First of all, I'm sorry I know I've sucked with updates lately but long story short, I was in the hospital, my laptop broke and because I was moving from my old apartment t a new one I didn't have internet for a while, and to top all of that school and final projects.
Good news? I'M FINALLY ON HOLIDAY VACATIONS! Hopefully I'll be able to write more, I also want to end the epilogue on the 18th because it would be OMC's anniversary and... seems fitting idk.
Sweet Little Angel is on hold until I end OMC, cause I want to fully concentrate on the plot since it's thickening and I want to do it right for you guys. I'm really loving writing vampdaddyward.
OMC's sequel "You and Me" will start after the Holidays!
Disclaimer (or whatever is called): I'm NOT a doctor, I'm a film maker so I probably got all wrong even though I did my research. Besides I want to recreate a scene from what used to be one of my favorites shows "One Tree Hill" if you are a fan you'll probably know what we'll see next chapter ;)
SM owns everything!
Chapter 38: Holding On And Letting Go
"Holding On and Letting Go" – Ross Copperman
Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
Does anybody really know?
Is the end of the beginning
The cry a rush a one breath
Is all we waiting for
Sometimes I want my taking
Changes everyone before
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go
Sometimes we're holding angels
And we never even know
Don't know if we'll make it, or we know
We just can't let it show
"BELLA!"
After my heart starts again, I jump to my feet and run to kneel next to her in less than a second. My heart is pounding fast and heavy on my chest, my breathing is labored and my head spinning making me lightheaded.
"BELLA?!" Oh god "No, no no no no no! Bella!" I call her name over and over again but she doesn't react, nothing, my surroundings dissapear and I can't think in anything but that my pretty girl won't open her eyes. I try to check her pulse as I scream for someone to call 911 but my hands are trembling with the adrenaline and fear running through my veins. Tears are streaming down my cheeks and my throat is sore from yelling in the cold air. "An ambulance, please!" I cried.
"Edward?!" I hear my dad's voice over the noise I look up and see him and Heidi running towards us with terrified eyes. "Oh god, Heidi call 911 now!"
Dad kneels next to me and starts to examine her, as I clearly can't do it with my state of mind, I look up searching for the fucking black Mercedes only to realize it's gone.
"What happened?!"
"She is not responding dad! Bella?! Please, Bella can you hear me?!" I carefully pat her cheek.
"What happened?!" He asked again and I see red.
"That bitch! That fucking bitch!" I hit the ground with my fist "I'm sure it was her! She tri-ed to ru-n me o-over but Bella, damn it! She fucking pushed me away!" I cry. "WHERE IS THE FUCKING AMBULANCE?!" I holler at the people gathered around us.
Finally after the longest minute of my entire life we hear a siren in the background and two officers start pushing people away. The traffic has been stopped so there's a lot of chaos and noise from the honking.
With terrified eyes I scan her body and notice her arm is twisted in a strange way, there are cuts on the right side of her face and a big wound on her forehead covered with blood. With her coat and layers I can't tell if she is not bleeding from down there so that only takes my anxiety to a new level.
The ambulance comes to a stop next to us and two EMTs quickly jump out of the back and get into action. They take her pulse, secure her neck with a brace, give her oxygen and tie her onto a stretcher.
"Call mom, but careful not to say anything in front of the twins!" I yell at dad as I get into the ambulance.
"Yes, I'll be right behind you!" Dad turned around.
The ride to the hospital happened in a blur. As soon as we arrived Bella was ushered into the ER and I was made to wait in the fucking waiting room, I was sitting on the couch bouncing my knee when Dad arrived firing questions. By now the shock had weaned down and I was mostly numb, going over and over again over the accident scene in my mind. How didn't I see her? How long had she been there waiting for us?
"What's going on?" He asked immediately. "How's Bella?"
"I don't know," I mumbled shakily "they ushered her into the ER a while ago but no one has come out to say anything."
"I talked to the police, they are looking for her. I talked to your mom too, Rosalie was there to pick up Liam so she stayed with the kids, Esme is on her way, Emmett too."
I nod.
What did just happen?
Three hours later my whole family but Rose was here with me waiting for news. Alice was a mess so they gave her a light sedative. My mind shut off, I was still numb and staring into space not having sense of what was going on around me. A nurse had come out about half an hour ago to tell me they were moving her to the ICU and talked to me privately giving me an update. Three ribs, her right arm and leg were broken, a severe concussion and blood loss. When I asked her about the baby she said they couldn't tell yet if she had lost it, she had bled a little but that the fetus was still there, although the chances of him being dead were pretty big, they had to wait for her to come out of the ICU to take a sonogram and see if the baby was alive.
Right now, one of the biggest problems besides the concussion was the blood loss. Bella was B- so we needed donors. Mom, Jasper and Emmett were currently calling everyone we knew looking for them. So far only Gianna had her same blood type but she and Tyler were in Ottawa and had gone out last night so she had had alcohol and couldn't donate. She felt awful about it and was worried sick calling Emmett every few minutes to check on Bella.
Charlie was on his way, he booked a plane as soon as I called him with the news. He was instantly wary when he answered the phone and it was me. We hadn't spoke in four years so he immediately knew something was wrong.
As for the twins, Marie had thrown a tantrum when I spoke to her and told her she and Andrew were spending the night at Rose's. It broke my heart when she begged me to go and pick her up, that she missed us but I had told her that mommy was sick and we were with the doctor. I didn't use the word hospital as I knew she would freak out, she had wanted to talk to her and it nearly broke me when she asked for her, I had to tell her she was asleep because she wasn't feeling well.
