CHAPTER 35: Breakable
Once back in the Ravenclaw girl's 7th year room, in her tipsy stupor, Kellyn insisted they enlarge the bed and have a "sleepover," all the girls piling onto the mattress and falling asleep, tangled together. Kellyn woke up Saturday morning, pleasantly surprised she did not have a hangover. Indeed, Shaylee had pulled a "mommy" and insured that Kellyn was drinking enough water to make her have to leave her party to take a piss at least once per hour. Also, Shaylee was the first to wake up the next morning, insisting that they had to see the Slytherin versus Hufflepuff game.
"It is not for another three hours!" they protested. Shaylee found this minor detail unimportant. Kellyn realized that Sam had stayed up with her until the last guest left, which was around three o'clock in the morning, sacrificing sleep the night before a Quidditch game.
"He stayed up for me!" she cried with a mouthful of oatmeal once Shaylee finally dragged them out of bed for breakfast.
"That's not a very good example to set as a captain," Shaylee admonished, obviously missing the point. Jay-Jay was the only one who seemed to get the point, but only raised her eyebrows as a reaction.
On the way from breakfast, a quiet scene was being played out in one of the hallways. Sam and Katima talked in hushed tones, Katima obviously upset and Sam looking alternately guilty and peeved. Kellyn slowed her pace, wanting to see what was going on, but not wanting to make a big deal out of it. Fortunately, Shaylee stopped dead in her tracks to gawk, allowing Kellyn a proper view.
She could imagine what they were saying although she could not make out the words. Katima was begging Sam to take her back, her big doe eyes tearing up, while Sam attempted to explain his decision to end things with her. She glanced at the ceiling confused and at last, wrapped her arms around him, unwilling to let go. Sam froze awkwardly, fighting the urge to hug her back (after all, they had history together). He settled with awkwardly patting her back for a moment before gently prying her off him. He wiped her tears off her face and issued a final declaration of independence that she could not possibly argue with. Sam turned away and walked to the Great Hall with his hands in his pockets.
"Wow," breathed Shaylee, mesmerized by the scene. Kellyn stole a glance at Katima, feeling sorry for her as she walked, arms crossed, back toward the Slytherin common room. Her head was bowed in defeat, her blonde hair falling in her eyes. Her footsteps echoed slightly down the corridor, without her usual posse and now, without a boyfriend in tow. She would bounce back, that was a certainty, but for now, the Slytherin goddess would be reduced to mere mortal standing as she pined for her lost toy with Chocolate Frogs and a jar of Nutella. Stella guided them away, saying that it was not in their place to pry.
"This coming from a future journalist!" protested Shaylee. Stella rolled her eyes.
"Some things are not meant to be printed," she said simply. "Oh, I do hope they have raspberry scones. Did you know that Scarlet Wingdoms solely eat raspberries, giving them their red color? They are quite interesting birds, although unfortunately bright colored and easily visible to their predators. That is why they are quite nearly extinct, but my mum showed me a picture of one and I am quite nearly sure I saw one yesterday…"
The match between Slytherin versus Hufflepuff was interesting to say the least. While the Hufflepuff Chasers were quite skilled and moved well together, they were no match for Sam's Seeking skills. Kellyn passed by Shelby and could not help but deliver the good news.
"Well, Sam ended things with Katima, so we don't have to worry about having our names screeched in the hallways anymore."
"That's a relief. Although I can't help but feel like a home-wrecker, even if Sam is the last person I could ever picture myself with. I know he's your friend, but he is quite possibly the cockiest bastard I've ever met."
"It is an easy conclusion to come to," Kellyn acquiesced. "But he has his good moments."
"I don't know, but if he thinks he can buy me with a velociraptor coloring book and crayons, he is sorely mistaken." Kellyn nodded. "I expect dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, gummy snacks, and bubble wrap by next Friday otherwise there will be hell to pay." Shelby took a deep breath. "You catch my drift?"
"It is caught and duly noted."
"I am glad we have an understanding. You wouldn't mind passing that message on?" Kellyn felt as though she was not in a position to say no and smiled, nodding her head.
The game ended with a Slytherin victory and everyone gathered in the Slytherin common room to celebrate the victory.
"I didn't realize that you had a game today," said Kellyn to Sam. "Otherwise, I would have made you go to sleep long before you did last night." Sam gave a dramatic sigh.
"Oh, the things I do for you. Well, it was worth it," he said. "It is probably a good thing I got that cake. I have properly fattened you up."
"Thanks…?"
"In return for my natural-born godliness in the ways of throwing parties, I now plan on utilizing you as a pillow."
"I see how it is: you are using me for my body."
