AN: I own nothing but Tammie, Matt and Melina. Happy readying.
5TH YEAR
POV: DRACO
Dreamweaver
I hated the fact that we all had to endure these crazy nightmares, even more, I hated that Burnner was trying to kill my cousin and girlfriend as we went along. This was real, this was all really happening, and when she explained everything, as much as I wanted to say it was impossible I knew it wasn't. It was a like we were all trapped in the closet with a boggart. Each one of us trying to claw our way out.
Hermione had the failure, Ron had spiders, Harry had isolation, George family, Melinda had to overcome feeling inadequate, Fred feared acceptance while Matt feared rejection. Strange, the two opposite people with the two opposite fears to both each other and the owner. But yet, both were drawn to Tammie who feared ownership and responsibility. Not that I could blame her at this point. Who would want to own up to being a Malfoy. But they were all done, and according them it got harder. From what I understood, Tammie had to come to terms with blame and guilt through things that were control to things that weren't. I could see how that would scare her though, she was a control freak.
But then that left me. I sucked in air, slightly worried, what was I afraid of? I admitted to being controlling and lacking feelings; I knew I liked order and organization, like Tammie. I separated things, I put them in little compartments and left them to be. I didn't trouble myself with problems or emotions. At least I didn't use to. it was becoming harder and hard to find empty compartments now. I feared running out of room. No, I feared all those compartments. Rows of them, like wands in boxes on a shelf. I feared them tumbling down on me, wands springing open from their boxes and attacking me. Only, those wands would be me, my thoughts, the things I buried and promised myself never to look at. The section of thoughts from old me and now me and what I'd hope to. All organized little boxes never to come down. Could Burnner know this? Could she knock all those shelves down? I wondered as her voice echoed around the room, making me jump.
"Oh no dearies, we're not done in here" Burnner's voice said echoing around the room; as she said it a black veil appeared in the kitchen door entrance. I watched Tammie move over closer to the twins and Matt while I pulled Melinda closer to myself. I felt Ron, Hermione and Harry were safe in their little space by the couch. "It's not that easy" she continued. Of course it isn't, I thought sarcastically to myself. "We have yet to see what scares Draco Malfoy the most…" I wondered what was scarier, the fact that no one knew my fears and therefore felt endangered or the fact that I was actually scared.
"Honestly, I thought Tammie's battle with herself, Charity and little Abby was entertaining, but, really, Draco's conflicting issues are a real laugh" Burnner started and then suddenly three Draco's appeared around the room. Damnit. She knew; she knew and she wasn't knocking those shelves over, she was picking out boxes and throwing them at me.
"You've got to be kidding me…" Ron said in a morbid tone as we all locked around. "You two really need to sort out your priorities" he added shaking his head at Tammie.
"What? What's happening?" I asked looking horror struck at his selves. I already knew though, but this? This was low and scary. I didn't want to be confronted with my thoughts by own self. She could've had my parents stand here and do that. But I wasn't scared of them.
"She did this with me, I had some, problems with myself, but it doesn't look that way to me, they look…different" Tammie said walking over to the Draco closest to the door.
"You think I need you?" I turned around at the sound of my own voice, but it was different. Colder; cold, hard and dark and older. I sounded like my father when he was spoke to the house elf. I started to tell it not to talk to Tammie like that, but noticed it wasn't looking at her. I followed his eyes, they were gazed upon Melinda. "You think I actually like hiding my relationship? You think that's a relationship?" he asked still looking at Melinda who seemed to have started shaking. "I have family and honestly, if I really wanted you how hard do you think it would actually be to get you back?" he asked with a smug smile. I felt all eyes on me, even Melinda seemed to move an inch away.
"What is this?" Ron asked but then the Draco by the wall started talking. Ghost of Draco.
"I have a cousin, and she's a Gryffindor, a Malfoy Gryffindor, can you believe that?" he asked looking around at everyone else. "I don't, I believe she'll succumb to the Malfoy ways, she'll stop fighting destiny, she'll see this is where she belongs. She's no different the rest of us" he said, his voice echoing too.
