Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while, this chapter took a lot longer to write than I thought it would. I didn't realise how hard it would be to write from Jace's perspective, particularly when he's in this kind of mood. It's easy enough to write amusing responses from him on the blog, but I had to dig much deeper for this and so this chapter took a lot of rewrites and general re-thinks.

So just to clarify, this entire chapter is his POV and we'll be switching back to Clary for the next one. I hope it's informative :P

Enjoy...

Disclaimer: I do not own TMI or its characters, plus I don't think I want to really eat Cornflakes now

Chapter 38: Trying not to think

Jace's POV

I saw it coming.

You know those times when you just have a feeling? It's like your stomach has collapsed in on itself, twisting and turning until you're past the point of nausea. You know something awful is about to happen, but you also know you're powerless to stop it.

That's the worst part; the helplessness. Knowing that no matter how badly you don't want it to be true, how badly you want to explain and how much you wish they'd change their mind, you just know that nothing will help. Because at the end of the day, there's nothing you can say. Nothing you can do.

And I can't imagine a worse feeling in the world.

So when I saw Clary standing in the corridor that day, silent and grim-faced, I knew. She hadn't called me all weekend and she hadn't turned up to the class I was just walking out of. I'd hoped beyond hope that something could have been done, but the truth was only too evident. I knew them too well: Her and Jonathan.

From the outside, you wouldn't think they had much in common at all. Jonathan, with his six feet and two inches of lean muscle and white-blonde hair, is one of the most formidable guys in the whole school, whereas tiny, redheaded Clary looks like her own backpack might be enough to break her.

But all it takes is one word from the both of them to know that undoubtedly, they are Morgensterns. They both have that fire within them, that fierce desire to protect those around them and that feeling is never stronger than when it involves the other. Though he acts aloof and indifferent most of the time, Jonathan would go to the ends of the earth for his little sister. I know this for a fact, because I've found myself on the wrong side of his wrath before.

Clary knew that Jonathan wasn't happy about the two of us dating, but I didn't tell her the whole story. I didn't tell her that for just one moment, my best friend had become my worst nightmare.

It was the first day back at school after the night we'd told him. Well, the night that I had – in some spider-induced shock – completely lost my mind and decided to just blurt out the fact that I'd been dating his younger sister. Anyway, I'd walked into registration that morning wondering how Jonathan would act towards me. We'd had to be civil with each other while we were at his house and my parents had picked me up on the way back from their trip, so this would be the first time that we'd be alone. Luckily, there'd still be a class full of witnesses so it's not like he could have murdered me, but I was just as apprehensive. The walk to the desk that we normally share was so nerve-wracking I might as well have been on death row, or a catwalk. They're both equally as repulsive.

My mind was whirling.

Should I sit next to him? Did he even want to sit next to me? Did I accidentally leave a pair of dirty boxer shorts in his room?

And more importantly, did he find them?

Suddenly more nervous about the prospect of him discovering my underwear, I almost turned around, but that was the point at which Mr Nightshade walked into the room, so I had little choice but to take my seat next to Jonathan. Neither of us said a word to begin with. We just sat there as our Form Tutor took the register and said 'Sir' in answer to our names in clipped tones.

Eventually, the tension became too much for me to bear so I decided to be the bigger man and speak up.

"Just get it over with," I rolled my eyes, shifting in my seat to face him. Sometimes if I pretend I'm not nervous, I can almost convince myself of it.

"Get what over with?" Jonathan said, not turning to look at me. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Your speech. The one where you threaten me in case I ever hurt your sister. Or are you just going to ignore the fact that any of this is going on?"

"I haven't got a speech."

"Really? I'd have assumed you would have had it memorised since she hit sixteen."

"I do have it memorised. I mean that I don't have a speech for you." His eyes flicked towards me at that, but I couldn't decipher the emotion behind them. That was off-putting enough. Jonathan and I have been akin to brothers since we were four and in that time, we've gotten to know each other almost better than we know ourselves. So not knowing what he was thinking in that moment was alien to me.

What did he mean by it?