As for me, I was desperate to see her. The nurse had told me she would come for me as soon as I was able to come into the ICU. I had used the "I'm a doctor card" but it didn't mattered, I still had to wait at least after they were done with the scans. I had a headache, mom tried to persuade me to eat something but I couldn't digest anything, I just wanted to see her, or to retreat time… preferably to 5 years ago.
I know I'm not a violent person, far from it but even I had my limits and Tanya definitely crossed them a while ago.
Because of her I'm in this situation again, because of her I might lose her and my baby for real, because of her the people I care the most are in pain and suffering… because of her Marie can't take ballet lessons, my pretty little girl can't have a normal childhood, because of her people who had nothing to do with what happened are paying. Hell, even I don't deserve all of this shit!
I hate her.
I swear she's going to pay, jail is not enough for me if I see her again I'll kill her with my own hands. What did I ever do to deserve all this?! Even if I had cheated on Bella consciously there are worse people than me and are having a perfectly happy life.
Banner came about an hour ago and asked me to go to the station as soon as I could to testify, and said they were looking for her everywhere. They had found the Mercedes near High Park and a stop light camera caught her going into the park confirming it was her. It made me sick, all those times I had spotted the Mercedes, she had been near us and I didn't put two and two together until she broke into the house which now I was sure it had been her too. I had known before but now we finally had proofs. Now she was hiding there somewhere but there were no more signs of her. That made me livid, that they still couldn't find her. He said they were going on all the cameras from the stores and stop lights around the area to see if she came out and he also had people looking for her inside the park. But High Park is huge, she could be anywhere.
"Dr. Cullen?" My whole family turned to see a man on his fifties with a white coat standing with the nurse I had spoken to earlier. "I'm Dr. Mason, I'm attending your wife."
I stood up immediately and shook his hand, ignoring the pan in my chest when he referred to her as my wife.
"It's Edward, how's Bella?"
"Can I talk to you privately?" He eyed my family and I paled, but he immediately assured me.
"She is stable, a donor came in about an hour ago so we are Ok in that area."
I sighed in relief as we walked down the hallway, but the relief was short lived when he didn't compose his expression.
"How's her head?" I asked shakily.
"She had a mild traumatic brain injury, we did a CT scan but luckily there wasn't any intracranial hemorrhage, just swelling which is being monitored for any clots. We induced her into a coma until the swelling passes, she'll wake up when she is ready."
"What…" I took a breath "what about the baby?"
He looked at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry Mr. Cullen, but we have to wait until she is out of the ICU to take an ultrasound… from the tests it didn't fall off but we can't tell if it's alive. We'll have to wait for the ultrasound to listen for a heartbeat. Right now we are focusing on saving her."
I felt my chest contracting, making it hard to breathe.
"Can I see her?" I begged with a hoarse voice.
He thought for a moment.
"Sure, just for a few minutes. Please follow me."
I followed Dr. Mason to a room next to the ICU, the nurse gave me a disposable scrub and I put it on quickly. When I was done tying the head she told me to follow her through another door. She opened the door for me and stepped aside letting me in.
"Just five minutes." She told me with kind eyes and I nodded.
I entered the room afraid of what I would see, and of course it didn't disappoint. I was almost on my knees the moment I saw my pretty girl connected to so many machines and tubes. She had a cast on her right leg and arm, they had cleaned the cuts on her right cheek but you could still see the dried blood over the scratches. She had a patch on her forehead where she had had it opened and no doubt where the concussion was. She also had an endotracheal tube stuck to her throat supplying oxygen.
The room was chilly and it smelled like alcohol and disinfectant, the only sounds the ones coming from the machines. I rolled a stool to seat next to her and with trembling hands took her left hand between mines and kissed her fingers one by one, they were cold and pale just like her face.
"Pretty girl…" I cried not knowing what to say and placed her hand on my cheek "Please baby… you promised you wouldn't leave me." I kiss the inside of her palm and trace my fingers along her jaw, barely touching her skin. She looked so fragile and helpless.
"Please, I need you baby, Marie and Andrew needs you…" I barely put my hand on her flat stomach thinking about her ribs "Our little peanut needs you too." I sobbed. "You promised… we were just starting." I kissed her wrist several times, needing to touch her and make sure she was still here with me.
"You promised me, you can't back down now… please baby wake up, wake up, you have to wake up soon be-because we a-are getting married remember? March 15th… y-you said you wanted a winter wedding, Alice already reserved the place so you have to be-e there… we can't cancel you have to be there an-and then, and then I'm taking you on our honey moon." My shoulders sagged with the new waves of tears.
"To the beach like you always wanted… you once told me you wanted to see a real beach…yes you did, do you remember? That night I stayed for dinner, we were in the TV room watching a movie with the kids, what do think about Cancun? Or Cabo? You can choose any place you want baby…" I nodded to myself "Wherever you want and then…" I sniffed.
"And then we are having our baby, you said it was a boy… a beautiful boy, with my eyes and your hair." I traced my fingers along a lock of her hair. "And your nose and your chin and your cheeks…" I caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers.
"Beautiful like you… We also have the twins' birthday next week you've been planning it for weeks you have to be there…" I nodded eagerly "so we can give them our presents and you can make a cake -because I can't cook to save my life-" I let out a strangle chuckle "and we can sing happy birthday together, and take pictures. Lots of pictures, we need more pictures. Creating new memories remember? More, more pictures."
"Then you have your gallery, and that beautiful painting you never finished… the one with the pregnant woman… you have to finish it baby, you are so talented you have to finish that painting… it's still at my old house, we can go and pick it up together and I'll get you new brushes and paints and I can turn the warehouse into a study… it would be perfect. You have to finish that painting baby please… please finish that painting."
