Erik stared at the ceiling, his mind swimming in and out of thought as he struggled to stay awake in the earliest hours of the morning. I've killed any chance I might have had for a life with Christine, he thought. She will move on, I want her to be happy. Will I ever be happy without her?

Nicole moved against him again as she slept on his stomach; he smiled at how safe and content she seemed. She trusted him. Erik stroked her hair, interested to see that her hair was longer than that of most children her age. Truly, the girl was a marvel.

My daughter is exceptional. Nicole loves me, and I love her more than anything...but with partial custody I will not have her to myself every day. In time, I will be lonely again. Lonely for Nicole, and as always, I will be lonely for a mate. I will grow to be lonely for Christine.

Erik sighed and settled Nicole onto the bed beside him, and moved to plant his feet on the floor. He rested his elbows over his knees and blinked a few times in the dark. Frustrated and tired, he ran his hand over the scars on his face and then up, through his hair.

What the hell am I doing? Christine doesn't know what she wants from me and I don't know if I could give her what she needs. Even if we tried to make it work, could we be happy or would I just end up making her miserable?

Erik took a deep breath and stood to peer into a mirror mounted on the near bedroom wall. He stared into his own eery golden eyes and quietly said the words he already knew to be true. "I'll always be miserable and lonely if I can't learn to love a woman."

He walked to the balcony and stepped out to look over the view of the capitol city. His room was on a different side of the palace, and he was able to see a few different office buildings and community centers. The familiar skyline had had a calming effect on him in the past but it held no comfort now, not now when he knew he could very well face a life alone thanks to his own hurt pride and anger.

I came back to her because I was eager to find a wife once my abdication to Kumar took place. Christine agreed to help me, and in her I found a woman who could love me. I love her, but I can't have her when she remains in the past. Christine...Christine, move forward with me, join the family I've made with Nicole...

Erik hung his head and groaned as his mind replayed the scene he'd made with Christine in the gardens. He'd called her out on her behavior- running from him and ignoring his attempts at contact for months, her anger at being placed second behind the child, her bitterness about the way he'd ignored her feelings when she'd been a girl in Shalimar- but what of him?

I did push her to the side when Elita told me of her pregnancy. I did ignore her infatuation with me in Shalimar. I hurt her, terribly, even more so tonight. He sighed and looked further out over the city, to the horizon. I hope she hits me the next time I see her, God knows I deserve it!

He turned back into his bedroom and groaned, thumping his head repeatedly against the nearest pillar. Though he would have liked to crack his own skull, he was careful to keep quiet. It wouldn't be fair to wake his baby girl with the noise of his bludgeoning himself. Right, get a hold on yourself, idiot.

The man sat down on the corner of his bed, tired but refusing to sleep, unable to yell out his frustration.

Instead, Erik simply sat there, and watched his daughter sleep.

Fifteen minutes later found Erik in the same place he'd been, sitting on the corner of his bed, but he turned as a slice of light invaded the dark. Light was visible on the floor, coming in from under the door to his study, the very office where most of his decisions as king had been made.

The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he saw a shadow moving across the floor. Who would be in his study at this hour?

Erik felt an instinct of protection sweep over him. Was it an intruder? A thief?

His brow furrowed and silently he rose from the bed, ready to let some of his frustration out in any way he could. In a perverse way, he hoped for a bit of danger if only so that he might have something- someone- to attack. Erik moved to the doorway and watched as the shadow came closer and closer. Whoever was on the other side of the door was trying to remain as quiet as possible; were they searching for palace documents or just money?

No one is permitted into my office, this intruder has just signed his own death warrant!

Erik cracked his knuckles and whipped the door open, launching his arm through the doorway and banded his hand around a slim neck before he could even stop to recognize the pretty face staring back at him.

Surprised, Erik immediately released Christine. "What the-? Christine, what are you doing in here?"

Recovering from her shock, Christine launched out her own hand, slapping Erik across the face, hard enough that his head snapped back from the sting of it. "Are you crazy?" She demanded. "You were trying to strangle me! What the hell is the matter with you?!"

Erik shook his head, his face still stinging from her hand. "I was trying to catch a thief, how was I supposed to know you'd be sneaking around my study at three in the morning?" He growled.

For a long moment, they glared at each other.

Then, their cold stares dissolved into near hysterical laughter.

Erik lead her to a pair of wing chairs in the office, away from his bedroom, both of them still giggling from exhaustion and the absurdity of the situation. Erik brought his hands to his face, catching the tears of laughter and smiled at her. "So what brings you here at this hour, Christine?"

