Count on me
I know that life ain't always good to you,
I've seen exactly what its put you through,
thrown you around and turned you upside down,
And so you, you got to thinking there was no way out,
You started sinking and it pulled you down,
it may be tough you've get back up,
because you know that life ain't over yet,
I'm here for you so don't forget,
you can count on me cause I will carry you till you carry on,
Any time you need someone, somebody strong to lean on,
well you can count on me to hold you till that healing is done,
and every time you fall apart, you can hide here in my arms,
and you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone.
Default – Count on me
The wedding rehearsal yesterday was very chaotic. Criss and I were fighting, everyone could feel the tension in the air. Jo was a bridezilla, freaking out at every little thing. Sully was getting angry at Jo for yelling so much, and someone had managed to lose Jos flowers. Criss refused to even look at me the entire day. Hardly even acknowledged my presence. And when we walked down the isle together, his eyes stayed focused ahead of him and he kept his body as far away from mine as Jo would allow. I promised her I wouldn't let our relationship ruin her wedding, so I was trying my hardest to play nice.
We had managed to get everything set up, so by morning time, all we had to do was get ourselves and the bride ready. My moms yard was unrecognizable. With a section done up for the ceremony, and another part set for the reception. It was beautiful.
As I stood next to Jo, I tried hard to concentrate on my best friend. I was the maid of honor, so I was responsible for making sure everything went smoothly for Jo. But it was hard to concentrate on anything other than Criss. Standing across from me in his black suit, he looked ridiculously hott. It had been the first time I had ever seen him in a tux, and I wasn't ashamed to admit that the sight of him made me horny as hell.
I didn't know what had changed, after the rehearsal dinner yesterday, we went back to our rooms, and I hadn't talked to Criss since. But today, he couldn't take his eyes off of me. Criss seemed to be watching me more than he was the wedding. Which was making me nervous. Him staring me down combined with the way he looked in his tux, I was going to have an extremely hard time fending him off today.
After we took pictures and ate dinner, it was time for our speeches. I felt nervous. I was sure it had something to do with the fact that over a hundred eyes were on me. I wasn't really one for being the center of attention, and this was not helping. But it was my best friends wedding, and I had some very important things to say. I cleared my throat as everyone turned their attention to me.
"Ive known Jo for 13 years now and I can say, she is my best friend. She is a very loyal friend, always there when you need her, whether its a shoulder to cry on or a ride home. We grew up together, not from childhood, but we lived through one of the hardest times of any ones life, adolescence, and we helped each other grow into responsible adults." I looked down at Jo, who was already starting to tear up.
"There have been time of sadness, times of guilt, times of rage, and then there were those times of teenage fun. Everyone knows that Jo and I were hellions. We created a lot of ciaos. Most of it was her idea." Everyone laughed. "She was never afraid to rise to the occasion, whether it was skipping school, toilet papering the neighbors or stealing her moms car for a joy ride, she was up for it all." the room laughed.
"Jo Marie!" I heard her mom shout from across the room.
"You didn't tell her about that?" I laughed and turned to Jo, the room laughing along with me. Jo laughed and shook her head. "Sorry Sherry." I shouted across the room, making everyone laugh again.
"But in all seriousness, Jo is the best friend anyone could ever have. And I'm so very thankful I had her as my best friend. And I wish her all the happiness in the world, because she deserves it. And I know Sully is the man to make her happy." I turned to look at Jo, who was now full blown crying. "I love you guys. Congratulations Sully and Jo." I raised my glass and everyone raised theirs. I took a sip and almost spilled the rest as Jo wrapped her arms around me.
"I love you Lana." she sniffled. We took our seats and watched as Criss stood up.
"Ive known Sully for a long time. And one thing I know about Sully is he's very picky about his girlfriends. So when Sully told me he wanted to propose to Jo, I couldn't believe it. He said he had finally found the one, that she was the perfect girl for him. And she is. You can see it in their eyes, when they look at each other, the love is there, and its undeniable. And I have to admit, Jo is the only woman I have met that can keep Sully under control." Criss looked down at Sully and laughed, everyone laughed with him.
"Love isn't knowing everything about someone. Or even knowing someone for 15 years. You know what love really is? Its how that person makes you feel. How they can look at you, and suddenly they are the only person in existence. And when they stand beside you, you feel complete. And if you ever lost that person, your world as you know it would crumble. That is love." I couldn't help but notice that Criss kept glancing at me. "And these two truly do love each other. And they are going to live a long and happy life together. So, to the happy couple." Criss raised his glass and took a sip. He looked stressed. His tie hung loosely around his neck and his jacket was missing. He reminded me of a CEO on a bad day. And I somehow felt guilty for his stress, knowing most of it was my fault.
I didn't know why, but I suddenly felt exposed. Embarrassed by Criss' speech. His eyes constantly flickering my way. I shuddered and tried to erase the thoughts. I was here for Jo and Sully, not Criss. And I was sticking to that.