I carefully rest my forehead on her stomach.
"I'm sorry." I sobbed "I'm so sorry, it should have been me."
Why the hell did she have to get in the way? She was after me not her! Didn't she think of the baby? What was she thinking?!
I lean forward and kiss her stomach.
"Please, please, please be Ok… please. Mommy and I were so excited waiting for you, please be Ok." I whispered against her stomach, my body shaking with sobs. "I promise you you'll be so loved and cherished and you'll never need anything… but please be Ok. Please be Ok, please, please, please be Ok." I begged.
I looked up to see my pretty girl's face again, even with all the cuts, gauzes and tubes she was still the most beautiful thing to me.
"You know baby, for a long time I've been having this fantasy… you wanna hear about it?" I place her palm on my cheek again and thread our fingers together.
"Before you came back I used to go to this hidden meadow in High Park to think of you… it made me think of you because it was always bright and beautiful."
I say remembering the meadow that had been my solace so many times.
"The last time I was there was the day Alice told me she saw you with a kid, I had thought you moved on and got married with someone else so I went there to think of you and of what I had done… the next day I went to Ottawa and found you."
I clear my tears with the back of my hand and kiss Bella's cold fingers again.
"See in this fantasy… we are in that same meadow, but we are not alone… I'm wearing this black tux and all our family is sitting in chairs in front an alter, and then I see Marie… our gorgeous princess walking down the aisle dressed as a beautiful flower girl with a purple dress…" I smile to myself at my silly fantasy "then comes Andrew holding a little pillow with our rings, dressed in a little tux looking like a penguin with a red mini tie" I chuckle "and finally there's you… walking straight to me with your dad by your side… you are smiling and wearing this beautiful white dress… as Marie would say looking like a princess." A new round of sobs breaks through me.
"It doesn't matter where it happens but I want that, I want to see you in a white dress, hear you say your vows and those two words I've been waiting for almost six years to hear." I cry.
"Please baby, don't do this to me. I need you, I love you. I can't live without you, I can't believe what you did for me I didn't deserved it and you shouldn't have put yourself at this risk… please be strong, for our baby and our beautiful kids. Andrew needs you so he can eat properly once in a while" I let out another strangled chuckle "and Marie needs your caresses and treats. They need you more than me, please don't you dare leave us."
I hear the door open and I quickly dry my tears.
"Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry but you need to leave the room." The nurse says softly and I turn to her.
"One minute please." I beg.
She thinks for a moment, her eyes sad.
"Okay." She says closing the door back and I turn back to Bella.
"I have to go baby, but I'll be right outside Ok? I'm here and I'm not leaving until you come with me… I love you so much. Please take care of you and our baby Ok? Be strong pretty girl, you can do it. I love you, you are my life my everything, I love you."
I stand up and kiss her forehead.
"I love you." I say again.
I turn around and step out of the room, as soon as I close the door a new wave of tears hits me hard as I recline on the wall, sliding down until I end up sitting on the floor. I rest my forehead on my knees and cry violently.
How could this happen? What had we done to deserve this? I pulled at my hair in frustration as I rested my elbows on my knees. I consider myself a good man, responsible, honest, always minding my own business, even naïve, why could this happen to me? Forget about me, how about her and the kids? Hadn't they suffered enough? Why when things were finally settling Tanya had to come out to play again?
Can't we have a fucking break? We just got back together we were just starting to be a family. I had just brought my piano and most of my stuff to our home. I was finally home.
"I love you, more than anything that I can't imagine spending my life with someone else. A life without you would be meaningless, pointless… I can't have that, you make my life worthwhile." I swallowed, I was getting emotional and I could hear my voice shaking.
I leaned away and saw that more tears were falling down her cheeks, a small smile playing on her luscious lips, her gorgeous eyes full of emotion.
"I always knew that some part of me was missing, and I used to think that that part went missing when Andrew left but, when I met you… I knew it was only you who was meant to fill that part. You are my soul mate, my other half, my everything… Bella, I honestly wouldn't know how to live without you…"
I sat up with her straddling me my waist, I placed a lock of her hair behind her ear and gave her a meaningful kiss. When we parted she looked at me curiously, sensing than something was up and I pulled the box out of my sweater pocket. She gasped and brought her hand to her mouth, her beautiful eyes wide in shock.
"My pretty girl… please… would you make me the extraordinary honor to marry me?"
I opened the little box and presented her the ring. The band was made of white gold, with tiny diamonds around it and on the top, a bigger diamond rested along with two smaller sapphires on each side. It was beautiful, just like her.
She was quiet, stunned by the ring and my sudden proposal.
"Bella?" I asked nervously.
"Oh my god" she whispered. "Are you serious?" She asked not taking her eyes from the ring.
"I've never been more serious pretty girl." I whispered and she looked up to me.
She was quiet for another endless minute.
"Yes." She suddenly said.
"Yes?" I asked incredulous, my heart racing and threatening to come out of my chest.
"Yes, I'll marry you pretty boy."
When I'm as calm and in control of myself as I'll ever be, I decide to go back to the waiting room to face my family. So I stand up and drag my ass back out of the ICU area and walk down the hallway to the waiting room, I turn the last corner and stop on my tracks as soon as I look up.
Standing in front of my pissed looking dad is Eleazar Denali wearing this pleading expression that instantly makes me livid, so I finally lose my shit.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I spat glaring at him.
He turns to me with wide eyes, as I stalk towards them.