"Hang on" I said quickly moving to where Ghost of Draco Past was standing. Those words sounded awfully familiar. "I…I thought that once, I thought…" I trailed as I glanced at Tammie, the guilt so plain and obvious. "I was angry at you, I thought you thought you were better. I was jealous, you had Fred and you didn't care who knew it, you weren't ashamed of him…" I didn't want to admit this. Not here, not now and not in front everyone. Never really. These were thoughts I had put away never to be looked at again. These were private. I was good at this, Snape said so. So, how was Burnner able to get past?
"And you can have Melinda, hell, you have Melinda" another Draco said, this one a little kinder, his face a little softer, he looked more like I did now, maybe he was Ghost of Draco Present.
"Like it's really that hard?" Okay, sure this Draco was a jerk but he couldn't have been past me, he looked too old. He had to be Ghost of Draco Future; the way I could potentially become, the me I hoped to become according to all those compartments. But this one was locked away too, or it was supposed to be. I didn't want to be like this. I didn't want be a snob and think I was entitled to everything. Not after all the crap I had gone through, not after all the experience and people. Not after Tammie.
"Draco, what's your fear?" Hermione asked but I shook my head.
"My life, I'm afraid I'll let my thoughts of what I used to think affect how things turn out later—"
"That's them!" Tammie exclaimed pointing at Ghost of Draco Present. "They're all versions of you, this is past you, what you used to think," she paused to point at the one closest to us. "And this one must be a reflection of you now" she nodded at the one who smiled back at her. "And I guess that's future you" she said as we all looked back over Ghost of Draco Future, the jerk. "But I guess it's only if you let influences win you over and forget about experiences" she explained as I nodded, thinking how clever Tammie was when she applied herself.
"Your cousin's smart" Ghost of Draco Present said.
"Still with a Weasley, she's just being defiant," Ghost of Future Draco replied as I squeezed my eyes shut. God this was annoying. Less fearful than annoying really. They all just had to go back into their compartments. I told myself, but then, that wouldn't overcoming my fear, that wouldn't be facing anything. That was the whole point.
"Shut up" I hissed to myself.
"I won't let my family down, I won't let them be ashamed of me. That Hennings-Felton girl is nothing, she's smart, that's it. Just another Mugblood like that Granger girl" Ghost of Draco Past said. I looked over at Melinda - wondering how I got so far away from her, but then noticing her eyes looked watery, not that I could blame her.
"Who were you telling that to?" Tammie asked but I shrugged, who do you think?
"Probably Pansy" I said but shook my head. "I didn't mean it, Melinda, I don't mean it" I said as he went to move over to her but a green line seemed to stop me. What the hell is this? I wondered with more fear. Not only did I have face myself, but I had to face myself by myself. "I can't cross this line" I told the others as they all looked down too, the green line making a wide sqaure, parting me from them and them from me. The Dracos seemed to easily move closer, sending me into shock and panic, my mind going into overdrive as more of the compartments started to fill my head.
"Don't be like your cousin, don't go low" Ghost of Draco Future said.
"Love doesn't have a high or low" Ghost of Draco Present countered.
"But I promised my parents I wouldn't, I told them I wouldn't disappoint them, I wouldn't let them down" Ghost of Draco Past said wringing his hands. I had to admit though, I was such a wimp back then. Still, their voices and words clogged my mind.
"Besides, she has George," Ghost of Draco Future said with a smug look in George's direction. "Then again, she'll take anyone that wants her, Seamus, Andrew, Phil, Cedric, she's been flirting more than you're cousin and that's saying something" he said wiggling his eyes at Melinda.
"Don't talk about her like that!" I shouted as I whipped around to face him, these weren't even compartments I remembered I had.
"Oh don't get your pants in a twist, it's not the end of the world if she leaves you" Ghost of Draco Future said.
"It's the end of my world if she does…." I whispered as all the Dracos seemed to quiet down. "I have been a crap boyfriend to you Melinda, and a crap cousin to you Tammie" I started, desperately trying to speak with feeling and logic. "Tammie, I was jealous of you at one point, I admit that, but I know it's not easy, I know you do get hurt. Yeah I thought you were just playing and didn't want a Weasley but seeing how broke you were that night," I shook my head, forcing myself to take down the compartment that held the day I held Tammie as she cried for her boyfriend. I only prayed I never had to do that again.
