Authors Note- Not nearly as long as the last few chapters, but you'll understand why…
Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.
Chapter Song- It's Complicated by: A Day To Remember
~\\~
EPOV
(Night Before Bella and Jess go to the mall)
~\\~
It was midnight, and I found myself downstairs in the kitchen sitting at the barstools. I was already on my third cup of tea and it still wasn't helping to tire me. Hell, I'd basically tried everything at this point but it was all epically failing. It was my fuck up in the first place.
If I'd just opened up to Bella about everything in my past I wouldn't fucking be here right now. I'd be upstairs in bed with her in my arms; fast asleep like it always is when she is next to me. Lazily, I spun the tea bag around the cup, leaning into the counter as I watched the drink darken in color.
The distraction of the tea almost made me miss the sound of footsteps walking down the hallway. I looked back and saw my mother standing near the edge of the couch near the fireplace across the way. She was in her pajama's, and looked just about as close to sleep as I did.
" What are you doing down here so late?"
She was upset at me, and had every reason and right to be. The way I spoke to her was out of line, and I knew that even though I was an adult; my mother was still in charge in some way. I always knew she was fiercely protective of me after everything in Chicago, and when I mentioned seeing my dad; that part of her came out and the way I reacted to it wasn't at all fair.
It didn't help that she was upset at me for what I said about Bella. I couldn't blame her. I fucking hated myself for saying it too, because I didn't mean for it to sound at all the way it came out; and it wasn't right for me to say that to my mother.
I disregarded her question and glanced over at her, " I'm sorry. The way I talked to you this afternoon was uncalled for. I know you weren't trying to control me and boss me around; but I just...It upset me that you immediately thought I'd go back to how I was especially with Bella there with me. It felt like you didn't at all trust me and it made me angry."
Slowly she walked up to the seat next to me and hopped up on it, resting her hand on the counter as she faced me.
" I'm your mother, it's my job to be worried and to protect you no matter how old you are. I don't do it to make you angry or to piss you off; I do it because I care. I will admit, it was wrong of me to bring Bella into the equation because I know how you are about her; but it's still a concern of mine that you will fall back into what you did those years ago."
" I never told Bella about everything I did back in Chicago. She didn't leave solely because of what I said to you about her; she left because I kept it from her."
Honestly, I expected my mom to gasp. Hell, I wouldn't have been surprised if she slapped my arm and told me how much of a terrible person I was for not telling Bella anything. Or even go into some kind of lecture or rant; but she didn't.
She didn't even look fucking surprised at all.
" I figured that when I saw you sitting on the floor and heard you telling stories outside her door. Why didn't you tell her in the first place?" she asked calmly.
" I didn't want her to know that I was that kind of guy. She's always telling me how lucky she is to have me, and I just think to myself that it's not even close to even being true. I've done hard drugs before, I've been arrested for underage drinking, driving under the influence and I've been to rehab to get clean..."
A hand rested over mine, " Bella would have been proud of you for trying to fix it, Edward."
" But I didn't, mom. Can't you see that? The reason I'm clean is because of dad. If it weren't for him throwing me in there, forcing me to see a therapist while I was there and seeing me every two days I'd be walking out of there in the end and going back to do what I did before."
She shook her head, " No. Your father helped you, but you did all of the work. Edward, if you didn't at least try it would have been different; you know that."
" I just didn't want that image of me to be in her mind; ever. I told her I wasn't a good kid, but knowing the extent wasn't something I bothered to talk about."
" The people who love you and the ones who matter will accept you for you who are and what you've done. And you'd better hope and pray to god that Bella gives you the time of day to tell her what needs to be said son. That girl has done so much for you that I don't think you see. She has made you a better and kind, gentle man. And what you said about her today doesn't taint that imagine of her, because I know that girl is good on the inside. She's not someone to throw around, Edward. Isabella Swan is a special young girl, and she should be treated with respect. That's the least she should get from you."
" I know she isn't, I know. I love her so much more than anything and I just can't...I don't know why I said what I did besides I was angry and I was frustrated. But I want to do right by her; I want to fix it."
My mom gave me a stern look, and I knew the exact words that she had coming right out of her mouth.
" Don't you use that ring as a way to fix this, kid. Or you will mess things up more than you'd imagine."
" I won't; I didn't plan to. When...If she comes back; I know that I have to talk to her."
" I know you'll find a way to make this right, sweetheart. And she'll come back. If she loves you like I think she does; there is no reason to worry about that. Now, you should go upstairs and get some sleep. Tomorrow might be a long day."
I nodded and stood up, taking my tea with me. My mother followed suit and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. I wrapped my free arm around her and she rubbed my back.
" We all make mistakes; we're only human."
" I know."
" And it doesn't matter what ever stupid things you say; you're my son and I love you."
" Love you, too, ma."
