Hey guys!

I hope you all had a Happy Holiday and an amazing New Year! I wish you all great things for 2015!

And I greatly apologise for the delay with this chapter, with the Holidays and work I had to do for school, I've been very busy!

Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter!

Thank you for all your fabulous support!

oxoxox

The rest of shift passed by quietly. Shay was quiet, Gabby was even quieter, barely speaking to anyone once they'd returned from the hospital. They were both shaken, Gabby in particular. Shay tried to talk to her, I watched her try a few times, but Gabby only shook her off and continued pretending to read Herrmann's newspaper.

Once we'd left shift, our plan to take Shay and Kelly for dinner were forgotten, and whilst I knew that some of the guys were headed out tonight, I doubted we'd be leaving the apartment tonight. I studied Gabby as she shuffled inside, dropped her bagpack on the floor and approached the sofa before sinking into it. She stared blankly at some spot on the wall; not bothering to take off her shoes or jacket, and quite frankly this silence from her was scaring the hell out of me.

Kelly catches my attention by placing his hand on my shoulder and when I turn my head, he was tucking his phone back into his jean pocket, "Hey man, will you guys be okay if I run out for a while? Erin's had an accident and I wanna check on her," he explains with a calm tone.

I nod my head, "What happened? Is it serious?" I question, whilst noticing that Gabby hadn't even flinched at our words.

He shakes his head, "Nah, just a couple broken fingers. She's okay I just-"

I pat his arm reassuringly, "I get it Kelly. Its okay, we'll be alright. Give Erin our love."

Kelly gives Gabby a once over before collecting his keys and leaving, kissing Shay on the head as he passed. I watched as Shay rubbed her face tiredly and moved to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind her.

I take in Gabby's state again before heading over to her, sitting down slowly beside her still body. I place my hand over hers and just sit with her, hoping that at some point, she'll talk. Shay leaves the bathroom and heads upstairs, murmuring quietly that she's going to change into more comfy clothes, and leaves us alone. A long while passed and I began to think that Gabby wasn't going to talk at all, until I heard a quick intake of breath coming from her.

I turn my head slowly and watch how her mouth bobs slightly, "I couldn't save her Matt..." she says thickly, her voice full of sorrow.

"You did everything you could Gabby and despite that, sometimes, we lose people... It's not your fault that she died," I say with the hope of comforting her, but suddenly tears are escaping those beautiful, yet sad eyes that I loved more than life.

"It's my job Matt, it's my job to save people," Gabby cries desperately, and then I realised how much this call scarred her. Throughout a career in our line of work, whether you be a firefighter, an EMT, a cop, you got those calls, the ones that stick with you forever. Every man and woman I worked with had them, and every firefighter or cop or EMT I knew did also, it comes with the job, but that doesn't make it easier, or any less hard.

"No," I murmur, clutching her tear stained cheeks with my hands, "Your job is to try your damned hardest every time you get into that ambo, and you do that Gabby, you do. You and Shay, there's a reason why everyone says that you two are the best EMTs in this city. It's because you two fight for every single patient with every last breath... and I know it's hard, losing people is, but whether a patient lives or dies, everyone knows that you both fought your very best. Just... sometimes we lose them, and it's never anyone's fault."

I held Gabby in my arms as she cried and sobbed for a long while, until the sobs subsided and Shay had returned. As Shay went to make coffee, I watched as Gabby shook out her hair from her ponytail and wiped at her face. Once Shay had handed us our mugs, Gabby sipped hers before muttering, "What time is everyone going out tonight?"

I caught Shay's eyes instantly and she looked apprehensive as she replied, "I think they might be already out. Why?"

Gabby's brow burrowed, "Well, why aren't we going? I could do with getting out right about now."

I sigh and place my hand on her knee, "I don't think getting drunk is the answer to today Gabby."

She turns to me and rolls her eyes with frustration, "I'm not a child and I'm not saying alcohol is the answer, I'm saying that it'd be nice to get out with the guys," Gabby says sharply, glaring at me with passion in her eyes.

"You really think that's a good idea?" Shay asks her and to this Gabby huffs in annoyance.

"I'd rather be out than sit here and think about today, so yeah, I think it's a grand idea."

Nevertheless, 8:30pm clocked around with Gabby sat on the sofa, watching some old movie that she didn't look impressed with, after Shay and I persuaded her that going out wasn't a good idea. Shay was currently upstairs showering, the loud music she was playing being heard even downstairs, and I was trying to make some use of myself by trying to fix an old clock of Shay's.