"Don't you know it?" he said, wrapping his arms around her. Kellyn rolled her eyes and socialized with the person sitting next to her. Things began to die down and Sam was fast asleep, pinning her to the couch.
"Not cool," she muttered to herself, although she felt quite warm inside.
"I am so excited for our Apparition lesson!" cried Rose as she skipped alongside Albus and Kellyn. "I have been reading all about it; it is actually quite interesting. In the library, there is this lovely old book entitled Transportation of Witches and Wizards, and I found it most helpful in answering a few of my questions about theory behind it all."
"How interesting, Rose," said Albus dryly. Rose, having known Albus all her life, caught the slight edge of sarcasm in his voice and wrinkled her nose in annoyance at her cousin.
"Fine, Albus, but when you splinch yourself, I will laugh."
"No you won't," he retorted quickly and matter-of-factly. Rose knew this was true and grumbled her reply. "Are you excited, Kellyn?" he asked, once again slipping in his sarcasm.
"About learning how to Apparate with a group of sixth years because I am lame and younger than everyone else in my year? I am so excited, I may just piss my pants."
"It won't be that bad," said Albus, with a shrug reminiscent of his father. "Only four lessons, each an hour long, for four Tuesdays and then the test. Besides, the professor will probably be some chirpy loon, so we will have plenty of things to joke about."
"Albus, you are amazing." His ears turned red. Kellyn noted this and refrained from suggesting that he had been around Uncle Ron a little too much.
Those old enough gathered in the Great Hall, buzzing with excitement and nerves. Kellyn's jaw dropped when she saw the professor in charge of teaching them Apparition. She was a lady with blonde hair, pushed back with a headband that would make Blair Waldorf proud, big blue eyes, and a permanent smile carved in her face. Her hands were clasped together in excitement and she appeared as though she was going to give a girlish swoon every time she recited "the three D's of Apparition."
"Now remember: firmly fix your mind on the destination. Focus your determination to occupy the visualized space. Let your yearning to enter it flood from your mind to every particle of your body."
"Don't you yearn to Apparate, Kellyn?" asked Albus dryly.
"Don't you know it?" Rose shushed them.
"Listen for the third D!"
"And now, turn on the spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation." Rose's hand shot up.
"Professor, which of the three D's is most important to take into consideration while Apparating?" asked Rose curiously.
"What a lovely question! Now, this is highly debatable, as there are many, many arguments to consider. The first of which is…" the class inwardly groaned as the woman pranced around the room, her hands fluttering everywhere with exuberance. Kellyn tilted her head and openly stared at the woman.
"She looks like a ballerina on crack." Albus choked on his own spit and Kellyn patted his back as he coughed. Rose gave them disapproving looks.
"She happens to know what she is talking about," whispered Rose through clenched teeth. "If you want to be successful, I suggest you listen." Albus let his head loll in boredom. Kellyn straightened up, knowing that Rose (who was muttering "destination, determination, deliberation" under her breath), was right. After hearing quite nearly every argument on the most important D, the perky woman shooed them away to work.
"Go, my little butterflies! Spread your metaphorical wings and let yourself explore a world now that the doors are open!" After several seconds of gawking at the metaphor, Kellyn considered her destination in mind: the hula-hoop a few feet in front of her.
Hula-hoops. She used to play with them in her front lawn. No, she shouldn't be focusing on the lawn, she should be focusing on the hula-hoop. Hula-hoop. It was striped like a candy cane and that reminded her of the grand forest where the Wood family cut down their Christmas tree from. No, not the forest. Hula-hoop. Hula-hoop. Hula-hoop.
Now, yearning to move. That would be convenient, indeed. But she was bored; she really did not feel like moving. She heard it was a rather uncomfortable experience. Pain was never an issue for her, but she was never a fan of uncomfortable situations. She needed to yearn to move; she yearned to yearn to move into nothingness, with deliberation.
Nothingness. What exactly was nothingness? What did it feel like? How would she know if she had made it into nothingness? Was she suppose to actually turn, or was it a metaphorical turn, just as they were metaphorical butterflies? It was all very confusing.
Kellyn opened her eyes (she hadn't realized she had closed them in the first place) and found many of the students with frustrated and looks on their faces. Rose looked as though she was about to pop a blood vessel, she was so concentrated. Albus was glancing at the scene also, though with a bored expression on his face. He looked at Kellyn, shrugged, and with a pop he disappeared.
"Albus…?" A moment later he popped into the hula-hoop.
"Oh how wonderful! On your first try!" cried the professor, fawning over the young Potter.
"I have had a bit of practice," he said modestly.
