*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much.

*Since I have been neglecting this story a bit while I was in school for the semester I decided to treat you guys to a longer chapter. This chapter was pretty emotional and hard to write. I hope that you enjoy..

A few days later Tessa was sitting in a waiting room on a comfortable white chair waiting to be seen by one of the best shrinks in New York City. She was nervous but ready to talk to someone. She knew she needed to talk to someone and she hoped it would be an easy task for her but she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure how open she could truly be when talking to a complete stranger. "Tessa Montgomery-Batista," called a woman with brown hair to the middle of her back dressed in a grey dress suit with black high heels holding a cup of coffee. As Tessa got up the other people in the waiting room looked at her. Not many people knew Tessa by sight but they knew the name especially if they had young children not to mention the fact that Tessa's children's books were a reading essential in the waiting room. Tessa nervously walked over to the woman. "Hello, Tessa, I am Arizona Neal. Follow me to my office please."

Tessa gave her a soft smile and followed behind her to her office. Tessa couldn't understand how Arizona was the best shrink in town when she only looked about 25 years old or younger. There was no way she could have been doing it this long. She led Tessa into a room with light yellow walls, there was a desk with papers on it in the corner, a leather couch with a leather chair across from it. Between the chair and the couch there was a coffee table with a basket of flowers that smelled beautiful. The sun was shining into the room and it gave off a very peaceful feel. "Where should I sit?" asked Tessa as she looked around the room.

"You can have a seat over on that leather couch," said Arizona pointing to the couch. Tessa walked over and took a seat in the comfortable chair as Arizona sat across from her pulling out a notepad and a pen. "So, Tessa, what brings you in today?"

"I've just been feeling really sad lately," she said relaxing in the serenity of the room.

"Why have you been feeling sad, Tessa?" she asked looking at her with her crystal blue eyes.

"I'm not really sure," said Tessa. "I have been feeling sad for a while now."

"Okay," said Arizona. "Do you remember when you started feeling sad?"

"Over a year ago," she said honestly.

"Did anything significant happen over a year ago?" she asked.

"Quite a few things," said Tessa.

"Like?" she asked.

"Well, for one my parents died in a car accident. They were killed by a drunk driver. It tore me apart. I loved my parents. I still do. I miss them everyday. It's been really hard for me."

"I can understand why it makes you sad," said Arizona. "Grief is a pain like no other. It can hang around for a really long time or it can go away and creep back up on you when you least expect it. Grief is a tough thing to overcome. Anything else you remember happening a year ago specifically?"

"Yes," said Tessa feeling shameful. "I cheated on my husband with my ex-boyfriend. I'm a cheater. I cheated on my ex-boyfriend with my husband also. That's how my husband and me got together."

"I see," she said writing down a note. "Why do you think you cheated on your ex-boyfriend with your husband?"

"I don't know. I felt smothered. He liked to control me and control what I did. It always had to be his way. He forced me into having a baby. I never wanted kids. I wanted a career. I wanted my life. He was controlling me in so many ways I hated it. He was overbearing and I hated it. Each time he forced me to do something he pushed me away and eventually pushed me into my husband's arms. I was working with him for his job and then things just started off between us.. We were sleeping together and I thought he was the father of my son. We got married and we were happy. We've always been happy. We never fought and we never had problems. He always supported me and I always supported him. We never had problems and a little over a year after my son was born I had our daughter. We were as happy as could be. The only problem we ever had was when my ex came back into my life asking me to be a surrogate for him and his wife because they couldn't make a baby but then ended up making a baby the same time I was impregnated with their child. My husband was really upset about that and that was the first time we fought ever in our marriage."

"All right," she said taking notes, "so you cheated on your ex-boyfriend with your husband. You didn't know who the baby's father was and you never wanted children?"

"Right," she said.

"How do you feel about your children now?" asked Arizona.

"I love my children more than anything. They are the reason I get up in the morning anymore."

