A/N: A double flashback this chapter. More cute young Ron and Eric and their early months together before they became so close and some cute Alan in there too, and some more of Ron's suffering with Marcus. Also, Ronnie teasing Will about things he can't remember and Will being jealous of Eric. Yays. Such complicated relations. Because nothing's ever simple. Thank you for all those lovely reviews last chapter, please, keep them coming.

"Why does it feel like everyone's staring at me?" Ronald whispered.

"Gossip travels fast, Ronald," Alan said gently. "You know that. Everyone knows something happened to you in there but no one's sure quite what. There are so many rumours flying around."

Ronald nodded and sped up slightly so he was closer to Eric, playing nervously with his sleeves. On the other side of Alan was watching curiously. Ronald had noticed that. Ever since he'd arrived that morning, Alan had been watching him like that. There was a look in his eyes Ronald wasn't sure about. It wasn't pity- god Ronald would have hated if Alan and the others pitied him, it was bad enough that everyone else seemed to. And it wasn't like he deserved what had happened to him- he hated that look, like he was so easy he'd obviously just he'd been to blame. No one else knew about what Marcus had done to him though. Gossip did travel fast though. It was possible there were rumours and everyone seemed to know he'd had his arms cut open. He hated how everyone gossiped.

"You don't have to be here, Ron," Eric said.

"I don't want to be on my own," Ronald said.

They'd talked him out of working, but he wasn't going to be left in their apartment on his own. He'd spend his time in William's office, maybe he could help him out, but he couldn't stand the idea of being alone. He knew Marcus was dead. That he was safe, but it didn't stop his stomach churning at the thought of being alone. Ronald set down the coffees on the desk and went into William's office. William was sitting at his desk, already working through the death list and dividing it up.

"Thank you, Mr Knox," he said without looking up.

"I'm not on duty," Ronald said. "You don't have to be so formal."

"You might not be on duty, but I am," William replied, glancing up at him.

Ronald nodded. He knew it was how William was. William got up with the death list and Ronald followed him out to the main office again as he handed them out. He felt stupid for following him around like a lost puppy but his heart began to pound and his breath quickened every time he even thought about being alone.

"Are you sure you want to be here, Mr Knox?" William said, watching the others leaving and returning to his office. Ronald nodded weakly as William closed the door. "If there's any problems, you can leave any time you like."

"No, that's ok. I don't want to be ok my own," Ronald said quietly. He smiled and sat on the couch. "Do you remember your birthday?"

"Which one?"

"The last one."

William frowned and Ronald waited patiently for him to get his memories in order. "No..."

"Oh." He frowned and pulled the blanket out from under the couch. "Never mind."

"Was it important?" William said quietly, getting some files from the filing cabinet.

"Not really," Ronald replied. "I mean, it wasn't important like an anniversary or anything-"

"You don't like those," he said, sitting down again.

Ronald smiled slightly. "You remember that?"

"Yes. I like to keep track though." Ronald nodded. "I remember some things but the more recent things and still a lot harder to recall." Ronald frowned and turned away. "Well, if you want me to remember, perhaps you should give me a hint."

"Well... I came in early and did all you paperwork," Ronald said slowly. "I got all my reaping work done, got all Grell's work done and then locked him in one of the empty offices without his scythe and a smutty romance novel."

"I hope I thanked you properly for that," William said.

"Oh, you didn't know," he laughed softly, leaning back and wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. "I did it all before you came in from reaping."

"When I came in..." He frowned and tilted his head. "You weren't there when I came in but one of the higher ups was there for a surprise inspection and there was a secretary in my office wanting to talk about something confidential."

Ronald nodded. "That's it. No more clues."

"From what I hear and remember, our relationship wasn't particularly... normal..."

"I'm not normal, boss," Ronald said quietly. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a screwed up mess and now I'm not even a cocky, arrogant, fun, playful touchy, feely, affection mess. I didn't know what you saw in me before, I'm even more confused now."

William frowned and turned to his paperwork. "You didn't sleep well last night. You should get some rest."

Ronald nodded and lay down slowly, wrapping himself up and keeping a careful eye on William. Of course, William would never hurt him and he was busy doing paper work. Even so, it was difficult to close his eyes and relax. Every instinct told him that without his memories, William wasn't his William anymore. He wanted Eric back with him. He wanted to feel safe again and right now Eric was the only one who made him feel totally safe.

"Do you know how much time and paperwork we've missed with his whole mess?"

"A lot," he murmured, slipping off his glasses and setting them on the coffee table. "What does it matter? We had a good excuse."

"You should be sleeping," William said.

"Then you should stop talking."