Once she released me I headed upstairs as she leafed around in the kitchen for something. As I walked down the hallway towards my room I paused at the door to the guest bedroom. I nudged it open and stepped into the room, immediately enveloped in Bella's scent. It was strawberries and citrus and warm vanilla. It made me miss her even more; the real thing was better.
There was no use trying to fall asleep in my own bed, so I collapsed onto the mattress in here and all I could smell was her. With a deep sigh I pulled the blankets around me and stared at the ceiling above me; trying to go through all of the fucking thoughts in my brain. Trying to configure through it all on where I'd start to fix all of this.
I knew I had a lot of things to talk to Bella about, or maybe something more along the lines of explaining. I'd only hope she'd give me the opportunity to fucking fix my mistakes.
It was never that I didn't trust her not to judge me, because in an opposite situation I never judged her for drinking and doing whatever else she did in her past. I loved her, and I accepted every single part of her. But things were just as I told her, I had fucking insecurities about it that held me back.
I never felt like it was something that I should walk up to her and just say, and I knew that was a fucking terrible excuse. Maybe trying to preserve my image of being perfect in her eyes tainted everything. She showed me who she was; good and bad, and maybe it was about time for me to step up, or down, and be really fucking real with her about everything.
No, I wasn't putting on a fucking show for her, but maybe if I showed her the negative in my life things would be better for both of us.
With a deep sigh I rolled over and rested my head on the pillow next to me, hoping I'd have a better shot at falling asleep this time around.
~\\~
BPOV
~\\~
I had to endure Jessica's bubblegum pop music all the way to Seattle, and this included Spice Girls, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys and other 90's bands that I hadn't listened to since I was like ten. It was music that I looked back and couldn't believe I ever wasted my time listening to; and I had no idea why Jessica was listening to it anyways. It was pretty funny though to see her belting out the lyrics with the windows down on the highway.
Everybody got a taste of Jess' bad singing that day.
By the time we got to Seattle it was really busy; which was expected considering it was a Saturday. The traffic on the highway wasn't bad, but in the city it was something else. I hadn't heard Jess swear so much at people before. I'd never drived myself much to Seattle, but usually bummed a ride with a friend whenever I did go. You definitely had to be an aggressive driver in this area of Washington.
I'd never driven here myself at all actually, but I never thought my truck would actually make it all the way here.
Speaking of the god forsaken truck, I'd left it at school for the summer; which there was a fine for it, but there was no way I was driving that thing across the country again. It definitely wouldn't survive this time around, so I wasn't going to be taking a chance with that even happening. Paying for the flight here wasn't something to be desired, even though Edward offered to do it for me; but I didn't want him to pay for it and he didn't put up a fit about that.
After a long three and a half hour drive, I was looking forward to getting out of the small car and stretching my legs. When we'd gotten to Tiffany's, Jess's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas and I knew she was even more excited than me to be here right now. Once we walked in she ran towards the engagement rings, and I couldn't help but to roll my eyes at her antics.
I went up to the front counter and was met with the lady I'd placed the order with, Kate, she gave me a smile as if she'd remembered me and I smiled in return.
" Hi, I'm-"
" Isabella Swan? You came in about last month and bought a watch right?" she asked kindly.
I nodded, " Yes. I had it on hold here to get engraved."
" Yes, of course. I'll go grab it and be right back."
I thanked her as she disappeared towards the back, her long blonde hair swiftly flowing behind her. When I walked over to Jess she had a glimmer in her eyes as she looked at the beautiful diamond rings. They were all beautiful, and extremely pricey. I could only imagine what Edward had paid when he'd bought me my bracelet and necklace. Along with the other things. He never made a big deal about it though.
As I skimmed over the sparkly diamonds, one I had noticed had specifically caught my eye.
It was simple in its own way. The band was all silver but it had rectangular, almost round looking, Lucida diamond as they called it, and on each side of the diamond were two triangle shaped ones. It sparkled a little bit more than the others, and it was just absolutely gorgeous. I stared at it for a moment and then my eyes wandered over to the price.
Thirteen thousand four hundred.
My eyes bulged and I shook my head, looking away. I couldn't imagine anybody paying that much for an engagement ring. But then again, it's supposed to be flashier than a wedding band so I guess I couldn't be so surprised.
" God, I would die to get one of these." Jess sighed
" Don't press your face against the glass, it'll leave marks." I teased her as I stepped over to the front as Kate came back holding a box. It was the signature Tiffany blue color, and she opened up the box and slid out another, which was made out of black leather. She pointed it towards me in the direction where it opened and the watch was revealed. I was almost taken back by how nice it looked; I'd almost forgotten.
It was a stainless steel watch with a gray dial and a black alligator strap that was very sturdy and nice. There was automatic winding and had a date window; and it was water resistant just in case Edward happened to drop it in anything. The numbers in roman numerals, and to me it was a beautiful watch. I hoped that he would love it. It was better than I could even describe to someone.