"You say the reason you get up in the morning anymore, is there a reason you feel that way?"

"I just feel like life hates me. I hate my life," she said. "I have no friends. I only have my husband and my kids."

"Why don't you have friends, Tessa?"

"Because I lost them all because I was a cheater. I don't know. I just don't like to go out anymore to make any."

"Are you scared to go out to make friends?"

"I'm not scared. I just don't want to. I haven't really been a social person my whole life."

"What about in childhood? Did you have friends?"

"Just one… my ex-boyfriend. He was my only friend my entire life."

"Why is that, Tessa? Why didn't you have many friends as a child?"

"Because no one wanted to be my friend. I was a dork, a teacher's pet. I was an oddball to say the least."

"I see," she said taking notes. "Did that ever bother you?"

"At first but I got used to it. I didn't need friends. I still don't need friends. I don't know who I can trust and who I can't."

"So it's about trust?" she asked.

"I guess it is," said Tessa, "I mean I had some good friends but when I got with my husband I lost them all. They wanted nothing to do with me."

"Why is that?"

"I have no idea. I don't like to think about it. I guess they didn't like him. I don't know. I just know it came down to trust. I thought they were my friends and then when I screwed up they were gone. I don't want to go down that road again."

"I see," she said making another note. "I think you should go out there and make a couple friends. Get involved with parents from your children's school and set up playdates. That's one way to get to meet parents. You will have something in common."

"I don't know," said Tessa. "I don't like to get too involved with other parents. I just feel like they are my friends because of what I do not because of who I am."

"Tessa, you can't think like that. Not every one has an intention to hurt you. Sometimes they really do like you for you not because of what you do. I think you should open up and give them a chance. I think you are suffering from social anxiety."

"And I may be," said Tessa. "I don't know. That's why I'm here."

"And because you're sad."

"And because I'm sad," said Tessa.

"Now back to cheating on your husband… if you two were happy and had no problems why did you cheat on him?"

"I think because I was overwhelmed by sadness. I was vulnerable. I don't know. It was after my parents' funeral my ex-boyfriend and me were at my parents' house and then one thing led to another. I was just so sad.. I wanted some comfort.. I wanted something but I don't know what it was."

"Did it make you feel better?"

"A little. I felt happier. I felt serene. I felt at peace. I wasn't sad anymore. It felt like home."

"Are you saying you miss your ex-boyfriend?"

"No," said Tessa, "I don't know."

"I think that it was you trying to find your comfort zone. You said your ex-boyfriend was your best friend for years and you said your parents were taken away tragically. You had lost everything you knew. You were sad and hurt. You were lost and you just wanted to find your way. I think you cheating on your husband was a way for you to find your comfort zone. You said it felt like home. You wanted something that reminded you of how happy you were when your parents were alive. You were looking for that comfort you were lacking from your parents. I don't think you meant to do it intentionally.. I think it was a subconscious thing. I think you did it to kill your grief."

"Maybe," said Tessa, "and then my husband left me. I hated it. I did. I was miserable. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I was pregnant also with my ex's and his wife's baby. I gave birth to her and it hurt me a lot. It made me sad because I wanted a baby of my own. I was pregnant once after my daughter was born but I miscarried the baby. My husband and me tried and tried but it never happened again. So carrying this baby made me hurt. Every movement, every kick and giving birth hurt me more. I can't understand how I could carry their baby to term healthy as ever but couldn't carry my own."

"Things happen, Tessa. You were feeling a loss and dealing with a painful memory. That happens a lot to people. It is understandable to feel hurt. That almost sounds like postpartum depression and I think that went unnoticed."

