XXXVI

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Keeping the truth from Haruka was a dead-end street; Rin had realised that much the second the troupe hired to entertain the Yazakis when they arrived walked into the palace.

But telling him was going on would be harder than Rin had anticipated, he realised when he spent two minutes staring into expectant blue eyes and not a sound came out his mouth. He knew he had to, he didn't want to hide things from him– but a voice in the back of his mind kept reminding him that afternoon, before the Tachibanas' home burned and everything went to hell, where Haruka had gathered the courage to share with him his biggest insecurity when it came to their relationship.

"You don't want me to be your–"

Concubine, whore, toy...

No, Rin didn't want that. There was no way he would ever want to reduce their relationship to that.

But apparently the world didn't care about what he wanted.

"I bet you've already heard about the Yazakis," was what finally left Rin's lips.

Haruka only nodded, the glint in his look going from curious to suspicious.

"Who are they?"

Rin sighed, bit into his lower lip.

"One of the wealthiest families in the country. Also distant relatives, since my great-grandfather married a Yazaki." He found talking about it easier than expected; Haruka had only requested general information, empty facts Rin had learnt from genealogy books and stories Dame Ágata used to tell him when he was little. "They own the lands between the desert and the mountains."

Haruka nodded again.

"And..." he prompted.

"And their daughter, Aki, is currently coming here, invited by my mother to..." Rin swallowed; for a second he swore Haruka pursed his lips. "She's one of the candidates to marry me," he spluttered, quickly, as if the words would lose their meaning if they had a short life.

This time he didn't imagine the way Haruka's jaw tensed.

"I..." Haruka trailed off, shook his head and started again: "Guess. I guess– Alright."

Rin frowned. "Alright?"

"No." Haruka looked down. "But I shouldn't be surprised."

It didn't dawn on Rin until then that Haruka hadn't made any move to get closer to him yet. He stepped towards him on instinct, not sure if he wanted to reassure his lover or being soothed by his touch, but stopped before reaching out to brush his cheek.

"Look," he started, but it didn't make Haruka look at him, "you know I want to be with you, right?" Haruka didn't move. "I'll make up some excuse to reject Aki; then I'll try to... make people here change their mind about all that giving-the-country-a-heir crap, so... What's wrong?"

Haruka was shaking his head again.

"You're missing the point," he mumbled. He grabbed Rin's hands, though, squeezed them. The Sultan landed a kiss on his forehead.

"It'll work," he muttered, lips brushing black hair.

The worst part was knowing it was a lie the second the words escaped his lips. It wasn't just about Rin; it was something that concerned way too many people.

Yet he hid his face in Haruka's neck, let him kiss his hair as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"It has to."