Did he not have a speech for me because he'd never in a million years thought this was possible, or was there some other reason? Perhaps, did he think it was pointless to threaten me because he knew he'd never truly be able to carry out the punishment? At least, that was what I had hoped. But no.

"I don't have a speech for you," Jonathan continued, his dark gaze boring into me. He spoke slowly, carefully. "Because you already know."

And I did. Right then, I knew exactly what was going through his head. He didn't need to give me some elaborate talk or warn me about what would happen, because I was perfectly aware of what Jonathan was capable of. I knew how much Clary meant to him and I knew that if I ever made her feel anything less than perfect, I'd be as good as dead. The damage that Jonathan could do to someone like that slime-ball Smeliorn would pale in comparison to what he could do to me; if Clary had been with anyone else and things had gone badly, Jonathan would cause them a lot of physical pain. For me, he'd do the same but he'd also have the power to do a lot more. It's easy to heal after a beating but to risk losing your best friend? To have him shun you and turn everyone else that mattered against you? That would be infinitely worse.

So that was when I felt it – true fear.

I thought I'd already had my fill of it. When Clary's parents found out about us, I was mortified; though, that was partly due to the manner in which they found out. Then when her father spoke to me the next day, taking me aside in the dining room, I was even more terrified.

His talk was not unlike what you'd expect from most fathers addressing their one and only daughters' boyfriends for the first time, apart from a few odd twists. For example, I had to learn the Swiss anthem by heart and he took my phone number so he could call me at random to hear me recite it. I secretly suspect this was just so he could keep an eye – or ear, rather - on me at all times, but I rolled with it. Of course, this wasn't always convenient - especially if it was in the middle of Mr Mortmain's Physics class and I had to say it under my breath – but I knew that if I didn't comply, he would always assume the worst of me. Valentine Morgenstern is certainly a unique type of human being. Obviously, I decided it would be best not to tell Clary about it.

My point is, when it really came down to it, I realised that Jonathan could affect me more than anyone else. No matter how much Valentine scared me, Jonathan scared me more. He doesn't care about much, but when something does matter to him then you can be sure as hell that he'll take it seriously. And there's nothing he takes more seriously than protecting his little sister.

But at the time, there was something that I had failed to consider - Clary could be scarier than the two of them combined. She can't rely on her fists like Jonathan, or her authority like Valentine, but she will do whatever she can when it comes to standing up for what's important to her and in my case, she wields the most power of all.

So this is why I knew.

This is why I followed her without question when she turned away from me in the corridor that day and beckoned me into an empty classroom.

This is why I stayed silent when she told me the reality I'd been both expecting and dreading: we couldn't be together. It was clearly hard for her to say. Her hands were trembling and she couldn't even look me in the eye for long, but she didn't hesitate. She told me that as long as it was Jonathan's decision to stay away from me, she would abide by it too. If it meant we could never be together again, that was something she was prepared to face. She would stick by her brother. She would protect him.

And this is why I didn't say the words that could have changed it all.

Even though my heart was shattering into tiny little pieces, each one of them crying out a different name: Jonathan, Clary, Alec, Jordan, Sebastian, Clary, Clary, Clary… Even though it felt like my whole world was falling apart, I couldn't say it. I wouldn't say it.

I didn't tell her I loved her.

I didn't tell her that I couldn't imagine a life where I wouldn't be able to hold her, or make her laugh, or watch the way her green eyes lit up when I took her by surprise. I didn't tell her I'd miss the way she'd glare at me whenever I made fun of her height, or the times she'd come out with the strangest of things, then act as if we were the ones who had slipped up.

No, I didn't tell her any of this.

Instead, I just nodded and managed to choke out the words 'I'm sorry,' before walking out of the room and her life. She would have been devastated, of that I'm sure. She would have wondered how I could have been so cold, so accepting. She wanted me to fight. I could see the challenge in the way she looked at me. She wanted me to explain myself and tell her that things didn't have to be this way. But what she didn't realise, is that in those two words I told her all I needed to.