They fell into silence and Ronald let his eyes slip shut. William was right, he was exhausted. He'd struggled to get any rest the night before. He'd dozed off in Eric's arms without even realising it until he woke up in their bed. Eric and Alan hadn't pushed for any more information on what Marcus had done to him but he was sure that wouldn't last forever. They'd want him to talk about his problems, like that would help and do anything other than make him throw up again. He didn't want to talk about it even if it would help. It was humiliating and terrifying. It was his own fault for taking those pills anyway. He shouldn't have been so stupid.

"Is he going to be ok?" Ronald said quietly as Eric tucked Alan into bed.

"Of course," Eric replied, ushering him out and shutting the door behind him. "That was a mild attack."

"What's wrong with him?" he asked, following him out and sitting on one of the kitchen stools. "That's not normal. I mean, is he alright?"

"What did I just say? He'll be fine once he gets some rest," he said. Ronald frowned and was about to argue when Eric strode over and he fell silent. "The Thorns of Death." Ronald's eyes widened and he stared up at Eric dumbly. "He's going to die one day."

"I'm sorry."

"Everyone says that, you know," he laughed bitterly. "I don't know why. It's not your fault, there's nothing you can do."

"Yeah but-" He frowned and gazed up at him in confusion, noticing to his slight confusion and embarrassment, Eric had hold of the hem of his top. "Wow, you picked a winner, huh?"

"Hey," he snapped. "Don't talk like that about him." Ronald nodded quickly. "I love him, he is the best thing that ever happened to me and you will never find someone as kind and giving as him. He's dying but he's still willing to give everything for his friends when most people would just give up. You are going to live forever, kid, he's not and you're wasting your time going on dates just to sleep around and get drunk. What the hell is the point in sleeping with everyone and anyone who shows even a little interest?" He sighed as Ronald glanced away guiltily and when he spoke again his words were softer and more reassuring. "Don't you want to find someone special? You know, Alan was about your age when we found each other. I was his mentor." Ronald nodded. That was so insensitive of him anyway. Eric had taken him under his wing and Alan was so incredibly nice to him. "Haven't you ever met someone you've wanted more than anything?"

"I'm sorry," Ronald muttered. "I didn't mean to be insensitive." He lifted his head and smiled. "I should go, I said I might go keep Miss Grell company while he stalks Mr Spears, then I was going to help him with his paperwork and then I'm going out with a few girls from admin."

He went to get up but Eric pushed him back down and pulled his top off. Ronald's cheeks burned and he glanced away quickly, his smile faltering as Eric's fingers brushed his sides. He shuddered and Eric chuckled. "You're soaked. Sit down while I get you something clean."

"You don't have-"

"It's fine, Ron," he said. "Alan would have my head if I let you leave like this. Besides, he'll want you to be here when he wakes up. He'll want to explain and tell you all about how sorry he is for spilling his drink over you and... it's how he is."

He disappeared back into the bedroom and Ronald stared down at his hands, smiling slightly. Despite Eric's initial dislike of him, he was nice. Ronald didn't exactly have friends, he had people he went drinking with, and went to parties with, people that didn't really care if he was there or not expect it was one less person to hook up with. They wouldn't really care if he disappeared and they'd replace him just as quickly. He'd found himself making out with a Senior Officer last night who had got a bit rough and had obviously wanted to go further than Ronald had. When Ronald had pushed him off he'd shoved him back on the park bench- not that Ronald really cared where it was- and told he wanted it really. He'd just about managed to shove him off and stagger away when he bumped into Eric. When they'd gone past again he was undressing another young man.

But Eric and Alan, and even Grell, they weren't like that. They didn't care about going out and having fun, if he wasn't there. It was like back when he was a newborn. He missed being like that sometimes and there were times he hated what he'd become.

"Here," Eric said, handing him a t-shirt. He smiled and pulled it on quickly. It was a little big but warm and soft so Ronald wasn't arguing. "Hey, when I picked you up last night, what were you up to? I mean, you'd obviously had a few drinks and I'd expected you to be off on some meaningless one night stand or still drinking."

"Thanks," he grumbled.

"You know what I mean," he said. "What happened?"

"Just some senior got a bit forward, that's all," Ronald replied, offering him a smile. "Nothing I couldn't handle."

"Who?"

"Umm, Christian... M something..."

"Moore?"

"Yeah, that's it," he said, nodding quickly. "He's been all over me for weeks. I've been brushing him off but he's really pushy and I finally just gave in. He just got a bit rough and I shoved him off. I'm stronger than I look, you know."

Eric laughed and patted his head. "I'm sure you are, kid. That was how Christian always was. The less you wanted him, the more he wanted you. And don't worry about Grell, if he says anything, I'll deal with him, and you can forget about the girls, you're staying with us."