"Hi Edward, I'm sorry… I-I heard what happened, I'm here to apologize f-"
I let out a strangled laugh, probably looking like a maniac.
"Your apology is useless and unnecessary, now get the hell out of here your presence is inappropriate."
"I'm really sorry Edward we didn't know how serious Tanya's case was… I promise you as soon as we find her we are taking her to a specialist. That's the other reason I'm here, I wanted to talk to you and beg you if necessary to please not press cha-"
My fist connected with his jaw before he could even finish that sentence.
"Edward!" Mom screamed but I ignored her.
"Get the fuck out of here!" I yelled at a wide eyed looking Eleazar.
"Edward," He rubbed his jaw "please try to understand… Tan-"
"Don't you even mention her name in my presence!"
From the corner of my eye I see a guard walk in from the staircase with a nurse.
"Edward, she needs help I promise she'll get better with time."
I tried to keep my voice lowered, but of course I failed.
"You said the exact same thing eight years ago when she tried to kill me the first time, you'd be lucky if the police get to her before I do and throw her behind bars because if I see her first I swear to god I'll kill her myself!"
"Edward, calm down don't be overdramatic."
"Overdramatic?! BELLA'S PREGNANT YOU IDIOT!" I hear a gasp from behind me "How can you ask me to be rational! Her body is half shattered and she hit her head against the hard concrete! Both of them might die because of your selfish crazy ass daughter so excuse me if I feel like ripping her head off right at this moment!"
"Bella is pregnant?" Mom whimpers with wide eyes and I close my eyes.
Fuck me.
"Yes." I say mid sob as I let my self fall on the couch "That's why she came to clinic this morning," I start to feel lightheaded again so I cover my face with my hands feeling exhausted and drained "she had the first ultrasound today with Lee." I cry.
"What did the doctor say about it?" Dad asked, he looked like he had just aged ten years.
"They don't know if he's still alive, we have to wait till she is out of ICU to run an ultrasound."
"Oh god." Mom cried sitting next to me and involving me in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry honey."
"It's not your fault," I look up to see Eleazar again "Your daughter went mad when my brother died and you let it pass, for years she struggled seeing this ghost and don't tell me you didn't notice something was wrong with her, Irina knew about the abortion and she didn't do shit either, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with your family but if something happens to Bella or my baby I won't rest until she burns in hell understood?" I glared.
"Edward, I'll talk to you when you are calm. We are really sorry about this, I swear I-"
I was on my feet again.
"She raped me! Took morbid photos about it and sent them to Bella! She almost lost the twins because of it! Marie has just one good lung because of her, I missed the first three years of my kids' lives, she sent rats and broke into our house with a gun, a freaking gun! Ran over my pregnant fiancé, aborted my nephew and tried to kill me twice! Am I really overreacting? You seriously expect me to not press charges and let her go when she has been harassing me and ruining my life for the past eight years?! Just because I happen to look like my dead brother?!" I yelled incredulously, my body shaking with fury.
God, my life sounded like a bad fucking soap opera.
Eleazar looked down, ashamed of all his daughter had done. If the circumstances were different I would have pitied him. But I also knew the ulterior motive, I knew Carmen sent him. She hated scandals and lived for the society a crazy addict of a daughter behind bars would harm her reputation. That's why she neglected her in the first place, she never accepted her daughter's addiction and preferred to ignore her and pretend she didn't exist instead of facing the problem or accepting that she failed as a mother.
"Sir," the guard came forward "This is a hospital please keep it down, do you want me to escort this gentleman outside?"
"Please." I said throwing myself on the couch again.
"Sir, come with me please."
After the guard left with Eleazar, my family started ambushing me with questions about Bella.
"When did you find out?" Alice cried "And how is Bella?"
"She told me yesterday, she found out on Christmas." I said rubbing my temples with my fingers, a horrible headache making its appearance.
"Oh god, and how is she?" Mom asked then.
"I don't really know…" I opened my eyes "the doctor told me they have her in coma till the swelling weans down and then she'd wake up when she is ready."
"Oh my god, I wanna dig my nails into Tanya's eyes and pull them out! Ow!" Alice brought both of her hands to her belly.
"Alice?" Jasper kneeled in front of her "Are you Ok."
Alice winced again and I was on full alert now.
"Fuck… her water broke." I said looking down.
Alice eyes became wide with fear as dad sprinted from his place in search of a nurse.
"What?!" Jasper panicked.
"But… I still have four weeks left." She said alarmed.
"I know," Mom tried to soothe her taking my place next to her "It's going to be Ok honey, it's not too early this happens all the time and with all this stress I'm not surprised it didn't happen sooner."
"But Bella… OW!" She hugged herself as dad came with a wheel chair. "I think I'm having a contraction." She cried trying to ease her breathing.
"Alice, it's Ok…" I helped Jasper put her on the wheel chair as he was on the phone talking to Lee "go and have my niece." I tried to smile encouragingly but I knew it was more like a grimace, tears sprung out of her eyes as well as mine.
"I'm so sorry Edward." She cried.
"Don't be silly pixie," I choked "now go and have my precious niece." I kissed her forehead and the nurse took her away, mom, Jasper and dad following.
I threw myself on the couch with a heavy sigh and closed my eyes. Fuck, this should be a special day for Alice, and somehow Tanya managed to ruin hat too.
A few minutes later, I heard Emmet's voice.
"Where's everyone?" He asked looking around as he came into the room with two cups of coffee.
"Alice's water broke." I sighed pulling at my hair restlessly.
Fucking headache.
"Is she Ok?"
"I think so, the worry and stress must have been too much for her." I mumbled.
