Author's Notes…

Your guys' continuous support is so awesome! I love, love, love, LOVE you! The end of this chapter will continue into the next, have no worries.

The Bond That Ties Us

Chapter Thirty-Six

Haircuts & Good Feelings

"I feel as though… somehow… I've known you most of my life. But I know this is not possible."

The refresher was quiet except for snips from a pair of scissors and those softly uttered words. Rey had never cut hair before. She was getting a crash course. She only hoped she didn't butcher Ben's lovely locks too much. He might kill her for it. He was a little vain.

She grinned at the thought.

Remembering Ben was talking to her, she refocused her attention on the strands of hair in her fingers. "Well… I'll tell you the truth about what happened in your head…" Snip, snip. Snip. Damp black strands fell to the floor. "But in return you have to promise not to get angry."

"I already said I wasn't." He went to turn his head—she put her fingertips on his skull and faced it forward. "Sorry," he said casually, but a jolt had struck her heart. Ben never apologized for anything. At least, not without a huge to-do about it.

"It's all right," she replied somewhat breathlessly. She cleared her throat and shifted to another section of hair. "You said you weren't—yet."

"How could I be? I feel fine, better than fine." He turned his head. Rey tsked and grabbed his head once more, turning it back.

"Be careful, or I'll accidentally cut off a huge chunk of your hair," she scolded.

"And I don't think I would feel that way if you had done something wrong to me."

Lack of paranoia, check, Rey thought. Before The Memories, as she had taken to calling it, or BTM, Ben would never assume something hadn't been done to him. Was he in complete and total trust of Rey? Was he choosing not to hold onto the negative feelings associated with doubt, with suspicion? Likely only the former. Some part of Ben would always be paranoid.

"I don't feel as if I did anything wrong." Snip, snip, snip. "I just wasn't sure if we would both agree with that statement in the end."

"You really don't plan on telling me?" Ben shifted to look up at her. His brown eyes were curious, a warmer, lighter color beneath the direct beam of the light. His face was cleanshaven again.

"I don't plan on massacring your hair, but you're not leaving me much of a choice," Rey mused.

He took the scissors from her. "Rey."

"Okay," she sighed. He wasn't going to let this go. She shouldn't have expected otherwise. "I will tell you, but promise me you won't turn your head around unless I tell you to." She arched her eyebrows.

He smiled amicably. The sight of it arrested her heart. Would she ever get used to it, these smiles given to her so freely? After everything she'd gone through, they'd gone through, it was instinctive to memorize them. Rey didn't know if something would take them away from her, and she didn't want to find out.

Ben held up the scissors. His smile had formed a grin of its own, and then they were both laughing for no reason at all. Rey had an attack of the giggles so hard her side was aching. Ben's chuckles were more muted, but they grew louder the longer she laughed.

"What—are—we—even—laughing about?" she gasped out.

"I'm not sure. Take these scissors."

Rey did so and wondered why she was cracking up. Was it because they had been asleep and in stasis for almost three and a half years, and neither of them had any idea of what had happened in the galaxy during their absence?

"Please don't cut my hair until your hand is steady," he laughed, and she giggled harder. "I wouldn't want to have to go bald."

A few minutes later, the giggles at last ceased. She sniffled and wiped the corners of her eyes. She returned to snipping at his hair and held up her end of the promise.

"Luke told me that you were having trouble confronting your past. He said it was because of Snoke's influence, that it had corrupted you to the point you couldn't handle it on your own." She kept her eyes down as she worked, her voice soft. "He told me he needed me to help get rid of it. He failed to mention how much time would pass until I was already inside your mind."

"And… how did you go about this exactly?" Ben's voice was carefully neutral.

Worry stayed her hand, but she made herself go on. She owed him the truth, even if she was afraid of what would come of it. He could get it from her, anyway, if he really wanted to. Their connection was back in place, their shields low, their emotions flowing freely between them. But he deserved to hear it from her.

"Um… I'm not entirely sure how it all worked out… He said a lot of things that didn't make any sense to me, but… He said we would have to work on your psyche, so he took your memories of your life and sent me into them. He said they wouldn't be altered, and I mean…" She sighed. She was butchering this.

Forcing herself to calm, she went back to the beginning and explained everything in slow, serious detail, not leaving a single thing out. She told him about how she saw him grow up through his memories, and how she'd tried to assure him she would always be there for him. How she wanted to make it to where he didn't feel so alone.

She didn't know if this was the best idea, disclosing all of it. She was essentially telling him she had manipulated his psyche so that he wouldn't feel so burdened anymore. This was why she had been afraid of his response once he had all the information at his disposal.

Ben was quiet for a time. She didn't interrupt his thoughts, not wanting to anger him. She could feel him on the other side of the bond, pensive. It honestly felt like he was sorting through his emotions, trying to decide how he should react.