I was sorry. I regretted everything that I'd done to put us in this situation in the first place and I was sorry that now, I couldn't give her what she wanted.

I didn't tell her the truth, because she didn't need to hear it. She'd made the right decision. At the time it had upset me. When she'd followed Jonathan and turned her back on me, I felt betrayed. It was irrational of me, I know that now, but I couldn't understand how she could take his side over mine. He was the one being unreasonable. I said I would try to make amends, but he wasn't having any of it. He outright refused to even let me explain.

But then I realised it didn't matter.

It didn't matter who was in the wrong, because picking Jonathan was the only thing that was right. Whatever the situation, if it came down to her choosing between me and him, it would have to be him. I'd want it to be him. I could only ever dream of having the kind of relationship she had with her family and I'd never forgive myself if she lost it because of me.

So it had to end. It couldn't have been easy for her to decide to break up with me, so I wasn't going to make it any harder. She didn't need to know quite how much this would tear me apart, because it would only tear her apart too. I didn't want that for her. She needed to be there for Jonathan when I couldn't be, and for that she had to be whole.

However, though it was the obvious course of action for me, it didn't mean that it was any easier on my end. I did my best to avoid her, again trying to make things as simple as I could. In English Lit, I moved to a different table. Mr Aldertree was surprised at first, but since the one I'd picked was right at the front of the classroom – near his desk, no less – he didn't complain. He just assumed it was because I was becoming more serious about my studies towards the end of term. Besides, it's not like Clary and I had a great track record in his class, so from his side this was definitely an improvement.

Aside from that, staying away from her required less effort than I thought it would. I'd realised that I saw her so much around school because I wanted to. I would go out of my way to make sure I'd end up in the same corridors as her or take the scenic route so I would pass by her locker. Occasionally I'd subconsciously slip up and find myself outside one of her classrooms, but as the days passed, I managed to get past most of my habits.

If anything, that was the least of my problems. Since Clary was a year below me, it wasn't too difficult to keep away from her, but my bandmates were a whole different matter. The situation was also far less clear-cut when it came to them.

I could deal with Jonathan to an extent. At least with him, I knew exactly where I stood. Though we were in all the same classes, our teachers often separated us anyway since we had a reputation of being a little disruptive when we were together. As a result, the only time I had to move was for registration in the mornings. Only Music was a little painful, though that was for other obvious reasons.

With the rest of the guys, it wasn't quite as simple. Alec wasn't really speaking to me, but I could tell he was conflicted about it. Though he was still upset about what Magnus and I had done, he didn't hold grudges quite like Jonathan and didn't take the contest as personally either. On top of that, he's never been a fan of confrontation so though we hardly talked, he didn't make any conscious decisions to move away from me in the one class we were seated together.

Sebastian and Jordan were even more on the fence. They didn't want to take sides at all, but since the general consensus was that I was the one who had messed up, they'd only speak to me as long as Jonathan wasn't around. Everything else was up to me. To make things less awkward, I stopped turning up to Football practice and went elsewhere for lunchtimes. Going straight home after school took some getting used to, but generally, I managed to settle into a new routine. It was a lonely one and I was miserable for the most part, but it helped me get through the last couple of weeks without too much trouble.

And that's how now, at the end of the term, I find myself alone in my room. Ever since we started secondary school, the guys and I have had this tradition where on the last day of the winter term, we'd all go to Taki's for a mini-Christmas dinner of sorts. This would be the first time in the past seven years that I've missed it. To be honest, I'm not even sure if the rest of the guys are still going. Would it be the same with only four instead of the usual five? Maybe they won't even notice. Or at least, they'd pretend not to notice to make things better for Jonathan.

I flop back onto my bed and close my eyes.

It's times like this, when I'm truly on my own, when I can be myself. I can let the mask slip and just feel. It's painful, but it's better than having to act like nothing bothers me. Because that's the only way I get through things. Whenever I'm overwhelmed by something, I have to imagine that it doesn't exist or don some sort of persona, so that eventually I can convince myself that the problem was never there in the first place. Unfortunately, that's proving to be almost impossible this time.