The girl took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Once Christine had calmed down, she recalled her earlier resolve in coming here. The whole thing seemed so heartbreakingly silly now. "I came for an apology, and to tell you that you're an arrogant jackass."

Erik raised his eyebrows. "You're such a charming young lady. After all I said in the garden, I can't blame you for saying so."

She glanced down at her hands, then back up to him. "You really think I left you because I was jealous of the baby? I didn't leave...I mean, maybe I did feel like you pushed me away, but I was also afraid that you were going to marry Elita. I do love you, Erik, but sometimes you really drive me crazy." She sighed and put her hands over her face.

Erik smiled, sadly. "I didn't mean to push you away, Christine. It was like a bomb fell in my lap when Elita told me, and I didn't know the right thing to do. Though I'm French, I didn't want to go against Shaliman customs, but...more than anything I didn't want to be like my own father." He admitted.

Christine reached forward to touch his hand. "You're nothing like him, Erik."

"Aren't I? Bhaskar enjoyed women, particularly models- my mother was a print model too, did I ever tell you that? He didn't marry the mother of his first child. Does that remind you of anyone?" Erik asked, his voice dry. He sighed. "I am not a complete copy of him, but I am like him in all the worst ways."

The girl across from him shook her head. "Stop, Erik. If you were like him you would have shut Elita and Nicole out of your life, if you were like Bhaskar then this country would have collapsed in on itself by now. You're a good man, Erik. And look on the bright side- soon you won't be the king any longer, you'll be free to go back to France and have the life you always wanted."

Christine had been hurt by Erik's words before, but she'd taken much time alone to look at things from his perspective. Perhaps they had both been far too selfish and had not taken the time to think things through- it was not surprising, considering that neither of them had been faced with such a situation before. Yes, Erik had been harsh in the gardens, and he had shut her out in Paris; but Erik was not a bad man. Occasionally selfish, demanding, unsure and frustrated, no doubt, but underneath it all there was a good heart.

She only had to see him with Nicole to know just how good he was inside.

Erik shrugged, furrowing his brow. "I don't know if what I wanted before is what I want now. Do you remember? Before, I had thought that a civil wife would be enough- a woman that would eventually come to care for me, maybe not as a man, but as a friend. I'd had no notion of love before we were together in Paris, and that ended much too quickly." His eyes rose to hold her gaze. "I would have asked you to stay with me, Christine. It doesn't matter now, but I want you to know that I would have asked you to marry me...I would have asked you to show me what it all meant."

She stared at him in the dim light of his study; this was not the Erik she had always known, so remote and guarded, this was Erik as he really was. Take away the trim suits, the masks of total control, rigid discipline and stern reserve, and all that was left was the man. This was Erik. Her cool eyes moved over him, greedily absorbing the sight of a king undone. Erik was dressed in his standard set for the night- black silk pants with a matching long-sleeved shirt. She still had not seen his body, and what little she had seen in those few days in Paris had faded from her memory.

His hair was mussed, his scarred face uncovered, his scarred hands naked, folded in his lap. Erik was no king, he was only a man.

Christine took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. "Erik, I don't know what you want from me. It's all wrong, we can't marry now. You have a life waiting for you in France and I have a life waiting for me in America. I can't leave everything and I would never ask you to-" Her voice caught, and she felt the salt sting in her eyes. "We're more different than I realized...we're too different."

Erik closed his eyes for a moment before looking at her. "I know. I just wanted you to know that I did love you. I still do. It's too little, too late now, though, isn't it?"

Christine rubbed at her eyes, hating that the tears would come now. Erik reached for her and she didn't resist as he pulled her to him. He held her, stroked her hair and back, trying not to notice her perfume or that she was as soft as he remembered. "Erik, I love you too. But I'm sorry, I can't leave everything behind and I'm...I'm afraid you'll hurt me again." She confessed quietly.

His voice was very thick. "I understand."

"I didn't mean to-"

"It's all right, Christine. I want you to live your life. More than anything, I want you to be happy. You know I would never leave Nicole, and it's not fair to ask you to leave your life behind for me. But thank you for letting me vent in the gardens." He added, hoping to make her smile.

Christine laughed and swatted Erik's arm, though her tears did not stop. "I'll yell at you next time. What are we doing, Erik?"

He took a deep, shuddering breath. There was a new resolve in his voice now. "We are doing what we se out to do, Christine."

"What?"

"Remember the original reason I invited you back to Shalimar?"

Christine thought back, and then it hit her. "Yes, I recall it now. We're...we're..."

"We're parting on peaceful terms, Christine."

Before Erik could stop himself, his lips found hers in the night.