CHAPTER 38:

The evening had come quickly. Ollivar and his men had accepted the invitation for lunch, but left soon after. Hoffman had agreed to let them take four boats back with them. After they'd gotten out of earshot Baird had asked if he was starting to feel too much sympathy for them, but Hoffman swore it was simply to avoid the headache of converting even more vessels to take a different fuel.

After Baird and Marcus had finally gotten cleaned up they'd made their way to The Mess. There weren't as many people milling around as there normally would be at dinner time, but the large center table that had become their typical place in a matter of days was overcrowded as usual.

Hoffman, Bernie and Pad sat across from Sam, Jace and Carmine. It was like looking down both sides of a trick mirror that let you see the future if you squinted hard enough to blur the features of their faces.

Baird noticed Cole's absence immediately. They'd been together for so long it had become almost ritualistic to check for him any time he entered a large, crowded room. He automatically assumed he was still with Anya, and as he did a quick scan of the rest of the room he noticed the frown deepening on Marcus' face he realized he must have been right.

Bernie spotted them right away.

"There's my boys. Did you remember to get under your nails?" She pushed two plates to the head of the table where two empty seats were waiting for them.

Marcus sank heavily into his seat first, but Baird was nearly on top of him. Whatever was on that plate smelled delicious, and he'd forgotten just how hungry he was.

"Mhmm," he mumbled between bites. "The pants are fucked though." He'd tried his best to get the blood out, but the carbolic soap just wasn't doing the trick this time.

"That's a shame. I'm sure I can find you some though," Bernie offered.

The small talk went on for a while. For the last few days they'd spent so much time together there weren't many new things to talk about. Instead they'd settled on stories about their eighteen months apart that they'd missed sharing the last time they were together punctuated with old favorites. Even the ones starring Dom seemed to sting a bit less with the comfortable camaraderie they'd built cushioning the hurt.

Cole and Anya had joined them a short time later and crammed into the already crowded table. As always, Cole's overwhelming exuberance made it that much easier to give in to the campfire style story telling. Even Marcus participated this time, surprising even Anya, when Bernie had managed to talk him into telling Pad about the riftworm they'd killed under Ilima. She'd heard the story before, but the ritual of sharing war stories was one of her favorites; repeats didn't make it any less enjoyable.

After Marcus and Baird had helped themselves to seconds from the kitchen the subtle silence had weaved its way back into the air. The conversation had split into small side discussions with no threads holding them together.

"So, how long are you staying?" Pad was looking at Marcus, finally asking the question no one else wanted to.

Suddenly the low chatter faded. If it weren't for the ambient noise from the rest of the patrons, there would be absolute silence. Sam shifted uncomfortably in her seat, pressed between Cole and Baird. Hoffman stiffened up while Bernie sank back into her seat, lowering her head with a frown.

No one really wanted to hear the answer, even if it needed saying.

"Could be tomorrow. Depends on what the doc says," he finally answered. "As soon as the kid gets the all clear we'll head out."

Hoffman arched his eyebrow. "So the kid gets a first class trip to Azura?"

"If you call those boats we came in on 'first class' you really are going senile," Baird muttered.

Bernie ignored him, staring at Anya with slightly widened eyes. "Does that mean the lucky little bugger is going home with you?"

Anya nodded quickly, becoming rapidly aware that everyone was now staring at her. Cole was the only one who'd been kept even slightly in the loop, and even he wasn't completely sure of what was going to happen.

"Yeah. He is." She smiled back at Bernie trying to look a little more confident than she felt. "Guess we'll have to get some milk for the trip home."

"I'll make sure you get it," Bernie said with a wide smile. She nudged Hoffman with her arm. "Look at that, Vic. We're grandparents after all."

Hoffman chuckled dryly. "Thanks. I hadn't felt my age yet today."

