"Where is she?! Come on, I've been waiting months to see this kid!" Rey hears Finn's voice outside of command before the door is even open. Rose's voice is a quiet murmur as she replies, and Rey is already grinning when the door finally opens. "Rey!"
"Finn!" She holds up the baby as he runs to where she's seated, and he kneels to look at the baby and wrap his arms gently around his best friend. "Oh, I've missed you!"
"I've missed you! Oh my- let me look at her, let me see her!" He insists, pulling away from her to look at the little girl. "Hey Gemma- look at you! You're so pretty, like, your mom, but like ten thousand times prettier!" He teases, and Rey gently swats him on the back of the head.
"Don't be a dummy, Finn." Rose chuckles, and wraps an arm around Rey's shoulders. "I'm glad you're back with us. I was worried about you. But she's really gorgeous. Can I?"
"Of course." Rey hands her over, and Rose smiles at the baby girl.
"Hiya Gemma…" She coos, and Finn looks at her with mock hurt.
"What? She gets to hold her before me? Your best friend!"
"What? She asked!" Rey laughs, and embraces him again now that her hands are free. He holds her equally as tightly.
"How are you? He treat you alright?" Finn asks, still not letting her go.
"Finn, He's changed; I know that you've had to see him do some horrible things, but...He's never been that with me. And now, he's going to make it right." Rey says. She feels like she's had to explain this a thousand times in the last few days, but who would believe that Kylo Ren could be brought back into the light? Finn pulls back, and takes her hands in his, and she can't help but think of the first time they'd met, how she'd yelled at him to stop taking her hands.
"Rose told me, back before you actually left, she told me that she thought you loved him. I told her that she was crazy. Turns out she was actually brilliant, and I owe her an apology." Finn smirks.
"We heard that, didn't we Gemma?" Rose says, gently bouncing the baby. "Man, I haven't held a baby in years- She's so cute! Finn, hold her!" She almost demands, and Finn drops Rey's hand after giving a final squeeze, and makes his arms into an awkward but sturdy cradle. Rose lays the baby in his arms, and his smile grows. He rocks her awkwardly, and makes a quiet cooing noise.
"Hey there kid, I'm Uncle Finn. I'm the cool one, don't let Poe tell you otherwise." He says, and Gemma just blinks at him. "See, we understand each other, don't we Gemma?" She starts fussing, and the look on his face makes Rey laugh hysterically.
"It's okay, Finn, here, I'll take her." She says, and scoops her daughter up safely into her own arms. "She's just so excited, she's had a big day, met more people than she has in the whole first month of her life, you know." She rises from the chair, and starts pacing as the meeting begins. She tries to pay attention, but Gemma starts to cry harder still, and it's all she can focus on. "Shhh, shh, my love…Please…" She coos, an Eloriah comes and puts a hand on her shoulder.
"Here. It's been a while since you fed her last, I think. I mean, have you fed her since we've been off of the ship?" Eloriah asks as she hands her the jacket Poe had given her earlier as a form of cover. Rey's eyes grow wide, and she gasps.
"Oh, My poor Gemma, I'm so sorry! I remembered to change her, but I didn't even think... I'm a terrible mother!" She sits back in the chair furthest from the meeting, and gratefully takes the offered Jacket before she tugs down the top of her dress and the hungry baby latches on almost at once.
"You're not a terrible mother. It's been a busy day, Rey. You've both had everything turned upside down." Eloriah says, and Rey nods, but she still has guilty tears in the corners of her eyes. "Don't worry. She's going to be completely fine. You take good care of her." She squeezes her shoulder, and returns to the seat she'd had beside Poe, ready to tell everything she knew about the First Order, which was admittedly not much beyond medical protocol. Rey was glad she'd already told Leia everything she knew, because the exhaustion of the day was finally catching up to her. She could hardly pay attention to what was going on beyond nursing her daughter. She was beyond grateful when Leia took a moment to give her the key to her own room so she could go lay down.