Carefully I took it from the leather confines and looked at the back plate. Tiffany&Co was already on the back at the lower part, but in the middle it was engraved with the month of his Birthday, and this year. Right below it, in beautiful elegant letters was, Love Always, Your Isabella.
I was never fond of my full name, but Edward always told me how beautiful it was so I wanted to use it for his watch since I planned to engrave it. I wanted him to remember when he got it and who it was from; and that I loved him and put thought into it. As I looked at it, my eyes stung with tears and I sighed, blinking them away; not wanting to cry or be upset in a public place.
I hoped that we would be okay after all of this, and I knew I was the one who left and it was up to me to go back; but getting past this is hopefully not going to be as hard as it seems to me right now. She smiled at me and leaned against the counter as she glanced at the watch and then me
" Do you like it?"
" I absolutely love it."
" Great. Since you've pre-paid any everything you are all ready to go! I'll just box it right back up and get a bag for you."
" Thank you." I said, handing her the watch.
She placed everything back and closed the leather box, and put it into the blue tiffany box before putting it into a bag with white tissue paper galore. After she handed me the bag with a bright smile on her face, I walked over to Jess and put my hand around her wrist, dragging her away from the display so that we could leave. Any longer and I was convinced she'd buy a ring for herself to wear around.
After huffing at me, we walked out of the door and got into the car. I set the bag in the trunk of her car to keep it safe, not wanting to leave it in the back where anybody could see it around here. Since we were already out here, Jess wanted to go shopping at the mall so we went to go hang out there for however long she wanted. Luckily, we were able to find a parking space somewhere in all of the ridiculously filled up rows.
Once we were inside I was thrust into store after store, but I honestly wasn't paying much attention to anything; I just followed Jess through all of the stores and appeased her when she pressed a top against herself and asked how good it looked. My mind was clearly on other things, and I couldn't seem to get Edward off of it.
It hadn't even been a full day and I already missed him like fucking crazy, which sounded pretty pathetic; but I couldn't help myself. I was used to waking up with him there, and sleeping with him right by my side after a long day of doing whatever the fuck we came up with at the time. It didn't matter if we were out all day running around, or spending a day inside watching movies or being lazy; it was being together was what made the day good.
Once I get back to the Cullen's we have to have a talk and it wouldn't be a very particularly enjoyable one, but I just needed more understanding at this point. I was starting to be bothered by everything, and I didn't want to wait until it was too late to address it and find a resolution to all of it.
Tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow I'd go back there and face all of this. I couldn't hide from my problems forever.
With the rest of the Cullen's, I knew that they were probably irritating Edward about what happened, and a part of me felt bad about it, but the other part didn't. He decided not to tell me and should have known that it was inevitable that I'd have to find out eventually. They'd of course wonder why he never said anything to me; I wanted to know myself. I took a step forward and wondered if this was something that he could have kept from me if our relationship progressed further.
What if we'd gotten married and he never told me?
I guess that would have been worse than this... I mean, I'd definitely be more pissed about it I'd like to think.
Fingers snapped in front of my face and I shook myself out of my trance.
" Earth to Bella? Helloooo."
" I'm here. What?"
She laughed, " Where were you just then?"
" Just thinking."
She gave me a knowing look but didn't say anything, instead shifting through the racks at H&M until she deemed it that they didn't have anything and we went on to the next store. It went on like this for awhile, leafing from store to store until she got bored and decided to walk into a new one. Whatever suited her I honestly didn't care; once I snapped out of my thoughts all of her moving around kept my mind busy and going.
Three full shopping bags in her hand later, Jess decided she was hungry and I thanked god because I was pretty starved after running around this joint for so fucking long. Jess didn't leave time for breaks between each store.
We went to the food court and ordered some pizza and drinks before sitting at a square table by the railings. It was extra greasy and extra delicious right now and exactly what I wanted after today. Hell, I'd eat a horse I was so fucking hungry.
" You miss him already, huh?" Jess said, taking a bite of her pizza.
I shrugged, " Yeah. It's pathetic."
" No, it's cute I think."
" I'll probably go back there tomorrow...Talk to him about everything."
" What is there to talk about?" she asked.
" Fuck, I don't even know? He told me that he didn't know why he didn't tell me and that he was sorry, but I just can't get it in my head that it's the reason. There is more to make of it to me...maybe that is just it though; I just don't want to accept it."
" I guess you'll never know unless you sit down and give him a last chance to tell you. You don't think he'd actually lie to you about something though, do you?"
I snorted, " Ask me that a week ago and I'd say fuck no. But after this, I'm not sure. He broke my trust a little, and that doesn't mean I don't love him as much as I did a few days ago, but trust is something I don't give out like a free pass."
" Understandable."