He handed me one of the cups and I nodded in thanks, he sat on the couch next to me and we kept quiet for a few minutes.
"You wanna talk?" He asked after a while.
"I don't know what there is to say." I closed my eyes with a sigh.
"I saw Eleazar being kicked out when I was coming up. What happened?"
I snorted.
"He wanted me not to press charges." Emmet glared. "I know." I huffed. "Incredible."
"What a fuckcrazy day… were you able to see Bella?"
I nodded.
"How is she?"
"They finally found a donor."
"That's good, right?"
I shrugged.
"They casted her arm and leg and tied her ribs, but her head and the baby is what's worrying me the most right now."
"The baby?" He asked confused.
"Oh, yeah… Bella's pregnant." I managed to say with the big knot in my throat and I knew my face was contorted with pain.
"Fuck, I'm sorry bro." He said with sad eyes.
I hid my face in my hands willing the tears not to shed. I felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder and didn't care anymore if he saw me cry.
"It's just, I don't fucking understand… what did we do to deserve this, huh? Bella is a good person, the baby is an innocent they don't deserve this! I feel like such an idiot, so helpless and I'm so angry I scare myself, I just want to make Tanya suffer for all she has done to my family. What if something goes wrong with Alice too? What if Bella has a severe damage, what i-f wh-at if…" I choked "What am I going to tell the Andrew and Marie?"
"You have to have faith Edward."
I scoffed.
"Faith… why couldn't he just protect her and save us all the bad trance."
"Everything happens for a reason Edward."
"Then enlighten me!" I shouted, not caring about the glances the nurses were giving me "What's the fucking reason?! What was the reason for Tanya getting me drugged and taken away all that I loved? What's the reason for Marie's sickness? What's the reason for her breaking into our house with a gun? What's the reason as to why Bella is now strapped to a machine and our baby probably being dead by now?! Huh?!" I ranted.
He stayed quiet after that and I closed my eyes sinking into the couch. I knew he was just trying to help and didn't deserve my rant but could you blame me?
"Fuck!" I stood up not able to stay still and started pacing again until my head felt like exploding. I asked a nurse for a pill and thankfully they didn't bitch about it or my behavior.
About an hour later my phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out to see who it was. As soon as I saw Rose's name on the screen I answered.
"Rose? Is everything alright?"
"Hi Edward, yes everything is Ok, don't worry… sorry to bother you… how's Bella?"
"The same, she's still in the intensive care unit."
"I'm sorry."
The pressure in my chest -that had been there since I saw her with her back against the ground- got tighter.
"How are the kids?" I changed the subject.
"That's the reason I'm calling, Marie's been restless and I was thinking, if it's Ok with you, take them to their home and stay there with them so they'll be more at ease?"
I thought for a moment, with Tanya still on the loose I worried about them going home with Rose alone.
"I'll call Banner and ask him for and extra cruiser, and I'll send Emmett." At that Emmett looked up.
"Thanks, I'll take the extra key Esme has at her house."
"Thanks a lot Rose."
"Don't mention it, uhmm Marie wants to talk to you."
I let out a heavy sigh.
"Put her on the phone." I said in resign.
"Ok."
After some shuffling I heard my pretty little girl's worried voice on the other side of the line.
"Daddy?" She said in a small voice.
"Hi princess." I tried to sound cheerful.
"Where are you?"
"I'm still with the doctor honey."
"How's mommy? She still asleep?"
I swallowed hard.
"Yes baby, she is still asleep."
"She not feeling good?"
"No princess."
"Maybe if you give her a hug and a kiss she'll feel better."
I took a shaky breath trying to control myself.
"You are so smart princess, I'll try that."
"Ok, daddy I wanna go home."
"I know sweetie, but I have to stay with mommy aunt Rosalie is going to take you and your brother home and she'll stay with you until mommy feels better."
"Can we go with you?"
"I'm sorry baby, but we are just with the doctor you'll only get bored."
"Oh, can I talk to mommy now?"
I bit my knuckles to prevent a sob and took a deep breathe.
"I'm sorry princess, but as I told you she is asleep." I said shakily.
"Ok," she said quietly "Can you tell her to call me when she is up?"
I bit my lip and covered my mouth with my hand to muffle the sob coming out of my chest.
"Yes princess… I gotta go, I'll call you later. I love you."
"Love you too daddy." She mumbled and the line went dead, I put my cell in my pocket and covered my face with my hands.
…
…
…
"Can you do me a favor?" I asked Emmett.
"Sure."
"Rosalie is taking the twins and Liam home, can you go and stay with them? I know it's unlikely Tan-"
"Of course, you need anything else?"
I shook my head.
"Thanks a lot."
He shook his head.
"Don't worry about it, I'll go then call if anything changes."
"Will do." I spotted my dad coming back to the waiting room. "How's Alice?" I asked.
"They just took her to the maternity unit, but it still will be a while. Jasper and your mom are with her." He said but he was having trouble meeting my eye.
"What is it? Is she Ok?" I pressed and he turned to me.
"No, no… Alice is Ok… it's just, I just got off the phone with Kate."
…
…
…
"And?"
"Tanya's dead, she killed herself."
…
…
…
"Did she suffer?" I asked in a strange voice.
"She threw herself from the bridge in High Park, they are waiting for the autopsy to see if she drowned or if she died from hypothermia."
It's not good enough.
I didn't know what to say or how I was supposed to feel, the only thing I could think about was fucking finally. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
My family was safe.
As safe as they could be at he moment.
I don't know what that says about me, and don't care if I'm supposed to take the high road and feel bad about it but when the most important person in your world has a fine line between death and life because of this person you can't but feel relieved it all ended.
