Chapter 36

4 Dec 1993

The next week passed painfully as James slowly healed from his injuries. Each class was a struggle as he tried to catch up on everything he missed. His time spent with his friends and Hestia was plagued by his conflicted thoughts.

Was he a monster?

Was he weak?

Was this all his fault?

What would happen next and how could he be strong enough, fast enough, and smart enough in time?

Sleep brought no relief. Time and again he found himself reliving his fights and losing. Then, just before he'd wake, he'd see a monstrous form shaking its head disappointedly.

At least Remus was doing as James asked. He was sleeping properly, looking after himself, and taking care of Morgan. Morgan still spent most of her time in the Hospital Wing, but Remus took her to meals and spent time with her each night before she went to bed.

Through all this, Veronica remained asleep; her wounds closing slowly but steadily. Today she was finally going to awaken.

Madam Pomfrey informed them yesterday she was going to wake Veronica. The whole family gathered on a short distance away so as not to overwhelm Veronica when she woke.

They waited as Madam Pomfrey administered the antidote for Draught of Living Death. James breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Veronica's voice from behind the divider keeping her separated from the rest of the infirmary.

Eventually, Madam Pomfrey emerged from behind the divider. "You can go back. One at a time." She said. James took a step forward before she added. "She asked for Remus first."

James stopped mid step. He frowned as Remus moved passed and shrugged. James waited impatiently for Remus to finish talking to Veronica. James only heard bits and pieces of what Remus said, not enough to make anything out. Remus returned and stopped James when he tried to go behind the curtain.

"She wants to see Morgan first. Not because she doesn't want to talk to you, but because she wants you to have as much time as you need without having to worry about the rest of us waiting." Remus explained. James gave Remus a sharp look but stepped back so Morgan could go.

Morgan sprinted passed them. There was a pained hiss from behind the curtain followed quickly by a muttered apology. Five long minutes later, Morgan returned and it was finally James' turn.

James rounded the divider and got a good look at Veronica. She was sitting up in bed, pillows behind her to prop her up. Bandages were still wrapped around her left side, the head wrap still covered her left ear, but there was no red seeping through them now.

Veronica opened her arms for a hug and James slid right in. He hugged her gingerly but felt all his stress and fears seeping out as she held him.

"Thank you for waiting. I wanted to let Remus catch me up and see Morgan first. I have a feeling you have a lot of questions for me," she said.

James did. He had questions about what happened, why she reacted the way she did, how she was feeling, what they could do moving forward. She won her fight. She'd been the kind of leader he needed to be for the pack. Right now though… It wasn't the right place he grudgingly admitted to himself.

"I do, but for now I'm just glad you are getting better. I want to know all about Larimont, and I have questions about some things Dad said, but that can wait until you are out of here," James said

Veronica looked down and took a deep breath. "You are old enough for the full story. It isn't a pretty one though."

James nodded. "I need to hear it. After what happened, I've been trying to figure out what to do." James took a deep breath. "Mom, what would you say to not returning after Christmas?"

Veronica blinked in surprise. "James are you sure?"

"There is some more Dad or I can fill you in on, but I can't win against Greyback anytime soon. You're injured and won't be fully healed for a while."

"February. Late February." Veronica supplied.

"And I can't start working out soon enough to make a real difference. Maybe discretion is the better part of valor here." James said, hating the thought of running away, but not seeing a better option.

Veronica smiled sadly. "How are you doing James, really doing? Are your injuries at least healing quicker than mine?" Veronica asked, looking him over.

James rolled his shoulders, noting it was pretty much pain-free. "I'm okay. My shoulder is pretty good, though I'm still supposed to take it easy. Ribs are healing slowly but surely. Had a talk with Hagrid about that night, and Miss McGonagall wanted to talk last weekend too."

"Oh? That sounds fun. What did they want to talk about?"

James snorted then grimaced. "They were a blast. Hagrid wanted to talk about the fight, why it happened, and what I thought would happen next. Apparently, dealing with threats from the forest is one of his thousand jobs. After that, McGonagall wanted to ask questions about the same thing and scold me for it. For putting myself and others in danger."

"Because you had so much choice," Veronica said tiredly. James nodded in agreement. Madam Pomfrey appeared silently, a number of potions following in trail.

"You will need to leave James so I can tend to your mother. She will be out of here shortly. I promise." Madam Pomfrey said as she set the potions on the bedside table.

James hesitated. He had questions he wanted answers too. Veronica noticed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "James, I know you have questions. Just wait until tonight and I will answer everything I can."

