A Universal Understanding

by SoullessQuill

No living person knew her name. Her life was a path of destruction, wreaked with death. She joined Captain Levi's Squad, it was her last chance at pursuing the only career that would allow her to tolerate existing. And although she vowed to stay alone in the cruel world she lived in, her and the Captain found an incredible friendship, and a universal understanding... [OC]

37. Chapter 37 - Keeping Up the Act

Chapter 37 – Keeping Up the Act

Hi peeeeooople! Oml this chapter is long. SHIT HAPPENS.

IT'S CRAZZZZZY.

Thank you for your lovely comments, and yes, Elias is probably insane. And a sociopath. A HIGH-FUNCTIONING SOCIOPATH.

MWAHAHAHA REFERENCESSSSSSSS.

Anyway, I'm gonna stick one of these out there:

*TRIGGER WARNING, SELF-HARM INJURIES ARE DESCRIBED - MILD MENTION OF THE ACT*

Triggering content will be in bold.

No way. This CANNOT be the same spoon! It just CAN'T. I always thought it was weird that my adopted parents were just randomly murdered, but it was my damn BROTHER? It was BECAUSE OF ME that this happened?!

My head whirled, all I wanted to do was hit this malevolent bastard. Hit him until HE becomes MY BLOODY SOUVENIR! I'LL PUT HIS DAMN HEAD ON A SPIKE!

But I have to keep up the act. OH, THE DAMN ACT.

'Why…?' Was all I trusted myself to say.

He came up behind me, looking over my shoulder as I stared down at the two spoons. 'They were campaigning for the scouting regiment to continue their expeditions, but of course, loads of people do that. So why them? Well, I watched you grow up Novalie. As soon as I got to the surface, I watched you from in the background. You never noticed me lurking in your life. But these people that brought you up… they were getting in the way. They blocked my path to you, and they brought you up a SCOUT! My poor sister, BRAINWASHED into joining these evil people. I was furious, and I must say…' His breath tickled my ear. '… That woman made for an excellent pin cushion for my knife.' I went to move my arm and strike but I had barely got the chance to flinch before I stopped myself.

He's testing me. Don't mess this up like last time. I strained and strained to let my face go slack, and turned slowly to face him. I dropped the spoons on the floor.

'Fair enough,' I shrugged hollowly. Then I turned my heel and walked out, shut myself in my room, and threw myself onto the bed, burying my face into a pillow to muffle my hysterical screaming.

I couldn't stop, I tried holding my breath, I tried breathing deeply, I tried EVERYTHING, but the sound continually came out from my lips, and I was scared to lift my head to breathe in case I made an audible sound. I heard Elias knock on my door about half an hour later, when my body had given up on me and I was staring at the wall, laying on my front.

'Sister? Are you OK?'

'Yes,' I called vacantly. The act Novalie, keep up the act. You do that now, the sooner you can tear this monster apart.

'May I come in?'

'Just a moment.' I stood up, brushed myself down, and sat at my desk, opening a book to make it seem like I was reading. 'OK, come in.'

He appeared through the door, looking me up and down and surveying my room.

'What happened back there?'

'I…' think fast think fast, what's a viable excuse?

'I was in shock I guess… I never realised I was being brainwashed for the vast majority of my childhood.'

'I know, but you have come to your senses now haven't you? All you needed was a little eye-opener from me.' He smiled warmly and put his hand on my shoulder. I nodded. HE BOUGHT IT. Thank god.

'Elias…' I began, trying to think of a way to earn me some points with him without sounding suspicious. 'I want to make you proud. I was just so excited the other night when we got our hostages and I am so sorry for defying you. What can I do to prove myself worthy of the LDSR?'

Was that convincing?

It better have been.

'Well Novalie, we are going to meet up so we can ALL meet the hostages tomorrow night. Then, after we have introduced our prisoners, you can do something for me. Something that will prove your utmost allegiance to us. Think you can do it?'

'Yes,' I blurted unthinkingly. What the hell was he going to make me do? Images of the worst possible scenarios flashed through my head.

What if he made me KILL one of them?

'Good.' He patted me on the back, hard, and left the room.

I am alone again, with the pain. And no light to guide me.

'Novalie? Are you PACKING?' I nodded silently. 'Where on earth are you going?'

'The cadets,' I replied bluntly.

I heard Jo gasp. 'What?!'

I continued to pack.

She put her tough, work-beaten hands onto my shoulders. 'Novalie! Look at me.'

Anger bubbled inside me. I wrenched myself out of her grasp. 'Get off me! I'm going TONIGHT! I'm going to become a scout like my parents!'

'A SCOUT? Listen to yourself, you will get yourself killed!'

'I thought you liked the scouts,' I sneered at her, glaring straight at her expression of disbelief.

'We do! But, you are only fourteen! The Scouting Regiment is no place for a fourteen-year-old girl… And after your parents…'

I ripped my rucksack away from her.

'Bye,' was all I said.

'No, Novalie, this is totally irrational! Let's talk about this, please. Come downstairs and me and your Father will talk with you.'

But this decision had been set in stone for years. I was going, no matter what. And these two weren't going to keep me in this hole all my life. I pushed past her towards my bedroom door. She ran past me, and out of sight down the stairs, and a few seconds later I heard the front door key being slid off of the bookshelf.

I scowled and marched over to my window. I quietly opened it, and Jo and Gideon began murmuring to each other down in the kitchen. Slipping out nimbly, I scaled the wall, dropping to the ground and crouching under the window.

'Please, Gideon, go and try to talk some sense into her.' Jo was sobbing between her words. 'She is the best thing that's ever happened to me, to us. She's my life Gid!'

