Chapter Thirty-Seven- First Day on a Brand New Planet

For the first time in over two years, you finally feel something solid. Not happy (you didn't really think you'd ever be genuinely happy again), but settled. Glad to have made some form of productive decision that gave you a reason to get dressed in the morning. You hadn't had one of those in a very long time.

You smiled wryly to yourself and smooth your hand through the long, dark hair you'd sported forever. That would change soon, you supposed. But change could be good. It wasn't exactly like you were fond of who you were these days.

Yes. You'd made a decision, and you were going to stick to it. Which is why you were actively avoiding bumping into anyone you knew could change your mind. Which basically eliminated everyone in your life. Or, anyone with half a brain.

You knew it was stupid. But you knew how desperate you were. They didn't. No-one else saw that.

"Em?"

A familiar voice calls from behind you and you groan inside, hoping that, if you pretended you hadn't heard, she'd give up.

"Emily?"

You sigh and turn around, plastering an unconvincing smile across your face in an effort to conceal your displeasure at the company.

"Aria, hey." You smile,

"Everything okay?" She asks, and you're about to get defensive, until you remember that you're standing in the waiting area of a doctor's office, and it's a perfectly normal question.

"Yeah, just a check up. You?"

Aria nods.

"Just picking up a prescription for Scarlett. She's still not over her cold. I didn't know you were registered here?"

You know it's a question, but it feels like an accusation.

"I transfered. Turns out this one's actually nearer." Lie. A barefaced lie, and a bad one at that. It's at least ten minutes further from your apartment from the other doctor's office, but they didn't know you here.

"Oh." Aria says quietly, and you know she hasn't bought it. She glances down, and you flinch the records in your hands away from her sight.

Too late.

"Em-ily." She gasps slowly and emphatically, all of a sudden making you feel less than three feet tall. "What in the world…?"

You hear your name ring out over the intercom, and walk into the office without a word.

But when you're done, she's still there. Stoic faced and unnervingly calm, leaning against the exit. All your appointment time has done is give Aria more time to mull over what she'd already decided was a bad idea.

"I don't want to hear it." You try fruitlessly.

Aria shrugs.

"Neither do I." She points out, "But when the godmother to my child decides to do something stupid, I have a responsibility to help stop it."

A pregnant silence falls between you, heavy because you know she's right.

"The military, Em? Really?"

"I need a purpose," You offer weakly, and saying it out loud makes you realize how lame it actually sounds. Like something off of a recruitment poster, aimed at degenerate teens and handed out by guidance counsellors.

Aria snorts with derision.

"Let me guess, you're going to be all you can be?"

You want to argue, but she's right.

"I just can't be here anymore," You say emphatically, gesturing around you at the tidy streets and small groups of people, "This place has never done any good for me."

Aria sinks down onto the hood of her car, and it occurs to you that you didn't really notice the walk to the parking lot.

"Then leave, Em." She says softly, "Go back to school. Travel. Move apartments. Anything. Just not the military."

"There's nothing wrong with the army."

You're indignant, but you know you're wrong. There is everything wrong with the military- and you know it better than anyone. In the military, death was often a consolation in comparison with the physical and mental repercussions of war. And as a woman, those experiences weren't likely to be on the front line. Most women at war weren't even safe in their own troops.

"Besides, how were you going to join the military, Em? They're not exactly fond of being openly gay."

"Lie, I guess."

Aria rolls her eyes.

"What a brilliant solution." She covers your hand with her own, "Look. I can't tell you what to do- even though I wish I could- but promise me you'll at least think about other options before you rush into anything."

"Anyone want the last slice?" Hanna asked, picking up the last piece of pizza and offering it around.

"Not now you've had your hands all over it," Aria laughed, shaking her head at Hanna endearingly as she shrugged and took a bite.

The four were lounging on Hanna's living room floor, two empty pizza boxes and a bottle of wine between them. It reminded Spencer of days that seemed like another lifetime ago, and she felt a twinge of sadness as she realized that this was the life she could have been living for years, if she hadn't chosen Toby instead.