But it's worse when she's alone.
She lays the baby on the cot, and lays down beside her, stuck by how empty she feels with the bond so cold. She had lived alone for so long, lived without Ben and the bond for so long, she had been so comfortable that way, content...or she'd thought she had been. But without him now, she wanted to cry for the loneliness. Once on Ahch-To, she and Luke had discussed Force Bonds, and he'd told her that they were quite rare, and he didn't know much about them, other than the fact that if one side of the bond died, the other generally died too. She could understand why now. She ached for him, physically, and mentally. Even to hear his voice would be enough, his beautiful, soothing deep voice. She pushes through memories, until she reaches one; one that she knows will bring her some comfort at the very least.
She doesn't wake up when the baby cries this time. She's too exhausted. What wakes her up is the change of weight in the mattress when he gets up to tend to her. She nestles down into the pillow and tries to sleep again, but she hears him start talking, and she's transfixed.
"Shh, Gemma, shh...don't wake your mother. She's had quite a week, bringing you here, and taking care of you." His voice is low, gravely with sleep. She opens an eye, and sees him start to pace back and forth with her in his strong arms, cradled against his bare chest, but the baby still fusses. She should get up to help him. She should tell him she's awake. But she doesn't move. "You were just fed, changed...what do you need? How does she calm you down? She talks to you, doesn't she? I guess I can try that. I'm sorry my voice doesn't sound as nice as hers does." She hears the smile in his voice. "You really are beautiful, aren't you. Before I saw your mother, I'd given up on there being beautiful things in the galaxy. But then, there she was. And here you are, proving me wrong, aren't you? Don't worry, I'm not upset about it. I don't think I could ever be upset with you...how could I? You're the best thing I've ever done...the only good thing that's ever existed because of me." The baby's cries have become less frequent and shrill, and she lets out a hiccup of sorts. "I don't know how to do this whole...family things. Being a father. But your mother doesn't know how to be a mother and she's just...she's amazing at it. I am trying. I will keep trying. There's nothing I wont do for you." The tears have returned to Rey's eyes full force as he settles Gemma back into her cradle, and gets back into the bed. She rolls over, and throws her arm over his chest, pulling his body close to hers. "Woah, hey, are you alright?" He gingerly puts his arms around her, knowing she's still quite tender from the birth just a week ago.
"I love you. I love you so much." She says, the tears still falling. "I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm really not...Goodness, Eloriah said that some emotional instability was expected, but I can't stop crying! But I love you, I really love you." she whispers into his neck. "And you love her, don't you?"
"Yes. I do." He admits quietly, pressing a kiss against her hair. She feels his long, elegant fingers tracing shapes on her back, and she gives a shuddering sigh and settles against him.
"You gave me a family." She says softly, kissing the place where she neck meets his shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you."
"Most women don't thank men who get them pregnant after they've slept together once." He teases, and she considers slapping him gently, but she settles for rolling her eyes, and shaking her head."I love Gemma very much, but a baby doesn't always make a family. You...you love us. You want us. We are a family, the three of us." She explains.
"Someday, it'll be easy for you to see how much I love you. How precious you are to me. How much you are wanted. Needed. Force, I need you Rey." He whispers into her hair, and she clings even tighter to him. "And I know that you didnt want me in Gemma's life, at first-""That isn't true. I always wanted you, I just thought-"
"No, I know, and you were right. You were right to think that. But I should be the one who is thanking you, Rey. You've given me everything that you are, you've given me the most precious gifts. Your heart. Your child-"
"Our child." She corrects. "I heard...I know…"
"I thought you were sleeping." he says, embarrassment in his voice.
"I know. And it means even more because I know you only said it for her."
Eventually she does fall asleep, playing the memory over and over in her mind like a holovid, clinging as desperately to the memory of his voice as she had clung to him as they'd fallen asleep that night.