"Side-Along Apparition?" asked the woman, her eyes wide and questioning.
"Sure," said Albus with a broad grin.
"Still! Most excellent!" Rose looked at Albus in horror and disgust.
"You cheated!" she cried, once the professor was out of ear shot.
"I did not cheat!" he said. "I just might have had a little prior unsupervised practice…"
"You cheated!" Rose repeated.
"You are just jealous that I am better at something than you are."
"Not true!" she hissed.
"I think that someone has a little competitive streak," said Kellyn with a playful smile.
"It is no wonder that the Sorting Hat considered putting our little Rose in Slytherin."
"Albus… Snape… Potter," Rose growled. "You have gone too far." Albus shrugged.
"It's the truth, Rose, no need to be ashamed. I was considered to be in Hufflepuff."
"You are impossible!" she declared in a manner much like her mother and strutted off. "Hufflepuffs are a hell of a lot nicer than you are, anyway!" she added as an after-thought.
"I love my cousin dearly," said Albus with a whimsical smile.
"What's wrong with Stella?" Kellyn asked Jay-Jay the next morning, seeing the normally perky girl clad in all-black.
"What's the date?"
"November 18th."
"Oh," said Shaylee. "It's her Crappy Day."
"What?"
"She gets like this once a year. She wears black and refuses to talk, like she is mourning someone."
"Do you know why?"
"What we have pieced together over the years is that she saw someone die in a car accident when she was young. That's how she can see her pet thestrals."
"Herbert and William?"
"You remember their names?" asked Jay-Jay incredulously.
"Regardless," said Shaylee with a pointed glare, "we have to be good, supportive friends today because she needs it." Stella crept out of the bathroom with a void look on her face. She wordlessly slipped her book bag over her shoulder and fixed her hair in a no-fuss pony tail. Walking out the door of the common room to the Great Hall for breakfast, Kellyn caught her looking in the mirror. Some image haunted her, Kellyn could see that. Skipping after her friend, she held her hand the two walked to breakfast. Her eyes spoke her thanks and the two enjoyed toast side-by-side.
James sat down with them at breakfast, obviously trying to get Stella's attention, even though she was rather occupied with her own thoughts. James gave up and pouted throughout the rest of breakfast. Kellyn waited for Stella to finish her toast, dab the corner of her mouth with a napkin, and leave before explaining to James.
"It's her Crappy Day."
"Oh… it's the 18th, isn't it?"
"Yep. You know James, some good could come out of today. You could comfort her, show her your more serious side…"
"'Sirius' is my middle name." Kellyn groaned, burying her face in her hands.
"Would it kill you to make an effort?"
"Nothing is going to happen today," said James with a dejected sigh. "Trust me, I've already thought about this. She is not in an emotional state for anything. I would feel like I am taking advantage of her." He rested his chin on his hand, wrestling with his emotions. Kellyn mirrored his expression, rather stumped herself. The two sat there, sipping pumpkin juice until they dragged themselves to their morning classes.
Later that afternoon, Kellyn saw James and Stella walking down a corridor. James chatted easily to the silent girl, hands in his pockets. He looked up from the ground every once in awhile to make eye contact with her. Stella was always one to make awkward eye contact and met his gaze every time he happened to look up, causing him to run his fingers through his rumpled hair in embarrassment. Stella seemed unfazed, holding onto her book bag. James held onto a column and swung around, grabbing her bag and tossing it over his own shoulder without stopping what he was saying previously. Stella looked away for a moment, a small smile hidden in the corner of her mouth.
Kellyn tried to keep up with the couple without getting noticed, herself hiding behind bushes and brick walls.
"Hey prin—" Kellyn slapped a hand over Sam's mouth as he attempted to loudly greet her. He mumbled something under her hand and Kellyn interpreted it as, "Why are you hiding?" Kellyn simply pointed at the couple walking along, slowly slaloming around opposite sides of the columns, crossing paths for a moment. Their arms would brush against each other and Kellyn could see James' Adam's apple bob.
Leave it to James to carry on a conversation with a girl determined to be silent. He did not seem to run out of things to say and even occasionally sprinkled in words like, "You know?" as if he actually expected her to respond. When she didn't, he easily continued the conversation. His hands excitedly jumped around; he must have been telling a really funny story. Finally the punch line came out and he looked at Stella expectantly. Her response shocked both James and Kellyn, who was still hiding with Sam.
