Disclaimer: I am not Rick Riordan or George Lucas.
Enter Luke, Mara, and Corran, in the Netherworld of the Force.
The entrance to the Netherland is marked by three archways, one of them moving faster than the others.
Luke. What do you figure?
Mara. The fast lane must got straight to the Lake of Apparitions. No contest. They don't want to risk judgment from the court, because it might go against them.
Luke. There's a court for dead beings.
Mara. Yes. Three judges. They switch around who sits on the bench: Exar Kun, Borsk Fey'lya, Elegos A'Kla - beings like that. Sometimes they look at a life and decide that being needs a special reward: the lost world of Alderaan. Sometimes they decide on Chaos. But most beings . . . well, they just lived. Nothing special, good or bad. So they go to the Lake of Apparitions.
Luke. And do what?
Corran. Imagine standing in a field on Ruusan . . . forever.
Luke. Harsh.
Corran. Not as harsh as that. Look.
Enter the ghost of Teroenza, a horned priest with four elephantine legs.
He's that priest who made the HoloNet, remember?
Luke. Oh, yes. What are they doing to him?
Corran. Special punishment from Bogan. The worst villains get his personal attention as soon as they arrive. The Nightsisters will set up an eternal torture for him.
Luke. But if he's a priest, and he believes in a different hell . . .
Corran. [shrugs] Who says he's seeing this place the way we're seeing it? Humans see what they want to see. You're very stubborn . . . er, persistent, that way.
Enter the Tuk'ata, a vicious canine with three horns, six-inch claws, three rows of sharp teeth, poisonous stingers, and glowing red eyes.
Luke. He's a Sith hound.
The dead pass right on through, unperturbed by the tuk'ata.
I'm starting to see him better. Why?
Mara. I think . . . I'm afraid it's because we're getting closer to being dead.
The tuk'ata growls.
Luke. It can smell the living.
Corran. [trembles] But that's okay, because we have a plan.
Mara. Right. A plan.
Luke, Mara, and Corran approach the tuk'ata.
Tuk'ata. [snarls in Sith]
Luke. [to Corran] Can you understand it?
Corran. Oh, yes. I can understand it.
Luke. What's it saying?
Corran. I don't think there's a word in Basic that translates exactly.
Luke removes a stick and steps forward.
Luke. Hey, big guy. I bet they don't play with you much.
Tuk'ata. [growls in Sith]
Luke. [weak] Good boy.
Luke raises the stick and throws it.
Fetch.
The stick falls into the Pool of Knowledge.
The tuk'ata glares at Luke.
[aside] So much for the plan.
Tuk'ata. [in Sith] Jedi. You've got ten seconds to pray to the god of your choice. After that . . . well, I'm hungry.
Corran. [gulps] Er . . . Luke?
Luke. Yes?
Corran. I just thought you'd want to know.
Luke. Yes?
Corran. The tuk'ata? He's saying we've got ten seconds to pray to the god of our choice. After that . . . well, he's hungry.
Mara. Wait.
Mara rifles through her knapsack.
Luke. Oh, no.
Corran. Five seconds. Do we run now?
Mara removes a rubber ball.
Mara. See the ball? You want the ball, tuk'ata? Sit.
The tuk'ata stares at Mara, stunned.
Sit.
The tuk'ata sits.
Good boy.
Mara throws the tuk'ata the ball.
The tuk'ata catches the ball.
Drop it.
The tuk'ata drops the ball.
Good boy. [to Luke and Corran] Go now. The fast lane - it's faster.
Luke. But . . .
Mara. Now.
Luke and Corran inch forward slowly.
The tuk'ata growls.
[to the tuk'ata] Stay. If you want the ball, stay.
The tuk'ata whimpers, but stays put.
Luke. What about you?
Mara. I know what I'm doing, Skywalker. At least, I'm pretty sure. . . .
Luke and Corran slip past the tuk'ata, toward the Lake of Apparitions.
Good boy.
Mara tosses the ball and slips past the tuk'ata, joining Luke and Corran in the Lake of Apparitions.
Luke. How did you do that?
Mara. Obedience school. When I was little, at my father's house, we had a strill.
Corran. Never mind. Come on.
The tuk'ata turns to face Mara, having destroyed the ball.
Mara. [uncertain] Good boy.
The tuk'ata tilts its head.
I'll bring you another ball soon. Would you like that?
The tuk'ata whimpers.
Good boy. I'll come visit you soon. I . . . I promise. [to Luke and Corran] Come on.
Luke, Mara, and Corran pass through the weapon detector, which goes off.
Enter the ghost of Jango Fett, a dark-haired Mandalorian who guards the entrance to the Netherworld.
Ghost. Unauthorized possessions. The Force detected.
Luke, Mara, and Corran run from Fett's minions.
Backup. Call in the Nightsisters.
Luke, Mara, and Corran slip behind a bora in the Lake of Apparitions.
Corran. Well, Luke, what have we learned today?
Luke. That Sith hounds prefer red rubber balls over sticks?
Corran. No. We've learned that your plans suck void.
Luke. [aside] I'm not sure about that. I think perhaps Mara and I both had the right idea. Even here in the Netherworld, everybody, even monsters, need a little attention once in a while.
Exit all.