I made my way to the bar and ordered a drink. I quickly drank it and then found my way to Jo, pulling her onto the dance floor with me. It was starting to get dark and the stars were already visible. The twinkling white lights that had been hung were now lit. It was so beautiful, the perfect wedding.
"Can we talk?" Criss asked coming up behind Jo and I. I looked up at him, unwilling to say yes. Jo nudged me and gave me a look, one that said 'just shut up and do it already'. Reluctantly I took his hand and he led me into the house, away from the party.
He pulled me behind him and guided me to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him, sitting me on the toilet and took a seat on the tub in front of me. He sat silently for a moment, staring at me. I looked down at the floor, not sure of what to do or say. He sighed heavily.
"What are we doing Lana?" he asked, his face twisted with pain.
"Criss, I told you, its over." I whispered, not daring to look him in the eyes.
"How can you just walk away from this? From us? When you know what we had was real? Does everything we've gone through mean nothing to you?" He asked calmly. I looked up at him, his eyes softening as he noticed the tears starting to swell.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore Criss." I finally confessed. He knelt down in front of me and wiped a tear from my cheek.
"Is that what this is all about?" he asked softly. "Lana, the only thing that's hurting me is not having you." I sniffled and wiped my tears with my palms and shook my head.
"We cant keep doing this. Too much damage has been done. Just let it go."
"You know I cant do that. We need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about." I stated, I stood up and walked towards to the door. He jumped up and spun me around to face him, keeping a tight grip on my shoulders.
"I'm not letting you get rid of me!" He said calmly, leaning down to look me in the eyes.
I twirled my arms around to knock his hands off my shoulders. I slammed my hands against his chest, pushing him backwards. He took a step back before he snatched my wrists and gripped them tightly, then pushed me against the bathroom door. I struggled against him, but there was no use, he was too strong for me.
"Why wont you just give up?" I shouted. I was starting to get very frustrated and I was confused. I didn't know what the right thing was anymore, and I couldn't even remember how we had gotten here.
"Because I love you!" he shouted back. He tightened his grip on me as I fought back, trying to push him away with everything I had.
"Let go of me!" I yelled.
"Not until you calm down." He said. I didn't want to do this. Not now, not ever. I didn't want to hurt him anymore. I didn't want to face everything I had done to him. After a few minutes of struggling I felt depleted of all my strength and I slumped back against the door, giving up.
"Feel better?" Criss asked with a hint of amusement. I sighed heavily and he loosened his grip. "Its okay Lana, it'll be okay."
"It wont be okay, don't you see? It'll never be okay!" Tears made their way down my face and my knees started to feel weak. I flung my hands over my face and fell to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. Criss sat down beside me, wrapping his arms around me and pulled me into him. He stroked my hair as I sobbed. "I'm scared Criss. I don't know what to do." I whimpered.
"I'm scared too Lana. I'm scared of walking out of this room, and never feeling whole ever again." he said with strain in his voice. I looked up at him.
"I'm so sorry Criss. Ive put you through hell, and yet somehow, for some reason, you still love me." I told him. He smiled at me and wiped my tears with his thumb.
"I know we've been through a lot. More than a normal couple ever will be. But that's what makes us strong and that's why we shouldn't give up so easily. We're not perfect. Not you, not me. Maybe its our imperfections that make us so perfect for each other, I don't know. But what I do know is, that you're my soul mate. And soul mates cant live without the other. And I cant live one more day without you Lana. I miss you."
His words left me speechless. What do you say after something like that? He watched me carefully, thinking he wasn't getting through to me. But little did he realize, everything he just said, had won me over. He didn't need to say more. But I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't tell him.
"I love you, more than anyone in the world. I would do anything for you and I would give anything to have you back in my life, anything. I don't know what kind of man Ill be without you and I'm honestly scared to death to think of it. You are my world Lana, and those words I said out there, I was thinking of you when I said them."
He scooted over to sit in front of me, snuggling his way in between my legs. He held my hands and looked me in the eyes. I was still speechless.
"I want to marry you Lana. And today made me realize that even more. That should have been us. We should have been the ones up there, promising forever to each other. And I still want that. The only thing I want to do in this life, is marry you. Nothing else matters." he slid a ring onto my finger. I glanced down to see the most gorgeous ring ever made.
"I'm not saying its going to be easy. Its gonna be hard. We have a lot of things to work through. But what I am saying, is that Id rather be with you and do things the hard way, then take the easy way and give you up. You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you cant live without. And I cant live without you Lana."
"Will you marry me?" he asked in a soft voice. Still unable to speak, I nodded my head and wrapped my arms around his neck and smashed my lips onto his, making him topple over. He landed on his back and I sprawled out on top of him. We laid on the ground for several minutes, just kissing and holding each other.
"What happened to the old ring?" I was finally able to ask. Criss smiled up at me.
"I got you a new one, for our new relationship. So we can start all over." He grabbed the back of my head and pulled my lips back to his.
"I love you Criss." I whispered, I finally felt complete.