Hi. Thanks so much for the great comments/reviews. Here's the next chapter (I especially think you angst fans might like it).
CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT
JOHN PAUL
Shit! How had things gone from such bliss to this fucked up mess so quickly? One minute we were sitting together, warming up after our dinner by the camp-fire and the next, he's received another call and I'd jumped to the wrong conclusions, letting all the thoughts and fears I'd held in check throughout our time away, burst out. I'd opened my mouth and the biggest load of shit had come out and hadn't stopped spewing forth until Craig grabbed his coat and left, not even taking the time to put it on as he rushed out of the door.
What possessed me to say those things? It's not even like I'd been thinking them. I mean, I know he hasn't cheated and he was being so open and honest and sincere when he was telling me that nothing at all had happened with anyone and I'd believed him, I had no reason not to but I just couldn't stop myself. I had all these thoughts and images of Craig all lovely and tactile like he is, at a party, with no one watching out for him and all I could think was what if someone else flirted with him...kissed him. It was stupid and I'm an arse and everything Craig had said made sense but still I'd carried on, the unwarranted thoughts spilling from my lips.
I'd given chase, of course I had and I'd tried to explain but then that little niggling jealousy that Craig was out with someone other than me on a Friday night, a new male friend to boot...well, it'd hurt and now the accusations and recriminations are flying between us so fast, I don't even know what I'm saying any more.
"No! God no! Not you, you aren't...I don't..." I try to formulate the words in my head to explain that I don't for a second think Craig fancies him or anything but that the way this guy has suddenly come into Craig's life, is spending time with him, might not be so innocent. This James bloke might not see it as friendship, especially as Craig told me, very proudly indeed not three nights ago, that he'd told James all about me. "I know it's not like that for you but what if he...?" I plead with him to see what I see but then his next words still me, cutting through my heart like glass.
"What? You think because he's my mate he's going to declare his love for me and then spend the next few months pining for me until I give in?" He blurts the words out, looking shocked as soon as he's said them. I shouldn't let them bother me, I know they're said in anger and he doesn't mean them but I can't help it, the hurt they were meant to inflict working, bile rising up inside of me.
His words don't just slice through me, they cut a huge, jagged hole right though my body making me tremble, ripping through my heart leaving me open, wounded. I want to run away but my feet feel like they're being held in place by weighty blocks of ice, punishing me for all my accusations by making me face Craig. I duck my head as I feel hot tears slide down my cheeks, leaving cold trails as soon as they hit my skin but I don't dash them away because I don't want Craig to see how much his words have hurt me.
Suddenly, it's like I'm free to move and I don't hang around for the humiliation, I just leg it past Craig towards the cabin as fast as my feet will carry me. It's not far, a hundred yards or so and as I near the door, I see a sliver of light appear. I hear a squeak of surprise behind me and look over my shoulder to see Craig skid and slip on his backside. I think I hesitate for maybe a second, just long enough to see he's alright before powering on, ignoring him as he calls my name, barging past Mikael with hardly a word as he exits our cabin.
"Sorry!"
As soon as I get inside, I throw my coat to the floor and kick off my boots, all the energy I had disappearing as I find myself walking through the cabin into the lounge area, the heat from the fire doing nothing to dissipate the cold, hard spears of pain and fear stabbing at my chest. Squeezing my eyes shut, trying to block everything out, I hear the door close and I find myself biting back another sob as it wracks my body, clenching my fists on the settee to stop myself from turning around and reaching for him. Then I hear the soft pad of Craig's feet on the thick carpet as he comes to stand somewhere behind me.
"John Paul, I didn't mean it..." I can almost feel him reaching out to me as he starts to apologise but I cut him off, my body tensing.
"Save it Craig!" I say testily, my voice harsh and strained though I'm not sure who it is I'm most angry with any more, myself or him.
"No! Alright, no I won't." I can hear the emotion in his voice, can tell he's frustrated and upset and yeah, angry, just like me though I'm pretty sure that his is aimed at me, despite him as good as saying that he's only with me because I declared my love for him and then fucking stalked him until I turned him gay. He takes a calming breath, expelling the sigh before speaking again. "Look, I shouldn't have said what I did, I was angry and it was bullshit but...for fuck sake John Paul, give me some credit." I turn on him, incredulous.
"You don't get it do you? All those calls Craig, what am I supposed to think eh?"
"Well I..."
"And you lied" he looks sheepish now, his hand massaging the back of his neck when he realises he's busted. "I know that call wasn't your mum" I tell him quietly, "was it James?" I hold my breath, the nerves in my body spiking so they feel like tiny needles pricking my skin. Craig bows his head, just once, then lifts his beautiful brown eyes to mine, his gaze unwavering.