She was suffering too anyway in this world, her family had turned on her neglecting her because she was the black sheep in the family, she believed in this ghost who only haunted her and was only making other peoples lives miserable.
So yeah, I'm glad she is gone.
Fucking finally.
No one said anything and I knew even my dad, the compassionate one was relieved. Tanya did a lot of damaged and I know she wasn't the only one to blame to, we all made mistakes but we knew that and we were trying to rectify them, we all deserved a second chance Bella, dad, Irina, Eleazar, me even Tanya and she had a lot of second chances. She just never took them.
I know now what happened wasn't all my fault, but when it happened it made me feel awful, I was repulsed I wanted to blame someone and I blamed me, I blamed myself and I didn't know why. I had just made a small mistake I took a drink so why should all the rest have happened to me? Why did I embrace it all when Bella was gone? Why was I so repulsed by myself? Why did I hate myself so much beyond anything else to the point of killing myself? I hated me more than I hated Tanya.
It was when I lashed out at Eleazar when it finally dawned on me and I finally understood the guilt I had even after Bella assured me she didn't me blame anymore even though it still hurt her.
I was raped and in my manly ego I blinded myself of what was truly bothering me.
A shiver run through me just thinking the words, how didn't I understood what was happening to me? Granted, it wasn't a traumatic experience I don't even remember it but I still know it happened and besides Bella leaving, that's why I was so depressed.
I guess I knew all along but I never accepted it, I was on denial. But it explains a lot of things from my behavior, my paranoia, lack of social life, depression… my suicide.
What did my family think about it? Did they think I was… raped too?
God, it was so hard to even think about it.
Now that I think of it, I think mom does… and Emmett too, maybe they wouldn't say anything out loud but both of them where always breathing over my shoulder back then. Trying to help me get better.
Dad… I think he was too busy worrying about Bella, maybe he was in denial too, he was hard on me after all telling me to man up and face everything.
We are all so fucked up.
Six hours later, around midnight Jasper came out to tell us that Alice had a beautiful baby girl. That she was healthy and wonderful, he was trying to contain his joy because of me but I saw it in his eyes. I didn't hold it against him, I understood. After quickly telling us the news he and dad retreated to the maternity quad so he could meet his grandchild. I stayed on my place, I didn't want to ruin their mood. Emmett –being the wonderful brother he is- stayed with me. Since Tanya was out of the picture he didn't have to go home after all and I appreciated his silent support.
Charlie had called earlier, he made it to Seattle but because of the heavy snow flights where cancelled so he couldn't come. I tried to ease his worry but I knew he wouldn't be ok until he heard Bella's voice.
I shared the feeling.
He had asked for more details about the accident and thinking about his health I was undecided if telling him who had been behind he wheel. But after all we had been through I decided to tell him the truth. He had flipped and lashed out all kinds of profanities known, he accused me of not taking care of her and only bringing her more problems. I kept quiet and took it all, I knew he was worried and after all Tanya's target was me not Bella.
I saw Dr. Mason approach me and I immediately stood up, eager for any news.
"Dr. Mason, how's Bella?"
"She is out of danger," He said and I felt lightheaded with relief "As I told you before a woman came earlier with Miss Swan's blood type and she responded well to the blood transfusion. We are just waiting for her to wake up and run a few tests and another CT scan. She is going to need a lot of care when she does, she had a serious concussion and let's hope it won't have any after effects."
"What about the baby?"
His face fell.
"I don't want to give you any hopes Dr. Cullen, Miss Swan suffered a severe accident and she was only a few weeks pregnant, there wasn't much we could do. She'll stay in the ICU all night and all day tomorrow, if everything goes well we'll transfer her to a room after tomorrow morning and we'll run the ultrasound then, but I want you to be prepared for the worst even if the baby is alive, there might be sequels."
I knew that, but hearing someone else say that it only makes it worse.
"Can I see her?"
"Sure. Come with me."
"Bella?"
"Yeah?" she answered over the noise of the water.
"A patient just called, I have to make a house call, it won't be more than an hour. Would you be ok until then?"
"Of course pretty boy, don't worry and since I won't be having some of your fuckawesome macaroni and cheese because I am so hungry to wait that long, do you want me to order something for us?"
"Sure, whatever you want," I said as I headed out of the bathroom. "see you in a bit. Love you!"
"Love you too!"
I walked out of the bathroom and went to grab m-
…
WHAT?!
I froze, then and there.
…
Did we just? WHAT?
DID SHE?
I went back to the bathroom and found her poking her head out of the shower stall. Her eyes wide.
We stared at each other. Not knowing what to do or say.
Then the most amazing thing happened.
A big fucking smile, so big I thought it was going to break her pretty little head spreaded over her face. Her eyes were sparkling.
I ran back to her, not caring about getting myself wet and kissed her. Hard.
"I love you." I said, my heart beating so fast I genuinely worried it would explode.
"I love you too." She said back.
A day later I was on the maternity unit waiting for Bella to be transferred from the ICU to a normal room. Meanwhile I watched Camille from the glass window while my mind wandered, I felt Jasper approach me but he didn't say anything.
"Congratulations, she's beautiful." I mumbled a little numb.
I hardly slept these past two days, not because the couch in the waiting room is comfortable as fuck but because I couldn't stop worrying.
"Thanks, she is all Alice."
I smiled weakly, because it's true. She even has Alice's dark hair which she got from grandma Cullen and her nose.
"How's Alice?"
"Tired, she is asleep now so she'll be Ok. How are you? I heard about Tanya."