How can I forget about the people I love, when everything reminds me of them?

I packed my guitar away almost immediately after the argument, but my plectrums are all over the house and sometimes I'll open a random drawer and I'll find one. And when I do, I think of Alec and Sebastian. I think of how we used to jam together and how no matter how hard they tried, they could never outplay me.

I try to avoid Italian food, because that just reminds me of Jordan. So does the dark.

And as for Jonathan, well, there's too much. My entire room holds his memories. Normally, I would have gone round to the Morgensterns whenever I wanted to hang out, but whenever Jonathan came over here, we usually used to hide up in my room and make epic blanket forts so we could pretend the rest of the world didn't exist. He was the brother I'd always wanted. My partner-in-crime. My best friend. The one person who seemed to understand me when no one else did. I didn't understand how hard it would be to lose him until he was gone. It's the small things that have hurt the most, like seeing something I know he'd laugh at, then remembering I can't tell him about it. He's always been a constant in my life and of those I have few. But like most things, I managed to ruin that too.

The only comfort I can take from this is knowing he's not alone. He's suffering, but not like I am. For one, he has Clary.

Clary.

I rub my temples, trying not to think of her, but it's futile. Every time I think of Jonathan, it always comes back to her. Every time I think of anything at all, it comes back to her.

Because ironically, she is the reason I'm here.

Clary, the girl I love. The girl I was so desperate to impress, that I resorted to assisting in the act that has landed me in this situation.

Clary is the reason I wanted to get into the contest so badly, that I suggested we should steal Ragnor's book. This is something she doesn't know, of course. In fact, no one knows, because I've never told anyone just quite how long Clarissa Morgenstern has been the most important name on the planet to me.

It wasn't always the case. Growing up, she really was just Jonathan's little sister. I used to enjoy picking on her just as much as he did, mainly because her reactions were always so hilarious. When she was angry, she'd turn so red that she'd almost camouflage against her mess of hair. On top of that, her height – and the lack of it – was a constant source of amusement for me. I'm not sure when I came up with the nickname 'Midge,' but we were definitely young enough that at one point, I had convinced myself it was her real name.

This all changed one summer. I was about fourteen and the hormones had begun to kick in, to the extent that I had developed my very first crush, and it was on Jonathan's mother, of all people. Almost overnight, I'd suddenly decided that she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. The fact that her cooking was so good probably played a large part in my fascination, but I remember being constantly captivated by her hair. I thought it was the most wonderful shade of red and I couldn't stop staring at it.

Until Clary came back, that is. She'd been to stay at her aunt Charlotte's for most of the summer so I hadn't seen her in almost a month. I used that as an excuse for the fact that I didn't even recognise her at first. The girl I'd known for almost my whole life wasn't there anymore. She'd come back as, well, not a woman exactly, but she was definitely more discernibly female than I remembered her.

This probably had a lot to do with the fact that I was far more aware of females now that I had been before, but it still came as a shock. Her hair was the same shade of red as her mother's, but it seemed so much more vibrant. She'd managed to tame it down into more regular curls than before and it flowed past her shoulders. But then she smiled and I knew I was a goner. I may have thought Jocelyn was the most beautiful woman in existence, but Clary had made me question everything I'd thought I'd known all over again.

I couldn't get used to it.

How could this be the same girl I used to steal colouring pencils from and chase around the playground?

How could this apparition be my Midge?

But of course, I was a complete idiot back then and decided to open with an insult.

"Don't move!" I'd yelled, holding my hands up. "Jon, get some water. Midge's head is on fire."

That had wiped the smile straight off her face and so began the rest of my single life. I fell back into my normal habits of pestering her, deciding it was the only way I could deal with my newly found crush. I figured that like I always did, if I pretended that nothing had changed between us, things would get back to normal. It helped that she was still as annoying as always, so it didn't take much for her to piss me off and then I'd be wondering what I ever saw in her. So just like that, I'd gotten by.

