Dreams and Dreamers
By WhiteInfinity21
Disclaimer: I don't own the Labyrinth.
Prompt: Steps
How to win Fair Maiden's heart by Sir Didymus:
1. After rescuing your Fair Maiden from peril or certain death, always make sure to be humble and gracious in the face of her gratitude.
(Sarah snarled, "you most certainly do not deserve a kiss you prat! You're the one who dropped me in the path of the rampaging dragon in the first place Jareth!")
2. When seeking to woo your Fair Maiden always start with small gestures and go at a pace comfortable for your Fair Maiden.
("Let's skip right past the wedding and go straight to the honeymoon Precious," Jareth purred. That earned him a slap.)
3. Offering tokens of affection to your fair Maiden shows her that you are thoughtful and kind. These are especially useful when trying to make up for a misdeed on your part.
("Smothering me in roses (literally) is NOT the proper way to apologize for your boorish behavior in front of my parents," Sarah snapped, plucking stray flower petals out of her hair and clothing, "honestly Jareth, propositioning me using mashed potatoes in front of Toby probably made him scarred for life. I certainly am.")
4. Be an attentive suitor but refrain from overwhelming your Fair maiden with your affections.
("No you may not go with me to my appointment with the gynecologist!" Sarah yelled, "there is something called privacy Jareth. Go look it up in the dictionary since you don't seem to know what it is.")
5. Before seeking the hand of you Fair Maiden, an honorable gentleman always seeks permission of her father first.
("My that's a nice shotgun you have," Jareth observed, warily eyeing the older man blocking the doorway.)
6. When proposing to your Fair Maiden be creative and romantic, do not kidnap her when she is sleeping and keep her secluded until she agrees. That is the way of the villain, not the chivalrous knight.
("Jareth, so help me God, either you let me out of here right now or I'll shove those crystal balls up where the sun don't shine!" Sarah screamed as she pounded on the barred heavy wooden door.
"But precious all I require is a simple yes to my very reasonable question," Jareth remarked.
"You and your 'question' can go to hell Glitterball!" Sarah shouted, "you have no power over me!")
7. If you have followed these directions diligently you and your Fair Maiden should be experiencing marital bliss. If this is not the case, you sir are a disreputable cad and have no business chasing after Fair Maidens.
("This really is in your best interests Precious," Jareth explained to the struggling, bound and gagged, female slung over his shoulder, "the goblins are threatening to revolt if you don't come back soon and it is past time I took a Queen. Besides, it won't be all that bad. Producing our heir certainly will be pleasureable.")
Best of luck in your endeavors,
Sir Diddymus, Esq.
(Later after being let loose by her friends Sarah got her revenge by force feeding Jareth a drugged peach, trapping him in a dream where he was being chased by hungry dragons that blew burning rose petals while having to wade through mountains of mashed potatoes. He woke up a week later with the mother of all hangovers suspended over the Bog of Eternal Stench.)
Another one-word prompt from the LJ group Labyfic where I completely disregarded the 100 word limit. I don't think my readers will mind.
Please remember to leave a contribution in the little box on your way out, they go to feed the plot bunnies. iGracias!