Truthfully there wasn't a day that went by that he hadn't felt every bit of his age. Each day was punctuated with little moments that helped him forget, but his bones still felt the same ache when he collapsed into his cot each night. But being surrounded by the people he'd spent the last fifteen years building relationships with certainly helped him feel better, even if he couldn't feel younger.

But he wasn't about to tell anyone that. Sure, Bernie would figure it out. She always did. But to say anything to Delta would put a kind of burden on them that no one deserved to bear. After all, it wasn't as if they were needed back at Azura. It would be too easy to convince them to stay for a few days. But a few days would turn into a few weeks, then a few months, and poor Michaelson would be running that island on his own with Trescu and the rest of the Gorasni serving as his go-to team when things needed to be done.

Hoffman knew it was impossible to replace Delta squad, which made it that much harder to let them go yet again. It was nearly impossible the last time, and then they'd been able to maintain an illusion that they'd see each other occasionally. Now there was a crippling fuel problem that could take years to overcome.

And who knows how many years I've got left? After all the shit I've done, I think I've earned the right to be a little selfish.

But he knew he was only lying to himself. He hadn't gotten his job, and kept it, by giving in to his own selfish desires instead of doing things for the greater good.

Truth be told, he was really fucking sick of the greater good.

The conversation had started up around him again and Hoffman just let it play out like a movie. Baird was giving Bernie a hard time about something, and she was giving it right back. Sam and Anya were discussing the things they'd need to the return trip, and Cole was asking them to make sure he ended up with extra sick bags.

Hoffman eventually allowed himself to rejoin the discussion, pushing the troubling thoughts to the side for the moment. He wasn't about to let it ruin what could be the last evening they'd all have together.

As the evening wound down and the bar emptied out, Marcus rose to go. Anya shot him a questioning look.

"Rossi," he said simply.

She nodded and offered him a small smile as he disappeared through the front doors.

"What's all that about?" Bernie asked.

Anya sighed as she leaned back in her seat, finally starting to feel the tug of sleep at the corners of her mind. "Drew made him promise to come by before we left. He wanted to tell him some things about Dom."

The mention of Dom caught her off guard, and Bernie swallowed hard, but smiled through it. "He's a good lad."

"Yeah, that's what I hear from all the women," Sam cut in. Dom's name had gotten her attention too, pulling her away from listening to Jace and Carmine discuss their plans for the future.

"Shit, with him out of commission maybe we oughta hang around for a few days. Let Jace and Carmine keep his customers happy." Cole was laughing before he managed to finish the sentence, hoping it would cover up the hint of sincerity in his desire to stay.

Jace heard his name immediately and turned to ask what he missed, earning scattered laughter from the others.

"Shit, after what I've heard about Rossi, these two kids would be leaving some pissed off women behind," Baird said.

"Yeah, Baird. 'Cause you could do better," Jace shot back. A sly smirk made its way to his face. "But I guess you'd have to check with Sam first, now."

Baird glared at him, hard, but Sam's laughter from beside him broke some of the tension.

She reached across and patted Jace's hand lightly. "While I wouldn't wish his mouth on anyone, can't say the same about the rest of him. Mechanics have a way with their hands, you know."

Carmine groaned loudly. "I did not need to hear that."

Another round of laughter ensued, leading into yet another bout of friendly chatter. After another hour passed, Anya stood to go.

"I have to stop by and see the baby before I turn in." She left the implication that she was going to find Marcus silent. Turning towards Hoffman with a regretful expression she sighed. "And Gettner was looking for you earlier, sir. I'm sorry."

Hoffman shook his head. "I'll find her. She's probably still shitting herself wondering what I've got to say."

Bernie chuckled quietly. "She's probably more worried about how she's gonna get that Raven back to the island."

"Or 'if'," Pad said, shoveling a last handful of nuts into his mouth before sliding out of the booth. "Won't you need someone to pilot that other boat since Dizzy is staying here?"

"Because a boat and a Raven are the same," Baird said.