"Okay Mom," James said. He left Madam Pomfrey to her work and joined the rest of his family.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, and, before James knew it, Remus was taking Morgan up the stairs of the apartment. As Remus tucked Morgan into bed, James and Veronica were left alone in the living room. The fire burning low in the hearth the only source of light.

"Go ahead and ask all your questions, James. I'll try my best to answer them honestly and fully," Veronica said from her spot on the couch. James leaned forward in the armchair, turning it to better face her with a scratching sound on the stone.

He steepled his fingers in front of his face as he composed his questions. "Who was Margaret Larimont? What did she do to you? Why were you so deliriously-That the right word for it?-happy that she was dead? For that matter why did you attack her as you did?"

Veronica took a second to compose her answer. "You know the basics of my life: Born Veronica Orion to a magical family, my parents ran a shop out Cornwall ways, and I went to Hogwarts until we were attacked by werewolves during the Blood War. I was prevented from being sucked too deeply into the packs by Remus, but then some years later I was captured by people who wanted to turn a werewolf loose on muggles. I attacked you, went to Remus, and you've been there for the rest."

"Yeah. Though you mentioned a while ago you tried to find a way to be free of the wolf between the war and me." James said, recalling the conversation on channeling after the dementor attack.

"I did, didn't I. Well what you want to know will require a bit more of the whole life story," Veronica smiled when James' face twisted in skepticism. "Well, not the whole life story, but more of it and in more detail than I've ever told you before."

Veronica shifted into a more comfortable position. She met James' eyes and began to speak. "Margaret Larimont was the werewolf who bit me, led the butchery of my family, and toyed with me in the camps. Years later, she was the one to kidnap me, and she directed those men to turn me loose on Little Whinging."

James said nothing as he slowly processed what Veronica told him, but his eyes widened as understanding filtered in. 'Holy Shit! If that is all true, I guess I can kinda understand why Mom did that. If anyone did that to our family, I'd want to tear them apart too.'

"Dad was threatened three times to provide support to 'The Movement.' Thrice he refused. It wasn't that he cared particularly one way or the other. It just wasn't good business and he wasn't going to support terrorist. There was no fourth request. We had just sat down for dinner when they struck." Veronica said as she began her tale.

"Usually a werewolf isn't a threat to a fully trained witch or wizard. That's what they tell you. It's true, provided the witch or wizard is ready or has enough time to react. Unfortunately, when Larimont struck it was backed up by her whole pack and with support from Death Eaters who sapped our wards. There was never any time to react. They came through the walls and killed my father before we realized what was happening. My mother tried to fight them, but Larimont bit her wand hand off, wand and all. What followed still haunts my dreams."

Veronica went silent for a moment. When she spoke her voice was softer, almost a whisper. "Werewolves are dark creatures. Are we all monsters? No. Being dark doesn't make you a monster, whatever Remus may think, but many werewolves are monsters."

"Larimont is one of those people that embraced the curse and became a monster. As her pack defiled my family's bodies, she held me in her claws, puncturing my flesh. Once they had finished she nuzzled me as I cried in fear and terror. Then she bit me on the shoulder. Softly, just enough to ensure the curse transferred. Then they left me there a sobbing wreck. Death eaters arrived after they left, stunned me and delivered me to the camp the next morning."

James shifted uneasily. 'I know people talk about werewolves being monsters, but that is beyond anything I'd ever imagined. It also sounds like Larimont was aware of herself, but isn't that supposed to be impossible without training like the Lakotas or the wolfsbane potion.'

"I see the question on your face, go ahead and ask it, James."

"You make it sound like Larimont was aware of herself while transformed. How is that possible?"

"It isn't unheard of. Greyback is known for setting himself near his targets. Larimont earned a name targeting men, seducing them, then killing their wives, girlfriends, what have you, and either turning the man or his children. We become one with the wolf. What they do isn't so different. They just give themselves fully over to the curse. They don't try and temper the curse as we do. They accept it and shed their humanity."

"Christ! That is messed up. Both the giving up their humanity and what those two did."

"True, and you should be careful yourself. Daylight transformations, limited color vision, losing control at times. You are yourself walking a dangerous path." Veronica said softly.

James frowned and thought it over. Was she right?

That little aside done, Veronica continued her story. "After I was brought to live with the packs, Larimont would come by every couple of days and talk to me like I was her new daughter. She wanted me dependent on her. To eat I had to eat with her. To get fresh clothes I had to ask her. Even bathing was controlled by her."

"What did she hope to achieve? You had to hate her at that point."

Veronica bared a feral smile. "I did. I tried to kill her a few times but never succeeded. If it wasn't for Remus my punishment after those times would have been enough to break me. They were trying to brainwash me. If it wasn't for my hate and Remus they would have succeeded. I know because it happened to others."