"You really don't have to do all this," he said.

"Alan wouldn't be impressed if I didn't," Eric said. He sat on the couch and Ronald moved over to sit with him. "So, you've really never found someone you'd give up all this partying and drinking for? There's no one who makes it impossible for you to focus when they're in the room and all you think about is what you'd give for them to want you like you want them." Ronald frowned and bit his lip. "There is someone then? Go on, Ron, I won't tell anyone."

"It's stupid," Ronald muttered. "He'll never want me."

"Well, you'll never know if you don't try."

Ronald frowned and glanced away before his smile returned. "It doesn't matter."

"Well, maybe if you dropped your guard a bit and opened up he'd look at you," Eric said gently. "Not everyone is so shallow they just want pretty smiles and easy sex. What's wrong with that? You never talk about yourself, or anything important. I'm starting to wonder if there's anything more to you."

"Not anymore," he laughed. "People like it like that. No one would want me if they weren't allowed to take advantage of me."

"Alan and I hang around with you, so does Grell."

"I do Miss Grell's paperwork."

"I don't want to take advantage of you, and Alan's way too shy. I'm not going to do anything."

Ronald frowned and glanced up at him. Eric smiled and stroked his hair gently. It was weird. He could usually tell who wanted him. They looked at him in a certain way or didn't. Last month, William had looked at him like that but had pushed him away. It didn't make sense. Eric and Alan were something in between. He'd seen that in couples though. It was a look like they wanted him but didn't want to leave their loved one. It would sound arrogant if he said it out loud, and sometimes he wondered if his attitude was only making the problem worse, but he couldn't change now.

"People have said that before. They ignore me and say they don't want me, then just snap and grab me out of nowhere. I know it sounds stupid and arrogant but it's how people act, and I don't like it but it's how it is. It's how it's been for so long."

"That's wrong, Ron," Eric said. "You shouldn't let other people see you like that and you shouldn't see yourself like that. What's happened to you to make you like this?"

"Years of people using me."

"I won't, I swear."

"They've said that before. It always starts with just one kiss, they say that's it but it never is. That's all they want from me, that's why they never stop at one. And I enjoy it, why should I argue."

"Tell me what's happened to you, Ron. I'm not going to turn away just because you're not shallow and smiley and I'm not going to take advantage of you no matter."

Ronald frowned and reached up, pulling Eric down into a soft, slightly uncertain kiss, just to see if he was being honest. Eric's eyes widened slightly before gently kissing back his hand moving gently over his waist to his hip, slipping around him and drawing him closer and Ronald tangled his fingers into his hair.

"Ok..." Eric breathed, moving back slightly. Ronald swallowed and glanced away but Eric didn't move too far back, his forehead resting against his and not moving his arm from against his back, stroking his fingers gently across his skin. "See, that's it."

"I still don't believe you."

"What are you two up to?" Alan groaned, leaning on the back of the couch. Ronald and Eric both jumped and moved back staring up at him. "Hey, don't mind me. I heard what you were talking about. I don't mind."

"Mr Humphries, I-"

"I've told you, Ronald," he said gently, cupping his cheeks and lifting his head as he blushed heavily. "Just Alan is fine. And I really don't mind. He's mine, I know you're no threat. And if it helps you and reassures you, take as many little kisses as you want."

"You're sure, sweetheart?" Eric said quietly.

"Of course," he laughed. "Ronald needs someone like you to look after him. And were you like a more insensitive version of him when you were young weren't you?"

"I was not."

"Yes, Eric, you were. When we met you were like him only less respectful and more of a selfish jerk." He smiled and ran his thumbs gently over Ronald's cheeks. "Sharing is fine, Ronald, as long as you remember he's mine in the end." Ronald nodded quickly just relieved Alan wasn't mad at him. "You're welcome here all the time, Ronald, we're here to look after you. No one's going to take advantage of you here, everything is on your terms if it helps."

"Alan..." He smiled slightly and gently took his hands. "Thank you." Alan smiled and squeezed his hands and Ronald glanced up at Eric who was grinning down at them. He let a bright smile spread across his lips and Eric frowned. "What's wrong?"

He turned Ronald to him gently and Alan frowned. "Eric, love, what's wrong?"

"You know, there's this weird sort of glowing glitter in your eyes when you smile like that," he said gently. Ronald glanced away, his cheeks going even redder. "Hey, you know, I always wanted a little brother I could get all protective over."

"Little brother?" Ronald whispered.

"You do kind of look like each other," Alan said. Eric laughed and wrapped his arms around Ronald's shoulders, pulling him back against him. "It definitely works."

"What?"

"Yeah, he kinda does look like me, doesn't he?" Eric laughed. "It's official, Ron, you've been adopted."