Pad shot him a stern look. He'd never had the chance to develop that patience for Baird's attitude that the others had. He'd met him years ago and disliked him nearly immediately. They would be able to work together, because they had to, but Pad was always thankful he'd never been stuck one on one with the guy.

Sam elbowed Baird in the side, pushing him towards the end of the booth so she could get out. As she moved to follow Anya to the door she caught Pad by the arm.

"If you really want to piss him off, just be extra nice to him," she said with a wink.

Cole took his chance to get up before Baird could fall back into the seat. "I'm gonna do my gentlemanly duty and see you ladies out. Seein' as there's a bunk with my name on it, I'll call it a night."

He put on a big show of sticking out his elbows, letting Sam and Anya each wrap an arm through as they went for the door.

Pad and Baird made their excuses and left within minutes, and Jace and Carmine wondered off to find their own entertainment for the rest of the evening, leaving Hoffman and Bernie sitting alone at the empty booth in comfortable silence.

Bernie eventually let her head fall to Hoffman's shoulder with a heavy sigh.

"So now what, Vic?"

Hoffman scanned the room for a moment before letting his eyes fall to the table.

"Hell if I know," he said. "We say goodbye, again. And we start to rebuild. And we hope that we end up closer together before the two of us are too damn old to travel."

She laughed quietly and patted his arm softly. "Then I'll just have Blondie build us some steam power wheelchairs. One for Mac, too." She kept her head turned to the side, keeping him from seeing the tears brimming in her eyes.

"If anyone could," he started, but didn't bother finishing.

"Come on," she said, giving him a gentle shove with her shoulder as she picked her head up. "I want to get a good rest so we can enjoy whatever time we've got tomorrow."

He pushed himself out of the booth and waited for her to do the same before falling in next to her.

"Yeah. We can worry about the next day when it gets here."

The next morning came all too quickly for anyone. The doctor had given the baby a clean bill of health the night before but let him stay until the morning. The nurses were having a great time playing with him, and since there had been a drastic decrease in injuries since the Stranded problem had been solved they weren't exactly overwhelmed with patients.

Anya had agreed to come pick him up in the afternoon. She'd be busy preparing the boats all morning. Dizzy's girls had volunteered to help, mostly so they'd get some extra time with Sam.

By mid-morning Bernie had made her way down to the docks with Mac trudging along slowly beside her. Anya, Sam and the girls had been busy and the boats were already completely packed. Anya cleared the gap between Trilliant and the dock, lost in her mental checklist for a moment before she caught sight of Bernie.

"Been busy, I see," Bernie said, trying to hide her disappointment. She half-hoped they'd be too far behind to take off today, but based on Anya's strict attention to detail and order there was little to no chance of that.

Anya strode up to meet her, leaving Sam, Teresa and Maralin at the end of the peer laughing and talking like sisters.

She wiped her hands on her pants leg as she spoke. "Yeah, we started early. I even got some clothes for the little guy from one of the women from Pelruan."

Bernie shook her head with a soft chuckle. "Are you ever gonna name the little bugger?"

Anya laughed back. "I know! We keep putting it off." Her smile remained, but her eyes and tone shifted to sadness as she lowered her voice, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Sam was still out of ear shot.

"I wanted to name him after someone. But where do you even start? I mean, my first thought was Dom…" Her voice trailed off.

"But Marcus would never go for that," Bernie offered, receiving a nod.

"Sweetheart, you can hardly argue with him. No one wants to be reminded of one of the most painful moments of their life every bloody day."

"I know," Anya said quietly. She inhaled deeply and sighed, straightening herself back up as she pushed the thought out of her head. "So, we're still tossing ideas around."

"Tell Vic you're naming him after him. Watch how uncomfortable he gets," Bernie said with a devious grin.

"Unless he thinks it's sweet, and then I have to listen to Marcus be uncomfortable saying 'Vic' instead of 'colonel'," Anya replied.

"So we'd both win," Bernie replied, once again giving in to laughter. It was easier this way. The jokes kept you from really giving in to what you were feeling. If she had a choice, she'd chose to do every goodbye this way.