I let out a long sigh.
"I don't wanna talk about it." I said loosing myself in my own mind again.
I don't know how I feel, it's as if I entered this… this alternate world, nothing feels real. Just two days ago, I was so happy. I finally had everything I wished for and now… I could have lost it all I still can lose it all. What if Bella has any sequels? Or the baby, if he is even alive? Don't get me wrong, I would still care for them no matter what's the outcome but…it's just that we were finally happy. We were finally where we were supposed to be.
"It'll work out Edward, it has to no one deserves it more than you." He talked anyways "And when Bella wakes up, you have to maintain a brave face for her so hold on. She is going to need you no matter if things go right or wrong."
He understood my fears.
"It should have been me Jasper" I whispered "I can't for the life of me think why Bella would risk herself and the baby like that. I'm afraid if something happens she'll resent me latter."
"You have to remain positive… and how on earth will Bella resent you? She did what she did because she loves you it was her choice, reckless or not but it was her choice after all. As to why she did it risking not only her but the baby too my guess is she loves you that much she didn't even think about it."
I didn't say anything so he continued.
"It wasn't your fault Edward you didn't do anything to make Tanya go after you. Stop punishing yourself, even Andrew who's the one Tanya was really after in her fucked up mind isn't at fault. Hell, even back then by what you told me he tried to stay away from her at the end, when she started showing her true colors."
Andrew, Andrew… you sure left us with a package. But I don't blame him, he was a victim too. He would have never guessed what his rejection to Tanya because of the abortion right before his death would cause. It makes me wonder what's what truly made Tanya flip. I have known of cases where women regret and feel guilty beyond words after an abortion, I guess that's what happened to Tanya and Andrew's death only fueled her guilt. It's so clear now, why she started drinking and fell of the train, it all happened soon after Andrew's funeral. A little more than a year later I graduated early from high school -where I barely saw her because her new crowd and mine were totally opposites- and never saw her again until that Thanksgiving years later where she asked me out.
I should have never said yes, I wasn't even attracted to her.
"Dr. Cullen?" I'm brought back to reality by a new nurse.
"Yes?"
"Miss Swan is now settled in room 101, you can see her now."
Thank god.
I turn to Jasper and he nods encouraging so I follow the nurse to the elevator where she presses the button to the fourth floor. Once there she leads the way down the hall pass the nurse's station and finally she points to a door. Carefully I open the door and let myself in, the room was dimed and the curtains down, inside there's Bella's nurse –whose name now I remember is Claire- taking some notes on Bella's file while she checks the oximetry and electrocardiograma sheets.
She looks up and smiles tenderly at me but my eyes are glued to my pretty girl. She is still mostly pale, but there is now a faint blush on her cheeks. I looked up to see her pulse rate at the oximetry and see that she is fact Ok. I also spot the IV with the sedative next to the electrocardiogram.
"She's Ok," Claire assures me when she sees my worried expression "she's been talking in her sleep. Something about a pretty boy? Do you have a son?"
I smile to myself, knowing she was probably calling me and I felt like an asshole for not being there. I took a chair and placed it on the left side of the bed so I could hold her hand properly as her right arm was casted.
"She calls me pretty boy," I explained "But yes, we have a boy and a girl. Twins."
Her gaze softened.
"That's nice I bet they are beautiful with such good looking parents. Now, I'll leave you two alone push that button if you need anything, yes?"
I nodded not taking my eyes out of my angel.
"Thanks." I said still with my eyes on Bella and then I heard Claire leave.
I brought my right hand forward and caressed her cheek, the side that wasn't bruised.
"Hi baby, can you hear me?"
Nothing.
"I'm here… as I told you I'm not leaving until you come home with me."
I kiss her palm.
"You are crazy you know? I want to be mad at you for what you did, hell I am mad for what you did, I didn't deserve it. I can't believe you'd risk your life for me like that."
I give her hand a light squeeze.
"Marie asked for you, she told me to give you a hug so you'll feel better soon, I talked to them again this morning, and Andrew said he made lots of drawings for you so you'll feel better."
A knock made me look up and I saw mom pop her head.
"Can I come in?" She asked softly and I nodded. "How is she?"
"Fine I guess, the nurse said she's been talking in her sleep."
"I talked to Rose and I went to your house this morning to bring you fresh clothes." She shows me my gym bag "The kids are restless… do you think it would be ok if she brings them to see Bella?"
"Not yet, she'll probably freak out when she wakes up and since we don't know when that will happen I don't want the kids around for that."
"And how are you feeling honey?"
"I don't know, scared mostly."
"That's understandable, what are you scared of?" She asked softly.
…
…
…
"Mom, I'm a doctor…" I said quietly "I know the multiple consequences a head trauma like this can cause," I went through them for the umpteenth time in my mind "then there's the baby… with so many sedatives and medicines on Bella and the accident itself… even if he is alive… I know it would break Bella if something happens to him."
"You can't think like that honey, everything will be fine if not…Bella and you will find a way. Did you know your dad and I were in a car accident when I was five months with Emmett?"
"No."
"Well, your dad and I were scared shitless… we didn't have the technology we have now so we didn't know if it had damaged him. Turns out all the months of worry were for nothing, yes your brother is a bit loon" she chuckled "but he was born healthy and perfect."
I nodded, trying to absorb the information.
"And even if he is not healthy, then it's good he will have you as parents. Both of you are so dedicated and patient and full of love. He wouldn't be in better hands, just look how well you take care of Marie? Everything will work out honey and in the worst case scenario if Bella loses the baby, then you'll mourn for a while but things will get better, you'll have each other for that."