"I'm not a stray."

"We're going to keep you safe," he said gently, stroking his hair. He smiled and Ronald lowered his gaze, convinced he was crimson by now. "No one's going to abuse you ever again, if they do, they've got me to deal with."

Ronald's eyes opened again as Marcus sat back, sliding the covers up over him. His hand moved slowly to cover his eyes and he whimpered softly. "Close your eyes and breathe deeply, Knox."

He tried to resist but his eyes closed and his breathing even out. Marcus chuckled and pressed a brief, bruising kiss to his lips before the bed and there was silence for a few moments. Just when Ronald began to think maybe Marcus had decided that he'd been punished enough there were footsteps down the hall. They paused and there was a soft chuckle.

"Sleeping like a baby," said one of the guards. "Poor Ron, he's been a mess since Mr Spears was attacked. It's hardly surprising he ended up in here."

"It's probably the best place for him," said the other. "He needs to get his head straightened out. Come on."

The footsteps moved away down the hall and after another few long dragging moments, the bed dipped again and Marcus' breath fell against his neck. The covers were drawn back and the cold air washed over him again. His legs were parted slowly and Marcus' fingers slid along his thigh, the thin fabric of his pyjama bottom not providing much of a barrier and sending involuntary shivers up his spine. Marcus hummed quietly and laid his body over Ronald's, their hips rocking together and making him whimper and gasp.

"Aren't you such a good boy?" he purred against his jaw, slipping his hands beneath his back and Ronald was once again very aware that Marcus was still holding his scythe against his skin. "So obedient, so beautiful, young and eager to please." He lifted him slowly, placing him gently on his lap and all Ronald could do was sit there, limp in his arms, unable to move or even open his eyes since he'd been told to close them. "But you've made him miserable, else why did he forget? Hmm?" He gasped as Marcus' hand slid down to his rear, giving a rough lecherous squeeze. "If he loves you, why did he forget you? That's pretty specific, don't you think?"

He pressed rough, bruising kisses down his neck, biting hard on his collar bone. So hard tears sprang to his eyes once more, sliding down his cheeks as he whimpered desperately, trying to beg but there was no sound. Marcus' mouth lingered for a few moments before sliding lower. Ronald couldn't care less about Marcus' punishment right now though. His words had hit far harder than anything he could do physically. If William loved him, why had he forgotten? He hadn't just lost any random amount of time. He'd forgotten him. The last thing he'd remember was the day he'd arrived with Grell. It was Ronald he'd forgotten. Marcus' lips brushed his nipple and he gasped, hot shivers bolting through him, before the older blonde nipped roughly and he almost cried out. His voice cracked and all that game out was a pathetic, chocked gasp.

Ronald was tossing and turning in his sleep, whimpering and sobbing as tears slid down his cheeks. William frowned, sitting over him, not entirely sure how to comfort him. He didn't want to touch him and shake him awake. He was reacting badly to every touch he didn't initiate at the moment. But he couldn't let him carry on crying and suffering in his sleep. He was probably reliving what Marcus had done to him.

There were voices outside and William let out a relieved sigh, getting up and heading to the door. Eric and Alan were just coming in. "Slingby."

"William? What's up?" Eric called, striding over. William led him into the office and Eric frowned. "What's up with him?"

"What do you think?" William said. "He'll be alright if it's you."

Eric nodded and sat next to him. Of course, William hated having to rely on Eric for this but Ronald trusted Eric more than he'd ever trusted him. He'd always hated that. Even now, when it was what was best for Ronald, he hated it. There was always that bitter, angry jealousy twisting through him.

"Ron," he said gently, shaking his shoulder. "Ron, wake up." Ronald gave a sharp cry, jerking up and lashing out blindly. Eric caught his wrist gently and held him gently against the couch. "It's alright, Ron, it's alright, it's me. Ronald." Ronald's eyes cleared slightly and he stared up at them, sniffling and sobbing."Ronald... hey, there you go, you're ok."

"E-Eric?" He nodded slowly and Ronald sat up quickly, burying his head in his chest, shaking his head and clenching his fists against his shirt. "You said you'd keep me safe. You said I was safe with you." A heart wrenching sob wracked his body. "You said no one would ever hurt me again."

Eric sighed and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you."

"Ronald," William said slowly. The little blonde glanced up. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"Coffee please," he whispered. "I don't wanna go back to sleep."

William nodded and strode out, leaving Ronald in Eric's arms, pushing down his seething jealousy again. He didn't have any right to be jealous when Ronald was suffering like this. It didn't matter what he felt, he had to do what was best for Ronald, that was all that matter. And that meant letting Eric look after him.