He drew a knee up to himself, hooking an elbow around it, moving carefully so he didn't dislodge her hand. "I'm not upset."

"Hmm… Are you sure?"

"Yes," he said. "It's… almost shameful to think that I could not handle this on my own. But if what you say is true, I suppose I never would have been able to. And that only makes the shame worse, that I let Snoke manipulate me so thoroughly. I had no idea the damage extended so deeply."

"Right…"

He caught her hand and held it to his shoulder. "I feel like I might have been angrier before this," he chuckled softly. "But there is no need for me to get upset. We needed my half clear to balance the bond, and… you succeeded, you know," he murmured. "You are in my heart. I only wish I could have returned the favor…"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You were so lonely like me. But you had no one," he elaborated. "I would have liked to reassure you as you did me."

The thought of that was sweet enough to make Rey tear up a little. She waited until her throat was clear to squeeze his fingers before withdrawing her own. "How short do you want your hair?"

"Like this, I think." He gestured.

A few snips into the task, Rey spoke again. "Thank you for the thought. And… I'm glad you feel like I was with you for so long… Because—that's how I feel now."

"And nothing in my memories made you doubt me at all?"

"No."

"I have done some terrible, terrible things."

"I was there for those, too."

"And you are still here."

"Hey." She leaned her head over his, looking at him upside down. "I will always be here. I wouldn't have said I'd be at your side if I wasn't going to."

"That is true," he murmured.

She kissed him and then straightened herself in the chair. "What do you think has happened since we've been asleep?" It was the first they'd broached the topic. Their immediate concerns had been to get clean. Then they'd addressed Ben's end of things, and now here they were.

"Mother's probably recruited more people to join her cause."

Rey kept her surprise to herself. Yet another item to catalogue. Ben was talking about his mother almost casually. "I agree. What about the First Order? Do you think Hux—?"

"If Hux is still their leader by now, I would be…" He shook his head. "While I know the majority of the First Order hated my existence, they despised his even more. The way he treated the senior officers, most who had been around from the Empire… Snoke only kept him around because he was easy to control and to use."

"You're saying it's entirely possible someone else is in charge?"

"Yes. And if he is still in charge, I imagine it is because he's being manipulated once again. He is as mad as his father was, or so I have heard."

"Do we know of any—well… do you know of any possible candidates?" she asked, correcting herself midway.

"The only feasible ones would be the other Knights of Ren."

"Do you think they might, since… you disappeared for three years?"

He grew thoughtful. "Two. The other four would never dare go against me." While Rey was wondering how much of that statement was ego, he explained, "They have seen firsthand what it is like to fight me, and they have lost each time."

"Right. I don't know, I think Deo Ren would be a contender, or Ami Ren."

"You know about the Knights of Ren?" he asked sharply. "You really saw so much of my past?"

"Lived it with you," Rey replied. "Once a month. For most of your life. I saw all the Knights of Ren, I know all their names. I know some of the missions they're on. Not all."

She waited while Ben processed this.

"They have to go," he said after a time. "They will be the first obstacles in our way, the most absolute threat." He was chewing on a thumbnail as he talked, some sort of nervous gesture. "Rey, why are we talking out loud? Not that I mind it."

She blinked. I… I guess I'm so used to not using this bond anymore. As she said the words, it opened the bond between them more, and a welcoming feeling touched her heart. I missed this.

He was closer than he ever could be physically this way.

It's all right. I only just realized myself.

We take them down.

Yes.

All six of them.

Yes. Does this bother you? Will it be a problem?

Rey had seen some of the things the other Knights had done. From a purely practical standpoint, Ben was right, they were the biggest threat. They were Force users, and powerful ones at that. They couldn't tend to their plans with those six running amok.

No. She lowered the scissors. All right. Go look in the mirror.

Ben got up and did exactly that. He pushed his fingers through his hair, which was still a bit damp. He played with it until it looked right to him. Rey stood back worriedly, hoping he didn't hate it. She liked it, but she wasn't the one who had to wear it.

His hair was longer than it had been before they slept. It brushed past his shoulders, heavy and thick, fluffy at the ends. He practiced pulling it up in a band. He seemed to like a style where while it was tucked back, it covered over the tops of his ears. This left the sharp cheekbones of his face visible.

He let it go, setting it to straights.

"Do you want me to cut more?" she asked.

No.

"Are you sure you like it?"

Instead of answering, Ben came to where she was, sliding his arms under her rear and lifting. She gasped, barely holding onto the scissors, her arm going over his shoulders to steady herself.

You like yours at that length?

Rey nodded. Her hair swept past her hips, which was where she had cut it. She had it in a high ponytail now. If she didn't like it, she could always cut it shorter later.

On our to-do list… Find a way to get you a lightsaber. Finish finding our balance. And… Rey squeaked as Ben left the refresher and stepped into the corridor of the Falcon.

And?

Ben entered the crew quarters and tossed her onto a bed.