I wiped my tears.
"You make it sound so simple. How was it for you, when Andrew died?"
"It was really hard, and I still think about him all the time but I learned to live with what happened, to accept it, your dad too." She said sadly.
"I was just wondering… if he hadn't died… would all this be happening to him and not me? Would Tanya have gone after him or would they have worked things out?" I looked up at her, finally tearing my eyes out of Bella.
"That's something we'll never know honey, but I'm sure wherever he is he is watching you and taking care of Bella and your baby."
…
…
"Sometimes I wonder, how things would be if he was here with us. If he would be married by now, with kids… or if he would be a bachelor like Tyler… He was a goof like Emmett so he'll probably get along with my Andrew too… he and Emmett already get in so much trouble I could only imagine how it would be if he was here too." I laughed through my tears.
"You miss him don't you?"
"Sometimes more than others, since Bella and I got together –before and after- I barely have time to feel lonely but I still wish he was here and would meet her and my kids."
"What do you think he'd be doing for a living?"
I laughed quietly.
"I don't know, something in advertising or real state… he had a way with people, so charming all the time." I rolled my eyes remembering.
"Yes, he was quiet the smooth talker I think your kid got that from him." I snorted "By the way you need a shower." She wrinkled her nose "Why don't you take one while I get you something to eat from the cafeteria?"
"I'm not hungry but a shower sounds nice, would you stay here with her while I go into the bathroom? I'll be quick I promise."
"Of course sweetie, take your time."
After a quick shower I changed into the fresh clothes mom had brought me. A pair of grey sweats and black Henley. God bless her, I was much more comfortable now. I brushed my teeth and walked out to the room again, mom was on the couch now with dad next to her.
"Where's Emmett I asked?"
"With Alice, they are discharging her in an hour she'll come before they head home with Camille."
I nodded.
I sat down next to Bella again and took her hand. She was still pale but not like too days ago, although she was still cold but that was probably because of the cold room. I stood up and turned up the heater, remembering how she hated the cold and place an extra blanket on her.
"Green…" I heard Bella mumble and immediately returned to my place.
"Bella? Can you hear me pretty girl?" I took her hand.
"Hot." She said and I chuckled, god only knows what she is dreaming about.
I kiss her forehead.
"Vanilla… Edward."
"What's she talking about?" Dad asked curiously.
"I think… she is dreaming about when we first met." I said with tears in my eyes. I had dropped her hot beverage on her and I replaced it "Medium French Vanilla one sugar, extra hot." I repeated quietly to myself.
"Humor me?" I said spreading my hand in the direction of the coffee shop.
"You don't give up, right?" She raised an eyebrow playfully, her eyes dancing with amusement.
"Nope." I said, popping the p.
"Ok. Medium French Vanilla Cappuccino. One sugar, extra hot." She nodded with a smile.
"I'm Edward." I stretched my hand out to her.
"Bella."
"Are you Italian?"
"Has the doctor said anything about the baby?" Dad asked then, bringing me to the present.
"Lee will do an ultrasound as soon as she wakes up, I talked to him before I got into the shower. He said as long as we had a heartbeat there's no reason for the baby not to be healthy."
"That's good news, right?" Mom asked.
"Yes, I guess."
There was knock on the door and Claire walked in.
"Mr. Cullen, there's someone looking for you downstairs."
"Who?"
"She didn't say her name, she just asked me to tell you she'll be in the cafeteria but that it was urgent."
"How is she?"
"Blonde, tall, pretty, early thirties." She listed and I turned warily at dad.
"Tanya's dead, it was on the papers today." He assured me.
"Ok, if she wakes up come and find me immediately." I told them.
I walked out of the room and headed to the elevators I pressed the button to the first floor and walked out as soon as the doors slide open again. I heard the noise coming from the cafeteria, the murmurs and quiet voices. Once I walked into the cafeteria I scanned the room filled with doctors, nurses and people who were probably here with a patient, until I spot her.
Irina.
Reluctantly I walked towards her, she was wearing big sun glasses and her blonde hair fell long and slick around her shoulders. I stopped in front of her not taking a seat.
"What are you doing here?"
She pushed up her glasses she looked like she could use a good night's sleep. There were dark circles under her puffy eyes and she looked tired and void of any emotion.
"Please take a seat."
"If you want my condolences you are wasting your time." I said crossing my arms over my chest.
"I guessed that much and I don't blame you, but I'm not here for that… I need to give… or show you something. Please sit down."
"What is it?" I asked sitting down reluctantly.
She looked into her purse and produced an USB key and handed it to me.
"What is it?" I asked not taking it so she placed it in the middle of the table.
"Yesterday, the police gave us Tanya's belongings that they found in her car when she abandoned it… this was on her key chain. I got curious so I looked into it, it had a password but it was easy to figure it out. The password is Andy."
My curiosity kicked in.
"What's inside of it?"
She looked uncomfortable.
…
…
"Pictures… of you and her that night and-"
"Oh, for the love of! Why would I want this Irina?!"
"Listen! There's also a video!"
I stood up.
"This is sick! Burn it! I don't want to see it!"
"No Edward! Listen!"
"What are you doing, huh? Why are you tormenting me with this?"
"It's not what you think!"
"Then what is it?!"
"You never cheated!"
…
…
…
"What?" I asked stupidly.
"Nothing happened that night."
"Wha… huh?"
"The photos… they are fake."
Yeah, I wanted to give Breaking Dawn pt 2 a run of their money with this ending ;) for the ones who have seen it will know what I'm talking about!
One chapter left then an Epilogue!
See you soon! PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK?!
Saludos!
tpec