"Helen? You in there?" Cade's voice stirred me from sleep and he swore quietly when he realised I had been asleep, trying to tiptoe away however I pushed myself upright and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
"It's alright Cade, you can come in if you want to."
"Sorry, I wouldn't have…I mean, I didn't know you were asleep." He apologised, standing there awkwardly for a moment before going and getting himself a drink. "Wanna talk?" I gave a weak attempt at a laugh but failed, crossing my legs as I sat upright and pulled back my hair to tie it off into a ponytail.
"I think I said all I needed. Damn it, I haven't been that much of a bitch in a long time. Is everyone okay? I went a little overboard with my meltdown back there." I asked and Cade gave a grin as he swigged at his beer before shaking his head.
"Probably long overdue by the looks of it and don't worry about the guys. They're a little shaken up but they've all been quiet. Been tiptoeing around here like little mice, it's actually a little funny. They're more scared of you as a tiny human than a big ass Decepticon." That did tickle me a little and I managed a smile. Cade tossed me a can so I snapped it open and started on my second beer. The both of us relaxed for a little, just drinking and listening to the radio.
"The last time I did this, I was in college." I suddenly thought, pursing my lips curiously.
"What's that?"
"Social drinking." I explained for him, seeing as he was not privy to my thought pattern. "I can't even remember the last time I hung out with someone and had a beer or, even better, some shots. When I was in college, my best friend Sam and I would go out most weekends to one of the pups and play pool, drink cheap beer and nurse our hangovers in the morning. Those were the best nights." Reminiscing to myself I recalled all the times Sam had got absolutely trashed and I'd had to help him back to his room or I'd take him back to mine, depending on how far he could walk or how soon he needed to throw up.
"Sounds like you miss it."
"I guess a little. I mean after all, I'm still human. There are things that I do miss. Like the beach, the beach is my favourite place to be in the whole world. My guardian Jazz hated it because of the sand, but he'd always take me there whenever I asked him because he knew how happy it made me. I love the ocean, the smell of salt in the air, it's just the best place." Lifting my head I looked across to Cade who was smiling to himself. "What about you? What's your favourite place in the world?"
"Honestly?" Cade frowned for a second to think. "Never did much travelling. Had Tessa so young everything just seemed to fly by so fast, but there is this one place. I used to take Tessa fishing when she was younger and there was this lake on the other side of town. We'd go there sometimes and we'd sit for hours together with our rods and lines." As Cade's face slowly lit up as he talked about this place, I could tell just how much it meant to him. He told me about how he had used to make up all these great adventure stories about a father and his daughter who would save the world and enchanted lands from all sorts of danger. "She loved it. We didn't go back there much when she was older, and if we did she stopped fishing and just sat there with me, but I knew she was happy there. It was the one place where we didn't have to worry about anything and she wasn't mad at me about something."
"Sounds like a perfect place." I mused softly, trying to picture it in my head and came up with a beautiful shoreline of glistening blue water and the delicate reed stalks waving in the summery breeze and a wide endless sky overhead. "Tessa is a lucky girl having a dad like you. I hope she knows that."
"Well I can only hope. I messed up here and there but she turned out pretty darn great, so I must have done something right." Both of us now smiling we clinked our beers and saluted before drinking them. "What about your dad? Does he miss not seeing you?"
"No, my parents and I don't talk anymore." I said but before he could ask I quickly held up a hand. "Please don't, it's not a major sob story or anything, we just don't get along so we went our separate ways, end of story."
"Wow, I'm sorry." Shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly I drained the rest of my can before rising to my feet. "You know if you want to take the day off I can man the fort." Cade offered me as I took a step towards the door. "I know it seems like you have to take care of everything, but you can look to us for support where you need it. It's okay to need a break sometimes because no one expects you to be hands on twenty four seven, you'll just burn yourself out and that's not gonna help anybody, least of all you." He reasoned with me and he made some valid points.