If anything, I began to despise her for the reaction she would bring about in me. I didn't like that one girl could have so much control over me. It didn't help that the older she got, the more aware I became of her but other girls had come along and eventually the stress of school and exams took over, so I didn't have the time to consider my love life in much detail. I just went with the flow and managed to keep my feelings at bay.

However, that all changed again at the start of this school year. Band practice was mainly what would lead me to see Clary over the years, but entering the Battle of the Bands contest was about to shake everything up. The band and I had discussed before that if we were going to have any shot at getting somewhere, we'd have to practice a lot more. Once every couple of weeks wasn't going to cut it anymore. We'd probably have to practice every day for us to get to the level that the other bands entering would doubtlessly be at.

It didn't take long for me to jump to the next conclusion. Band practice every day at the Morgensterns would mean getting to see Clary a whole lot more. At the time, that wasn't how I'd seen it. I still hadn't admitted to myself that I liked her, but irritating her had become one of my favourite pastimes. I'd already opted to take Year 12 English Lit for my free option, but seeing her after school as well didn't seem like such an awful prospect. So when Magnus told me that Ragnor Didn't Fall were popular and experienced, I knew I was in trouble in more ways than one. Obviously I cared about the band and I wanted us to win the contest, but dropping out at an early stage had other implications. We wouldn't be able to justify practicing every day to our parents if we weren't working towards something. At first, it wasn't too big a deal for me, so I'd let it slide. I'd spoken to Jordan, Alec and Sebastian briefly on the first day back about what Magnus had said, but they'd said they weren't happy with it so that was that. I wasn't fond of the idea of cheating anyway, so I didn't bother mentioning it to Jonathan because it didn't seem important at the time.

Unfortunately, I hadn't counted on how much my priorities would change in the matter of a few days. Having that time alone with Clary during class was all I needed to realise I wanted more of it, so when the night of the contest arrived, the stakes were suddenly much higher for me than before. It didn't help that she was annoyed at me for a rumour I absolutely had not purposely intended to spread about the two of us being together, but then I saw her with Simon and realised I needed to up my game. I realise now that it was stupid of me to think that there was ever anything going on between those two – looking back, he was clearly madly in love with Isabelle – but at the time I couldn't be sure. She was so open and natural with him and I wanted that. I wanted us to be able to hang out and talk without trying to rip the other's throat out. It was a particular sarcastic remark she'd made about the effect I had on her that had annoyed me the most. I didn't think it was fair that she could be so indifferent towards me, when she'd been a major player in my life for so long. After that, my instincts just took control. When I saw the reception Queen And Her Court were getting, I figured that not making it through to the next round was a very real possibility, and that was no longer something I could ignore. The rest is history.

So all along, all I'd been trying to do was to get closer to Clary.

Clearly, that plan backfired.

For those few months though, it definitely seemed like it was working. As time progressed, it was getting harder and harder for me to get her out of my head and so, after a while, I had to admit that this wasn't just about trying to rile her up anymore. No one's that invested in someone else's misery. I had to face up to the facts and I realised that I liked her. She was unlike anyone I'd ever met and I loved nothing more than being in her company. It helped that I was still very much attracted to her, but the time we spent together changed everything. And then by some miracle, it appeared that it was affecting her as well. After the whole episode with Smeliorn – no, I will not refer to him by any other name – I had almost believed she didn't feel the same way about me. I mean, how could she have been so casual about going out with him? She insisted it wasn't a date, but I don't think I could have gone out for a coffee with another girl without thinking about it twice. But we got past that and came out of it stronger. That week apart showed us both how much we wanted each other. How much we needed each other.

After that, I think we finally made the step to becoming friends. I didn't want to push for anything more in case I lost her again, but I still enjoyed seeing the reactions I could get out of her. Eventually, it became rather frustrating that she didn't seem to be getting any of my hints. You'd think holding a girl's hand multiple times would be enough to tell her that you were interested, but apparently not. If she hadn't kissed me that night in the storage room, it was only a matter of time before I'd have made it clear that I couldn't just be friends with her. I was content with her company, but I couldn't stand the thought of her being involved with someone else like that and the longer I left it, the more danger I was in of that happening. In the end, all of my worrying had amounted to nothing because it turned out that we'd both been idiots. And just like that, she was finally mine. After all those years of questioning myself and changing my mind, I had her.

