"Okay, so we should just steal the Triton?" Emma whispered. Regina made a face.
"Everything in Gold's shop is highly booby-trapped with unstable magic. Couldn't you feel it in the air? And I showed our hand asking for the triton, he'll probably magick that piece most of all now."
"So what do we do? How do we keep everyone happy?" Emma looked stern. "I could follow Ruby and Belle and see if they're the real deal or just, like, a fling-"
Regina shook her head. "That's not for us to decide. Ruby said Belle was her happy ending, and that's all I need to hear."
Emma smiled at Regina dreamily, leaning her head on one hand and staring at her appreciatively.
"What?" Regina snapped.
"You're right. You're absolutely right. And… I like that you're rooting for someone else to be happy."
"I don't." Regina snapped, her chin quivering a little. "It's revolting. All of these new, horrible warm feelings towards any random peasant I come across?! It's really clouding my thought process." Regina leaned forward in the booth, pressing one manicured hand to her temple, completely serious.
"Um, you mean empathy? And kindness?"
Regina's frown deepened. "They're a real hindrance."
"They're also kind of a turn on." Emma whispered across the booth.
Regina cocked her head. "You know what would help clear my head, Princess?…"
Because Emma refused to apparate ("I've seen the Fly too many times." Was her excuse) they ended up speeding down the dark highway to Underland, Regina at the wheel, moving with expert precision deeper into the woods, practically jumping in her seat when Emma's hand traveled up the tightness her skirt made across her smooth, stockinged thigh. Once they got to the Underland parking lot her tires screeched to a stop. Regina blasted the door open with one hand and pressed her lips hard against Emma while backing her toward her satin-covered bed.
"Do you want me to dance for you?" Emma whispered when Regina gave her a moment for air.
"Can't wait that long." Regina gasped, and Emma could feel her heart pounding against her own chest. Regina thrust Emma backwards onto the soft satin covers, shucking off the surprised blonde's jeans with an easy flourish. "Maybe after the first round." Regina murmured, her dark glittering eyes hidden in the shadow of hair that fell over her face.
The black sheets glowed with a reflected sheen of the magic light Regina's mouth when it touched Emma's hip, and as her lips traveled to their destination the room glowed gold.
"Your phone…" Regina sat up, pulling the sheet from Emma, making her stir in her sleep.
"Whaa?" Emma was confused, exhausted, and limp. Regina sat up, resting her chin on her knees.
"It's going crazy. It might be Henry- I can't unlock it."
Emma rolled on her side and fished her phone out of her jeans. "Probably just Snow." She grumbled. Getting ready to slut-shame me when I get home. "Wait no… it's Gold…he wants to know where his signed contract is."
Regina leaned back, the covers slipping to her waist and exposing a sight that turned Emma's head completely from her phone's screen.
"Hmmm. Well, we can't sign it."
"Wait…what if you changed the phrasing on the contract?" Emma peered at Regina. "You were able to change the font. What if you changed the wording in that one line to say: 'we'll try to talk to Belle about it, but if she says no, that's too bad.'"
"Your legalese is astounding." Regina quipped, but Emma could see the wheels in her head were turning.
Emma reached over and gently pinched Regina's upper thigh. "C'mon, it's a good idea, we'll work out the phrasing and it's buried in the contract anyway. That way we're not lying to him: we can still girl talk with Belle about a little bit. But we don't have to force her into anything."
Regina laughed, her face suddenly shining with relief. "Uh oh Saviour, that's awfully close to wicked. What if I'm rubbing off on you?"
"Rubbing off on me? I wish you would." Emma caught her up in her arms and Regina started squealing with laughter.
"Text him back." Regina gasped, scrunching aside on the bed, controlling her glowing smile and using her imperious tone. "Tell him we'll meet him tomorrow morning with his contract. And then remove that ridiculous lock from your phone. You may be mine, but I resent the implication I'd go rifling through your misspelt text messages-"
"The code is QOMH." Emma said curtly, tapping it into the number pad for Regina's benefit.
"Oh." Regina sat up, trying to look impersonally interested. "And that stands for…?"
"Queen of my heart."
Regina's traced a heart on Emma's bicep, a faint gold line following her finger. "Damn right." She whispered.
Emma wondered if Mr. Gold could hear her heart pounding in her chest as they turned over the signed parchment to him. However, he only glanced to see their signatures were in place and then filed it away in a small metal filing cabinet behind him that Emma was willing to bet had a magical capacity to hold all his hundreds of contracts.
"Well, deliver me my Belle, and you'll have your Triton." Mr. Gold said, looking smug.
"Sure thing. Maybe we can even dye her eyes to match her gown." Emma snapped, and Mr. Gold and Regina both looked at her confused. "Sorry…wrong reference." Emma mumbled. "That's from the movie Wizard of Oz."
Regina rolled her eyes. "Are you trying to turn me into Glinda? Is that where you got this idea of me doling out happy endings?"
"I'd pay good money to see you in pink." Emma couldn't help retorting.
"I might remind you the sooner I get my Belle, the sooner you get your triton." Mr. Gold leaned forward, his eyes suddenly sharp. "Shake a leg, would you, dearies?"
"Let me get this straight. You want me to just sit here while you go try and convince my girlfriend to go back to Mr. Gold, aka Storybrooke's own personal Satan?" Red was furious, angry tears in her eyes. Granny's was almost empty, and the last customer stood up abruptly, threw money on the table and got the hell out at this outburst.
"She WON'T." Emma put her hands up. "I mean, I really doubt Belle wants anything to do with him. But she's also his happy ending and to get the Triton- We just agreed that we would talk to her about him, see if there were problems we could fix- but ultimately it's her choice."
"Wow." Ruby crossed her arms. "Wow, Emma. Do you know how many nights I've stayed up late talking with Snow, trying to convince her not to interfere between you and Regina?! I thought we were friends, Emma, but this is a hell of a way for you to show it. You wouldn't even BE in Storybrooke if I hadn't hooked you up with a job. And now you're going to try to straighten out my girlfriend? That's just fantastic."she snapped, throwing her dishtowel down the counter of the diner. Her tone was deepening, her pupils flickering into slits.
"That's the last thing in the world we intend to do." Emma was starting to understand why Regina had suggested on the way over that they not tell Ruby any details about their scheme. Emma had wanted to tell Ruby. Now she found it almost impossible to explain their plan in terms that weren't flat-out insulting."You know that we have to help Ariel-"
"Just get out of here." Ruby roared, fanning her hands in front of her face. "I can't even look at you right now. Get out of here before I totally lose it!"
Emma, blushing, hurried out of the diner, sick to her stomach, to see Regina and Belle further down the street, walking out of Game of Thorns flower shop, both of them laughing. Regina had a dozen roses under her arm.
"I really don't even understand how we got together anymore." Belle was saying. "I mean, snakeskin pants?"
"I'm telling you, google Stockholm Syndrome." Regina was saying. "Everything will become very clear. Please give those roses to Ruby with my compliments." Belle blushed and gave Regina a quick hug. Regina, looking down the street, waved at Emma, who hurried to join her.
"Looks like Belle is quite happy with Ruby and has no intention of going back to Rumple." Regina beamed. "We tried. Guess we have to go break the news to Mr. Gold."
Emma felt her stomach clench, but nodded, smiling. "How do you think he's going to take it?"
Regina's head bobbed her head back and forward as though adding a column of figures in her head and said, "I think we're going to need at least two protection spells each. And maybe your dad's sword."