"Thank you for the offer, but I'll just die instead."
"Seriously?" He cocked his eyebrow. "I understand that it's a long shot, but-"
"No, I'm good." Her breath hissed between her teeth as she felt the poison in her hand, the burn spreading to her wrist. She didn't have much time at all. Great, she was going to spend her last moments alive arguing. Perfect. Just perfect.
"You're not even willing to try?"
"Nope."
"You'd really rather die than even entertain the possibility? You're that stubborn?"
"Absolutely."
"It might work!"
"That is easily the worst case scenario."
"Well that's just rude."
"Look, either I have to die with the worst memory possible, or I live with the knowledge that-" she winced as the pain spread to her shoulder. "Just let me die with dignity, okay?"
"This is unbelievable!"
"I don't see why you're actively trying to make my last moments even worse."
"I hate you so much."
"If it makes you feel any better," she opened her eyes, looking at him, "I can definitively say you were the bane of my existence."
"You really want those to be your last words to me?"
"I'd much prefer to say nothing at all, but if this is my last chance," she strained as the burn reached her chest, "I suppose you ought to know…" reaching up, she touched his cheek somberly, cradling it, "how incredibly untalented you are."
"You know what? Fuck you!" Grabbing her head, he pressed his lips to hers roughly. Startled, she reacted quickly, smacking his arm. Not willing to let go until he had tried, or at least succeeded in pissing her off one last time, he held on.
She continued to hit him as he broke the kiss, "You jerk! Now I have to die thinking about that!"
"Serves you right. Besides, no one should die without knowing what it's like to kiss a genius."
"I won't miss you!"
"You weren't exactly easy to deal with either."
"To be fair, you didn't give me much to work with."
"Handsome, talented, and charming? What part wasn't good enough for you?"
"You're really going to make me, on my deathbed, listen to you bragging? I guess I'll die as a lived."
"Are you scared?"
She didn't expect the honesty of the question. She shrugged, "More pissed off than anything."
"Oh come on! You know I had to-"
"Not just at you. It's…" she sighed, "it's kind of a bullshit way to go, isn't it?"
"It absolutely is." He leaned his weight back against his arm, sitting beside her. "Most things are."
"I can't believe I have to die like this."
"Would you prefer it if I left? Let you die alone in peace?"
"No. It wouldn't be in peace, so you might as well stay."
"Are you going to haunt me?"
"Not if I have any say in the matter."
He smirked, amused. She was so consistent, even at the end. She closed her eyes. Gently, he began to stroke back her hair.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Who am I to deny you your last request?"
"Did you really think that was going to work? Do you-"
"Of course not," he shook his head. "I have standards."
"Be honest."
"I am." He paused, quiet. "Things will be so boring now."
She scoffed, smirking, "Missing me already?"
"Who else is going to put so much effort into antagonizing me?"
"I'm sure you'll find someone. You're a very dislikable man."
"Thank you for your kind words, but no. I'm afraid there's no one left that's quite my equal."
"You consider me your equal?"
He hesitated. The girl was dying, what harm could the truth do now? "Yes."
"That's… actually incredibly kind of you to say."
"Yes, well," he shrugged, "guess I'll just have to go uncontested from now on." They sat in silence. He looked around the room, "No offense or anything, but, uh, how much time are we talking here?"
"Seriously?"
"I mean, is it mere seconds or days?"
"Gee, sorry for not dying fast enough for you."
"I'm just wondering-"
"What? You got some juicy line you're waiting until the last moment to share? Some big secrets to reveal?"
"Do you want some?"
"If you have them, sure."
"I'll try to think of something."
"I appreciate it."
"It's the least I can do." Again, they lapsed into silence. He was just about to check her breathing when she spoke again.
"You sure you won't miss me?"
"I won't lie, my life is about to become drastically easier."
"Now you're just flattering me."
"No, I'm serious. For what it's worth, you-" he paused, unsure how to carry the weight in his chest, "were the bane of my existence too."
"Wow. I suppose I really ought to give you more credit for trying to save me then."
"Oh, it was an entirely selfish motivation."
"Yes?"
"I was just jealous that I didn't get to be the one who killed you."
She snorted, smiling, "Oh, of course."
"I suppose you were right though. God, what would we have done if it had actually worked? It would ruin everything."
"Everything?"
"Everything."
Opening her eyes again, she looked up at him, sighing sadly, flexing her arm stiffly, "I suppose I have some bad news for you, then."