"Speaking of," Anya said, gesturing past Bernie.

Bernie spun to see Hoffman walking towards them, accompanied by, of all people, Marcus. And shockingly, they both seemed close to smiling.

"Now there's a sight I'd never get used to." Bernie shot them a quick wave.

"It only took fifteen years," Anya said.

"I see the women have already done the hard work," Hoffman said as he got close enough to eliminate any need to raise his voice. "Looks like we got here just in time, Fenix."

Marcus made a low scoffing sound. "Yeah, we missed the fun."

"You tell everyone else when we're leaving?" Anya asked him.

He nodded. "Cole's rounding them up. Gettner's coming too."

"She's not going to have enough fuel to keep pace with us," Anya said, furrowing her brow as she ran the numbers in her head.

"She's gonna go out ahead and scout. With Barber keeping track of everything she'll be fine."

"Take a few extra cans along," Hoffman said. "The fort is mostly self-sufficient anyhow. And once Matheison's lead on the Solaro plant pans out we won't need it anyway."

"Never known you to be an optimist, Colonel," Marcus said.

"Funny how that happened, isn't it?" Hoffman replied.

"So you're going to, then?" Bernie asked, suddenly glancing past Anya as Sam came up behind her.

Marcus did the rapid blink that meant surprise and Bernie realized she may have just let go of a secret that wasn't hers to share.

Sam looked embarrassed for a moment, but she smiled through it. "Yeah. I'll miss it here, but I have to go where I'm needed."

Bernie wasn't about to make an argument that she could be needed at Anvil Gate as well. She knew firsthand how hard it was to leave the place you'd grown up in, and she knew even better how hard it was to be apart from people you care about. Any sort of case about her staying would only compound the guilt and Bernie refused to be the person who put someone through that.

"Yeah, we all do," Bernie replied, sparing a glance at Hoffman and earning a gruff snort from him. "But we'll see each other again. And soon. You've got to keep me updated on the taming of the blonde one."

"Will do," Sam replied, her voice straining just a little. The conversation was starting to turn down a sensitive road, and no one was ready for that just yet.

"So how long do we have you for, then?" Bernie asked Anya, trying to deflect some attention off of Sam for a moment to let her recover her composure.

"We're leaving in a few hours," Anya said softly, sounding as regretful as she ever had.

Bernie nodded, refusing to give in to the dread that was slowly starting to work its way around her heart. "Then I suppose we've got time for one last drink. The lot of you."

And she meant it.

Sam raised the others on the radio, including Pad, Dizzy and Alex, who snuck Rossi out of the hospital yet again, and told them to meet at The Mess. On the way Anya stopped by the hospital to sign out the baby, who still needed a name.

The group of them stood around the bar for one last time, passing around small glasses of beer and a few shots of Dizzy's best moonshine, and made one last toast to Delta, and to everyone they'd lost, and to everyone else who had survived. After a short time it became painfully obvious that everyone was just postponing the inevitable and they slowly weaved their way out of the bar and walked, en masse, towards the pier.

When there was no way to put it off any longer, they started the long process of goodbyes. It was like Port Farrall all over again, only this time it was Hoffman and Bernie standing by as the others walked down the line passing out hugs and handshakes wherever they made sense.

Finally Anya came up to Hoffman with the baby wrapped snuggly in a blanket in her arms, and he fought back that lump in his throat yet again.

"Shit," he muttered. "I'm never gonna get used to this."

"I know, sir. We'll miss you, too." She leaned in and hugged him, giving him a cordially light kiss on the cheek. As she stepped away she smiled at him, obviously trying to keep herself together.

"Your mother would be damn proud of you, Anya. Damn proud." He caught himself staring at the baby for a moment before meeting her eyes again. Seeing her start to unravel he felt guilty for saying it, but not as guilty as he would have to have left it unsaid.

Marcus had come up beside her and leaned a little closer than Hoffman had ever remembered seeing him do when he knew people were watching.