"I don't fancy James," he starts, his eyes imploring me to believe him, which I do, "and he doesn't fancy me, he's straight..."
"So were you!" The accusation flies from my mouth before I think about it, before I can stop it. I expect him to say something logical about gay and straight blokes being able to be friends without them fancying each other or him be angry or shout back at me, especially after he just admitted that what he said wasn't true but he doesn't and in many ways, that just makes it seem worse. Dropping my head, I close my eyes, willing the tears away, unable to look at him.
"Touche" he replies dryly, taking another deep breath, almost like he's resigned himself and is giving up the fight. Just the thought of that makes me dizzy with dread, my heart beating rapidly in my chest to the point I think I might be physically sick but still I daren't look at him because I'm not sure I can handle what I might see in those dark chocolate eyes. I want to plead with him to not give up on us, that I'm sorry and I was stupid and that I only said those things because I love him so much but I don't give myself chance.
CRAIG
"John Paul, I didn't mean it..."
"Save it Craig!" he barks out, his whole demeanour oozing hostility.
"No! Alright, no I won't. Look, I shouldn't have said what I did, I was angry but...for fuck sake John Paul, give me some credit" his hands go to his hips, his back stiffening as he listens. "I don't fancy James, he doesn't fancy me, he's straight..."
"So were you!" he throws back accusingly.
"Touche". I heave a breath in, composing myself as I figure out exactly what to say next.
I start to reach out to touch him, apologise and make amends... tell him everything if it makes things right between us but before I get chance to make that connection, he turns, moving faster than I've ever known him to, pinning me against the couch. I can feel his harsh breaths as they skim damply against my neck, can feel my cock growing painfully hard within the confines of my pants as he rocks against me, pressing my stomach and legs against the soft, suede upholstery. Spearing his fingers through my hair, he pushes my head down until I'm bent at an angle over the arm of the settee, the backs of my thighs and arse flush against his body. I can tell how angry he is because he remains silent the whole time, the fingers that are holding me in place trembling with emotion.
"John Paul, just listen okay?"
"Shut up Craig!" he growls, bending close to my ear. A shiver racks my body, the unconcealed lust in his voice turning me on beyond reason.
His hands start attacking my clothing, roughly shoving up my sweater, pulling at the water-proof trousers and plucking at the braces clipped to the waistband until he feels them give way. He tugs at them impatiently until he has them down, his fingers then going straight to the front of the combat pants I've got on underneath, nimbly working at the fastenings there until he's able to yank those past my knees too.
"John P...?"
His hand comes up, quick as a flash to cup my face, his fingertips digging into my cheek slightly as he turns it just far enough for his lips to capture mine, effectively silencing me. He presses up hard against me until I can feel his thighs, still covered in the waterproof trousers, against the backs of my legs. He thrusts his hips hard, rocking against me, leaning the weigh of his upper body against my back until I'm bent even farther over the edge of the piece of furniture. I whimper pathetically into his mouth as my rib-cage digs into my fingers, which are curled around the edge of the seating. I wriggle up against the sofa as my arse becomes exposed, a murmur of satisfaction escaping me as he slips his other hand inside my boxers and skims them down. He captures the moan I elicit when he begins squeezing my cheeks, what feels like the middle digit of his hand tracing over my hole.
Oh God, he wouldn't...?
He wrenches his mouth from mine, the hand in my hair stroking through the strands, tugging not too gently before dragging down to my nape where he asserts a little pressure again, stopping me from turning my head to look at him. Fuck, have I hurt him that badly that he can't even bear to look at me? I'm drawn from my thoughts by the wet sucking and popping sounds he makes as he lubes up his finger with saliva.
My heart starts to race and I close my eyes as I feel his fingertip circle the tight opening between my cheeks, my whole body quivering with both apprehension and excitement as I await his assault. Clasping my hands together, I rest my forehead on them, effectively bracing myself against the cushion of the settee with my elbows.
Without any other warning or preamble, I feel his finger enter me, sliding in right up to his knuckle with no hesitation at all. Gasping aloud, I push back against him instinctively, pivoting my hips to take him in deeper, groaning loudly against my fingers as his enters all the way to the hilt. Still he says nothing to break the silence, the only sound in the room besides the crackling from the fire being his heavy breaths, my laboured breathing and the wet, salacious sounds coming from behind me. In no time at all, he removes that one finger, the anticipation inside of me growing when I hear the same soft, sucking noises coming from him again, seconds before I feel two fingers, this time entering me more slowly. Sighing and then gasping at the intrusion, I try to relax my internal muscles, the smarting in my arse giving way to something more pleasurable as I become more accustomed to having his fingers inside me.