"I appreciate it Cade, I'll keep your offer in mind." I said to him warmly before stepping back outside. The warm air rushed to greet me and the moment I emerged the Autobots all jumped instinctively, shying away from my presence in fear of me blowing up at them again but instead I approached them slowly as not to startle them. "Listen guys, I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't have lost my temper at you and I shouldn't have raised my voice. You deserve better than that." They all blinked and looked between one another, still looking a little nervous until Hound finally broke the silence with his deep bellied voice.
"Bah don't worry about it, sometimes we need a little shouting at to keep us in line. Right boys?" Turning a look on Drift and Crosshairs and cocked his gun to emphasise his tone.
"R-Right! We were getting out of hand, way out of hand." Crosshairs stuttered quickly, giving a quick smile as he rubbed the back of his head. "We shouldn't be fighting so much and wrecking your junk, sorry about that."
"It is we who are at fault. My deepest apologies sempai. If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask us for assistance. We are at your command." Drift knelt down with his sword and bowed his head in a rather grand gesture so I patted his hand reassuringly.
"There's no need for any of that. I know we're all a little cramped and tensions are running high, but I am working on getting you guys out of here. Just…try not to kill each other before I succeed, got it?" They all nodded their heads simultaneously and we all agreed to forget about this day entirely and continue on as usual. The only one who had remained quiet was Bumblebee, not saying a single word and not moving until the rest of us had reconciled, whereby he rose to his feet and walked away from us, not even glancing my way. "Bee. Bumblebee." Starting after him I tried to get his attention. "Bee come on, talk to me." When he continued walking, my temper snapped a little once more and it ran away before I could contain it. "For god's sake Bee this silent treatment and bad attitude gets old, will you please stop?"
Bumblebee froze in place, halting from his calm retreat and for a moment, I wondered what he was going to do. Folding down Bumblebee transformed into his car mode, engine purring quietly and his door opened itself up so I took it as an invitation to get in so we could talk. Striding forwards I cast myself into the seat rather forcefully and before the door had even fully closed Bumblebee roared forwards, lurching with so much force that I almost smacked my face on the wheel. "Dammit!" Cursing as I recovered, I folded my arms and glowered heatedly at Bumblebee as he streaked out of the junkyard and onto the road.
Neither of us spoke all the while he drove and the tension started to make my throat clam up and go dry no matter how much I tried to swallow it back. We drove for a fair distance until finally Bumblebee yanked himself to the side and flung open the door whilst skidding and I quickly jumped out of him, stumbling as I struggled for balance at being rather unceremoniously flung out the car. "What the hell is your problem Bumblebee? Just come out and say it already because I am not playing any games here!" Furious I turned on him as he transformed, pacing back and forth as I did the same. He'd brought us both way out into the rock plains, nothing for miles and miles except flat, barren looking earth and stones.
"My problem?...You think I…got a problem?...Why would I have a problem?" Bumblebee started to rant, using large hand motions as he paced back and forth whilst I halted and folded my arms to listen. "You…drive me…crazy!...Sometimes I just don't know what to do with you."
"Well sorry for apparently being such a huge pain in your ass, I'll try harder not to be from now on if it's such a major inconvenience." I quipped at him and Bumblebee snapped back with various mechanical sounds which sounded angry as he pointed at me then sliced out his hand, throwing his head backwards in frustration before kicking at a rock and sending it flying. Now if I'd kicked that thing, I would have broken my foot. "Bee…" Sighing slowly I relaxed my stance and allowed my voice to soften. "Are you upset because I talked about staying here on earth whilst the rest of you leave?" Bumblebee looked over his shoulder towards me briefly, not exactly making eye contact but he nodded. Well, at least now we were communicating. "Bumblebee, I didn't mean to upset you so much over this, but you have to face facts. I am a human and I always will be no matter how much energon I have inside me. Eventually things are going to have to change and we'll have to go our separate ways."
"You make it sound so easy." He told me sadly, his back still turned against me with his head lowered heavily. "Do you want us to go…so you can…get your…human life…back to the way it was?"