James was floored. Bringing people into a pack through violence or bringing them in against their will was anathema to him. It was rare the pack got a new member not born of the pack back home. Usually, it was someone offered a chance to join, but even then it was a long and slow process to get acceptance for them. He'd heard about rogue wolves who attacked a person or two, but they were quickly caught and executed for their crimes.

"A little different from home isn't it."

"Yeah," James mumbled. 'I've always thought of being a werewolf as a gift. As bringing me freedom. What Mom is saying is the opposite. I know it is classed as a curse, but I always thought that was ignorance and fear. To think they would just force someone into the packs. Then again…What would have happened if Mom hadn't taken me to Dad after she attacked me...'

Veronica waited for James to process what he'd been told. He took a minute to think it through, trying to reconcile what she'd said with his own self-image and what he thought he knew. The silence stretched on, broken only by the crackle of the fire. A log shifted, a soft cough of sparks jumping as it settled.

"That is what was supposed to happen to me isn't it?" He said at last.

"Indeed. Though that is jumping ahead."

"But if it had then I'd be a true monster. A wild animal with no code of honor. No compass. We wouldn't be family or pack. We would be…" James waved a hand wildly trying to find a word.

"Wrong," Veronica said. "We would still be a pack. For all Greyback, Larimont, and their ilk are monsters, they care about the pack. That is why the brainwashing works. Once cursed people become unwanted outcasts in most cases. The packs take them in and ask for very little in return. Do this little thing. Clean this area. Watch this house. Be a lookout while we steal some food. It grows from there. All the while they are feeding the savage nature of the wolf. Nurturing it into what they want."

"Oh," James muttered

"Oh. That is what they tried to do to me, but there are a few that never fell in. For all his self-hate, Remus is an incredibly strong man. He endured the curse for over a decade before he joined the packs. Even then he didn't join them, he infiltrated them. He saved me and a few others. For a time anyway." Veronica frowned. "Jason, Kristen, and Alex. Three others who like me didn't want to accept our new lives. Remus helped us to his own detriment. He may have hated his wolf, even now I suspect it is more an uneasy truce than the unity Shaman Moon teaches, but he is a brave man."

James gave Veronica a skeptical look. 'Dad brave? In the depths of a werewolf pack at that?'

"Oh, he might not seem it, but let me finish the tale. Eventually, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named died. He attacked a now famous family and was felled. The only survivor of the attack a babe."

James scoffed. Veronica smirked but let it lie.

"Regardless of what happened that October night, November opened to chaos. Greyback planned to continue the war, but when the Lestrange's were captured a few days later his plans fell apart. Some who chafed under his rule attempted a coup. It obviously failed, but Remus used the opportunity to help us escape."

"Now let's fast forward a few years. You weren't asking about Remus or the war, but about Larimont and what I did," Veronica said. James swallowed, leaned forward, and nodded for her to continue.

"Jason, Kristen, and Alex are all now living with the packs again, or they were last I talked to them long ago. They tried to escape but it is not easy to live among the magical world here as a werewolf. Even though Alex was a muggleborn and Kristen a half-blood, they found they couldn't hide among the non-magical world either."

"What about you? You've said you looked for a way to dispel the werewolf curse. How? Where?" James asked.

"I went to the dark underside of Magical Britain of course. Starting in Knockturn alley I worked in shops that dealt with unsavory or illegal things and sought out forbidden knowledge. Much has been locked away or banned because it threatened the Statute or the forces enforcing it. Bits and pieces of it are still out there."

"That's when you learned about channeling isn't it?" James asked. Shadows growing across their faces as the fire burned down to mere embers.

"It is. That and other things I have since tried to forget. It was not a good time in my life. I occasionally saw Remus, and he tried to keep up with those of us he got out, but he seemed depressed. I saw him less and less as time went on."

"Then, one day, as I was on my way to where I hid for my transformations, I was jumped and tied up. I woke once before the night to see Larimont. She smirked, told me she was impressed I'd lasted so long on my own. 'It's proof you are my child. A daughter as strong as any of my fang and claw should be.'" Veronica made a gagging sound. "Crazy bitch."

"And a dead one now," James said.

Veronica smiled darkly. "Yes, and it was worth it, I think, but that is fast forwarding again. Anyway, after that, she said that she wanted me back, but to do so I needed to bring an offering. 'New blood gathered by your own fang will let me welcome you with open arms daughter. Be sure to find a good one tonight, if you can.' Of course, her hired goons then turned me loose near a Muggle suburb. Makes you wonder. As luck would have it, I avoided anyone until morning."

"When you ran into me, a stupid kid running away from home. God, I was younger than Morgan is now." James said, whistling softly as he thought of how long it had been. "So all this time you have wanted to kill Larimont?"