Three months...three fucking months! God I've missed this, I just hadn't realised how much until this moment. I mean, I'd missed him...John Paul and I'd been practically vibrating with the desire to fuck him ever since coming face to face with him in the arrivals lounge but I hadn't realised just how much I wanted to have him back inside me until now.
Reaching behind me, I aim to grasp hold of John Paul's cock, arching back against him in irritation as he bats my hand away. Undeterred, I try again, this time managing to evade his hand as I wrap my fingers around him, keeping a tight hold of his rock, hard length. Spreading my thighs farther apart, I position him against my entrance, relief pouring through me when I feel the wetness against the backs of my fingers, indicating just how turned on he is. Using the precum at the tip of his cock as a natural lubricant, I start to push back onto him, biting my lip until I taste blood as I feel the thick head of his prick begin to stretch me open. Fuck it hurts but I push through it, squeezing my eyes shut, accepting the sting and burn that comes with being filled.
"No Craig, you aren't ready yet" he hisses, his voice hoarse from either the shouting earlier or from desire, I can't tell which. He doesn't pull away or resist but instead keeps himself rigid as I continue to impale myself slowly onto him. I blink away the tears that form in my eyes, feel my whole body physically shaking with my desire to have him take me...hard.
"Fuck it!" I say angrily. "Just fuck me John Paul, please!" I say impatiently when I get to that point that I need some sign from him that he wants to be inside me. As much as I want to, I really don't think I've got the courage to keep driving myself onto him if it's not what he wants. I'm just about to swallow my pride and leave him the hell alone, when he starts to move, his hips thrusting slowly at first as he adjusts to being inside me, building momentum in no time at all.
I can barely breathe, let alone utter words of encouragement, so I show my enthusiasm by meeting him thrust for thrust, rocking back hard against him as he rams into me, the impetus building up as he fucks me. Holy shit! He practically knocks the breath right out of me as he plunges deep inside me, the strength of his thrusts unrelenting.
His cock suddenly glides over the surface of my prostate, the tiny bundle of nerves causing delicious little, spine tingling needles of excitement and pleasure to ripple through my body.
"Do that...again" I plead breathlessly, lifting my head to look at him over my shoulder. He has one hand on his hip and is brows are furrowed in concentration, his eyelids closed over the sensual blue I'm used to seeing there. Aside from grip my shoulder harder with his one free hand, he does absolutely nothing to acknowledge my request, save for glancing back over the soft knot of tissue time and again, the smooth friction of his cock as it passes across the surface making me see stars behind my eyelids and leaving my whole body quaking. In no time at all, I feel my toes curling inside the heavy boots I still have on, that familiar glow and intense tingling sensation spreading through me from the tips of my toes right up to the hair on my head.
"No dammit, you come with me Craig, understand?, you come with me!" John Paul suddenly demands through gritted teeth, changing the angle his cock pounds into me so it doesn't touch the hyper sensitive nerves inside me. A couple more thrusts and that's it, my orgasm rocks through my body, making me cry out, hot ropes of milky white cum spurting from the tip of my cock onto the cream coloured throw covering the couch. I'm still shaking from the intensity of it, my inner muscles continuing to contract around John Paul until he follows suit, a guttural growl of satisfaction falling from his lips as he wraps his arm around my stomach, emptying his load inside me.
We stay like that for quite some time and I take comfort in the fact that he stays with me, resting the upper weight of his body on my back, the sofa taking mine beneath me as our breathing begins to regulate back to normal. He trembles against me and I can feel the heated wisps of his breath as it caresses over the sweat slicked skin at the nape of my neck. Eventually, he pulls away causing me to shiver at the loss of contact from him, the soft pad of his feet behind me on the carpet telling me he's taken a couple of steps away from me. Glancing over my shoulder, I see he has his back to me and is adjusting his clothing so I do the same, hastily pulling up my combats but taking the water-proofs completely off.
I hate it, I hate this feeling of helplessness that's descended between us. It makes me feel stupid and useless and above all else, apprehensive as hell. The feelings of exhilaration and then rapture I'd felt just minutes earlier when he was driving himself into me and after, when that intense orgasm pulsed through me, soon evaporate, a sinking feeling of dread replacing it.
We might have come together, joined as one with our bodies for a spell but after the argument outside and John Paul's obvious reluctance to face me now, it's clear we still have issues to contend with. Serious issues.
Thanks so much for reading, all feedback is appreciated.