"What? No Bee that's crazy. Wait, were you listening in on my conversation with Cade?" Bumblebee shrugged his shoulders and whirred at me a little guiltily. Gritting my teeth I had to take a few moments to breathe and keep calm, letting it go for the time being. "Yes, I miss a lot of things about my old life and there are things I wish I could do without having CIA and whatever military group they send to pin my ass to a wall, something as simple as go to the beach and enjoy a day of sunshine and cocktails, but there are things in my life now which I love way more than anything I could ever miss from my old life." Turning around slightly, I took a step towards Bumblebee, my voice cracking with emotion as I tried to make him understand. "You think I want you to go? You think that it doesn't kill me bit by bit that I'm the one orchestrating the escape of the only family I've got left? I'm dying Bee, it feels like I'm dying inside and I can't…I can't…"
Reaching my breaking point for the second time that day I dropped to my knees and gripped my face in my hands as hot tears leaked through them. I sensed Bumblebee shift around and crouch down before me, humming softly with his sweet voice as he gently slipped his finger under my chin and ever so carefully lifted my head. His other hand brushed through the longer locks of my hair so that it fell back over my shoulder, crooning at me gently before speaking. "I'm sorry…real sorry…I didn't realise…just how much you were suffering…I was a real jerk."
"Yeah, you kinda were." I agreed, giving a quiet laugh as I wiped my face with my sleeve before I focused on him and placed my hands either side of his face. "Listen to me Bee. I can't do this without you. I need you more than anyone else, so if you're not with me then how am I supposed to get through this? You and me are all that's left, we have to stick together no matter what otherwise we're going to end up dead or worse, as experiments and test subjects." Sniffing a little I leaned forwards until my head was resting against his mouthpiece, closing my eyes against the onslaught of fears and anxieties which were coming at me in waves. "You're all I have left Bee, I can't lose you. Not right now."
"It's alright." Bumblebee said to me gently, touching my cheek with his fingertip so that I looked up at him. "I ain't goin' nowhere…I'm sorry for how I acted…guess I just…" Waiting for a moment to let him finished I then arched an eyebrow expectantly.
"Just what?" Bumblebee made a reluctant groaning noise, turning his face away so I caught onto him. "Come on Bee you can tell me, you just what?" A heavy sigh came from him as Bumblebee looked at me with a sidelong look, almost as if he were shy.
"I guess I just realised…with you talking…like we were never…gonna see each other again…it made me realise…just how much…how much I…feel for you." A little taken aback my mouth opened but no sound came out, a little confused and uncertain if I'd heard him right or if Bumblebee had used the wrong audio. "I know it's not…what you want in life…but if we're going to soon…be saying goodbye…then I want you to know that…I love you." Lifting his hand Bumblebee tapped against his chest to where his spark lay. "I feel it here…for a long time now."
"Bee I…I…" Inside it was like someone was squeezing my lungs and my gut at the same time. How was I supposed to respond to something like that? Trying to say something more sensible, Bumblebee shook his head and shifted back a little so that there was a little more distance between us.
"Don't worry…I don't expect anything…but for all the…eons…that I may live…know that this…spark…belongs to you and you alone…and that is why I detest…the knowledge that soon…I will be looking upon you…for the last time." Giving a smile at me the way only Bumblebee could, he turned and lifted his hand to point up towards the stars which were glittering in a multitude beyond counting, filling the black inky night with glittering radiance as several danced across the velvet curtain in pure streaks before disappearing from view. "Our leader…Optimus Prime…said to think…of one of those…stars…as his…soul…I would like it…if you would…think of one of them…as mine."
"Bee." Now I was crying. The sentiment was so heartfelt and emotionally devastating at the same time that I could do nothing but walk towards him and place my cheek to his chest as I embraced him. Shaking with my occasional sobs I lifted my gaze and my glassy orbs became filled with starlight, searching until I found Orion's belt and named each star after Optimus, Jazz and finally Bumblebee. "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me I'm begging you Bee, please!" As my sobs escalated Bumblebee lifted me up and cradled me against him, keeping me warm against his armour as the night grew colder and colder. "Please…please…I don't want you to go…please don't leave me…"