"All last year, we fought, relentlessly. I envied everything you could be, I envied how you broke away from the mold of the Malfoy" paused again to soak in every memory of every challenge from last year, coming to terms with the good, the bad, the ugly and the scary. "I realized you didn't settle like my parents once said you did" I paused to look at Ghost of Draco Past. "She didn't settle, she's better than me, she turned out okay," I saw as I felt a significant amount of weight lift. That must be an empty compartment. This must be what it feels like when you live by feelings and emotions and not just stuff everything away.
"Yeah, but Draco, that's her, not you." Ghost of Draco Future said.
"Oh shut up, will you!" I said turning around, this felt good, being angry because I could, not because I had a list that was made by other people. Being angry in a territorial defensive way rather than a logical misunderstand way. "Yes I understand I'm terrified of committing myself to Melinda, I'm terrified of what my family thinks, but I'm done treating her like shit. I'm done pretending I don't want her." I'm done putting those feelings in their own separate boxes and taking them out when it's convenient for me. "Because honestly, it kills me seeing her with other guys" I paused to look at Melinda.
"I love you Mel, I do and I know it's going to take a lot, I know I'm really going to need to try and earn your trust but I want you, to hell with my family" he said looking back at mean him. "Will my face probably be burnt off the family tree? Probably, but, I'm ready to take that risk. If you'll give me one more chance I'm ready" I said.
Slowly, very slowly, Ghost of Draco Future turned to stone. Draco breathed a sigh of relief. "You mean that, right Draco, you won't go back on your word?" Ghost of Draco Present asked.
"If I ever hurt you again you need to move on" I told her, that meant having none of her, nothing to put in a compartment, nothing but feelings to kick my ass on a daily basis for letting her go. A gamble, a risk, but it was worth it. It had to be worth it.
"Being weak doesn't always mean failing Draco" Ghost of Draco Present reminded me. "It just means crossing into the unknown and that's scary yeah, but, you got Melinda and your cousin, and now your friends" he said nodding over at the others. "After everything you've said, you've once thought, they're all still here, they all still came. Let down your defenses Draco, accept them, let go of the suspicion that that they're seeking some kind of reward—"
"They just care" I said quietly, a smile forming in the corner of my mouth as Ghost of Draco Present nodded. Unlike the rest he didn't turn to stone, instead he seemed to go paler and paler, get clearer and clearer and then nothing.
It remained quiet, all of us holding our breath, waiting for Burnner to say something, but she didn't, nothing happened. Ron who had sweat practically pouring down his face collapsed into the nearest chair, Hermione and Harry speaking softly to him to get some color in his face. Fred, Matt and Tammie moved over to sit on the couch while George moving to check on Ron. I walked over to Tammie first, clapping her shoulder, too nervous and relieved to give her a hug. She smiled back, already knowing.
I turned in time to catch Melinda as she rushed into my arms so quickly I stumbled back, but right away wrapped my arms around her. "I love you Melinda" I whispered. "And I'm sorry," I paused to look around at the others. "Fred, I know you love my cousin, just, take care of her." Fred nodded and Draco turned to hug Melinda again.
I was too busy hugging Melinda I didn't realize what Tammie said until Hermione jumped up and Tammie shouted again.
"Guys, the floor!" she exclaimed as she jumped on to the couch, leaning close to Fred and Matt who both looked down. Just as soon as everyone seemed to register the floor was being split open there was a violent break. Almost like in slow motion I saw Tammie topple backwards off the couch, both Fred and Matt just missing grabbing her.
I knew I was too late to grab Melinda who had jerked back by the shake; her and Tammie were now sitting on the floor next to each other, a green circle forming around them as they huddled closer together. When the circle was complete there was another break, causing everyone else to fall over and then a final break, the floor splitting along all the lines, the circle where Tammie and Melinda sat becoming it's own little island. A very distant island that none of us could reach even if we jumped. Still, I stood up, out of the corner of my eye I could still Fred stand too, but before either of us could take a step, the island shook so hard it knocked both Tammie and Melinda off and through the space, where they fell into the darkness below.