Stella burst out laughing. It was not a small giggle; it was loud and boisterous and bounced off the walls. She laughed heartily, clutching her stomach, until she was laughing so hard she was crying. Then, she took a deep breath and looked at James. James looked at her with a mixture of amusement, skepticism, and confusion. Suddenly her chin began to tremble and she looked down. She was no longer crying from laughter, she was crying from sadness. Her back shook and James closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her waist. Without hesitation, Stella buried herself in him, pressing her face against his chest and letting her hot tears drench his shirt. He stroked her back, whispering assurances in her ear.
For a moment, she stopped her tears long enough to look up at the young man who held her. James tucked her hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb. Kellyn knew that it took all of James' power to not close the distance between them and kiss her. Stella's eyes filled with tears again and she folded herself back around him.
Kellyn realized that she had been holding her breath, admiring the tragically beautiful scene that played out before her. Even Sam seemed to look at the two in awe, stroking his nonexistent beard. James suddenly looked over in their direction and Kellyn and Sam ducked down, hoping he didn't see their spying. When they slowly peered up again, James held her hand and they walked down toward the lake, Stella confessing something to him.
Kellyn looked at Sam and he gave a significant nod. They were never there. They never saw anything happen. Wordlessly, they stood up and walked in different directions.
Stella entered the Ravenclaw common room hours later as if nothing happened. She silently did her homework, changed into her pajamas, and turned off the light.
"Good night," she said.
"Good night," the girls chorused back without thought. Then after a moment, they all looked at each other. Jay-Jay distinctively mouthed out the words, "What the hell?" Kellyn twisted her hands together and shrugged.
The next day, James waited to see if anything would pass between him and Stella. She acknowledged his presence and seemed to give him what could possibly constitute as grateful smile from across the hall. That night, Kellyn sat with him as he nursed a glass of Firewhiskey on the rocks.
"I thought… I actually thought that something… I held her… dammit, I held her and she let me hold her and Merlin it felt right… I just thought… I thought…" he spoke in starts and stops, trying in vain to find the words to match his mottled emotions. Sitting alongside Sam in the Gryffindor common room, Kellyn put a pillow on her lap and let James lay on her. She hummed the lullaby that Ginny Weasley sang to her and her own children when they couldn't sleep until James' eyelids drooped and then finally closed. Kellyn sighed and looked at Sam.
"You have to talk to her," said Sam. "You have to talk to her because frankly, I don't know how much more he can take."
"Sam, I—"
"Kellyn, I wouldn't ask you to intervene unless I was really worried about him. Despite all the jokes and pranks, he's breakable."
"We're all breakable, Sam," Kellyn said, absentmindedly smoothing James' hair. "We're all breakable."
That Saturday, it rained and Drew refused to cancel Quidditch practice.
"A little water never hurt anyone," he said gruffly as they all complained in the locker room. "Although if any of you get sick…" he never ended up finishing the threat and it remained open-ended.
While everyone retreated to the hot showers after practice ended, Kellyn took off her heavy robes and began running around the pitch. She hadn't talked to Stella yet and she had no idea how she was going to bring it up. She loved James dearly and wanted him to be happy, but she was worried that she would end up pushing Stella into something that she didn't want or wasn't ready for. With these thoughts heavy in her mind, she forced herself to keep running, as if each step would purge the thoughts from her head.
"Kellyn, stop!" Kellyn ignored the voice, not sure if she had even heard it, and kept running. "Stop," she felt someone grab her arm. "You're freezing," said Drew. He was dripping wet, his curly hair dark and limp in his face. His green eyes studied her with worry. Kellyn couldn't even begin to ponder her sorry appearance if he was that wet.
"I'm fine."
"I have long learned that whenever you say that, you are usually far from fine," he said softly. The pitter-patter of the rain filled the silence between them.
"I have a lot on my mind right now. I have to do something and I don't know how or even if I should and…" Drew stood there, listening to her as she attempted to convey her feelings in the pouring rain. "…I'm freezing."
"I know," he said and Kellyn realized that his hand was still on her arm. Drew seemed to realize this to and dropped his hand. The two silently walked back to the castle.
"Kellyn, princess, why are you soaked? Come on, let's get you dried up," said Sam, who they crossed paths with in the hallway. "I'll take care of her Drew," said Sam, cordially slapping him on the shoulder. Drew gave him a dry, brisk gesture that said something along the lines of, "Be my guest."
"Now, what you need is a glass of hot chocolate and a slice of pie, yeah?" said Sam as he lead her toward the house elves entrance to the kitchen.
"Sure," she said, glancing over her shoulder. Drew was gone. She shivered and pushed herself against Sam. Kellyn realized that as long as she had friends, she could not be breakable for long, as they were always there to pick up the pieces.
A/N: To my friends, who are always there to pick up the pieces of me. I love you guys so much and I miss you!