'Shh, I know, I know,' Gideon soothed. 'She can be a nightmare but she will always be our little girl. Don't worry, she is just having one of her bad nights. She does this, doesn't she?'

'Y- you didn't see the look in her eyes Gideon…'

I rolled my eyes and slunk off down the street before breaking into a sprint.

I'm free.

They cared so much, despite me never giving them anything back. That is the last time I saw them alive. Over the two years it took for me to be enrolled into the Scouts, I had matured. I'd realised just what they meant to me. Despite now never speaking, I had decided to visit them.

They had been stabbed hundreds of times. In fierce passion, it seemed. The door had swung open upon me knocking. Stepping inside, I was about to utter the words, 'I'm sorry,' when I saw them sprawled across the kitchen floor and realised they were gone.

I gasped, opening my eyes wide in fear. Their lifeless faces were flashing through my head.

Wait, it was a dream.

My nightmares had been beginning to affect me again. Emotion was a part of me again now, and so my "face reading skills" had dwindled. I could no longer deduce what a twitch or an odd glance meant, I just had too much shit in my own head.

Wiping sweat from my brow, I looked around the room. it was dusk outside, and the silhouettes of bats danced in front of the murky sky outside my window. I stood slowly. The shadows cast around my room unnerved me, they reminded me of the basement. During the two times I had been down there, when subjected to pitch darkness, I was so overwhelmed with torment for the hostages that the darkness was nothing in comparison. And yet, both times I had panicked and ran.

Kick

Kick

Kick.

I shivered, trying to shove the thought out of my head. Don't think about that…

Kick

Kick

Ki- STOP! PLEASE STOP!

I hadn't realised I had been clutching my head. The floorboards bent out of shape and distorted. Someone was spinning me… Spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning…

What is that banging sound…?

'Sis! HEY! Open up!'

Someone is knocking on the door…

'NOVALIE!'

Someone is shaking me…

I opened an eye. Oh look, there is Elias' face…

Oh.

Oh no.

THAT'S ELIAS' FACE.

I was laying on the floor, the smell of burning filling my nostrils.

'Elias…?'

'Novalie, why, why did you do that?!'

'Do what?' I began to regain my full consciousness.

'Your arms! Look!' He yanked one of my arms up in front of my face. It was all burned, fleshy and red and dripping with blood.

'Wha…' It dawned on me then. Vague, fuzzy memories slowly took shape in my mind.

I had stuck my arms in a candle flame.

The pain kicked in. 'Ahhh!' I exclaimed, bolting into a sitting position.

'What the hell were you doing?!' Elias demanded.

'I… I don't know!' I said exasperatedly.

'Ugh, whatever, there are bandages on your desk, hurry up. We are going to Trinch.'

He strode out of the room, leaving me to run into the bathroom and press a damp cloth to my burns in desperation. It felt like I still had them under the flame. I can't remember what exactly possessed me to do it, but my head was whirling and the flame was dancing on its little stick, inviting me in. And then there is that part of me that says, go burn in hell, in my every waking moment.

LEVI

'Shh, listen,' Erwin suddenly hissed, silencing Four-Eyes in the middle of one of her rants. Voices… Many voices above us…

Is this the rest of them?

They began to chant, quiet at first, then louder.

'KANSTEN, KANSTEN, KANSTEN!'

No fucking way. I'm mishearing.

'Are they saying Kansten?' Erwin mused.

'So I'm not going mad,' I grumbled.

'SILENCE!'

This voice was much louder than the crowd.

'Welcome back, my soldiers!'

The crowd cheered. It was the same voice as that man who ordered Novalie to beat me.

'Hey, it's that man again,' Mike said.

Hanji chimed in, 'ohhh, remember Kamoku calling him brother? They are calling his name I think.'

'Yes, that would make sense,' Erwin agreed.

'And another cheer for Novalie!' The voice yelled with equal enthusiasm. The crowd cheered raucously again.

'Alright, so thanks to our elite team, we have four prisoners, and tonight, you lot get to meet them.'

Murmurs arose.

'Shush, now, it is cramped down there, so a few at a time. And no touching, they are mine and Novalie's property.'

PROPERTY?

'We are property?' Mike hissed.

'Apparently so… Well, at least they aren't going to hurt us,' Erwin sighed.

'For god's sake…' I muttered. Why did he have to make everything sound so POSITIVE? We are probably going to be killed when their new-toy effect wears off.

They came down in groups with their torches aflame, gaping like children at a curiosity show. They spat at us, jeered, yelled abuse. I growled at them, glaring in utter fury the entire time. Because of this, they seemed to hang around my cell the longest.

''Ere look at this one, 'e wants a fight!' A toothless, grubby delinquent leered. A woman came over, looking slightly better groomed, but still disgusting.

'Yeah, that's Captain Levi, innit?'

'Who?'

'Humanity's strongest soldier asshole!' The woman whacked the man about the face.

'OI! Stop it!'

'Hey, you two, we are soldiers, not brawlers. Know your place,' another member with a little more sophistication held them apart.

The others sat in their cell quietly, not responding to the idiots outside and not even acknowledging the carnage. I didn't understand why they would do that. Just sit there and give in? Let them know you are their victim? No thanks, I will fight until they kill me. I will NOT let them win.

Eventually, the last people came down. Novalie and her brother – he must be their leader. It was just the two of them now. He lit the torches on the walls, illuminating the area so I could see everyone's faces much better.

'Novalie, your time has come to prove yourself. Let me take you to the weapon area, so you can choose what to use…' He guided her past the others' cell and through a wooden door at the other end of the corridor.