Yeah, Funny how time changes people, isn't it Fenix?

"Sir," Marcus said with a nod. He stuck his hand out and Hoffman caught it.

"Fenix," he said back, trying to keep his bravado from giving way. But after only a moment he realized that he'd reached the point in his life where he just didn't give a shit anymore.

He pulled Marcus in for a hug, patting him firmly on the back. Marcus clenched his jaw and his eyes widened, but he returned the gesture with only the briefest hesitation.

Bernie's heart swelled. Of all the things she'd seen in her life it struck her hard. Sometimes there was no rhyme or reason to the things that affected you, but there was no way around it.

Before anyone could even say anything, even if they could have thought of something worth saying, Hoffman had let Marcus go and taken a step back, putting him back next to Bernie. They exchanged nods before Marcus turned and ushered a teary eyed Anya towards the boat he'd be piloting in Dizzy's absence.

As the boat engines overcame the sounds of the water and the sea birds, Bernie wrapped her arm through Hoffman's again, wondering if anything she could say would make the situation any easier.

She decided it wouldn't, and stayed silent. But after a moment she heard his voice from beside her.

"'Till next time, right babe?"

"Mhmm," she mumbled, swallowing hard and letting her eyes close briefly.

There would be a next time. She swore it to herself.

"Here we go," Anya said, taking a seat on the deck as she adjusted the baby in her lap. "Time to go home."

Marcus had taken his place behind the wheel and would be there for most of the night, most likely. Carmine was taking the first rest shift, but he was sitting on the deck with Anya for now, ever cheerful.

"He's cute, ma'am. Reminds me of my kid brother," he offered.

"Yeah, he is. How old is your brother now?" she asked, staring at the pier again as the boat slowly accelerated towards the horizon.

"Fourteen. Mom's real happy he never got the chance to enlist," he answered, pulling a ration bar from his pocket.

"I bet," she said. But there was much more behind the thought. She realized just how easy it was to forget that not every family story ended in tragedy these days. The Carmine family had lost two sons already, but there was no more concrete proof of the shift in the world than the realization that the Carmine family would never have to be presented with another son's COG tags.

And that alone seemed to make everything worth it.

"You doin' alright, Sam?" Cole asked. The boat had barely made it anywhere but he was already feeling sick.

She leaned over the rear rail staring back into everyone's face like she was trying to memorize them individually. Looking back to Baird at the wheel she sighed before returning her eyes to the crowd.

"It never gets easier," she said softly.

"Boomer lady says to just wave once and don't look back. But I don't think I got the willpower for that, baby. So I'm gonna sit my ass here with you until we can't see them no more, 'cause I don't wanna say goodbye any more than you do."

"Thanks, Cole," she said sincerely.

They stayed there until the pier was just a small speck in their vision, but they could tell no one had moved from the dock either. It seemed that no one was really ready to say goodbye this time.

A few minutes passed before the sound of a Raven's rotors was barely audible in the distance. It gradually grew louder as the Raven appeared in the sky behind them.

"Ready to go home, Delta?" Getter's voice said over the radio.

"Lead the way," Marcus said in their ears.

And as the sun set that evening, the sleeping shifts began. It wasn't long before Carmine was sound asleep and Anya made her way into the wheel house with Marcus, staring out ahead of them, the baby now sleeping in her arms.

"All quiet?" she asked softly, carefully eyeing the sleeping child.

"Looks like it," he replied.

She paused for a moment, tilting her said to the side with an odd smile.

"What?" he asked, noticing her face in his peripheral vision.

"It's finally going to be like this all the time, isn't it?"

There was a hope in her voice that even Marcus had never heard before. As a CIC controller she had perfected the art of a hopefully optimistic tone, even when the world was going to shit around them. But this was different. There was nothing forced or rehearsed about it. This was genuine, real hope.

He found himself laughing quietly for a moment, earning a quizzical look from her.

"I friggin' hope so."