"I guess. I don't know. I just felt really bad so after the baby was born my ex's wife died and then we got together. His wife's daughter was the devil. She is evil to the core. She hated me. She hated my daughter. She would abuse my daughter and hurt her in ways I never thought possible. I brought it up to my ex because I wanted him to do something but he kept shrugging it off saying she had problems. I don't know. It just hurt me because it made me feel like he didn't care that my child was being hurt. Then he started to be a jerk to me and started the controlling thing again. I wanted out. I couldn't stand it. Then I got pregnant. I was happy. He didn't want me to be pregnant but I'm almost 40... Getting pregnant isn't an easy task. I wasn't getting rid of it. I wanted it."

"You say you wanted it what happened?"

"I miscarried," she said sadly. It pained her every time she said it. "It happened after his daughter poisoned mine and then his daughter pushed me down the stairs. I was so confused over the last year. I wasn't happy where I was but I had my husband trying to get me back. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do. I was torn but getting pregnant made me stay with my ex. If I would have left… my daughter wouldn't have been hurt and I wouldn't have lost my baby and I would be pregnant right now."

"Do you blame yourself for your daughter being poisoned and for losing the baby?"

"Everyday," said Tessa with tears filling her eyes. Her heart wrenched deep inside and she felt an ache that was familiar to her. The ache of guiltiness. She blamed herself everyday for what happened to Scarlet and for what happened with the baby.

"Why do you feel it was your fault?"

"Because if I would have left when I had the chance my daughter would have never been in the house with Zola and she never would have been poisoned and I never would have been pushed down the stairs. I would have saved my daughter pain and I would have saved my baby."

"Tessa, that's not your fault."

"Yes it is," she said. "It is my fault. I wasn't there. I didn't protect her. I should have protected her," said Tessa as she burst into tears. "I will never forgive myself for not protecting my daughter. I should have been there. I should have helped her… I am the worst mother in the world."

"Tessa," she said handing Tessa a tissue.

"What," said Tessa as she took the tissue. "I am a bad mother and God punished me because I didn't protect her. That's why I lost my baby because I am a bad mother and then my son ran away to get away from family tension… sometimes I think…." she said with a pause as she cried harder.

"Sometimes you think what?" asked Arizona concerned. She didn't know what Tessa was about to say.

"Sometimes I think that my children would be better without me.. Sometimes I want to run away forget about everything. Forget about how much pain I caused them. Even my husband sometimes I just want to run away," she said. "Sometimes…."

"Tessa," said Arizona as she made notes.

"Sometimes I just want to die. Why didn't I die instead of Ryan? It should have been me. I was the bad person. It was me. I slept with her husband, I cheated on my husband… it should have been me. I should have died. Why couldn't I have died instead of her. My kids would have been happier. My daughter wouldn't have been hurt and my son wouldn't have needed to run away. I wish I could die so much," she said before sobbing uncontrollably. "I want to die."

"Tessa," said Arizona. "You shouldn't say things like that. You are not a bad person. You're just confused. Being confused doesn't make you a bad person. You're not a bad mother. I assure you that your children love you endlessly. You act on impulse rather than thought. You are not a bad person. It was wrong that you slept with Ryan's husband and wrong that you cheated on your husband but you were in a bad place. You wanted peace.. You wanted comfort.. You found that in sleeping with your ex. I also don't think your children would be happy if they lost their mother. They would have felt horrible. You can't blame yourself for the things you can't control, Tessa. You had no idea that Scarlet was going to be poisoned and you had no idea that you would lose the baby. Things happen that we can't control. You can't stop them, Tessa. They happened. Nothing is ever perfect," she said. "But wishing death and wanting to run away worries me. Why would you want to run away from those that love you the most?"

"Because all I do is hurt them," said Tessa, "don't you see how much pain I caused them. Can't you see it?"

"Tessa, you didn't cause anyone pain. The only person you are causing pain is yourself. Your family loves you. They need you. Your kids need you. They love you endlessly. They need you, Tessa. I think you are overwhelmed mixed with depression and have a social anxiety. I want to prescribe you some medication. You seem to be hurting so deeply and that is a hurt that can not be cured without some help."