Until now.

If I thought that week apart from her after the argument with Smeliorn had been bad, I don't know what I would have made of this. Having to stay away from her now, after everything we've been through, is torture. Back then, I just knew I liked her. Back then, she wasn't everything, so taking her away didn't rob me of my whole life. Now, however…

"Ugh!" I groan, throwing one of my pillows across the room. This is what normally happens. I lay down and wallow in my misery for a while, then if I don't manage to fall asleep part way through, I'll end up throwing things around. I'm very particular about where things are placed in my room, so if I make a mess, it won't be long before it annoys me enough to have to get up and tidy it back up again. By that point, I should have tired myself out enough to finally pass out. It's another one of the new routines I've learned to adopt.

I'm about to reach for another pillow when it starts to vibrate underneath my hand. My head snaps up.

A hope I know I shouldn't kindle begins to flare up, so I quash it immediately. No one has really phoned me in two weeks. My mother has a couple of times, normally to tell me to pick up something on the way back from school, but no one else. Even Valentine hasn't, so I'm guessing he must have found out what happened straight away.

It's probably just my father, telling me he's going to be home late from work.

I pull the phone out from under my pillow, prepared to reject the call. If it's Dad, then he'll just text me if I don't pick up.

I see the name Herondale and am about to press the off button, but then I look again and notice the first name.

Will.

Will's calling me!? I consider hanging up anyway, but he doesn't phone me often, so my curiosity gets the better of me.

"Jace?" He says from the other end of the line. He doesn't sound as chipper as he usually does.

"Will," I answer, leaning back against the headboard. "What's up?"

"What's up? That's seriously what you're going to ask me?"

"I just did, didn't I?" I roll my eyes. I'm really not in the mood for this right now. Will reminds me too much of myself and at the present, Jace Herondale and I aren't really on good terms with each other. He's been a complete arse and ruined my life. "Why don't you just tell me what this is about?"

"What, I can't just call up to check on how my little cousin is doing?"

"No, you can't."

"That hurts me, Jonathan."

"What do you want, William?" I sigh.

"My goodness, who peed in your Cornflakes this morning?"

"I did."

"Pleasant," Will quips. "So it's true then?"

"What?"

"That you got the band disqualified?"

"If you're here to gloat…"

"No, that's not why I called. Frankly, I'm offended you'd think so lowly of me."

"Then why did you call? To invite me to watch you at the final?" It's only just occurred to me that it's in a few days. I know I'm being unnecessarily rude, but I can't bring it in myself to care. I've managed to alienate everyone else around me as it is, what's one more person?

"No," Will says again, sounding exasperated. "I called to see how you were doing. Canard Cannibal isn't even playing at the final."

"You're not?" Now I sit up. "But you only lost by two votes, how could the other runner-up possibly have a higher proportion than you?"

"By losing by one vote, but anyway-"

"Did they seriously? That's rotten luck."

"No, they didn't!" I can almost imagine Will's eye roll. "You asked how it was possible so I told you, but any-"

"Wait, so they didn't get more votes than you?"

"Nope, but-"

"Then why aren't you in the final?"

"If you'd just listen to me for one second, I might be able to tell you!" Will shouts so suddenly I almost fall out of bed.

"Sorry," I mumble. "I've been out of practice with this whole communication thing."

"That bad?" His voice is much softer this time.

"Eh," I shrug. "So what were you saying?"

"Ah right, yeah. So anyway, we did get more votes than the other band. Some guy phoned me up and said that Mallard Massacre had dropped out of the competition, so he told us that we were next up for the final."

"So what happened?"

"I told him we didn't want it. At first, I thought it was probably some scam. I didn't believe you guys would ever drop out of the contest willingly, but even if you had done, I didn't want to win like that. We lost to you fair and square, so we wouldn't want to win just because you weren't competition anymore. My pride won't allow for that."