The years that she had lost with Toby, that could have been spent with Emily, angered Spencer more than the way he'd treated her had. It frustrated her that, if she had just let herself feel the way she always had done for Emily, back when they were roommates in college, or back even further still to when they were just best friends, the past five years would've been spent just like this. In Emily's arms, with Hanna and Aria bickering playfully.

Spencer bit her lip, thinking carefully. Even with their foundation being built on such a strong friendship, she never could have predicted just how easy being in a relationship with Emily would be. They worked well together. They took care of each other, alternating effortlessly between needing and giving support. They balanced each other out in many ways.

And all of a sudden, Spencer couldn't remember why she had wanted to keep her relationship with Emily a secret.

Spencer reached out and took Emily's hand, squeezing it gently and catching her gaze. She gave her a small, knowing smile and Emily raised her eyebrows, a look of concern on her face which Spencer addressed with a definitive nod. Emily smiled and nodded back subtly, tightening her grip on Spencer as they turned back to face Hanna and Aria.

"Han?" Emily asked, drawing Hanna's attention away from the pizza and back to them. Hanna looked up expectantly, her eyes scanning over the two of them. If she was surprised by their interlocked fingers, she didn't show it, and Emily's arm wrapped around Spencer was nothing knew. But Hanna had suspected for a while now that there was more to their relationship than friendship and comfort.

"I," Emily started, glancing at Spencer and correcting herself, "we have something that we need to tell you."

Spencer squeezed Emily's hand reassuringly, moving in slightly closer and fighting a smile as she watched Emily struggle to find the words to explain what she was trying to say. To say that they were dating seemed too trivial, that they were an 'item' was too juvenile, that they were in a relationship was too formal.

There were no adequate words to describe how they felt about each other.

"Oh. My. God." Hanna murmured, glancing slowly between Spencer and Emily, "You're totally doing it!"

"Hanna!"

"Even if you're not doing it, you're totally doing something."

Aria closed her eyes in exasperation.

"There were more subtle ways you could probably have approached that." She said pointedly, giving Hanna a stern look.

"Oh come on," Hanna drawled, "You know as well as I do that they've been...connecting for like, a decade."

"Better," Aria commented, "not good, but better."

Spencer laughed, squeezing Emily's hand to signal that she was okay with the course of the conversation.

"Now, I want all the details," Hanna grinned, looking directly at Spencer, "But I also want dessert. You want to help me get it, Spence?"

Spencer nodded, allowing Hanna to take her hand and help pull her up from the floor, feeling a great sense of accomplishment when she didn't so much as flinch at the contact; even six months on, she still struggled with being touched.

Keeping Spencer's hand in hers, Hanna led her into the kitchen, pushing the door ajar behind them and letting go of Spencer, opening the fridge and pulling out a tray of cupcakes.

"So, you and Em, huh?" Hanna smirked, facing away from Spencer as she pondered the contents of the fridge.

Spencer nodded, looking awkwardly down at her hands and letting out a nervous laugh.

"Yep. Me and Emily."

Hanna sighed a little as she saw the anxiety on Spencer's face. She knew that she would never quite be able to understand what Spencer had gone through, or how she was dealing with it, but she was desperate to try. She and Spencer had never had the most affectionate relationship, but their friendship was honest and true, and Hanna was determined that- this time around- it would be stronger than ever.

Gently, she reached out and took Spencer's hand in her own, running her thumbs across the back of it reassuringly and looking straight into her face.

"I'm really happy for you, Spence." She whispered, keeping her eyes trained on the other girl's face. She could see the faint outlines of scars on her chin, cheek and forehead, and there were bumps on her nose that Hanna had never noticed before. But she was starting to look like Spencer again.

"You're good for each other, and I'm really, really glad that you have each other. But I want you to know that you have me, too. If you ever need anything, someone to talk to, a manicure, anything, you can always come to me. I promise. I've got your back."

Hanna bit her lip and blinked, feeling a few tears fall across her cheeks.

"I'm going to hug you now." Hanna laughed softly, stepping towards Spencer and noticing tears in her eyes as she leaned in and wrapped her arms around her, squeezing tighter as she felt Spencer press her face into her shoulder.

Spencer sniffed a little and rested her chin on Hanna's shoulder, making no attempt to let go. Though their friendship had been slowly rebuilding over the past few months, with days spent idly chatting and drinking coffee together, this was the first time that Spencer had felt as though she really had Hanna back.