"Okay," said Tessa, "so like anti-depressants?"

"Yes. Anti-depressants. They should help you boost your mood. I would also like to keep seeing you on a weekly basis because you have so many underlying issues that we need to deal with from your lonely childhood, to your impulsive actions, to your confusion and your depression. I don't' want you to run away and I don't want you to do anything to harm yourself, Tessa. Do you love your children?"

"With every part of my soul and every part of my body."

"Do you think they would really prosper if they didn't have a mother?"

"No," said Tessa. "I don't know but I definitely think they would be better without me. I think Dave would be better without me. I want to get away. I want to run. It is all too much."

"Tessa, what is too much?" asked Arizona.

"My life. It's too much. I want to run."

"Tessa, you can't run," said Arizona.

"I need to. I need to get away," she said honestly. "And then maybe everything will be better for everyone…"

"Tessa," said Arizona before looking at her watch. "Oh dear time is up but I don't want you doing anything drastic. I am writing out a prescription for the anti-depressants and I want to see you twice a week. You really need some therapy to help you feel better."

"Okay," said Tessa as Arizona handed her the prescription. "Thank-you."

"You're welcome. I will see you in two days, Tessa. How about 4:30 in the afternoon. Does that work for you?"

"Yes," she said getting up. "Arizona, it's been a pleasure. I will see you on Friday at 4:30."

"I look forward to it, Tessa. Have a good day."

"Thank-you," said Tessa as she walked out the door. She didn't feel any better than before she went to the meeting. She felt like she opened up but she didn't feel better. She walked to the car and got in. She sat in the driver's seat looking at the prescription and scoffed. She didn't want anti-depressants. She felt like nothing could help her. She knew what she had to do and her mind was made up. She put the car in drive and headed home with her mind set on her task.

She walked into the house to be greeted by Scarlet and Zachary. She received a hug from each of them and it pained her to see the smiles on their faces. She was soon greeted by Dave as he kissed her lips. "Tessa, how was your appointment."

"Fine," she said. "I'm going upstairs to nap."

"All right," he said. "I'll call you when dinner is ready."

"Thanks," she said as she headed up the stairs. Dave noticed it. Something wasn't right with her. Something was wrong but he didn't know what. He didn't like the vibe she had given off. He was worried about her.

That night after dinner and both the kids were in bed Dave and Tessa went upstairs where they enjoyed a nice night of passionate love making with one another. Dave was serious about conceiving a child with Tessa that he wanted to try despite the fact he knew something was off with his wife. Tessa did not shy away as it was the most passionate night they had in years. Once they finished making love Dave took Tessa in his arms and held her close to him as he drifted off to sleep. Tessa on the other hand did not go to sleep. She waited until Dave was knocked out completely before slipping out of his arms. She quietly got out of bed and dressed herself in a pair of black pants, white t-shirt and a black hoodie. She slipped on a pair of her running shoes before grabbing a suitcase out of the closet where she filled it up with outfits, undergarments, hair accessories, pajamas, shoes, money and healthcare products. She closed up the suitcase and looked at Dave who was sleeping soundly. A smile slid across her lips as she walked over to him. She gave him a soft kiss on his lips and said, "goodbye, Dave. I love you forever and always." She turned and grabbed her suitcase and walked out of the room. She walked into Scarlet's room first where she was sound asleep. Tessa grew tears in her eyes as she walked over to her sleeping baby girl. She looked so happy and so peaceful as she was in dream land. Tessa ran her hand through Scarlet's hair and admired her before she softly gave her a kiss and covered her up with a blanket. "I love you, Scarlet. I will always love you." She kissed her once more and then left the room to see Zachary. Zachary was sleeping just as soundly as Scarlet was. She walked in and smiled at him. She remembered all the times she shared with Zachary. He was her little boy and she loved him deeply. She walked over to the bed and ran her hands through his soft hair. She closed her eyes as she thought about his deep blue eyes and how they always looked at her. It was one of his most distinctive features. She opened her eyes and blinked away a couple of tears. She leaned down and kissed his cheek softly. "I love you Zachary. I will always love you. You're my little man. Goodbye." She kissed him once more before walking out of the room. She grabbed her suitcase from the top of the stairs and made her way downstairs. She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. She spent some time writing a note to Dave and the kids letting them know she was leaving and telling them how much she loved them. She signed with her famous signature and folded it up and put it on the fridge where Dave would be sure to see it when he woke up. She pulled out her blackberry and her car keys laying them down on the kitchen table. She laid all her credit cards and debit cards as well as her check book out on the table. She had cleared her bank account earlier and moved some things over to a new account where she kept her money from her books so when she needed it it was there. She took a deep breath before walking out of the kitchen. She opened the front door and grabbed her suitcase. A black car was waiting for her out front. She took one last look around and said, "Goodbye," with tears in her eyes. She quietly closed the door and walked down the front step to the black car. She got in the car as the driver drove off. She had tears rolling down her eyes as they pulled away from her home. It was better this way. It was better for everyone.