"Oh." I can't say I'm not surprised at this. I didn't realise Will cared so much about the way he won something, rather than the actual winning part. I suspect it probably has more to do with not being able to officially beat me in doing it.

"Yeah, but then when we saw that the line-up had been changed and that the other band was in the final, I realised it wasn't just a scam. It turns out that the guy who rang me was Ithuriel, Raziel's assistant. But then I couldn't understand why you would have dropped out so I phoned up Magnus."

"Magnus?"

"Well, I thought I'd get more information out of an observing party. You're not always the most helpful of people, Jace."

"So he told you what happened?" I ignore the last part.

"Yeah, he told me what happened with Ragnor Didn't Fall. I didn't believe him at first. I mean, cheating? Really, bro?"

"It was stupid. I know that now."

"I'm not here to lecture you," he insists. "As your elder, it's important that I set an example for you so you should know that I do disapprove, but I'm sure you've punished yourself enough already. I wasn't lying before, Jace. I really did just want to check up on you."

"And what's your verdict?" I say, my voice dry. It's true that I haven't spoken this much in over a fortnight.

"You sound miserable, Jace."

"Is that your professional opinion?"

"Yes, I can print you a certificate if you want to make it official. Diagnosis: miserable. Symptoms: acting like he's got a stick up his arse, bad hair – I'm assuming, and apparently, peeing in your own Cornflakes. Interesting, that one."

"That sounds bad, Doc." I smile a little, despite myself. Will studies Medicine at university, but it's something I've never taken seriously. Especially not for him.

"It is. Practically fatal."

"So what's your prescription?"

"Get yourself out of bed and go to Magnus' place."

"Okay, I think this is why you keep failing your exams, Will."

"I wasn't joking. You need to go to Magnus."

"And why's that?"

"Because the only way you're going to get yourselves out of this, is by fixing it. Locking yourself in your room and pitying yourself isn't going to help anyone. You got yourselves into this mess and you're going to have to get yourselves out. No one else is coming to help you this time."

"But what has that got to do with Magnus?"

"He has a plan." I can't help it. I can feel the faint stirrings of hope within me again.

And that's enough to get me out of bed so that an hour later, I'm standing in the pouring rain outside the residence of Magnus Bane.

The man himself opens the door and smiles when he sees me. He's wearing a sparkly red jacket, over a bright yellow and purple silk shirt, with green leather trousers. Okay.

"Jace! Well, this is unexpected."

"I had to get three different buses," I say in response, pushing past him into the warmth of the hallway. I take off my dripping coat and shake the water out of my hair, sending droplets splattering all over the place. Magnus winces when a few of the splashes hit him, but doesn't say a word otherwise. "This better be good."

"Ah. You've spoken to William?"

"Yes, he tells me you can help?"

"That would depend," Magnus says, moving to stand by the living room door. "What are your limits?"

"My limits for what?"

"To fix things. How far would you go?"

"As far as it takes," I answer without hesitation. Will was right. I can't keep hiding away from everyone. This isn't something that's going to just blow over. Jonathan and I will grow more and more distant, and then we'll both go off to university and that will be that. I don't have time on my side anymore. If I want things to happen, I'm going to have to make them happen myself.

"In that case," Magnus pushes the door open. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

Ooh.

I hope I haven't put you all off Cornflakes now.

But yes, now you've finally all gotten to see inside Jace's head. Obviously I couldn't tell you everything, because that'd be a whole fic's worth of stuff, but hopefully I answered some of your main questions. He's a bit angsty at the moment, hence why it wasn't as funny as Jace's POV normally is as you've seen from the blog. I have decided, however - since I liked this so much - I might add a couple of outtakes to this fic once it's finished, so if there's a certain chapter or event you'd like to see from Jace's POV (or anyone else's, I'm open to suggestions), let me know in a review and I'll pick my favourites and put them to a vote.

Anyway, thank you all for reading and even though it was a pretty depressing chapter, I hope you got something out of it. Things will pick up from now, I promise. Well, depending on who Jace is about to meet ;)

Till the next time...

smim xx