. Fine. I'll go wash, and bring back some water."

"Hurry back, love," she directed, picking up Chepaā's baby and patting it on the bum. "Wait. Before you go: Chepaā rejected the baby. She needs a name."

"Chepaā might be fine when she wakes, Bella. She'll want to name the baby herself. Look how well Chirica is doing, and she's two years younger than Chepaā."

"She might be alright, love. But the baby needs a name, however temporary. We can't call her 'Baby' all the time."

"Okay... uh... Maricuta." I decided. Mary had a little lamb. Oh. No. Mary had a little minxy kitty.

Bella nodded, pleased.

"Chama rü paraācü (I'm very sleepy)," Chirica stated, lying down with her son on the ruined bedroll.

"Up in the hammock," I pointed. Chirica looked up the tree, sighing, and did not move. "Fine," I said, confiscating the baby and giving it to Bella. I swung Chirica into my arms and ran her up the tree. I put her in the hammock. Something wet continued to drip out of her. Rather bloody, I decided, nose wrinkling. I would have to keep a close eye on her.

As soon as I was clean.

Chirica turned over with a contented sigh. I strapped her in. In seconds, she was asleep.

I leaped to the ground, to find my wife baby-talking at two adorable infants. I added a couple of more sentences to my journal. Then, I stowed it safely back in the backpack. "Gonna be okay, love?" I checked, picking up my shirt, the soiled 'diapers', the soap, the bowl, my toothbrush, clean underwear, the black tote and the bedroll.

"Just hurry, Mocha-chino."

"Yes, Ma'am," I said, saluting. Bella snorted as I flitted away, sniffing for clean water.

It was only ten minutes before I found one of the little springs connected to the Amazon River. The water bubbled up prettily into a small basin of pebbly rock. I looked in it carefully. Shame to sully it, but this just felt too much like a reward. It was barely more than a big puddle, anyway. What the heck. I shirked my filthy jeans and splashed in, sitting in the lukewarm water with a groan.

I felt giddy. Laughter bubbled up out of me, unbidden. What a treat for the OCD vam-... What a treat for me. I dragged all my stuff over and took up the soap and my jeans, and scrubbed them against the pebbles in the pool. Then I sloshed them around, hoping to get most of the soap out. Then I washed my much-abused shirt, feeling decadent.

No way was I washing those diapers in my bathwater. I'd save them for last, and clean them in the bowl.

Teeth next, I decided, feeling odd about dipping a toothbrush in a spring. Well, better than nothing.

God, that was good. Unbelievable, how much enjoyment one could get, just from being able to wash. I put my toothbrush away and grabbed the soap, and scrubbed every inch of me until even skin like mine tingled. I used the bowl to get it all off, feeling wonderful.

For a couple of minutes, I just sat there, thankful and happy, and considered my blessings, eyes shut. Then I heard the footfalls. Hooves.

I opened my eyes, sniffing for the scent. Perhaps I'd get us takeout for lunch. My eyes focused on a section of forest to my right.

I froze, gobsmacked.

Humbled.

God does love you, you stupid son of a vampire.

The white deer trod softly out of the forest, and stared at me. It was a doe, I noticed. I had not realized, the first time I saw her, back in the Olympic Rainforest on my wedding day.

She was so white, she shone in the greenness of the jungle.

I reached up out of the water with both hands, kneeling, and she walked straight to me and put her head in my hands. I caressed her velvet head, marvelling, my throat clogged with tears.

"Hello, angel," I said softly. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

She nodded. I swear. And I whimpered and kissed her on the forehead. She let me kiss her.

"Who are you?" I wondered, blinking shyly, brushing my fingers over her cheeks and neck.

She shook her head, hard, almost whacking me with her hard forehead. I backed up a couple of inches.

"You're my guardian, aren't you?" I asked softly, and laughed a little under my breath when she nodded almost curtly and sniffed me with her wet, pink nose. "So, I'm supposed to remember God loves me, right?"

She almost wiped me out with her vehement nod.

"Is He awfully mad?" I asked fearfully.

No response.

"Then, I'm meant to remember, like I could forget, that I'm to behave nicely and everything will be okay?"

A nod.

"Are you really a deer?"

A shake.

"You're not allowed to talk to me like a person?" I asked. "Are you an angel?"

A nod.

"Will you tell me who you are, if I guess?"

A shake.

"Well, you obviously care about me, so thank you. Tell God I still love Him."

A shake. As much as if to say, 'do it yourself'.

"I will. Will I see you again?"

No response.

"Can I tell Bella about you?" I begged.

No response.

"What about my family?" I fretted. Did God still love them, too?

The deer reared up and smacked a hoof firmly against my forehead. I fell over, startled, into the spring, and the wind knocked out of me. But while my eyes were shut, the text of 'Acts: 16' swam up before my eyes. I read it.

Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved. You and your household.

Good enough for me. I swear I produced tears.

I opened my eyes.

She was gone.

I may have danced around shouting my thanks to the heavens a little, but I wasn't going to admit it to anyone. And the Rainforest danced to its rhythm. The rhythm of life.