"All this time I have wanted her dead. After we fled Britain, and we did flee, I would have been happy to never hear of her again or to hear she was dead." Veronica said.

"And when we decided to come here?" James asked softly.

The room was nearly dark. The embers in the fireplace dying. They had ceased to crackle. There was only a dim red glow left. James and Veronica were sitting in near darkness. James could see well enough in the low light, a sign of the changes he'd been experiencing.

In the darkness, he saw Veronica's eye slowly become yellow. "Honestly James, I hoped to avoid any kind of encounter, but when we saw Greyback I smelled her on him. I was torn. A part of me feared she would harm our family. My family. I feared she would be the source of its destruction once more."

Veronica shifted, moving a bit closer to James in the process.

"But the other part wanted to hunt her down and tear her throat out. It wanted to show her I was stronger, faster, better than she was. In the end, she came to me. I rushed her to protect my pack, but also to take my vengeance. Normal people will tell you revenge isn't worth it. That it will leave you unfulfilled, but in truth, I relished it. Now she is dead and I am still here."

The last of the fire sputtered out. They sat in the darkness for a moment. Then a second later a new log appeared in the hearth and the fire was stoked back to fullness by a house elf.

Veronica sat back and breathed a deep sigh. James did the same. He closed his eyes. They sat in silence for a few minutes as James tried to comprehend everything she had told him.

'So that is why Mom was so happy to have killed Larimont. It was retribution. It was prey coming to her. It was a known threat to the family put down. Add in she was apperently a criminal for years studying forbidden or suppressed knowledge. Dad was a spy. There is perhaps just cause for the way werewolves have been treated. Christ, Moses, and Budha in a handbasket to hell.'

'The worst of the worst are the most like me. They are the ones that become one with the wolf but in all the worst ways. They give up their humanity to embrace what they are called, and in so doing, they make it harder for anyone to choose another path. I wonder what Alpha Hardfast would say.'

James brought his mind back to the moment and stood up. "Mom, thank you for answering my questions. I still have others, but I think I need a bit of time first. Do you need any help getting up to bed?"

Veronica shook her head. She gently pushed herself up from the couch. "No, James. I can walk up a few stairs on my own. If you have any more questions don't hesitate to ask, just be careful around Morgan with them. Let her stay young for a little longer."

Veronica drew James into a one-armed hug on her good side and gave him a kiss goodnight. They separated. James for his bed, Veronica for hers.

James didn't dally on his way back to the Hufflepuff common room. When he arrived, the common room was filled with people. Fires roared in the many fireplaces and witchlight candles burned around the room, casting even more light. Students were playing games, reading, studying, even practicing spells or just casting magic because they could.

James joined his friends. Roger and Wayne were competing with charms to see who could produce the most humorous effects on the pair of sunglasses Heather had given them. While seeing a pair of sunglasses attempt to dance while singing God Save the Queen was interesting, James couldn't get into the spirit of things.

Veronica's story, his own doubts and worries, and the still evasive Peter Pettigrew all weighed heavily on his mind. He went to bed early but did not sleep restfully.

James dreamed of his fight with Draco, fighting it over again. Then he dreamed his fight with Greyback, the mass brawl in the common room, his battle against the Dementors, his fight with Remus for leadership, and all his other fights, duels, and brawls, be they play or serious. Each one felt real. Eventually, James noticed a wolf standing at the edge of all the battlefields, watching and seeming to evaluate him.

The dreams continued until he ran on a full moon night. It was the last time he and the wolf had been separate. At the end of the dream, he stood over the dead badger, its blood dripping from his maw. It was only then the wolf at the edges of the dreams moved. It prowled up to James with a challenge in its eyes.

James met its stare. He realized these dreams weren't exactly normal. Hadn't Roger said something about prophetic dreams or something from Divination.

'Was it all a test, a message or something else. Is all this because of my loss or maybe my own self-doubts.'

The moon hung in the sky. The wolf broke its stare, sat back on its haunches and howled. Its challenge echoed in the night. Would James answer or back down? Was he still willing to fight or was he going to run scared? Then the dream was silent again. The wolf spared a glance at James.

James took a deep breath. Trying to figure out what was going on. 'I can't run. I can't back down. Even if I never fight Greyback again I should be ready to. I don't know the future, but I can be ready for it. Right?'

The wolf started to stand and walk away, done waiting on James. James growled at it. The wolf turned back and James let out his answering howl. The wolf gave an approving bark and the dream shifted. James was back in the clearing facing off against Greyback.

AN: Another Chapter down and we are nearly to Christmas break. Thanks for the reviews and criticisms. They really do help to make it better.