After we finished out lunch, we headed upstairs and found ourselves in Victoria's Secret, go figure. Jess was looking at all of the lingerie and lacy scraps known as underwear, and I was looking through the soft, cotton nighties they had on sale.
" Oh, this is hot!" Jess said, holding up a red lacy number that had black trim and bows that held the underwear together.
I had to agree, it was pretty 'hot', but I'd never be caught dead wearing something like that. It was completely see through; I didn't even see the point of wearing it in that case, why not just parade naked for a guy instead of that. Personally, I think it's more attractive to leave something to the imagination, or at least that's what I've fucking learned myself.
Edward preferred the color blue anyways. And while Victoria's Secret was kind of pricy, the lace sometimes felt a little bit scratchy depending on the item. Or maybe I was just a fucking spoiled brat because Edward liked to purchase me expensive French lingerie.
He may be nineteen years old but he has absolutely no shame walking into an expensive store to buy lingerie for his eighteen year old girlfriend. I can't express how many times he's told me all the funny looks he gets because he looks young compared to the thirty and forty year olds who walk in there.
I didn't ever really mind much when he bought those kinds of things for me, because they were just as much a gift to him as they were to me; so I never really bothered to argue. When it came to actual clothing, well, he knew that it was a completely different story.
Jess bought a few lace underwear sets and I bought two of the cotton nighties, one was in a dark blue color, and the other one was a light pink color with white writing in a cursive script that showed where it was from.
After we'd had enough of the mall, we headed back out the car and put all of our new clothing items in the trunk. It was still pretty early in the day, so we just decided to drive around until we ended up at a Seattle Waterfront Park. As it was towards the evening the lights were all turned on around here and it was really beautiful. We leaned against the railings and looked out on the water, watching it ripple with the light breeze.
" So I'm thinking of maybe going to U of W." Jess said completely out of the blue.
" What, why? I thought you were-"
" I know, I was talking all about beauty school in Port Angeles and how much I was looking forward to it...But I think I want something different. So I applied before Christmas and I should be getting a letter any day now. I just want to know if I get in, and maybe if I do then it will push me to make a choice."
" What do you want to do?"
" I've been thinking a lot about it, and I think I want to go through with doing the Nursing Program there."
My eyes widened, and I completely did not expect that to come out of Jess' mouth, but it did. Jess was by no means not smart enough to do it; I just couldn't actually wrap my mind around it. For the longest time she wanted to go to beauty school, she'd talked about it for so long which was why I was so surprised.
" I know I was all about beauty college and all that..."
" Everybody changes their mind, that's only normal. I mean, if you figure out what you want to be and stick with it than that's great; but that's not everybody you know?"
She nodded, " I just think it would be interesting, you know? My mom was a nurse until she had me, and I'd remember all the stories; and when I looked up the programs online it all looks really interesting and I think it might be a good fit for me."
" I think that's awesome, Jess."
" My dad thinks that I've got absolutely insane."
I shook my head, " You aren't. Honestly, I mean, as long as you dedicate yourself to it...We all know how jumpy you can be at times."
" Yeah, I know. But I really think I want to do it."
" I bet you'd be great."
She smiled, " Thanks. You are the only person to say that so far."
We hung around at the pier for awhile, talking and enjoying the light breeze that washed over the ocean and to us. There weren't many people around here, just a few people passing by from small stores; otherwise it was just us.
Eventually we knew we had to head back because of the long trip we had back home. We got onto I-5 and stayed on a few miles before getting on 104 towards Edmonds-Kingston I was tired, and honestly wanted to get some sleep and have tomorrow be here already. I missed Edward, and I wanted to get back to him.
Jess was still in high spirits, playing the eighties instead of nineties on the way home; but luckily she wasn't blasting it this time around. We got the car onto the ferry and that was five miles until we went West on 104 and then 20 miles until we were turning a right onto the familiar one-oh-one to get to Forks. I had no idea how Jess was the one driving with all the energy and I was almost asleep in my seat from such a long day out.
As she got off on the ramp into Forks, I shifted in my seat, putting the seatbelt behind me to get more comfortable.
" Ah, come on Bella! Don't be such a lazy bones and party it up with me!"
She turned into the left turn lane as it turned red and just as it turned green Jess pressed on the gas, still singing her song out loud with her usual loud enthusiasm. Immediately lights blinded me from my right, making me wince away from the brightness. My eyes were wide and on instinct my body scrambled up to move towards the other side of the car, but the seatbelt was going against me.
I twisted my body towards the side facing the door trying to get out, but there wasn't enough time. I heard Jess scream my name loudly before I felt the right side of my body being enveloped in pure agony before everything faded into black.
Authors Note- I know the teaser wasn't as detailed as it should have been at the end, but I didn't want to give too much information before the chapter got out
So please don't hate me? I love you guys!
REVIEWS get TEASERS!