"God I've missed you."

Aria gave Emily a stern look across the room, biting her lip softly in thought.

"Why am I getting the mom look?" Emily asked, a careful note of humor in her voice.

Aria raised her eyebrows, opening her mouth to speak and then closing it again as she thought better of it. Sighing heavily, she got up and crossed the room, sitting back down next to Emily and looking her carefully in the eyes.

"You know I'm happy for you," Aria started carefully, "and you know how much I love you both. Which is why I'm about to say this, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way but we promised a long time ago to always be honest with each other."

Emily looked at her pointedly.

"Aria," She said seriously, "What is it?"

Aria took a deep breath.

"Are you sure this is the right thing for you? And for Spencer? I mean, I know how much you love her, and it's obvious that she loves you, and I have complete faith in the two of you that you can handle this. But I feel like I wouldn't be doing my duty as your best friend if I didn't make sure that you know how hard this is going to be. On both of you. And I really don't want to see either of you get hurt, or lose the person that you need the most because of this."

Emily sighed as she listened to Aria talk, never breaking eye contact with her. A part of her wanted to be mad at Aria for doubting her relationship with Spencer, but that part was overridden by rationality. Aria was looking out for them both, and she would be doing the exact same if it were the other way around.

Emily nodded.

"I know. And I love you for caring. But this is real. Spencer and I...we're meant to be. I'm going to spend my life with her, and it doesn't matter how difficult it is, because in the end, waking up to her in my arms outweighs all the difficulties of being together. This is right for us."

Aria let out a sigh of relief as she nodded and squeezed Emily's hand.

"I was really hoping you'd say that." Aria laughed softly, "I really hope it works out. If there are two people who deserve each other, it's you and Spencer."

Emily offered her a small smile, her eyes lighting up as Spencer walked back into the room, laughing with Hanna as she sat back down next to Emily, relaxing into her body. As much as she was doing a lot better, her confidence growing and becoming slowly more secure in herself, it was always a relief to be comfortably back in Emily's grasp.

"So, Spence said you guys spent the weekend in New York?" Hanna asked, grabbing a cupcake and lifting a fingerful of icing to her lips.

Aria raised her eyebrows, giving Emily a pointed look.

"Oh really?" Aria said carefully.

Emily nodded and Spencer smiled, swallowing a mouthful of cake and glancing up at Emily.

"Yep," She grinned, "We got a hotel and we went to the Met. and Central Park and we had dinner overlooking Times Square, and then we spent Sunday by the pool and we drove back this morning."

Emily felt a twitch in her ovaries as she listened to Spencer talk. She was sure that this was the happiest that she would ever, and could ever be. Spencer pressed herself in closer to Emily as they listened to Hanna talk about a conference she'd been to in New York, which seemed to include very little business. Emily was sure that if every other day was exactly like today, she'd live a very content life.

Spencer turned her face into Emily as she attempted to stifle a yawn, eliciting an endearing chuckle from Aria.

"Someone's tired." Aria smiled, exchanging a knowing look with Emily. Spencer pouted a little and Emily raised her eyebrows, looking her dead in the eyes.

"Don't try and deny it, missy." She chided softly, "You've been up since six. We should probably think about heading home soon."

Hanna's face fell into a sympathetic smile as she looked over at Spencer and Emily. They were more in love, she thought, than she had ever been with Caleb, and looking at her induced a pang of loneliness in her.

"You know, the two of you are so cute it's almost sickening." Hanna laughed softly. Spencer blushed a little, and Emily nodded.

"It's all her." Emily chuckled, looking down affectionately at Spencer, whose head was resting on her shoulder, her eyelids fluttering sleepily. "And speaking of, I should probably get her home before she actually falls asleep."

Spencer let out an indignant moan, but couldn't find the energy to protest any further, making Hanna and Aria laugh as they looked on.

"Come on," Emily smirked, nudging Spencer softly, "You'll be asleep within the hour and you're too tall to carry."

A/N

No fear, it's not finished and I haven't given up. Just took a bit of a hiatus.

Hopefully there'll be frequent updates now...if that's what you want?