My phone suddenly buzzed with a message from Kelly - Hey man, how's Gabby and Shay? Erin's fine so she's been discharged. I'm taking her home now so I shouldn't be long.

I explained to Gabby that Erin was okay and heading home, before replying - We're glad she's okay. Shay's okay, Gabby's still upset. Don't know what to make of her right now. We'll be okay if you want to stay with Erin tonight.

He answered - I'll see what she says now, she might kick me out because I won't let her sleep.

Cheers Kel, I did not need that image in my head.

It's what friends are for Matt.

I rolled my eyes at Kelly and returned my phone to the coffee table. A while later, when Gabby's eyes were still trained on the TV I stood and made my way to the bathroom. I was washing my hands when I thought I heard the front door close, so I stepped out of the bathroom as I dried my hand in towel, expecting to find that Kelly had come home. But when I glanced around, I was alone.

Kelly wasn't here. And neither was Gabby.

An hour later...

Kelly hadn't long joined our search for Gabby, but our efforts were fruitless nevertheless. After searching Gabby's favourite bars and coming up empty, we'd taken to searching every bar we passed. I'd text the guys and asked them to keep an eye out for Gabby, as they weren't likely to stay in one bar all night. But we'd yet to find her and Gabby knew how to hide if she didn't want to be found, but I couldn't stop myself from worrying because I knew she could be on her way to being blind drunk by now.

I knock my head against the head rest in the passenger seat of Kelly's car, "She still isn't answering my calls..." I mutter bitterly, throwing the phone onto the dashboard.

"What happened again?" Kelly asks as he glances at me briefly before returning his eyes to the road.

Shay huffs from the backseat, "Gabby wanted to go out, but we said that it wasn't a good idea. You know how she used to drown her sorrows in drink and I didn't want her going back down that road. But when I was in the shower and Matt was in the bathroom, she ran out. Obviously wants to get out of her mind drunk."

"So you guys wouldn't let her go out?"

"Well yeah Kelly, you know how she gets. Stuff like this can cause her to spiral, you know what she was like a few years ago," Shay answers with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Kelly shrugs, "Yeah but that was a few years ago. Maybe she just wanted to let off some steam. After last shift, I think she earned that."

I was about to answer Kelly when I phone buzzed on the dashboard as we sat behind traffic lights. It was a text from Herrmann - Bar hopped to Jenson's and we found Gabby. She's okay, bit drunk, but okay.

I look up to find Kelly watching me, "Herrmann says she's at Jenson's."

Kelly gets us at Jenson's quickly and after jumping out of the car before it had even stopped, I rushed inside to the half-full bar. Spotting Herrmann and Cruz waving us over at the end of the bar, I brush past the crowd as quickly as I could to reach them. Everyone was here except for Chief and Gabby was sat in between Otis and Clark, doing a round of shots with them.

Once I reach them Herrmann mutters under his breath to me, "She's a little upset about shift, but doesn't wanna talk about it."

I nod and pat his arm, "Thanks man. Appreciate this."

I approach Gabby, placing my hand on her arm, "You got a drink for me?" I say to her, watching as she turns with wide eyes to me.

Gabby grins, "Sure do, gotta apologise for running out don't I?"

A little while later, Shay, Kelly and I had joined them in their booth and besides Kelly, who had to drive, we were sipping beers. Gabby seemed to be okay, being with the guys was taking her mind off the events of last shift. But then an hour later, Gabby placed her head in her hands and I heard a faint sob come from her mouth.

I wrapped my arm around her in the booth, "Baby, what is it? What's wrong?"

She lifted her head from her hands and instead snuggled into my side, "I just thought... it'd make me forget that's all."

I kiss her head, "Gabby, I know that it's hard, baby I really do, but you know that you can always talk to me about anything. I want to help you, and I'd rather you talk to me than drink."

I watch as Gabby places her drink back onto the table, "I know I can, baby I do... I just don't know how to deal with these things. And it's so frustrating, I try my hardest and yet..."

I can hear her getting upset again so I reach down and cup her cheeks with my hands, pressing a kiss to her lips, "You're the best, most determined, most selfless woman I know and that counts for your work as well. It's not your fault she died."

Gabby shakes her head and kisses me once more, "Thank you, thank you so much for being here for me."

"Always, Gabby, always."