"Are you okay, Ms. Bennett?" asked the driver of the car.

"I will be," she said as they drove on in silence.

Shortly after they arrived at the airport. Tessa got out of the car and grabbed her suitcase. She went through security and then got her plane ticket. "Ms. Bennett," said the woman at the counter as she handed her the ticket. "Enjoy your trip."

"I will," said Tessa as she walked away to drop her luggage off and then headed to wait to board her plane. Tessa was nervous but as soon as her flight was called she got up and made her way to board the plane she was okay. She boarded the plane in her first class seat and didn't relax until the plane was in the air. As the plane glided through the air she was completely at peace as all her problems, worries and fears were behind her. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep not waking until her plane had reached her destination. She breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped off the plane and grabbed her luggage from the baggage claim. She made her way out to another driver in a black car.

"Bonjour, Mademoiselle," said the French driver.

"Bonjour," said Tessa as she handed him her bags. He opened the door for her and allowed her to climb into the car before he put her luggage in the trunk. They soon drove off before arriving at a beautiful home. "I love my dad for keeping this place for years. I wanted this all my life," she smiled as she got out of the car and looked at the home where her family had spent numerous summer vacations. She was going to love it here. She walked up to the front door and stuck the key in the door. She opened the door and nothing had been changed since she was a little girl.

She smiled as the housekeeper came to her assist her. "Bonjour, Mademoiselle," said the young woman dressed in a maid's outfit and her blond hair tied up into a bun.

"Call me, Kate," she said with a smile.

"Kate," said the maid with a smile. Tessa smiled as she walked into the home and admired it's beauty. It was different, it was quiet, it was what she needed, it was what she wanted. She followed the maid upstairs to the master bedroom where her parents often stayed.

"Thank-you," said Tessa with a smile.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Wine please," said Tessa as she walked over to her parents' bed. The maid left Tessa alone while she went to grab her some wine. Tessa stretched out on the bed and after all those years she could still smell her parents on the bed. She looked over on the nightstand to see a picture of her mom, Dad and herself when she was about 8 years old her first summer they had ever spent in Paris. She let a tear roll down her cheek as she remembered the time. She took a deep breath as the maid came into the room with her glass of wine. "Thank-you," she said with a smile. "What is your name?"

"Angelique," she said.

"Thank-you. Angelique. I would like to be alone."

"As you wish," said Angelique before leaving the room.

Tessa sipped her wine as she sat in her new room. She was going to love it here. Scarlet would have loved it there. Zachary would have loved it there as well as Dave but she knew it was better if they were in New York and she was in Paris. She laid back on the bed laying her wine down on the night stand and allowed exhaustion to take over. She soon drifted off to sleep.

*a/n: So what did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.